people treating you different

[kcuster83 1,504]

So I see a lot of you mentioning how people treat you at the store, or stare, etc.

I don't know if it is depending where we all live, or if I am really oblivious to it. I at 422 lbs do not ever recall these type of things happening to or around me?

Like I said maybe I just never noticed, I don't know. But no one has ever stared in my grocery cart or stared so bad they ran into something.

I have had a*****e kids stare or one time this boy walked up to me at the baseball field and was just like "your big, really big" LoL!

It makes me curious though, was I oblivious or did it just not happen?

I am still big, but I guess "normal big" not "huge" If that makes sense.

I will definitely be paying more attention now to compare things now and when I am a normal thinner size and see how it differs.

[oldandtired 238]

On 10/26/2022 at 9:03 AM, catwoman7 said:

People are more likely to smile at me and/or strike up a conversation. I've gotten some male attention (some of it unwanted), which surprised me since I'm in my 60s. Attention has been positive - as opposed to negative attention that I got (that is, when I got it...) when I was obese. For instance, no being laughed at or pointed out by adolescent males - and no one peering into my cart at the grocery store to see what "fat people" eat. Also, it still seems very weird to me to be able to eat in public without people looking at me. Oddly, I still feel anxious about doing something like walking around eating an ice cream cone, even though I know no one is going to think or say anything, like they might have when I was obese. So yes - I'm treated differently - at least in some instances.

I saw some attention (I too am in my 60's)-but the fat I have lost in my face--well, the next thing for me is going to some kind of nip-and-tuck, lol...

[ShoppGirl 4,806]

14 minutes ago, kcuster83 said:

So I see a lot of you mentioning how people treat you at the store, or stare, etc.

I don't know if it is depending where we all live, or if I am really oblivious to it. I at 422 lbs do not ever recall these type of things happening to or around me?

Like I said maybe I just never noticed, I don't know. But no one has ever stared in my grocery cart or stared so bad they ran into something.

I have had a*****e kids stare or one time this boy walked up to me at the baseball field and was just like "your big, really big" LoL!

It makes me curious though, was I oblivious or did it just not happen?

I am still big, but I guess "normal big" not "huge" If that makes sense.

I will definitely be paying more attention now to compare things now and when I am a normal thinner size and see how it differs.

Maybe if you’re oblivious to it you’re better off to stay that way. But you will probably still notice it when you get closer to goal especially with men. All of a sudden men are all chivalrous Like lifting stuff into your cart for you or opening doors for you…stuff like that.

[kcuster83 1,504]

4 minutes ago, ShoppGirl said:

Maybe if you’re oblivious to it you’re better off to stay that way. But you will probably still notice it when you get closer to goal especially with men. All of a sudden men are all chivalrous Like lifting stuff into your cart for you or opening doors for you…stuff like that.

Sad, really!

People are people regardless of size or looks. SMH

[Edge13 64]

People have been mostly supportive, but they definitely do treat me differently since the surgery. A lot of stuff gets said behind your back that doesn't match up to the smiles to your face. It is what it is🤷🏾‍♂️. I did this for my health, not other people's approval. I'm happy. The weight loss shrink they make you see was pretty spot on about this.

Just as an aside, I think it's totally different for guys vs. girls. If I fire back at shade thrown my way, it's seen a lot differently than if a woman fired back. Stupid societal norms. The way I see it, it's not normal to let some guy a few years out from losing at beer pong in his fraternity, cut me open and redo my stomach. So, if I can break THAT norm, to heck with the rest of them. I'll just enjoy the new lease on life.

[kaylee50 61]

8 hours ago, Edge13 said:

I did this for my health, not other people's approval. I'm happy.

This, right here. Yes!

[kaylee50 61]

9 hours ago, ShoppGirl said:

Maybe if you’re oblivious to it you’re better off to stay that way.

I think it is wonderful that kcuster 83 is teflon. We should all hope to be this way. Why give rude people our time or attention? Haters gonna hate. 😉

[LookingForward22 320]

In my 30’s -early 40’s (I’m 48 now) … I had attention (both positive and unwanted) from men even at 300-330 pounds. I won’t lie - any positive attention threw me off, but that was more likely because I had just gone through a divorce and was not very trusting. I’m remarried now and in a healthy relationship.

I’ve had drs dismiss my concerns telling me I needed to loose weight and I recall one time a kid commenting out loud about my weight, but otherwise either I wasn’t aware or didn’t pay attention.

I once had a conversation with a coworker / friend, she commented I didn’t carry myself like someone who was overweight … and I honestly had no idea what that meant, so I asked her. She was a little embarrassed to even have the conversation with me, but she said I carried myself with such a confidence that she never really saw my weight.

I actually had a similar conversations with a few other people over the years and it struck me a little odd, but eventually I understood what they were saying.

After I was in a car accident and had some mobility issues, I carried myself differently. I didn’t want those issues to be noticed or focused on so I would often be more timid in how I carried myself or move to draw less attention. It was then that I noticed I had more eyes on me… judgements about my size.

