Struggling to envision weight loss

[mcipanda 121]

Hi everyone, I’m new to the forums and WLS with VSG scheduled for 3/13. I’m currently 41, 5’3” and 213lbs. I’ve always been one to envision my goals for success. It works for me, but I’m genuinely struggling with picturing myself at the suggested goal weight of 125-135. I can’t recall a time where I was ever that small. Even at 13, I was 177lbs. The lightest I’ve ever been in my adult life was 181 at size 14. I can picture myself there, but trying to picture myself at a size 12 or lower feels like imagining myself getting accepted into the NASA space program. Not impossible but seriously (seriously) unlikely.

When my bariatric team asked about a personal goal weight, I said 170. I didn’t want them to look at me like, “uh, you need to be realistic here.” Beyond that, I can only recall 177 in my mind from middle school so 170 sounds possible.

I tried making a goal board with images of the clothes I’d like to wear and things I want to do, but it feels.. unrealistic? Ugh. I’m actually annoyed with myself if you can believe it.

Did (or have) you ever felt this way? I want to succeed but I know I need to believe I can do it before I can make it happen. Thoughts welcome!

[NP_WIP 274]

I struggle a bit with this too, I originally said 180 because even though it seemed impossible to be that weight after 5 years, it still looked attainable with the surgery based on average results I saw online. Then I changed it to 160 because it's the lowest I remember being after puberty and I felt good, not toned at all but weight wise it felt comfortable.

I just had my 3-month appointment, and I asked about goal weight, the RN suggested to wait until I'm at 6 months and see how I will feel if I were to choose my goal to be 30lbs from that weigh in, since from her experience that is what most patients say, but she did stress that the body can choose its weight and it can be lower or around what I chose. This goes on hand with my sister's experience where she is still losing past her goal weight even though she has increased her calories.

[mcipanda 121]

Thanks so much for your response, Guru. I needed to hear that someone else has had these thoughts. I really only have my mom to talk to at the moment (she had WLS in 2005), but she remembers what it was like to be an adult woman in her mid-20's at 115-125lbs (5'2") even after having a baby. I worry sometimes about self-sabotage, unable to believe I could be below a size 14 and subconsciously making sure I'm right. Reminds me of a line from "It's a Wonderful Life" when Mr. Potter says to Jimmy Stuart's character, "My God, man, are you afraid of success?!"

[SemperVeritas 35]

Great topic! I've been thinking about this too. I heard the surgeon say that people can remember how small they were in their wedding day, or in high school, and I was like "nope!" I vaguely remember doing weight watchers in high school and getting to around 158, and when I got married my wedding dress was a 14 and I was excited it wasn't a 16 (probably around 185). So trying to imagine life, imagine my body and perception of self at 140-150 is just very strange. I think I'd be pretty psyched to maintain around 160... I also don't want to self-sabotage, but there is absolutely no frame of reference and I'm afraid to set too low of a goal and fail. It's tough!

[Blessd1 67]

I'm so glad you posted this @mcipanda. I'm scheduled for gastric bypass on 3/29, and as it gets closer I try to visualize what is coming. Like you, I honestly can't wrap my head around nor visualize myself being significantly smaller. I'm also afraid of self sabotage and failing, you're not alone in that! I have struggled with weight since my teen years and am currently 46 years old. It's so hard to believe things could change for me and this is real! I keep reading posts on this forum and take comfort in knowing so many not only felt this same doubt, but they overcame it to reach their goals!

Thanks again for sharing this, and I wish you well in your journey!

[Smanky 751]

7 hours ago, mcipanda said:

The lightest I’ve ever been in my adult life was 181 at size 14. I can picture myself there, but trying to picture myself at a size 12 or lower feels like imagining myself getting accepted into the NASA space program. Not impossible but seriously (seriously) unlikely.

So make 181/size 14 your initial goal weight. This is what my surgeon gave me - a goal weight of about 80kg which would have me wearing an AU size 14 (US size 10). In the past I had gotten down to where I could fit into a large size 12 (US size 8), so instead of 80kg, I made my goal 75kg. I had been close to there before, so I could picture it. When you hit the more familiar intitial goal, then make a new one that's closer to the one suggested to you, and so on.

When you're at the start of the process it does feel unattainable and like you'll never get there. I expect this is a universal feeling, especially when there's so much weight to lose (I've literally lost an entire person). But it does come off, and one day you'll weigh yourself and be staring at your goal weight on the scale and needing someone to pinch you. I've passed goal and am about to fit into a size I have not touched since I was a kid. Madness! I'd have absolutely lost that bet, yet here I am.

