Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

[coolcrystal 1]

Last night I went to my nephew's birthday party and my brother-in-law's sister was there and we were talking about watches being tight on us because we are both obese. I then said, "well, hopefully if I get approved for my band next month I can lose some weight and a watch will comfortably fit me" and she interjected with how she also wanted to get the lap band, but gave me a list of excuses. Here's how the conversation went:

Her: I wanted to get that done, but there's no way I can do a liquid diet! I would just starve myself. (She thought you always just had to drink liquids)

My rebuttal: Well, my doctor doesn't make you do a liquid diet before the band, he puts us on the south beach. And then you only have to be on liquids for like a week after and then mushies and then regular foods.

Her: Well... but then I heard I can't eat sweets anymore. And, I have to eat sweets, because if I can't eat sweets then I'll go crazy, so that's why I don't want it.

My rebuttal: You can still have sweet stuff, but the whole idea is to try and eat healthier, but my friend who's banded still has bannana pudding, icecream, cake, and other goodies on occassion and in little portions.

Her: Oh... but, I take lots of medications and I don't think my doctor would allow it with all the meds I take, so it probably wouldn't be good for me.

My rebuttal: pills aren't a problem with the band, unless they are huge and then you just cut them.

When all that still wasn't good enough for her, she finally said, "well, I suffer from bi-polarism and severe depression, so I just don't think it would work well". At that I just didn't even think about even TRYING to give a good rebuttal. The chick obviously makes excuses for everything but, I must say, it was the most annoying conversation I've ever had with somebody!!

SHe was just coming up with every reason in the book to stay morbidly obese, so at that point there was nothing I could say or do.:whoo:

[Longhorn 1]

There may still be hope for her. You did your best to educate her. Frankly, it can take some time getting used to the idea of surgery. My sister has been the same way and at the same time I was prepping for my surgery, she started on a liquid diet and then changed to a "Protein first" diet and has already regained some weight. I got so many compliments at my mother's 75th birthday party last weekend and she had to notice the difference, plus she has a higher BMI than I do. I really believe that she will begin to change her mind as she sees my results and perhaps your brother-in-law's sister will, too.

I'm very excited because my mother told my step-brother about my surgery and she then told me he wanted to learn more. So we've been emailing about it and he's going to look into it in the Indianapolis area. I hope it works out for him or he'll follow our father into years of heart trouble.

Good job sharing your experience! I've decided just to be informative and not necessarily persuasive -- it's the best way to sell stuff!

[make33 2]

You know, CoolCrystal, you could have gone on and on and on with her and she would have continued!!

After I had surgery and everyone at work found out, one woman from another office called (who has been getting larger and larger) to question me ALL about the entire process and life afterward. She must've kept me on the phone for 1/2 an hour (oh well, company time!)...

So at the end, she finishes the conversation by saying "Well, the holidays are coming up. I think I'll just wait until the new year to look into it!" And this is AFTER I told her our insurance requires six monthly visits to a nutritionist! You see what I'm saying--Your brother-in-law's sister all over!

Some people follow their dreams, Cool, and some people just dream...

[socaldixiegal 0]

I had lots of excuses when I started looking into it as well. Eeek - no pasta! I love pasta! Give up bread -ugg, I love bread. no more big holiday meals . . . on and on.

It had to hit me that it was either make a change and grasp a chance at thin, active & healthy. Or keep doing all the things that I always did. Overeat, beat myself up, etc.

It's a dramatic change - you have to be willing to make the change and REALLY want to do what's necessary to change. Congratulations that you're there - she's definitely not. Maybe seeing your success will wake her up.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I had no reservations, no problems giving up any foods, none of that. In looking back I really wonder if I was in denial. I really didn't think the band would work so I had little to lose.

It was quite a shock the first time I tried bread or Pasta. Forget about eating fast. It was a huge wake up call, this is it. There is no going back.

So my reservations must have been all tied up with denial. I never really believed I'd have to give up foods. I had always planned on giving them up for a diet and always cheated anyway. I guess I thought I could cheat with the band.

Heh.. I could not have BEEN more wrong. It is also exactly what I needed.

[restricted 0]

Most on this forum, including myself, are sold on the lap band as a solution to being overweight. Others may not be. It is their right. What you consider excuses, she may consider reasons or concerns. Not everyone wants surgery, or wants a lap band. That is OK with me. I'd not look down on them for seeing things differently.

[coolcrystal 1]

Yeah, it is her decision in the end.

I don't like the idea of having to give up my most favorite thing in the whole world, which is bread, but it has to be done. The thought of never getting to enjoy the wonderful deliciousness of Outback's pumpernickel bread dipped in butter just kills me, but I guess when somebody is tired enough of being MORBIDLY obese they do what they have to do.

I just don't know why the chick even wanted to have this big conversation with me about it knowing she was never planning to have shit done obviously.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Yeah, it is her decision in the end.

I don't like the idea of having to give up my most favorite thing in the whole world, which is bread, but it has to be done. The thought of never getting to enjoy the wonderful deliciousness of Outback's pumpernickel bread dipped in butter just kills me, but I guess when somebody is tired enough of being MORBIDLY obese they do what they have to do.

I just don't know why the chick even wanted to have this big conversation with me about it knowing she was never planning to have shit done obviously.

Nobody wants to be MO but not everyone is ready to do what needs to be done. It's very frustrating, isn't it?

[insubordination 0]

I'm going to play devil's advocate here. Your problem is your perception of how your friend should be thinking. She's not at the place you are yet and won't think the same. I say change the topic and forget the rebuttals.

I have learnt this because I've haven't eaten meat since I was 13. There's just no point in putting across your thoughts/feelings/knowledge to people who are not ready/not interested/disagree or don't want to hear it. You come across as a zealot. Wait until they ask you and even then, don't go on about it.

If she wants to be MO, make excuses or believe in diets, it's OK. Sure you'd prefer that she read about the band and felt the same way about it as you do but she probably won't so just focus on other aspects of your relationship.

Do you remember when people sat you down and talked about how you must lose weight for your health? That's what you'd sound like to her.

[NanaRenan 0]

That's very wise and probably true Insubordination.

And maybe she WANTS to have all her reservations knocked down, CoolCrystal. Just hang there and be ready to bat away at any more misinformation or misgivings she might have.

[IndioGirl55 32]

I'm going to play devil's advocate here. Your problem is your perception of how your friend should be thinking. She's not at the place you are yet and won't think the same. I say change the topic and forget the rebuttals.

I have learnt this because I've haven't eaten meat since I was 13. There's just no point in putting across your thoughts/feelings/knowledge to people who are not ready/not interested/disagree or don't want to hear it. You come across as a zealot. Wait until they ask you and even then, don't go on about it.

If she wants to be MO, make excuses or believe in diets, it's OK. Sure you'd prefer that she read about the band and felt the same way about it as you do but she probably won't so just focus on other aspects of your relationship.

Do you remember when people sat you down and talked about how you must lose weight for your health? That's what you'd sound like to her.

I understand the op's frustrations - she has found her answer and wants every other fat person to do this too.. I can be exactly the same - I told a girl at work she should look into it..

But - insubordination is so right - this is no diff that someone finding God and pushing your new found beliefs on them..

She's not ready - pre-banding were we ready to face another diet food plan what every you want to call it - NOPE - prior to the band I had just given up and anyone who talked to me about losing weight - only made me eat more...

You can lead a horse to Water but you can't make him drink...

Let your success speak for it's self...