Surgery Shaming Should Be A Thing…

[JessieJay85 32]

1 hour ago, Victoria_Faith said:

I have been working to normalize talking about WLS among my friends and family. I even went so far as to start a daily post counting down to my surgery day, educating them on the process I'm following, my emotional journey. Each day I hit on a different topic that might resonate. Sometimes people don't realize how hurtful words can be. I think I'm in the minority of folks when I say I will have no issue sharing my experiences.

So far it's been nothing but positive feedback, but if/when someone asks me why I took the 'easy' way out - I will ask them why they took the easy way out of being a decent human being by asking judgemental questions.

Love! Especially, the last part! I want to ask some people like who raised you?! People are missing common decency, I swear.

[JessieJay85 32]

On 2/18/2023 at 12:11 AM, JessieJay85 said:

Love! Especially, the last part! I want to ask some people like who raised you?! People are missing common decency, I swear.

🤣🤣🤣🤦🏾‍♀️

[pintsizedmallrat 473]

Screw peoples' judgement. If they had to go through what we do, they would never breathe a word of "easy" about the process. I felt at times like I was walking through hell barefoot when I was recovering; I literally almost died to get here.

The only people I've experienced derision from are either a) completely uninformed about what the surgery entails and thinks I had all the fat sucked out or something (aka idiots...like yeah I just went back every week for a year and had a pound removed at a time? GTFOH with that!) or b) people who have never been fat and probably have never had a family member be fat either, and have no understanding of how someone ends up gaining weight. Good on them for being genetically blessed but that doesn't give them the right to judge anyone.

[BriarRose 432]

I had surgery at 55 years old. That was 12 years ago. I only told a very small handful of people. My boss at work, who had wls 2 years before I did, and was my weight loss/surgery mentor; and three other trusted people.. I lived 53 years of my life being fat, being called names, and put down for my weight. I was NOT going to share this journey with just anyone. I "hugged" it to myself. It was my gift to me. To health, to longevity and not to impress anyone or anything else. I needed a tool, a way to be successful. And my gastric sleeve was it. I have almost lost half of me. From a size 30 to a size 14 petite. And 12 years later I have more energy now at 67 then I did in my 40's and 50s.

When asked how I lost so much weight, I admit to "the sin of omission". My answer is that I eat less and move more. That I eat Protein and vegetables and fruit and less carbs. All true. If a very obese person asks, and at some point, I feel like I can trust them, I will share. But it is not my idiot cousin's business nor is it my nosey neighbors. I like wearing normal size clothing. I love fitting in every chair. I don't just tell people about my medical procedures - why would I start with this one ?

You do not owe anyone any explanations. It is like asking someone who has blue and pink hair .... "Did you dye your hair ?" "Did you lose weight ??" "yes, thank you for noticing. I love your sweater" they forget they asked, and tell you about their sweater.

[Zuzanna 4]

I have said this my journey and I do not regret having surgery for the sake of my health and being here for the ones I love. People say things like that when they are insecure about how you look and how you feel and it makes them feel insignificant or jealous. When you lose weight and feel better and confident you become the competition not the friend they felt they were better than. Those who are true accept you no matter what and love that you have made the change to be with them longer. Don,t let them effect you. Just smile and say "sure if you say so, i am happy that is what matters." This is you and you do not have to justify you to anyone. Maybe they should try being overweight and seeing how much we go through in our efforts to one get a couple kilos off and the mental torture and guilt. They have no idea so really their comments have no validity. You are doing great keep it up and don't the insecurity of others get you down.

Sent from my SM-A515F using BariatricPal mobile app

[tabquick2 0]

I totally agree with everything you said.

[JessieJay85 32]

On 2/17/2023 at 10:25 PM, Smanky said:

And si my boyfriend broke up with me because he prefers a bigger women and now he can fit my thigh around his hand. You damned if you do and damned even if you don’t. I guess I am the selfish one because I choose me over what he prefers. Thing is he only about 5’2 130 some pounds… If that’s what floats you boat cool. Because, I am NEVER going back to the women I use to be….💀🙄🤦🏾‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

Ah yes, the "big boned" classic! I truly believed it myself for most of my life. Looking at my body now, I can see that I have broad shoulders, but my bones look pretty standard-issue to me.