With my current weight loss (down 91 lbs so far), I honestly don’t see a big change in my body yet… my clothes are getting to big, but I can still wear most of them. I carry a lot of weight in my thighs and abdomen, so I think I’ll feel more of a change once that changes. I have had a few people mention my weight loss, kindly… but most don’t say anything. I notice I’m walking different - bigger strides and less guarded (because of having less pain). I do think how we carry ourself makes a difference how people look at us. I think in general I am oblivious to it … and that’s probably not a bad thing (to be unaware of other peoples negative judgements).

[redhead_che 824]

I’ve been 119lbs and 300lbs. Now I’m doing a second weight loss journey with 75lbs left to lose. Online dating is for sure different even already—no one wants to date the 300lb me. But the 215 me gets more attention. I can’t imagine what it will be like at my 140 goal. It’s sad, but I truly think a lot of folks aren’t attracted to larger bodies.

[Muffinman1119 84]

1 hour ago, redhead_che said:

I’ve been 119lbs and 300lbs. Now I’m doing a second weight loss journey with 75lbs left to lose. Online dating is for sure different even already—no one wants to date the 300lb me. But the 215 me gets more attention. I can’t imagine what it will be like at my 140 goal. It’s sad, but I truly think a lot of folks aren’t attracted to larger bodies.

I definitely had the same reactions at similar weight differences. All of the sudden when I got into the 230-250 range, I started having dates left and right. Sadly, this is the way society is these days. Save for the few that want you to be obese, and continually feed you to keep you that way.

[St77 87]

5 hours ago, redhead_che said:

I’ve been 119lbs and 300lbs. Now I’m doing a second weight loss journey with 75lbs left to lose. Online dating is for sure different even already—no one wants to date the 300lb me. But the 215 me gets more attention. I can’t imagine what it will be like at my 140 goal. It’s sad, but I truly think a lot of folks aren’t attracted to larger bodies.

I've had interesting experiences with this. I met my first husband in person (at Disney of all places) and was roughly around 185-190 mark. He was quite a bit thinner than me, yet it didn't stop him from asking me out and eventually getting married.

Cut to a few years later, divorced and having gained weight...now I decided let's try online dating. But at this time I was around 210 or so.

I found that for the most part the guys I met online weren't negative about my weight when we met, though some who I never met up with would flat out ask how fat I am. I was about to give up on online dating when I got one last message that I chose to respond to. The guy in question turned out to be athletic and thin. And for one of our first dates, he needed to know my weight in order to take me for a flight in a helicopter (no way was I passing that up). I cringed when I told him, but he assured me I was still beautiful.

16 years later I'm still married to that guy.

[ShoppGirl 4,806]

2 hours ago, St77 said:

I've had interesting experiences with this. I met my first husband in person (at Disney of all places) and was roughly around 185-190 mark. He was quite a bit thinner than me, yet it didn't stop him from asking me out and eventually getting married.

Cut to a few years later, divorced and having gained weight...now I decided let's try online dating. But at this time I was around 210 or so.

I found that for the most part the guys I met online weren't negative about my weight when we met, though some who I never met up with would flat out ask how fat I am. I was about to give up on online dating when I got one last message that I chose to respond to. The guy in question turned out to be athletic and thin. And for one of our first dates, he needed to know my weight in order to take me for a flight in a helicopter (no way was I passing that up). I cringed when I told him, but he assured me I was still beautiful.

16 years later I'm still married to that guy.

I thought you were gonna say that was just his clever way to get you to share your weight and he never met up with you. I like your version sooooo much better.

[fourmonthspreop 510]

Sorry I'm going to rant LOL I need to vent. I'm so glad I found this topic - the post weight loss treatment is REAL and it honestly is rough. I personally grapple with the idea that to society often makes me feel that I deserve less kindness when I inhabit a bigger body. I've lost a good amount of weight but in no means am I "small" and I'll never be "small", like "petit" because at the end of the day I am broad and a 6 foot tall female who often looks taller given my shoe choices.

I find though that the more I slim out, the more "acceptable" society makes me feel for being a tall woman. I started this journey at 340 lbs, 6 feet, female, you best believe I come from feeling like an absolute monster but that's internalized self hatred from bullying. The only thing that should be is unhealthy, not undeserving.

I'm at a place now where I look pretty average. I still have a deflated apron belly and loose cellulite on my thighs - I could stand to lose a couple more pounds and I plan to, however I now look pretty "normal". My clavicle, sternum and ribs are visible. I have a jaw line again. My upper arms are flabby but I usually cover them. My forearms and wrists are pretty slimmed out. You can feel my hip bones and see them ever so slightly from my deflated belly. The unique thing about me now is just that I am a tall girl.

I was called a lot of names up until recent. I'm sure some people would still have some choice words for me lol but overall people are treating me much differently. I am in a place where I am seeing a lot of the same people I spent a lot of time with in a professional setting while I was 340 lbs. The same guys that used to talk to me about weight loss are asking me to hang out and trying to always catch a chat, but not about weight, just about me as a person and I absolutely hate it. Where was that decency a year ago?

