Bariatric surgery is not all butterflies and rainbows

[Courtnay 40]

Hey everyone. I am new to here and my gastric bypass surgery is on December, 13th, 2023. I have been very nervous but thankful to have found this page with such wonderful people. I recently subscribed to this gentleman on youtube as he went through gastric bypass. I just wanted to share my frustrations over this as I feel it is important not to fantasize WLS surgery. This guy recently posted about surgery risks, death, complications, etc. He also asked people to share their concerns and stories to which I shared my concerns. Sharing his response to my concerns. I just feel it worth sharing how insensitive he was and that just because his surgery went well, does not mean others are so lucky. Bariatric surgery is not all butterflies and rainbows, so there is no harm in trying to prepare for the unexpected as a way to help you get through this big life altering surgery. I personally felt it worth writing letters to my kids who are 11 and 8 and my husband. They will not see them unless something bad happens of course. My hope is they will never see them, but I rather have them for them just incase than not. Never let anyone tell you something you did to prepare was "not needed".

[NickelChip 1,212]

I don't think there's anything wrong with writing letters to your loved ones for your own peace of mind. If the prospect of sudden, unexpected death frightens you (and I don't blame you because it's terrifying!) having letters for your family that you put aside in case that happens is probably a good idea. If your surgery is the thing that makes you realize you want to do that, you should definitely do that and no one should tell you not to because that's very rude and insensitive of them.

If you are significantly more terrified of having your surgery than you are of getting into a car to drive yourself to the hospital for it, I also think it's important to recognize that the odds of dying as a result of bariatric surgery are slightly higher than the odds of dying if you fall down the stairs, about 2-3x more common as dying in childbirth (in the US), and about 10x less likely than dying in a car accident. If you are about 2-3x as nervous about dying as you were when you went into labor, and just a bit more nervous than the last time you started to slip on a staircase, that's probably about the right level of mortal fear, statistically speaking. It's probably safe to say none of us are as respectful of how dangerous driving is as we should be.

I would put your letters somewhere safe and plan to revisit them every so often and keep them up to date over the years because tomorrow is never a given. It would probably be a healthy thing if we all realized that every day. But try not to let that fear with regard to your surgery become overwhelming.

[Courtnay 40]

Thank you so much for reaching out and understanding how I feel. I very much appreciate your insight. Hugs.

[Courtnay 40]

I also would like to add that I don't mean to put this man down. I am very happy of his success and other peoples success stories. They all inspire me. I also don't want to cause him hate or anything. I just felt I needed to share it because it deeply hurt my feelings when I was reaching for some sort of empathy and understanding. Just some guidance would of been appreciated. Something so deeply personal I opened up about during my preparation and he practically put it down because he felt it was not needed because these surgeries happen "every freaking day" as he put it. I'm fighting internally with myself over my fears and that was so not what I expected to hear is all.

[catwoman7 11,212]

I think it's fine to be prepared, but on the other hand, death and major complications with these surgeries are VERY rare. These aren't the same surgeries that they did 30 or 40 years ago, which WERE very risky. Mortality rate on the modern bypass is 0.3%. It's even lower on sleeve (can't remember the stat on that since I didn't have sleeve, but I do remember it was lower than bypass). So you have at least a 99.7% chance of sailing through just fine. And you will. Those odds are actually excellent - better than those for a knee or hip replacement surgery, and they do those all the time.

I read all those horror stories, too, and almost talked myself out of having surgery. I suppose it's good to know what kinds of complications are possible, but at the same time, you need to keep in mind that very few people have those. Most of us have no complications at all or only very minor ones that are "fixable" or preventable. A friend of mine who'd had her surgery a few years before mine (and served as my "mentor") said she was at greater risk of complications and early death by staying morbidly obese than she was by having the surgery, and she was right.

there is a slight risk of death from any surgery. I'm remembering the girl in California who died from a tonsillectomy a few years ago. But that is exceedingly rare - and death from WLS is exceedingly rare, too. It's fine to prepare, especially if it gives you some peace of mind, but I'm sure. you'll be fine and we'll be seeing you on the forum again once you're a couple of days out of surgery!

