Lost all motivation

[BigSue 1,395]

You have every right to be upset about what your husband said. It was terrible and hurtful and not something a person should say to someone he loves. I should probably refrain from giving relationship advice because I've never been in a relationship, but I have read a lot of accounts of people who experienced relationship problems after they lost weight because of their partners' jealousy. I can't help but wonder if that's at play here -- maybe your husband is feeling insecure because people are noticing how good you look and he's afraid he'll no longer be good enough for you.

We all have our reasons for wanting to lose weight and wanting to get WLS, and even if 99.9% of the reason is about your health, I doubt there's a single person who doesn't have at least 0.1% of the reason as wanting others to find us more attractive. So there is nothing wrong with that. Even if your main reason for losing weight WAS in hopes of being more attractive to your husband, it's not too late to realize that you are worth it, and you were worth it all along. If your husband doesn't appreciate it, that's his loss, and now you can focus on things that are more important, like yourself, your health, your quality of life, and being there for your kids. Getting weight loss surgery is brave. You took a leap and changed your life. You lost 90 pounds in 6 months, which is amazing! How many people do you know who have done that (outside of this forum, of course)?

I hope your husband gets his head out of his rear and gives you the support that you deserve, but if he doesn't, remember that you have proven to yourself that you can do it.

[BlessedMomma91 21]

Thanks for the support, advice, and encouragement from all of you. I haven't decided what I'm going to do from here yet. I'm trying to let my emotions settle before making any drastic decisions. I have a lot to think about. I just wish I could tell myself that his opinion doesn't matter and I wanna do this for me. However, I can't shake it and I'm hurting. I'm drained. However, I did workout this morning before work. I think it's even harder when he is home because I can't even look at him. We are very involved in our church and that is also making things harder because I don't know how to proceed with that in mind either. And my whole family thinks my husband is amazing so I just feel alone.

Sent from my SM-S115DL using BariatricPal mobile app

[Jeanniebug 473]

Hmmm... You have 4 kids. Clearly there's enough attraction for him to be able to make babies...

Nevertheless, he's saying inappropriate things and you are getting angry and resentful. Thankfully, these are things that can be worked on.

I see you mentioned that you go to church. Perhaps you can utilize your pastor for marriage counseling?

[LindsayT 596]

1 minute ago, Jeanniebug said:

Hmmm... You have 4 kids. Clearly there's enough attraction for him to be able to make babies...

Nevertheless, he's saying inappropriate things and you are getting angry and resentful. Thankfully, these are things that can be worked on.

I see you mentioned that you go to church. Perhaps you can utilize your pastor for marriage counseling?

I was thinking the same thing about going to the pastor for counseling. However, you also said you're very involved in your church, and I know from experience that it can be hard to admit there is something going on. So perhaps, maybe there is another church that you could seek counseling from if y'all are not wanting to share with your own house. Just a thought. Also, Focus on the Family has great resources for counseling, advice and articles.

I know your head is still reeling from this. And I think you are very wise to wait until emotions calm down to talk.

Many prayer for you all.