TL:DR - Don't let the length of the process intimidate you, there are so many mini victories along the way. In 12 months time, you'll be living what you may right now have trouble visualising.

[mcipanda 121]

4 hours ago, SemperVeritas said:

I also don't want to self-sabotage, but there is absolutely no frame of reference and I'm afraid to set too low of a goal and fail. It's tough!

THIS exactly… I also don’t want to set a goal too low, even though I believe in the power of “stretch” goals. When it comes to my weight, I’ve tried and failed so many times that failing a goal after having a surgery like this feels almost unacceptable if you know what I mean.

[mcipanda 121]

3 hours ago, Blessd1 said:

I keep reading posts on this forum and take comfort in knowing so many not only felt this same doubt, but they overcame it to reach their goals!

Thanks again for sharing this, and I wish you well in your journey!

You made such a good point here… thank you! I’m wishing you all the r best with your upcoming bypass! I hope you’ll post your process so I can cheer you on 🙌😊

[mcipanda 121]

2 hours ago, Smanky said:

When you're at the start of the process it does feel unattainable and like you'll never get there. I expect this is a universal feeling, especially when there's so much weight to lose (I've literally lost an entire person). But it does come off, and one day you'll weigh yourself and be staring at your goal weight on the scale and needing someone to pinch you. I've passed goal and am about to fit into a size I have not touched since I was a kid. Madness! I'd have absolutely lost that bet, yet here I am.

Thanks Smanky, I love this idea. I’ll shoot for 181 and figure out the rest when I get there. There’s a brand new pair of size 14 jeans in my closet that I can’t wait to shrink out of. 😊

Your progress in spite of having similar feelings is inspiring and I’m grateful you’re here to to share! 🙏

[SpartanMaker 893]

There's nothing wrong with setting a higher goal for now and reassessing once you get to that weight. If 170 is all you can invision, make that your goal and once you get there, you may have a much better sense of exactly how much lower you can go.

If anything, I think way too many people set an unrealistically low goal and then find themselves disappointed when they can't get there. Keep in mind that obese people have heavier bones, enlarged hearts, more blood volume, etc. You may find that at 150, you look and feel as healthy as someone that was never obese is at 135.

[Smanky 751]

1 hour ago, mcipanda said:

There’s a brand new pair of size 14 jeans in my closet that I can’t wait to shrink out of. 😊

Pro-tip: Wear them lots the second you can fit! The window of time for wearing clothes in those mid-loss sizes is startlingly short! I had a bunch of clothes waiting to fit, including some Torrid (size 1) stuff that I bought waaaaaay back in the early 2000s when Torrid was still a subculture store, and never got to enjoy them because when I finally tried them on again, they were too big! Now they're just sentimental keepsakes. 🤪

[Sigh 196]

I like the idea of first goal, then reassess to stretch as you work yourself there. I have a first goal in mind, then step down a few times if i can do it!

Good luck to you and enjoy shopping your closet.

[summerseeker 2,236]

I had lots of mini goals, I didn't want to disappoint myself, go off track and sabotage myself like I always did. In reality, I am unable to sabotage myself unless I eat around my plan. I try not to.

My initial goal was to be healthier. Tick.

Then to pass in a crowd. Without stares. Tick

Next to go in any shop to buy clothes or shoes because I never have. Tick

My latest one is Onderland and its taking its time to get there.

I don't hold much store in comparing my former self with clothes sizes because they have changed to be bigger in my life time

[Blessd1 67]

2 hours ago, summerseeker said:

I had lots of mini goals, I didn't want to disappoint myself, go off track and sabotage myself like I always did. In reality, I am unable to sabotage myself unless I eat around my plan. I try not to.

My initial goal was to be healthier. Tick.

Then to pass in a crowd. Without stares. Tick

Next to go in any shop to buy clothes or shoes because I never have. Tick

My latest one is Onderland and its taking its time to get there.

I don't hold much store in comparing my former self with clothes sizes because they have changed to be bigger in my life time

Thanks so much for sharing your mini goals @summerseeker! I'm going to make a task for myself to list out some mini goals so that when the time comes I'm reminded that the NSVs are just as important. These will also serve as reminders of how I was feeling BEFORE surgery and the kinds of experiences I had been longing for. Love this idea! 😀

[Sigh 196]

@summerseeker you are wise, and I love that positive thinking! I am going to write a few for myself because I love your way of thinking!

First and foremost, I am doing this for my health—

goals for me:

reduce pain and inflammation in my joints, be able to sleep comfortably again and reduce knee and foot pain due to extra weight

Walk for 30 minutes without getting winded

Not use food to soothe my anxiety

Find other ways to show myself or others love

Powerful thinking — thank you!