[Courtnay 40]

Thank you so much for your response Catwoman7. Honestly I needed to hear that. Both you and NickleChip are amazing for taking the time to reassure me all will be well as I was very nearly ready to not go. I truly appreciate you both. ❤

[summerseeker 2,139]

If we are honest with ourselves, we all feared the surgery. We also feared continuing to live as a very obese person. Just because we elected to have this surgery does not mean it was more or less life saving than other emergency procedures. BUT, we are jumping into the unknown and this scares us. It will change your life. It should change your eating habits. We have had plenty to learn along the way.

Am I thrilled that I overcame my fears 2 years and 2 weeks ago ? hell yes. I am half the old woman I was and have 4 times the life I used to have.

You can always back out of this surgery, right up to the operating theatre doors. A few people in the forum have been honest about this. It may not be your time. If you need too, give yourself some breathing space

[Courtnay 40]

Thank you so much summerseeker! 💜

I am honestly really looking forward to this surgery, but my health anxiety has made me nervous for sure. I really appreciate everyones comments as it has put my fears at ease tremendously. Thank you!! 😊

[ChunkCat 728]

I live every day with the awareness that I could be gone in a moment. I have an extremely rare congenital abnormality in my brain that makes me at a very high risk for an aneurysm. When we found this out I had a long talk with my partner about how I felt about them, and about our lives together, and about my last wishes. I talked to all my family about it. I vowed then to live each day telling the people I love that I love them and value them, because odds are that when I go it'll be fast and I won't see it coming...

Almost two years ago I got cancer. It is hard to face our own mortality, our minds aren't really designed to do that much or it drives us crazy. Thankfully I have a great therapist who helped me process the scary brain thing so we handled the cancer thing the same way... Every time I have a procedure that involves anesthesia I say goodbye like its my last time, with an open heart and a calm mind. My partner knows this. We talk about it every time. And talking about it makes it easier for me to go through whatever procedure it is because I know in my heart my loved ones know I love them and treasure them in my world. I am so grateful for the life I have with them.

For some of us, this surgery makes us face our own mortality. I was scared of the surgery. But I was more scared of continuing to live as an obese person with diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, etc... I knew that those things made me a ticking time bomb. So I did the scary thing and had my DS surgery. I'm so glad I did!! But the day of surgery before we left the house I said a private goodbye to my partner like I always do before surgery. I knew the odds were this surgery is very safe, but with my other conditions you just never know... It gives me peace to do that. I hope your letters give you peace so you can have your surgery with a calm heart that knows you've spoken the words you needed to say. ❤️

Edited December 13, 2023 by ChunkCat

[Courtnay 40]

ChunkCat thank you so much for sharing that with me, and your compassionate words. I am so sorry you have to live with that knowledge everyday, I can imagine that would be incredibly weighing to deal with. Also cancer?! My heart goes out to you!! You are an incredibly STRONG woman. I hope you know how amazing you are and I hope you are doing good today? Sending lots of love and big hugs to you!!

[ChunkCat 728]

On 12/13/2023 at 7:57 AM, Courtnay said:

ChunkCat thank you so much for sharing that with me, and your compassionate words. I am so sorry you have to live with that knowledge everyday, I can imagine that would be incredibly weighing to deal with. Also cancer?! My heart goes out to you!! You are an incredibly STRONG woman. I hope you know how amazing you are and I hope you are doing good today? Sending lots of love and big hugs to you!!

Aww, thank you!! Big hugs to you too! I'm doing great, I have been in remission for almost two years and the weight I lose from surgery will go towards decreasing my chances of reoccurrence so my oncologist was super happy to approve it! Hope your surgery went well and you are resting and sipping and walking! ❤️

[ms.sss 15,581]

the very first thought i had after waking up in the recovery room was: "YESSS! I'm alive!"

ive read others thought the same thing, so as far as im concerned, its pretty par for the course.

it's healthy to be cautious and experience fear (it's what keeps us alive most of the time!). but to be OVER-cautious to the point that it negatively impacts the quality of life of you or others around you, is not.

for what its worth, from what you've said, and how your demeanour is expressed in your post, you sound like the healthy kind of scared.

People may not always have the same thought processes as you, and they may also not always give you what you want from them. Find the ones who will. Or find a way to be cool with not getting what you want. Either works!

Good Luck!

p.s. my second thought was "omg my throat hurts!" 😂