Why am I so depressed

[mlbninja 4]

I am not sure what is going on with me. I had my surgery Dec 8th last year and I have already lost 96 pounds. My wife is happy. I am more active. I can now keep up with my kids for the first time in years and years. I am more active, and my sex life is amazing now. For some reason I am super depressed. I mean it is bad. I feel fat ei feel disgusting. Maybe it is cause idk what to do. As everything gets better in life I seem to be spiraling out. Can someone please give me some advice.

[mlbninja 4]

Everything should be getting better but it isn’t. Could it be me being sad that I lost the ability to have so much food? Could it be that I can’t have that Saturday nights whiskey. Every day just gets harder and I don’t know why.

[The Greater Fool 2,039]

Welcome to the forums and congratulations on your success.

Many of us used food as a coping mechanism or self medication to deal with issues. If this is true for you then having WLS may have taken a key coping mechanism away. It's likely time to talk with a therapist or behavioralist to learn new, better, healthier coping mechanisms.

Many of us also had unrealistic expectations on how WLS magically change our lives. I've mentioned elsewhere that I'm an introvert and I'd long accepted it, but I still had visions of becoming a social butterfly when I lost my weight. Everything that my weight prevented I would be able to do again better than ever. Predictably, that's not how it turned out. A common meme is "we had surgery on our stomachs not our brains." Just because we lost weight doesn't mean we will automatically change. Losing our weight wasn't easy and took a rather drastic help. Changing other aspects of our lives may likewise take effort.

WLS and rapid weight loss can upset your life. You are changing the status quo. Your relationships may change because your roles in them change. Work can be impacted. Even the way you perceive yourself may change, or not change quick enough, or become totally unrealistic. You may get more wanted or unwanted attention and be unsure of your response. Be sure to keep lines of communication open with your spouse, friends, and associates. Especially your spouse.

You may eventually have your Saturday night whiskey. Two things here: First, be aware and careful of transfer addiction. Now that you don't have food to use as a coping mechanism many of us have turned to other often worse things like alcohol, drugs, or stand up comedy. Second, if not having your Saturday night whiskey makes you this sad then perhaps it's something you need to discuss with a therapist.

To sum up find someone to help you. Heck, find a team. Your spouse can be a huge support. A close, trustworthy friend or family member could help. Forums like this can help. A therapist would be a great choice because they have the experience and resources to help build new tools.

Good luck,

Tek

[LindsayT 596]

Full disclosure I haven't had surgery yet. But. I deal with depression and other mental illnesses. I want to echo that therapy is huge. Talking out how you feel, what's bothering you, and getting healthy coping skills is vital. And, there is no shame in it. Something else, if you're open to it, is medication to help ease the symptoms of depression that help you gain some head space to process what you're feeling. Personally, I can not function well without mine. I also lean heavily on my faith. Treatment doesn't have to be forever, but it may be necessary to get through this chapter of life.

[Lisa XO 117]

2 hours ago, The Greater Fool said:

or stand up comedy

lollllll

OP, I deal with depression and it has been a weird time after surgery. I'm giving myself grace and upping my SSRIs. Good luck and be sure to share your emotions with someone in your life that you trust. That can help a lot. All the best to you.

[BigSue 1,389]

4 hours ago, The Greater Fool said:

Welcome to the forums and congratulations on your success.

Many of us used food as a coping mechanism or self medication to deal with issues. If this is true for you then having WLS may have taken a key coping mechanism away. It's likely time to talk with a therapist or behavioralist to learn new, better, healthier coping mechanisms.

Many of us also had unrealistic expectations on how WLS magically change our lives. I've mentioned elsewhere that I'm an introvert and I'd long accepted it, but I still had visions of becoming a social butterfly when I lost my weight. Everything that my weight prevented I would be able to do again better than ever. Predictably, that's not how it turned out. A common meme is "we had surgery on our stomachs not our brains." Just because we lost weight doesn't mean we will automatically change. Losing our weight wasn't easy and took a rather drastic help. Changing other aspects of our lives may likewise take effort.

