How do you flirt?

[Wheetsin 714]

So I'll tell a little story first. A coworker and I went out shopping today at lunch. We were standing there looking at something, and she went a few steps away to look at something else. Peripherally I noticed someone off to the side, and I had the "sense" that this person was starting at me, but without being completely aware of it. Hard to explain. After a few seconds I DID become aware of it, and normally I would ignore it, but what went through my head was "Maybe it's someone who thinks they know you, and they keeping looking at you trying to figure out if it's "you" or not" (at this point I didn't even know if the person was male or female). So I looked up at them to see who it was, and some guy is standing there completely staring at me, and I don't know who it is. I had completely assumed it would be so I was caught off guard and just kind of turned around and went the other way because it creeped me out.

I would never, ever in a million years assume that someone looking/staring at me, or even up coming to talk to me, etc. was flirting. I would assume they were just nice, just weird, thought I was someone else, etc.

After I had gone the other way my friend found me and was talking about the guy that was "totally checking me out", how he had leaned to watch me as I walked around the corner, etc. And I suddenly realized - wow, she and I have very different ideas of what's flirting, and what isn't. So then I started wondering, are there things I do with NO meaning behind them, that are perceived by others as flirting?

So if you want to flirt with someone, what do you do?

And likewise, what does someone else do that makes you believe they're flirting?

[VegasGrace 1]

Same thing has happened to me...for 20 years now!

I've never married...go figure... but when out with friends they from time to time will make a comment like...that guy next to the tvs is flirting with you...this while shopping for cds or something.

Goes WAY OVER MY HEAD...each and every time.

Thus...I shall remain unmarried for the rest of this life...

[Daisalana 33]

I'm really good at picking up on it, and then flirting back without helping it. It's hard to explain, I sat here thinking of how to respond, but I can't really. A certain kind of look. Kind of like me and a co-worker joke about our husbands 'sex' look. They get this look in their eyes when they look at us, and we know they want sex!

So a look.. a smile that is different. That's the biggest thing I notice. They smile at me one way, then smile at someone with me another way (like DH). Or, showing more attention to you even in a passing way.

Very hard to put it in words, I guess you just have the radar or you don't lol.

The night I met my husband, we were underage in a bar in Las Vegas. I was throwing matches at a friend of mine, and one landed on DH.. on his crotch ironically. But he looked up at me, with his sex eyes. And I knew then, before even meeting him, that he was interested hah hah.

[Daisalana 33]

Hah Jack, that sounded a bit froofy but.. that's about right.

[green 6]

I am very, very blonde when it comes to this biz of flirting. All signs of sexual attraction have always gone drifting way over my head unless the guy actually unzipped and waved his short leg at me or turned into some kind of a weirdo stalker or got down on one knee and flashed serious bling in my direction. It is only at this point that I have ever done a Homer and said "d'oh!"

This blondeness meant that my sexual life was complicated for here I was, ready and anxious to play and also not willing to settle down, but I was operating under a terrible handicap: I was completely oblivious to the more subtle signs of sexual interest. (One of the hottest guys in my college followed me home one night and I dealt with this by parking him in my parents' bedroom! I still wince when I remember this.)

I have been settled down now for a big bunch of years but from time to time someone does check me out. I never notice. It usually takes my husband or a friend to draw this to my attention.

[Wheetsin 714]

I'm much the same Green. DH asked me to marry him for about 6 weeks before I clued in to the fact that he wasn't just joking around.

Maybe it's an issue of humble roots, I'm not sure. I would never be so presumptuous to assume that someone looking at me = interested, because for one, it's me and for two, I look at people all the time, and don't mean anything by it, so why would they.

Not that anyone who makes that assumption is overly vain/isn't humble. I mean - maybe someone looks at me "like that"... how do I know they aren't just thinking about something, and happen to be looking at me? How do I know I'm not misreading? How the hell could I for sure differentiate "like that" from "constipated"?

[lindata 1]

I am totally clueless if/when anyone flirts with me.

But my friend got really cheesed off at me because she thought I kept flirting all the time. I run my hands through my hair constantly to keep it out of my eyes - and she perceived this as me being a girly girl and flirting. I wasn't. hair in eyes. That's it.

[lizzie_07 0]

For me, when a guy stares at me like crazy he's checking me out. I tend to tell myself he's staring at me for a bad reason though and I get out of the situation and don't make eye contact. I think flirting is more of an action such as making eye contact, smiling, talking to you in a flirty manner, perhaps touching you.

My method of flirting totally depends on whether or not alcohol is involved. I'm a complete flirt using all of the techniques stated above when I drink and am out at a club or something but when I'm sober it's like I have such little confidence that I would never dare flirt and I avoid giving men signals. I'm REALLY hoping losing weight will help me in this area. I know my self consciousness has made me miss out on a lot of good opportunities.

[SpecialK 22]

Have to confess that at my BMI 57, I gave up long long ago on even trying to flirt with someone because I hated the rejection. Even if I took the time to get to know the guy, and then tried to flirt, I was a flop at this. However, I have 2 sisters who seem to be able to flirt effortlessly.. go figure.

Hoping when I get closer to a normal weight that I'll figure the flirting thing out - or at least get courage to keep trying if I get burned the first 10 times or whatever!!!

[babygrl1234 6]

I am clueless here. On more than one occasion I have had friends tell me that a guy was flirting with me. I think growing up fat kinda made me immune from noticing anything like that.

[phyllisc 0]

When I am in my right mind, I am a very subtle flirt. If I feel an attraction toward someone, I will almost avoid them at first so that they will not pick up on my feelings. As I get to know someone, I will just be very nice and reveal things about myself that I wouldn't with others. If I were single, I would have them over for dinner, and then....

But basically, I do not flirt lightly.

[losingjusme 12]

I am clueless here. On more than one occasion I have had friends tell me that a guy was flirting with me. I think growing up fat kinda made me immune from noticing anything like that.

me too. i cant even imagine the concept..

(DH and I met on the net a looooooong time ago)

[4jin 0]

Oh...I love to flirt...I'm a flirt all around....I am even told I flirt when I know I wasn't even trying to....oh well...

but the weight issue does change the confidence...as I was a more flirt back at 125 lbs...or even at 145 than now...plus I am married now....

I am still told even by my own husband....why were you flirting...i think i do it naturally...

but I did have an issue with it when it was unwelcomed when I was at a lighter weight....

I hope I will learn this time around how to handle that mentally..

[StephC 0]

I'm a flirt. Always have been. I smile and chat very easily with men. And its crazy but old men always flirt with me and I flirt right back.

Example: Yesterday in the crowded aisles of Wallyworld I pulled out in front of an elderly man, who was with his wife, I said oh, I'm sorry! And he said, no you aren't. I said with a grin and a twinkle in my eye, oh yes I am, this place is a mad house and I'm one of the nuts in it. He said I knew that when I pulled into the parking lot.

Meanwhile his wife just smiled. I call that flirting. Not that it was sexual in anyway, but I can bet it tickled him to have a younger women give him a little attention. When I walked away my 21 y/o daughter said old men are such flirts. I said yeah I know.

Then theres the sexual flirt, like Laura said. Which is totally different. And I think theres a BIG difference between a flirt and a leer. Leers creep me out. But a look from a man that says I appreciate the beauty of a woman is nice.

[Wheetsin 714]

This is making me want to ask all of the men I know if they think I flirt with them, because I do the same things you're (across the board) describing, and mean absolutely nothing by it. I just consider it being nice, joking around, whatever.