My parents are getting banded

[Skinny_Jill 36]

I totally respect you for being so honest about your feelings. You will deal with it and be a better person for it. Your parents clearly need this surgery and you will do everything you can to help. Just know that your mom is in a bad place in her life and she can't admit it. I hope it all works out for you and your parents.

I have similar issues with my sister. She has always been one or two sizes smaller than me and 2 years ago when I first looked into the lapband she didn't want me to do it because she was afraid I would die. She got over it and I finally had surgery in November and she was supportive but now I weigh less than her and that little green monster shows up occassionally. We were having dinner with my mother and 2 sets of aunts and uncles and it was time for desert. I had a small sliver and everyone else had a normal portion. Everyone at the table is thin and healthy except for me and my sister. We were discussing caffeine and I mentioned that I gave it up because I can't have Diet Coke and that was my favorite. My aunt asked why I can't have Diet Coke and I told her it is bad for the band and my sister says "Yeah but that desert is ok" in a very sarcastic tone. I was mortified and truly pissed. I ate 3 ounces of steak and salad and little bit of potato and now a couple of bites of low-fat desert made by my healthy aunt. I wanted to slap her. I remained calm and left shortly after.

She is 8 years older and very controlling and it drives me crazy. I am very bitter and I need to get over it and move on. When I talk to her I sometimes have so much anger that I can hear it in my voice. This is obviously something I need to deal with.

[Wheetsin 714]

Sorry guys, I sort of had my cathartic experience with my intial post and then let it lay. Update - my parents have submitted their paperwork and are waiting on insurance approval.

I have not yet talked with them about my feelings, I do not feel it to be an appropriate time or circumstance. But I have encouraged them to do something in the meantime (which they aren't doing). Something meaning - don't give up. I'm tired of them saying "Well we tried so-and-so's diet but we just didn't lose weight on it." Well have you tried kicking the fads and doing something revolutionary like plain and simple cutting your calories?

A lot of you guys know this, but I'm huge on owning your actions, taking ownership, and being willing to admit fault. We all do it, but catching yourself and correcting it (what I strive for), and sticking your head in the sand - uh uh. And I'm big on the idea that you pretty much hand over your right to bitch about something if you aren't also trying to effect some change about it. And that's where my parents are. They're eyebrow deep in denial and as much as they're asking me questions and eager to learn about banded life, they're not "there" yet. Even the questions they're asking me show that (Can you still eat ice cream? Did you lose without exercising? Can you eat XYZ?) I never asked if I could still vaccuum banded because I didn't give a shit, so I know these are things in the front of their minds, so I'm doing what I can to help ease their (eventually, supposedly, hopefully) transition.

I have tried to encourage them to start adopting parts of the bandster lifestyle now, before they have to go cold turkey (assuming insurance approval). Things like foregoing the soda, which other than coffee is all my father drinks; chewing (we had dinner the other night and I "challenged" them to take the same bite size as me, and now swallow until I did); making better choices when ordering or cooking; trying to help them see where the trucklod of fat & calories & carbs is residing in their "healthy" meal.

This too shall pass.

[Jachut 487]

I really admire your outlook on this, I"m big on owning your actions too. Nothing disgusts me more than excuses.

However, that's a big part of the journey, isnt it? Coming to really KNOW (not just tell yourself) that your actions are down to nobody but you and your success is dependent upon nobody but you. Where there's a will there's a way in the face of any adversity. Someone who comes on here and posts that they've just eaten half a cheesecake, but oh well, tomorrow is another day, they WILL keep going, they dont disgust me. Someone who whines that its cold out and she already doesnt get enough sleep and she has 3 kids so its not her fault that she cant exercise, that disgusts me. Grow up and smell the coffee. You're either going to find a way to put in the work or you arent.

Its such a fat attitude, all this excuse making and it sounds like your parents have it in spades, but hopefully, this will be overcome in time. As far as owning your own actions, well you're awesome becuase if anyone had an excuse to grow up fat, living in that kind of an environment is it.