What do you do if people aren’t supportive?

[GreatHope 8]

My mother is super against me having wls and my partner thinks it’ll do more harm than good. I know they’d support me if I go through with it but they’re doing everything to convince me not to. My quality of life and that of my kids would go up so much if I lose weight and I’ve tried everything else.

[The Greater Fool 2,057]

You are threatening the status quo. That can be very scary and can change existing safe relationships dramatically and not always for the best. Generally when people don't want you to improve yourself there is something in it for them for you to stay as you are.

Maybe not. It will take some soul searching to discover the truth.

Good luck,

Tek

Edited December 19, 2023 by The Greater Fool

[Arabesque 7,497]

I agree with @The Greater Fool. I too would wonder what do they gain by you not having the surgery & remaining overweight. Why don’t they ant you to be healthy & able to live your best life with them.

Be warned they probably will tell you horror stories to scare you. Tell you about the risks. The surgical risks are lower than with an appendectomy & there are many more risks from being obese. Maybe ask the. To meet with your surgeon & your therapist so their concerns can be eased & their true issues openly discussed.

Be strong & put yourself first. All the best.

[NickelChip 1,332]

Do your research, make the decision that is right for you, and tell them they can either support you or not, but that your medical decisions are yours alone to make in consultation with your doctor. End of discussion.

I suggest you speak about it in declarative sentences. Don't say, "I'm thinking about having surgery, so what are your thoughts about that?" Instead, say, "I will be having surgery in x number of months, and if you have questions or concerns about this, I am happy to have you talk with my doctor about why this is the right choice for me and how you can support me on this journey."

You are the only person who lives in your body. That makes you the only person who gets to decide how best to take care of it. Your mother and partner are basing their opinions on incorrect information, emotions, and horror stories. You can try to give them the correct information, but don't let their fears sway you. As was mentioned above, it is probably more about the fear of change than anything else.

[ChunkCat 735]

I agree with the others. That's how I told my family, in declarative sentences because I knew if I asked their advice they'd immediately shut it down, they are pretty suspect of the medical community as a whole and think if I'd just return to a vegan diet all my weight issues would be over! Nevermind I gained a chunk of my weight on said vegan diet. LOL Thankfully my close friends and partner supported my choice fully and my family came around in the end.

I'd offer to have them come to an appointment to talk with your surgeon. I took my partner to my appointments and the surgeon was really great about pointedly asking them if they had questions or concerns. It is always nice to have someone else chime in with their worries and have them openly discussed. Most people have a LOT of misinformation about WLS and Dr.Google sure doesn't help.

Edited December 19, 2023 by ChunkCat

[BlondePatriotInCDA 544]

On 12/18/2023 at 7:51 PM, NickelChip said:

Do your research, make the decision that is right for you, and tell them they can either support you or not, but that your medical decisions are yours alone to make in consultation with your doctor. End of discussion.

I suggest you speak about it in declarative sentences. Don't say, "I'm thinking about having surgery, so what are your thoughts about that?" Instead, say, "I will be having surgery in x number of months, and if you have questions or concerns about this, I am happy to have you talk with my doctor about why this is the right choice for me and how you can support me on this journey."

You are the only person who lives in your body. That makes you the only person who gets to decide how best to take care of it. Your mother and partner are basing their opinions on incorrect information, emotions, and horror stories. You can try to give them the correct information, but don't let their fears sway you. As was mentioned above, it is probably more about the fear of change than anything else.

This /\

Stand your ground. Only you and your surgeon know what's best for you. Tell them to support you or get out of your way - you have a long healthy life to achieve and they can help you Celebrate it or stand back and watch.

Edited January 17, 2024 by BlondePatriotInCDA