People are starting to tell me how fat I was before WLS

[omrhsn 621]

We had a company function in December and I was the talk of the event. I didn't go last year so this was the first time a lot of people saw me since the WLS. I could tell that people were talking about me and many of them came over to say hi and ask me how I managed to lose the weight. I guess everyone had "lose weight" in their 2024 resolutions. I gave them the "eating healthy and cycling" answer and even showed them photos of my mountain bike.

A lot of them reminded me of how huge I was before and that they were really concerned etc. This was the first time I'm hearing these comments which I assume were always made behind my back. Then they started talking the same about other people who need to lose weight calling them fat and make jokes about them. I was not amused and couldn't help it but telling them to stop. People can be really mean. You don't know what those people are going through and was struggles and problems do they have. Just because you are skinny doesn't make you a better person.

Have you had a similar experience?

[ShooterInTheSix 112]

I can take that kind of talk a big step further; my ex-sister in law has always been a less than kind person and would often speak meanly to my ex about her directly to her face. They were having a conversation about it (I wasn't present) one time and my ex, referring to me said, "Even he notices the way to talk down to me..." She replied, "Well he's just a fat f*cking pig who isn't entitled to an opinion!"

Needless to say, we don't exchange Christmas cards though my ex and I are still friends and she's thrilled for me with my progress; she was even the one who picked me up from the hospital after my surgery.

Edited January 3 by ShooterInTheSix

[GMaJen 79]

Mostly people will tell me how good I look, then basically say to enjoy it while I can because of the people they know who had the surgery and are fat again.

[summerset 5,265]

6 hours ago, omrhsn said:

Have you had a similar experience?

Yes - but showing the "face of disgust" usually shuts people up really quick.

[Bypass2Freedom 711]

That is so disheartening to hear - and unfortunately, it seems to be the mindset of a lot of people.

Internalised (and often externalised) fatphobia is a thing. The fact that people feel they have the right to comment on your body whilst we present as bigger is bad enough, but to then also do so to your face retrospectively is horrible.

It is one of the things that I am worried about for when I do have surgery, and I am visibly smaller - I know for a fact people will comment in the place I work, and I already feel defensive over future-me! A sort of feeling of: "If you didn't have the time for me when I was bigger, then you don't deserve to know me now I am smaller".

I hope you are alright after experiencing this. No one should have to go through that.

[summerseeker 2,138]

I am outwardly fierce and confident. No one but my doctor, since high school has ever dared to mention my weight. I would deck them.

Now they just say wow you look good, your new hair style suits you or think my husband has a mistress. There is loads of Exorcist head turning going on when we go out together. What they are saying behind my back has not as yet been heard by me.

I am a big believer in Karma. What goes around always comes around with a heavy hammer.

[AmberFL 746]

11 hours ago, GMaJen said:

Mostly people will tell me how good I look, then basically say to enjoy it while I can because of the people they know who had the surgery and are fat again.

What in the actual eff! that is horrible! Very very select ppl know I am having this surgery because of the backlash.

[summerset 5,265]

17 hours ago, AmberFL said:

What in the actual eff! that is horrible!

Indeed, that's an awful thing to say. I have no idea what reasons some people might have to make such comments.

[summerset 5,265]

On 1/3/2024 at 7:39 AM, GMaJen said:

then basically say to enjoy it while I can because of the people they know who had the surgery and are fat again.

Answer: "Oh, hon - having watched all seasons of 600 lbs life on TLC doesn't count as "knowing someone", you know."

[MandoGetsSleeved 443]

First, degrading someone because of their weight is simply UNACCEPTABLE. Period.

That being said, I may have a different take on some of this. I've been VERY open about my surgery with family, friends, and co-workers (I've actually had two co-workers have the surgery after they saw my success). I WAS fat. Seriously FAT. Even if people didn't say things, I know darned well they thought them. Maybe it's because I am/was so open about the surgery, people are more comfortable saying "DAMN, I didn't realize you were THAT big!" when they look at before pictures. It doesn't bother me at all. I take pride in my accomplishment and try to use it as an educational moment.

On another note, one thing I find myself doing now is sometimes thinking about how this surgery could change someones life. Not from a "OMG, did you see how much food they are eating??!!", but rather seeing someone overweight, struggling to walk, out of breath, etc (just like I was before surgery) and thinking to myself (I would NEVER say anything unsolicited) MAN, surgery could change your life....