On 2/17/2023 at 10:27 PM, Victoria_Faith said:

For all the "big boned" comments I heard growing up, I should have been over 6' tall! That's a classic.

You look great, by the way!

On 2/17/2023 at 10:44 PM, Arabesque said:

Yes, I’ve heard it. Not really from my family but I used the big boned excuse myself. A lot! Many years ago I went to a large chain weight loss centre where they measured my wrist & told me I was large boned. I clung to that from that day on.

Logically I should have known I wasn’t. I mean I’m short & it was obvious I didn’t have a large skeletal frame when I wasn’t carrying weight in the past. Truth is I actually have a smaller frame. The ‘large bones’ they measured was just fat around my wrist.

On 2/17/2023 at 11:13 PM, ms.sss said:

same.

On 2/17/2023 at 6:19 PM, Elidh said:

On 2/17/2023 at 6:41 PM, Breaking notsobad said:

Touché Guru!

On 2/17/2023 at 6:46 PM, Smanky said:

I will never understand this bizarre notion people seem to have that an "easy way out" for weight loss is a bad thing even if it did exist. Like... why does it need to be a struggle to be ok? Do we need weight loss to be some epic f***ing crawl across a flaming desert of despair to be acceptable to people who aren't involved? Does my head in.

Makes me inclined to answer "my own hard work" when asked how I lost so much weight. It's not anyone's business anyway.

Also: you look AMAZING! Seriously. And that top you're wearing is gorgeous on you!

On 2/17/2023 at 7:53 PM, omrhsn said:

That is why I decided not tell anyone about the surgery except for my close family and friends. I've no time or energy to explain to everyone why I opted for the surgery and that I have tried so many diets but nothing worked. I just give them the answer they want to hear - eating healthy and exercising, which I'm doing now anyone. Looking good there. Don't pay attention to what they say.

On 2/17/2023 at 8:22 PM, JessieJay85 said:

😘😘😘😘 Thank you all i appreciate the love y’all!! It’s feels good when people understand where your coming from.

On 2/17/2023 at 10:15 PM, Sigh said:

I’m telling NO one- flying off one weekend and coming back alone to start the hard work. I may say something like im working with a doctor… but that’s it. People can suck it. It’s my business alone.

On 2/17/2023 at 10:37 PM, Victoria_Faith said:

I have been working to normalize talking about WLS among my friends and family. I even went so far as to start a daily post counting down to my surgery day, educating them on the process I'm following, my emotional journey. Each day I hit on a different topic that might resonate. Sometimes people don't realize how hurtful words can be. I think I'm in the minority of folks when I say I will have no issue sharing my experiences.

So far it's been nothing but positive feedback, but if/when someone asks me why I took the 'easy' way out - I will ask them why they took the easy way out of being a decent human being by asking judgemental questions.

[JessieJay85 32]

On 2/20/2023 at 4:12 PM, JessieJay85 said:

🤣🤣🤣🤦🏾‍♀️

The ones who’ve never been fat or the cringed medical term obese! But you should have just exercised. Hired a whole trainer because I thought the same thing 18 years ago. Oh if I don’t lose it by then…. I am going to figure what I did wrong and start over. For me gastric sleeve was a blessing because I NEVER realized how bad I eat even with fruits, veggies whole grain and Protein.

[Dominick Jordan 0]

So I pretty much tell anyone who will listen about my upcoming surgery. I explain the year of pre op requirements I had to meet, the diets I need to follow (pre and post op), the potential of food intolerances that I may gain. The life long Vitamin deficiency that I have to address. And so far, for me, the nasty aftertaste of pure death I get from cheap Protein Shakes. I explain what the surgery consists of (amazing how many people think sleeve is the same as a lap band).

Lol, lazy way out, cheating. Let’s just take a look at the rules, while they are looking for the rules that show we are cheating, I’ll be moving on with my new, longer life. Screw em!

