New bf - to share or not about past WLS

[It’sMe 14]

Hi all

I am 3.5 years out from a gastric sleeve. I lost 75 pounds and am happy with how things have gone, and am grateful to have my sleeve as a tool for my health. I don’t have any major skin folds or lots of sagging besides what would be expected of a 40 year old mother. I have a boyfriend whom I have been seeing for 2 years now and I have never told him about my WLS. I never really intended to as I feel it is private and not something I really want to share. He loves my body (maybe more than I do), and is a great partner in many ways.

He comes from a large family who eats gigantic food portions and he was always taught to clear his plate. He is constantly making comments about my food and how much or how little I may eat, how I don’t drink my Water during dinner, or if I don’t finish my food and save it for later. It honestly drives me crazy and I have communicated this to him. Part of me wonders if he would better understand if I share about my WLS, but another part of me things he would be horrified and not understand at all.

What do you think? Should I tell him? I don’t understand why other people have to focus so much on my plate. I honestly can eat normal portions of food if it’s the right food (veggies go down very easily, but things like rice or potatoes are quick fillers).

Thanks for your advice.

[GreenTealael 25,430]

Does he need to know? 2 years in is a little late but I completely understand not wanting to give out medical info unless absolutely necessary. IMHO it has to happen naturally now ( he asks directly or a situation where he needs to know) And even then you may have to downplay it’s importance.

When I was newly dating after WLS, I told 2 out of 3 people I went on dates with (one just never progressed to the point where it came up) but I chose to tell them so they could understand why I either didn’t want food based dates or why I only ordered an appetizer vs entrée.

Good luck!

[catwoman7 11,220]

so many of my never-been-obese female friends only eat 1/2 an entree (or a bowl of Soup - or a salad - or half a sandwich) that I don't even notice (and actually, that's about how much I eat when I go out, too). So I'm a little surprised he noticed that unless you're eating less than most people at 3+ years out. The Water thing someone might notice - although I'm not sure I would. I'm not sure what to tell you since I'd been married for many years when I had my surgery. Part of me has put all of that behind me since I had my surgery nine years ago and very few people I know now knew me when I was fat, and I'd rather they not know - but then romantic relationships are different. Boy - I don't know what I'd do in that situation.

[BlondePatriotInCDA 525]

On 1/11/2024 at 9:11 AM, It’sMe said:

Hi all

I am 3.5 years out from a gastric sleeve. I lost 75 pounds and am happy with how things have gone, and am grateful to have my sleeve as a tool for my health. I don’t have any major skin folds or lots of sagging besides what would be expected of a 40 year old mother. I have a boyfriend whom I have been seeing for 2 years now and I have never told him about my WLS. I never really intended to as I feel it is private and not something I really want to share. He loves my body (maybe more than I do), and is a great partner in many ways.

He comes from a large family who eats gigantic food portions and he was always taught to clear his plate. He is constantly making comments about my food and how much or how little I may eat, how I don’t drink my Water during dinner, or if I don’t finish my food and save it for later. It honestly drives me crazy and I have communicated this to him. Part of me wonders if he would better understand if I share about my WLS, but another part of me things he would be horrified and not understand at all.

What do you think? Should I tell him? I don’t understand why other people have to focus so much on my plate. I honestly can eat normal portions of food if it’s the right food (veggies go down very easily, but things like rice or potatoes are quick fillers).

Thanks for your advice.

Ask yourself this: Would you tell him about a gallbladder surgery or hernia repair? I wouldn't bother telling him. You're not being secretive ..just why tell him? If he questions you about scars then tell him (honest is the way to go) but, if you answered I'd not bother telling him about those other surgeries then why would you for WLS?

As far as the large family large portions thing, just tell your BF you have a small appetite, which you do and you want to continue to keep your shape and like the benefits of eating healthy and you're carb sensitive so you don't eat a lot of starches - potatoes and rice..its not a lie..you are 😉😆

Lastly you wrote "What do you think? Should I tell him? I don’t understand why other people have to focus so much on my plate. I honestly can eat normal portions of food if it’s the right food (veggies go down very easily, but things like rice or potatoes are quick fillers)." Ask him why he comments and notices what and how you eat. This might tell you how to proceed, whether you tell him or just put him on "notice" that he comments a lot on YOUR eating and plate and you've noticed it. 😉

Edited January 16, 2024 by BlondePatriotInCDA
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