WLS and rapid weight loss can upset your life. You are changing the status quo. Your relationships may change because your roles in them change. Work can be impacted. Even the way you perceive yourself may change, or not change quick enough, or become totally unrealistic. You may get more wanted or unwanted attention and be unsure of your response. Be sure to keep lines of communication open with your spouse, friends, and associates. Especially your spouse.

You may eventually have your Saturday night whiskey. Two things here: First, be aware and careful of transfer addiction. Now that you don't have food to use as a coping mechanism many of us have turned to other often worse things like alcohol, drugs, or stand up comedy. Second, if not having your Saturday night whiskey makes you this sad then perhaps it's something you need to discuss with a therapist.

To sum up find someone to help you. Heck, find a team. Your spouse can be a huge support. A close, trustworthy friend or family member could help. Forums like this can help. A therapist would be a great choice because they have the experience and resources to help build new tools.

Good luck,

Tek

What an incredibly compassionate and helpful reply!

@mlbninja, I’m glad you found this forum and reached out for help! I hope you will click around this site and keep posting because we WLS patients have a unique set of experiences and challenges, and sometimes it just helps to know you’re not alone in what you’re going through.

[Arabesque 7,313]

Perfectly said @The Greater Fool.

Using food to numb ourselves from emotional pain, depression, anxiety, stress, etc. is very common especially with people here. It’s the same as those who use drugs & alcohol to mask their pain & become addicted. Eating, regardless of how much is consumed, never stops the pain because it’s still there. So yes, you are experiencing withdrawals & grieving your inability to eat the same volume of food & food choices. Seeking support to understand & learn how manage the emotional or mental pain will be helpful.

All because you can’t have your whisky now doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a glass in the future. As long as you’re aware of addiction transfer & your greater susceptibility to it, having a glass on a Saturday night will be okay again.

Congratulations on your weight loss so far & the life you are regaining. So much to Celebrate & be joyful about.

[BriarRose 432]

Please talk to your family doctor or a mental health professional (licensed therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist) After and during weight loss and after surgery our bodies can take a beating and we think we are doing ourselves such a great and healthy thing... and then we feel like crap. Have I had this ? Not depression, but I had panic attacks start after a year after surgery. NOT FUN. Still have them. Take meds for that. I am also a mental health professional and I think that folks who have WLS or undergo dieting or major life changes should all consult their doctors about mental health changes that can come up with all these changes happening to our bodies.

Have you had blood levels drawn ? Vitamin and mineral numbers done ? A FULL blood panel including all your thyroid counts and numbers ? Please do that too. Rapid weight loss can throw our hormones and our physiological balance way out of whack. And our brains are part of our bodies. Hence, our brain chemistry can change and BAM - Depression, Bi-Polar and all sorts of stuff can come up. Talk to your doctor, get a referral for Psych consult. IF you feel like you might hurt yourself or start drinking/using drugs get yourself to a mental health professional right away !

[vsg2410 41]

I agree with other posts - talk to your surgeon or PCP and consider getting a therapist. I had my surgery about a week before you and have also noticed an increase in depressive symptoms. It’s a big adjustment, and adjusting is not easy and takes energy. You’re not alone! But make sure you are using your resources!

[tiffanyb12211 21]

Hello, I haven’t gotten my surgery date yet but I am battling depression as well. I started talking to a therapist about a month ago and it has drastically helped me to see the distorted thinking than I’m doing to beat myself up all the time. When I do that it makes me feel sad or unworthy then I use food to cope with those feelings. I am learning when I’m faced with a difficult situation to slow my thoughts down and to think about why I’m REALLY feeling the way I’m feeling. My therapist described it as if we are pulling weeds from the garden, we usually figure out the surfuace problem and pull those weeds but it’s hard to figure out the root of the problems because they are so deeply embedded within you. Talking to my therapist has just helped me to shift my thinking from thinking I will be alone if I do t lose weight or no one will like me if I don’t lose weight, to someone will like me just the way I am however I’m on this weight loss journey for my health and family. I was against therapy at first but I am so glad that I took that plunge before surgery to sort out issues and can’t wait to continue it after.