Anyway, my takeaway, is that people ARE going to see you differently. Some are idiots and are going to say things they THINK are appropriate because now you're "one of them" and offend you. All you can really do is be proud of what YOU have accomplished and if they offend you, let them know.

[ChunkCat 728]

The things people feel they have permission to say never ceases to amaze me... Fat phobia is deeply ingrained in our society. It is a sad thing because being fat is still seen as lazy or a morality issue instead of the medical issue it truly is. Just because we need support and sometimes surgery to deal with the weight doesn't mean it isn't a medical issue. People who are thin and have been thin all their lives can be really narrow minded about weight. They think they are incredibly self controlled and virtuous to maintain their weight, instead of realizing that most times it is luck of the draw...

No one in my immediate family is as heavy as I am by any means, and in fact my sister barely touches 100 lbs. She's healthy, she's just naturally tiny. She's always been angry at the comments I get because she knows that she eats more food and more crap than I do, especially when we were younger, and yet she struggles to maintain weight and I can't keep it off. I adore her because she celebrates every win I have regarding my weight because she understands how hard it is. People can be biting to naturally tiny people too... My brother on the other hand is supportive but is very fat phobic. He gains 15 lbs and calls himself a fat ass and obsessively works out at the gym until he can get it off. He doesn't understand the struggle at all.

I've been very open with everyone I know about the surgery because that's just how I live my life. Most are wildly supportive because they know how hard it has been for me... I'm sure a few silently judge me but they can keep their thoughts to themselves. I don't make space for their bullshit. The best way to deal with that crap is exactly what you did, to tell them to stop and show visible disgust. I react that way to other discrimination too, it is very useful for shutting down a conversation! LOL

[BabySpoons 616]

5 hours ago, MandoGetsSleeved said:

All you can really do is be proud of what YOU have accomplished and if they offend you, let them know.

I saw a few relatives over the Christmas holiday that hadn't seen me since WLS in April. All were very supportive and complimentary of my 100+ weight loss.

One gal who is overweight, was very interested and asked many questions, considering WLS for herself. Then she said, "I don't know... I'm not really ready to take the easy way out." 🙄 Uhhhh

I didn't get mad because I knew she was just being ignorant, but I did say... "Honey... it's far from easy."

No one had been rude or called me fat when I weighed 320 lbs. at my heaviest. But they didn't have to. The look of shock, to those who knew me before, said it all. Strangers all treated me like I was invisible.

But now? I read someone on here say, if I wasn't good enough for them when I was overweight, I'm too good for them now. Kind of agree with that.

[Arabesque 7,240]

14 hours ago, summerset said:

Answer: "Oh, hon - having watched all seasons of 600 lbs life on TLC doesn't count as "knowing someone", you know."

Thanks for this chuckle @summerset. So true.

There will always be these types of people and there numbers seem to be growing. At Christmas, my brother’s mother-in- law responded to my youngest brother’s Christmas half hug & greeting with ‘’You are grossly overweight.’ She actually greeted me quite warmly which was unusual but then when she was leaving she told me she didn’t know who I was (which explained the warm greeting on arrival 🙄). Sure I haven’t seen her since I lost my weight but for F’s sake I’ve known her for almost 40years which included many years I was slim. Hurtful but pretty much what we expect for her - insensitive, tactless, cold B.

[summerset 5,265]

4 hours ago, Arabesque said:

Thanks for this chuckle @summerset. So true.

lol

Seriously though: I wonder how many people who've had WLS they really know IRL. I mean - yes, it's not some kind of unicorn surgery anymore but even then...

[SleeveToBypass2023 2,598]

I have people that do that to me, too. My highest weight was 421. I've lost nearly 200 pounds from that weight, and believe me, people don't hesitate to point it out. I know they mean well, but I think - to steal a phrase from Jennifer Aniston when she was talking about her ex Brad Pitt - there's a sensitivity chip missing. I don't think it occurs to people that we are aware of how big we were, we are aware of how much weight we lost, and we're aware of how different we look. We don't need to be reminded that we used to be as big as a whale, we know. I usually just give them a dead pan stare and weight for them to realize their faux pa and then they try to backtrack, which I find amusing. I let them squirm for a bit before letting them off the hook.