new member New Member - same old story :-)

[Koshk 9]

Hi All,

First Post

I'm female in the UK and nearly 59 years old. I have been a fat toddler, a fat child, a fat teen and a fat adult. I have yo-yo dieted all my life, with each yo-yo lasting for a shorter period and resulting in a new high-point when I would inevitably bounce back. In July '23 I reached a new all time high 24st 9lb (345lb) I was about to start the diet again, about to go through the same loop but just couldn't face it. I made an appointment with a bariatric surgeon, discussed my history and options and agreed that a gastric sleeve was a good fit for me. I was told I was too heavy for their practice and I needed to lose 56lb before I could have the surgery. The surgery was booked for Jan 2nd '24 and I started dieting.

As is the practice here I had an assessment with a psychologist who confirmed I was a suitable candidate and a dietician who again confirmed I was a suitable candidate but in the process managed to make me feel like I had already failed, in her words I was "Much heavier than most people who come to us" As she was a gate keeper and I needed her approval to progress I did not complain. That time will come.

Following my initial consultation on the 8th Aug I started dieting to get down to the target weight. I have never had difficulty in losing weight I simply cannot maintain any losses. My normal pattern is if it takes me 6 months to lose the weight I will regain it and 10lb in the following 12-18 months. By the day of surgery I had lost 75lb and was already feeling so much better. I considered carrying on with just dieting and not having the surgery but I was already beginning to see my discipline weaken and I knew it would be the same old story.

Surgery went well, I had very little pain or discomfort and by and large I cannot complain. I'm currently on the pureed stage of the diet and doing OK managing to keep Protein and Fluid levels up though I struggle with the fluids some day. I have lost 13lb in the last 21 days but have hit the dreaded 3 week plateau.

Early days but I have no regrets - to be without hunger for the first time in my life is such a relief, I feel good and am doing more and more each day. I am already starting to live the life I want and i can see so many more benefits ahead and believe they are attainable and retainable.

I wish I knew why I have struggled so much with my weight - there is no one trauma or set of childhood issues I can point at. It is not that I have a compulsion to eat everything in sight there are so many foods I can just ignore, I have no interest in sweet foods of any kind or greasy deep fried foods. But I cannot resist bread, Pasta , rice etc and my down fall has always been the second or even third portion of these carbs. For this reason if no other I hope the VSG will not only prevent that behaviour but I also hope it will give me enough time to re gain control before considering a second helping.

My parting thought for this post is that as I have gone through my journey thus far the one thing I have found is that my story is not that unusual, my problems are not unique and most importantly that they are not the result of some moral failing or fundamental weakness. There is more to life long obesity than can simply be solved with "diet and exercise" and having finally found medical professionals who believe that is the case I see this year and this journey as a new lease on life that I am going to grab with both hands.

Koshk - newbie

[catwoman7 11,212]

yes - obesity is a complex disease. Among other things, at some point it can cause biological changes that make it very difficult to lose weight. For example, I've read that research has shown that even gut bacteria is different in very obese individuals than it is in normal-weight individuals.

your experience is very common. In fact, I took a course in obesity and weight loss at a local university (nutrition department) a year or two ago that addressed this. The usual pattern is that people lose about 5% of their weight in the first few months of dieting, then it levels off for a couple of months, and then it gradually comes back on. About a year later, they're back to where they started. That knowledge didn't surprise me at all - that happened to me over and over and over. Weight loss surgery is the only thing that ever worked for me.

Surgery won't help prevent the behavior. What it does is. 1). takes away your hunger for the first few months - (for a lucky few this is permanent - for most of us, it comes back sometime during the first year post-surgery) and 2) keeps you from eating a ton of food at one sitting. What it doesn't prevent is "grazing" or mindless snacking, and that can be a really slippery slope. Take those first few months of no hunger and really work on changing that behavior. Nine years out, I struggle with that every day - the urge to eat mindlessly. It takes a lot of work and dedication to control that (although honestly, a lot of my never-been-obese friends struggle with that, too). I don't know if I'd ever eat my way back up to 373 lbs again, but I know if I let myself loose for more than a few days, my weight starts heading north...

[NickelChip 1,211]

Well, I don't like that dietician. That was just unprofessional to comment on your weight compared to other patients. And also a load of garbage, as there are plenty of people your starting size who seek out wls every day. As for why you've struggled with your weight, it's the same reason we all have: genetics plus environment. Your body is very efficient at storing fat for survival and your current environment offers you the exact kinds of foods your body is best at converting to fat. It's not your fault. Are there things you can do better to keep from returning to where you were? Of course! Learning to resist those simple carbs is going to be very important to longterm success. But it's not a moral failing or lack of willpower that made you obese, and you can definitely make the changes you need to make with the surgery to help you. Good luck!