[Ance 55]

My daughter and I became members of this community when she decided to have the sleeve surgery 5 years ago. It was a huge decision and a lot of promises were made. I was her support. She’s 27 now, but prior to COVID she showed signs of depression and was gaining weight slowly. During COVID, she got more depressed. In the fall of 2021 just as people were returning to the workforce she did not and it’s been that way since. She’s also gained more weight. I’ve tried to get her help but she’s refused. Now no job, no insurance which means she’s on Medicaid and is afraid of the quality of doctors available to her. She’s not easy and it’s tearing me apart. I believe there’s a correlation between her young age at that time (22yo), her mental state when she had the surgery and whether she was truly ready and prepared for the changes that many of you stated above would occur. She had me promise not to tell anyone of her surgery. She’s not ready to talk about it and appears embarrassed about the decision. I try to tell her that it’s a testament to her initial success and could be an inspiration for others but she refuses. I’m trapped and don’t know what more to say or do. I’m going to continue to help and support her. I just wanted to share a mother’s story during a moment in time with her daughter.

[BriarRose 432]

This is so hard. Please encourage your daughter to go to a doctor. There are many VERY good docs who will accept medi-caid. And there are very good mental health clinics that will do so also. You might try calling the Department of Mental Health in your state/county and getting some referrals for her. My heart goes out to you and to her. Hopefully this is a time and place that will develop into a new time and a new place for her and for you.

[Ance 55]

Hi BriarRose, I appreciate your words of encouragement and support. I will contact the county DMH and hope to convince her to a doctor’s visit. It’s a day at a time with her because her moods go up and down. I’ll keep the community updated. This is helpful for me to be able to go somewhere to discuss this matter. I have 3 friends who were and still are successful in their bariatric surgeries. I know that’s why we (husband and I) were so supportive of her decision. I feel now she mentally and emotionally was not mature enough to handle the after effects. I’ll keep my hopes and prayers that a breakthrough will come soon. Thank you.

[BriarRose 432]

I would suggest that looking for very small steps is the answer and expecting much back slide and angst. Depression and anxiety can go hand in hand. An antidepressant medication can be extremely helpful in situations such as these, and there ARE weight neutral meds that can really help. I highly suggest doing both medications for at least 6 months to a year AND counseling. The combination of the two are the MOST helpful. Medication will help her brain chemistry to allow her to see through the fog of depression. Also expect some hard days as her body adjusts to medication - perhaps even up to 6 weeks, but the change will be there.

[BrandiBird 21]

On 4/26/2023 at 5:19 AM, mlbninja said:

I am not sure what is going on with me. I had my surgery Dec 8th last year and I have already lost 96 pounds. My wife is happy. I am more active. I can now keep up with my kids for the first time in years and years. I am more active, and my sex life is amazing now. For some reason I am super depressed. I mean it is bad. I feel fat ei feel disgusting. Maybe it is cause idk what to do. As everything gets better in life I seem to be spiraling out. Can someone please give me some advice.

I'm so sorry you're having a mental struggle, and I completely empathize.

I also have been experiencing a weird and nebulous relationship with myself. I've had clinical depression for several years, but my medication has always been able to help keep me afloat. Right now I feel kind of disconnected from my body, and I haven't seen the results that others see in me yet. A lot of times I find myself doubting if the surgery really worked, or if I'll ever get to my goals. I'm having a hard time processing the work and effort and the results I'm actually getting - I think, for me personally, it is because I've gone so long putting in work and never getting results. Now that I am (even if I can't see them), it doesn't feel right. So I'm getting in touch with a therapist to help me work through it.

Can you reach out to your weight loss program and ask to be included in a support group? A counselor might also be helpful (something I also have experience with). I'm wishing you all the best. ❤️