self-esteem and sex

[cQQlgirl 0]

I have had 4 fills now and haven't lost a pound. I usually do pretty good on my own with weight watchers (maintaining) and so it feels like before surgery. I know it's a matter of time but the one area I really hoped would be rectified by this surgery was that I would feel better undressing in front of my husband. We haven't had sex in 3 weeks and I miss him. It's sort of I want it/I don't, if anyone can relate. He doesn't say anything and is sweet as pie. When I say that I feel bad, he tells me to stop and that he loves me. God, I thought this would be so in the past.

You see, I went through a period of severe depression last year. It had to do with my lifestyle and my love of God. I was living double-minded. I was still having drinks whenever I wanted and I would over-eat and then there was the bible study time and my walk with the Lord. It just came to a head. I even had to miss some time at work while I processed this change. Well, I put on like 25 pounds. I was still shy about my body at 195 but not nearly as bad as now.

I have had 4 fills and I can feel a slight difference. I'm just having a rough time this weekend feeling guilty and all.

Oh, I also lost my best friend (besides my DH). She was a 20.5 year old feline empath cat named Razzbaby maTazz. She was part human or an angel, I swear. I had to have her put to sleep and as I work evenings, when I go home at night, it's the roughest on me.

I have the best life. My DH is the best thing to happen to me (married 2.5 years). We have a home and aren't hurting for money. We haven't got savings per se but we live comfortably. He was able to pay for my surgery with an inheritance from his mom who passed last year. I am very happy...

...I guess you always have to find a fly in the ointment. I want to be sexy for my husband...I know it's a head problem but...I sure wish I could lose 5 pounds.

[morningoasis811 1]

For me, feeling sexy has nothing to do with size but everything to do with attitude. I've been with my husband nearly 7 years married for about 1.5 so far, he's seen me go up and down from 190 - 280 pounds and loves me just the same. I get down about myself when I start gaining weight again. In general I have pretty high self esteem, my weight is the only thing I get self conscious of. When I'm gaining or at a heavier state and feeling gross and disgusted with myself, I fake it till I make it... I treat myself well, I pamper myself and I make myself feel better. When I feel better I'm a better lover. I'm not hiding under the covers, i'm strutting around naked and loving it. I have to find my happy place i guess you could say. It's all in your head baby doll. He loves you!