I find that as a 20 something year old female, the treatment from males has made a complete 180 turn. I'm not asking for their respect, but they're more likely and willing to give it to me with this new body. I have nightmares about men in my life (from family to flings) that I care about telling me they only like the parts of me that look thin but can't accept me because of my loose skin apron belly. This body bullshit is so engrained in my psyche, it gets deafening at times. I cannot have a healthy long term relationship because I'm constantly afraid of being rejected for being too big. I am working on it with a therapist but it still sucks.

But yeah, people are just nicer and if they're not chatting me up or offering me free things or trying to invite me somewhere they're not gawking at me (which is a good baseline). I like that I feel I have more freedom with dating. I ditched the BBW apps and that was honestly an NSV for me because of all the fetishists on there, but I am still hurt by the folks who see me as a person now, and never did before all of this.

Look, I know I made myself morbidly obese and I chose to get the surgery to fix my mistakes and learn a better way... but I struggle immensely with feeling like I deserve kindness given that most my life I was morbidly obese and bullied by everyone for it, friends, family, relationships etc.

I know in reality it's a good thing to be treated better, but it does get to me that the shitty treatment exists in the first place. You can call me a snowflake or a p***y or whatever (scuse my French) but this is a real thing.

Sorry rant oveerrr mic drop

[kcuster83 1,504]

10 hours ago, fourmonthspreop said:

Sorry I'm going to rant LOL I need to vent. I'm so glad I found this topic - the post weight loss treatment is REAL and it honestly is rough. I personally grapple with the idea that to society often makes me feel that I deserve less kindness when I inhabit a bigger body. I've lost a good amount of weight but in no means am I "small" and I'll never be "small", like "petit" because at the end of the day I am broad and a 6 foot tall female who often looks taller given my shoe choices.

I find though that the more I slim out, the more "acceptable" society makes me feel for being a tall woman. I started this journey at 340 lbs, 6 feet, female, you best believe I come from feeling like an absolute monster but that's internalized self hatred from bullying. The only thing that should be is unhealthy, not undeserving.

I'm at a place now where I look pretty average. I still have a deflated apron belly and loose cellulite on my thighs - I could stand to lose a couple more pounds and I plan to, however I now look pretty "normal". My clavicle, sternum and ribs are visible. I have a jaw line again. My upper arms are flabby but I usually cover them. My forearms and wrists are pretty slimmed out. You can feel my hip bones and see them ever so slightly from my deflated belly. The unique thing about me now is just that I am a tall girl.

I was called a lot of names up until recent. I'm sure some people would still have some choice words for me lol but overall people are treating me much differently. I am in a place where I am seeing a lot of the same people I spent a lot of time with in a professional setting while I was 340 lbs. The same guys that used to talk to me about weight loss are asking me to hang out and trying to always catch a chat, but not about weight, just about me as a person and I absolutely hate it. Where was that decency a year ago?

I find that as a 20 something year old female, the treatment from males has made a complete 180 turn. I'm not asking for their respect, but they're more likely and willing to give it to me with this new body. I have nightmares about men in my life (from family to flings) that I care about telling me they only like the parts of me that look thin but can't accept me because of my loose skin apron belly. This body bullshit is so engrained in my psyche, it gets deafening at times. I cannot have a healthy long term relationship because I'm constantly afraid of being rejected for being too big. I am working on it with a therapist but it still sucks.

But yeah, people are just nicer and if they're not chatting me up or offering me free things or trying to invite me somewhere they're not gawking at me (which is a good baseline). I like that I feel I have more freedom with dating. I ditched the BBW apps and that was honestly an NSV for me because of all the fetishists on there, but I am still hurt by the folks who see me as a person now, and never did before all of this.

Look, I know I made myself morbidly obese and I chose to get the surgery to fix my mistakes and learn a better way... but I struggle immensely with feeling like I deserve kindness given that most my life I was morbidly obese and bullied by everyone for it, friends, family, relationships etc.

I know in reality it's a good thing to be treated better, but it does get to me that the shitty treatment exists in the first place. You can call me a snowflake or a p***y or whatever (scuse my French) but this is a real thing.

Sorry rant oveerrr mic drop

I love this so much! Everything about it.

Everyone deserves decency regardless of size, shape, age or color of your skin. Society as a whole has turned to a complete **** show and has made people (mostly women) feel as they need to be 5'2" and 100lbs with big boobs to be worth some sort of respect.

I totally understand about being tall and broad, as I am 6ft tall and also very broad. It always messed with me regardless of weight. I have the shoulder span of a giant and don't get why. haha

It actually came up in conversation the other day that myself, my wife and 2 of our close friends all weigh within 5 lbs of each other and the physical appearance differs as if there was 50 lbs difference. It is crazy. I actually plan to get a picture of all 4 of us together and make a post about it. People look different, regardless of weight. Who are you to judge or even care?!?! If it is not "your type" that is COMPLETELY ok but there is no reason to still not have respect and basic decency!