[Bypass2Freedom 711]

I am so sorry to hear that your dietician said that to you. It is a shame that people we go to for help are often the same ones who talk down to us, frequently those in healthcare settings.

I really wish you the best of luck with it all

[BlondePatriotInCDA 494]

"As is the practice here I had an assessment with a psychologist who confirmed I was a suitable candidate and a dietician who again confirmed I was a suitable candidate but in the process managed to make me feel like I had already failed, in her words I was "Much heavier than most people who come to us" As she was a gate keeper and I needed her approval to progress I did not complain. That time will come."

Your last sentence made me laugh, I can picture it. I've always thought that dieticians should have all gone through the bariatric process in order to work at a bariatric clinic. They really don't understand nor have the empathy to comprehend what they're saying " you want something crunchy have some celery," "Oh, you're missing noodles? Try heart of palm noodles they're delish and taste just like regular Thai noodles" and my personal favorite; "you want a treat or snack have a glass of tea!"

Unfortunately, despite all their training and understanding of nutrients they don't understand its not will power we lack, we've all lost 100's of pounds on our dieting, nor is it a lack of knowledge knowing what we should be eating - its our bodies demanding certain foods, talking over our common sense. Dieticians act as if we just don't have the knowledge or that we just eat garbage for the heck of it. food processed today was made to be addictive, why else are populations getting heavier than ever before?

Good for you doing what you had to and choosing to address her comments afterwards to get what you need. I did the same thing with my dietician and psychologist (she said she really thought our session helped me open up) nope, I'm not one to talk about my feelings, I just didn't dispute her so I could get my surgery and oh yes date of palm "noodles are delish" to my dietician bleh..they're nasty to me, because I enjoyed eating slimy rubber bands! 😉

Congrats on your journey and doing what you had to do!

[summerseeker 2,138]

Congratulations for jumping all your hoops. You are doing amazing. I hope you make every one of your goals

You will have your day with your dietician but I might also have a word with the surgeon. He may not know how she made you feel. It may be that you will need the dietician and having no faith in her doesn't bode well.

[ChunkCat 728]

Yeah, the dietician was a prick to mention your weight in relation to other patients. You were not unusually heavy and it is just plain unprofessional. I hope you have a word with the surgeon about it at some point, people need feedback on how their staff are carrying out their jobs. I'm sorry it is so hard to obtain this surgery in the UK, you should have been given ample support and encouragement on your journey, not criticism. As was said above, you may need the support of a dietician post op and going to one who was condescending to you pre-op is not a recipe for success post-op. You may want to seek out your own dietician for support. One you can feel free to fire at will. LOL

I find dieticians assume by default we are all idiots about food, especially healthy food. And they tend to fixate on weird things, like Pasta alternatives that are "just like the real thing!" that they have probably never eaten themselves. Or cottage cheese!! OMG I do not want to eat a bowl full of cottage cheese!! I think they should have to go through a 3 month staged bariatric diet, including an all liquids portion, so they have some lived experience and can be a little more human with their patients... Although I will say I've actually run into a few dieticians that have had bariatric surgery and while they don't say the stupid weight things anymore, they do still have a lot of biases from their training (like no Protein supplements because they aren't "real food").

Your weight story is not unusual, as others have said there is more and more research pointing to obesity being a very complex disease and far from a moral failing or issue of willpower. There are a lot of stigmas around weight and weight loss surgery and unfortunately the medical community is a willing participant in much of that misinformation. I'd advise you to find a therapist or a mindful eating coach who can support you in changing your food choices early on, so by the time your hunger comes back your new habits are firmly in place and something you can rely on. I wish you so much luck on your journey!! You are doing great!

[GMaJen 79]

Good for you! Your nutritionist needs to be working somewhere else. It's sad that everyone thinks it's OK to judge us. I educated a personal trainer at a gym (young guy) who, instead of giving me a personalized workout, gave me a lecture on diet. I told him I knew more about dieting than he ever would because I've read all the books and tried most of the fad diets because I've been dieting for 40 years, and that he should stick to his specialty. The doctor in charge of my nutrition team tried to talk me out of the surgery because I'd lost so much weight already. I told her I'd never had a problem losing weight, my problem is it always comes back and more, I want the metabolic reset so my body would be OK with me weighing less.

No one understands the complexity of our metabolic set point. Scientists are studying weight loss surgeries in mice and have discovered all their theories are wrong or only part of the reason these surgeries reset out metabolic set point. No doubt their studies are funded by some pharmaceutical company so they can make a med to replace the surgery.

Genetics, premature/low birth rate, health and neutrition issues, our culture and upbringing, stress and depression, habits that our bodies have become to crave... It isn't all about discipline. Compare people's attitudes toward Smokers, alcoholics and drug addicts, who get more understanding and less blame for the habits they can't quit (as long as they don't live on the street, beg, or look/smell bad). Broke people can get free rehab. Where is our free surgeries?