[pintsizedmallrat 473]

10 hours ago, JessieJay85 said:

The ones who’ve never been fat or the cringed medical term obese! But you should have just exercised. Hired a whole trainer because I thought the same thing 18 years ago. Oh if I don’t lose it by then…. I am going to figure what I did wrong and start over. For me gastric sleeve was a blessing because I NEVER realized how bad I eat even with fruits, veggies whole grain and Protein.

I feel like the people who act this way don't understand the mountain of obstacles and commitment that is the difference between being able to lose 20 or 30 pounds this way vs a few hundred. I always COULD have lost 20, 30, 40 pounds the "old fashioned way" but I need the tool my sleeve provides to get to where I ultimately wanted to be.

I think of my sleeve like a combo multiplier in a video game; for every good choice I make, it multiplies the benefits.

[Claire5965 0]

I’m three weeks post op from Gastric Sleeve. Only my husband and older kids know I’ve had the op. I’m a very private person and don’t like talking about myself or drawing attention to myself. I’ve been on annual leave since the op and go back to work next week. Unfortunately, I work with 200 mostly females and there will be a fair few who won’t be able to stop themselves asking me how I lost weight (12 kgs down so far) and I know this because 5 years ago I lost 20 kgs and they did the same… not sure how I will handle the questions this time and honestly I feel really nervous going back because of it.

[pintsizedmallrat 473]

5 hours ago, Claire5965 said:

I’m three weeks post op from Gastric Sleeve. Only my husband and older kids know I’ve had the op. I’m a very private person and don’t like talking about myself or drawing attention to myself. I’ve been on annual leave since the op and go back to work next week. Unfortunately, I work with 200 mostly females and there will be a fair few who won’t be able to stop themselves asking me how I lost weight (12 kgs down so far) and I know this because 5 years ago I lost 20 kgs and they did the same… not sure how I will handle the questions this time and honestly I feel really nervous going back because of it.

I work in an office that is 80% women (and based on your use of the term "annual leave" we probably work in a similar environment . I actually haven't dealt with a lot of invasive questions at all, a lot of people are basically just like "Looking good!" and leave it at that. What's funny is I had my surgery during the time we were 100% remote during the pandemic and I was 9 mos post op when I came back and had lost 120 pounds...I literally have had coworkers I worked closely with before we went out NOT RECOGNIZE ME AT ALL, especially with the mask on!

[BriarRose 432]

My answer is always the same: ( 12 years out ) and I meet people I have not seen in years and I am half of myself !

"thank you for noticing. So kind of you" Then I compliment something about them - " I love your ring !" "what a great outfit !" or " I heard you moved, tell me all about your new house !" People love to talk about themselves. If they come back around, I just comment something like " Yep, whole new me." and change subject. Conversation ender. If they keep coming back to it, I make some lame statement like " I eat less and move more." All true. No one's business.

[uniVee 2]

I'm still in pre op and my relatives and friends are trying to talk me out It. I hear the "you're not THAT BIG"; "are you going to stick to the plan"; "you could just do intermittent fasting"; "you're just so stuck on being small"; "just eat off smaller plate and exercise." I wish I'd told no one; lol. T hen when I don't talk about it; I get the "you haven't kept us updated on the process" smh

We have to be strong and believe in ourselves. I tell myself "If I fail, if I succeed At least I'll live as I believe"...."at least I did it for me"; "at least I tried".

Be strong

[Kiajord117 1]

I’m still in pre-op, and I told my family, but I wish a Mofo would. If they are that bold to say something to me that I feel is judgmental…I’m going to be bold right back! I’ll mess around and have somebody crying!! Because I’m going to ask them “Do you want my doctor’s number” because you need it!! 🤣🤣 Jealousy is REAL! 💯

I love this chat room, and I’m so inspired by all of you beautiful women!! I finished all my appointments and passes them all. I have my last dietitian appointment tomorrow!! I can’t wait y’all!!

Keep shining ladies!! I’ll catch up soon!! 💯😀