[learn2cook 576]

I started almost exactly the same weight as you. Congratulations on making a health choice for yourself to live your best life. Now is your opportunity to go on even more adventures. Is there a career change you wonder about? A place or site you want to see? A family member or child you want to watch grow up? You’ve made the decision for yourself to really live! Go on now.

[BlondePatriotInCDA 494]

On 1/23/2024 at 9:36 PM, GMaJen said:

Good for you! Your nutritionist needs to be working somewhere else. It's sad that everyone thinks it's OK to judge us. I educated a personal trainer at a gym (young guy) who, instead of giving me a personalized workout, gave me a lecture on diet. I told him I knew more about dieting than he ever would because I've read all the books and tried most of the fad diets because I've been dieting for 40 years, and that he should stick to his specialty. The doctor in charge of my nutrition team tried to talk me out of the surgery because I'd lost so much weight already. I told her I'd never had a problem losing weight, my problem is it always comes back and more, I want the metabolic reset so my body would be OK with me weighing less.

No one understands the complexity of our metabolic set point. Scientists are studying weight loss surgeries in mice and have discovered all their theories are wrong or only part of the reason these surgeries reset out metabolic set point. No doubt their studies are funded by some pharmaceutical company so they can make a med to replace the surgery.

Genetics, premature/low birth rate, health and neutrition issues, our culture and upbringing, stress and depression, habits that our bodies have become to crave... It isn't all about discipline. Compare people's attitudes toward Smokers, alcoholics and drug addicts, who get more understanding and less blame for the habits they can't quit (as long as they don't live on the street, beg, or look/smell bad). Broke people can get free rehab. Where is our free surgeries?

Preach sister preach! I've always said the exact same things. I go one step further; insurance will pay for cosmetic surgery changes for people going through transgender reassignment surgeries (removing dermal layers etc.) but not skin removal for bariatric patients! Both are surgeries to help the outside match the inside - to help people see themselves as they internally perceive themselves! What's the difference?

[Koshk 9]

Wow - what a fantastic set of comments.

Thank you all for your support and understanding it really is quite a comfort to know there are so many other people who are fighting the same demons and feel that the way the majority of people treat the obese as if we have chosen to be like this so why don't we just make a different choice.

@BlondPatriotinCDA your comment re insurance and cosmetic surgeries was interesting compared to the UK system. As you no doubt know we have the National Health Service (NHS) here which is supposed to cover all our medical needs and by and large it is a wonderful thing. Having said that WLS is one of the areas where if you need help you have to meet so many different criteria and jump through so many hurdles that it is almost impossible. I have a friend who has been trying to get WLS on the NHS for 5 years and despite being heavier than me and with a higher BMI and having the same issues with Yo-Yo dieting she still has not "Qualified" At our starting weights there is a 6 1/2 year difference in life expectancy between those who have a Gastric Sleeve and those who don't. I am lucky I could afford to "Go private" and pay for the surgery. She cannot and that will mean that the quality and length of her life will be lessened.

[BlondePatriotInCDA 494]

11 hours ago, Koshk said:

Wow - what a fantastic set of comments.

Thank you all for your support and understanding it really is quite a comfort to know there are so many other people who are fighting the same demons and feel that the way the majority of people treat the obese as if we have chosen to be like this so why don't we just make a different choice.

@BlondPatriotinCDA your comment re insurance and cosmetic surgeries was interesting compared to the UK system. As you no doubt know we have the National Health Service (NHS) here which is supposed to cover all our medical needs and by and large it is a wonderful thing. Having said that WLS is one of the areas where if you need help you have to meet so many different criteria and jump through so many hurdles that it is almost impossible. I have a friend who has been trying to get WLS on the NHS for 5 years and despite being heavier than me and with a higher BMI and having the same issues with Yo-Yo dieting she still has not "Qualified" At our starting weights there is a 6 1/2 year difference in life expectancy between those who have a Gastric Sleeve and those who don't. I am lucky I could afford to "Go private" and pay for the surgery. She cannot and that will mean that the quality and length of her life will be lessened.

Wow, I'm sorry your friend is going through all that. Here in the U.S. we always here about how our healthcare system is horrible compared to the UK's, I know yours isn't any better. .I have two good friends who've told me personal horror stories with their own health issues and trying to even get to see a specialist was forever. 😔 Each has pros and cons.

I'm glad you were able to get yours done and I hope the best for your friend.

[Pines 44]

Could you request another dietician in the practice? My dietician was amazing! I was still in the “investigative” mode when I had my first appointments, and my dietician really seemed to understand where I was coming from. She recommended a cookbook that changed my views about what post-surgery eating would be like. She also said all of the RDs regularly do the pre-op diet so they can make tweaks and adjustments. Clearly I can’t speak highly enough of my experience and hope you are able to find someone more supportive!