He says don't do it!

[Poopsie 1]

Hi everyone. I need to vent a bit about my situation. I decided from day one not to tell anyone in my family about my decision to be banded. I know that they would be against it and I did not want to discuss it at all. I am up to the point where my surgeon has submitted it to my insurance company and if it's approved, I'm figuring that it won't be long from now. I told my boyfriend about it in a round about way. Actually, I lied to him and felt really guilty about it, then went back and told him what I wanted him to know without any more lies. After telling him, he said that I knew it was more than you were telling me. He then said "you want to get your stomach pinched, please don't do that." I told him that it's not a stomach pinch and that I want to do this. He then says "don't do it and that's all I have to say." Now I feel like I should have never said anything to him. He's going to be the one that's going to be caring for me and we live together, so I didn't want something to be wrong and he has no idea of how to help me. We've been together for 5 years now. He's never complained about my weight and seems as happy as when we first met and I was about 75 lbs lighter but I am not comfortable this way. He does not understand this. The way he said to me don't do it, gave me a feeling like don't do it or else. I am sure that our relationship will not end because I am still going to be banded but I don't want to argue about it and all I want is his support. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. I must do this for me. How do I make him see this?

[kyteachjules 0]

I'd give him more information. Provide him websites, literature, etc to explain WHAT you are doing and WHY you are doing it. Provide information that tells how it will improve your health and well being. My mom wasn't agreeable about the whole thing right up until.. well she's still amazed that I did it, but it worked out. My husband is excited because he knows that I'll work my butt off until... well until I don't have a butt to work off! The biggest thing is that you have to make sure that your family knows the information that you have and the work that you have put into this process, also. I think you just need to explain how it will change your life.

[TheGh0st 9]

My husband was against it as well. After many long conversations I finally convinced him to go to an informational seminar. He actually went to one by himself in the end as we have a son and its hard to find a sitter. After that meeting he had completely turned around and was very supportive of the idea.

[AmberWaves 0]

My husband wasn't all for it when i first started talking about it. He told me he didn't want me to do it, but regardless he was there for me and going to help me and support me. After learning more about it he feels better about it and is happy for me that I'm able to do this.

Just by him saying don't get your stomach pinched, he obviously doesn't know anything about it. Help him learn more about it. And let him know you're doing this for YOU and you need his support! Good luck!

[Sula 0]

I understand that it would be nice if your boyfriend were fully supportive and I agree that giving him more information will most likely help.

I also take another stance. You can take care of yourself, for the most part, post-surgery. I did it...for the most part. I've done all of it. I do have a very supportive husband. But if I didn't, I still could have done this on my own. I went to Mexico on my own, did my thing down there, and came all the way home...12 hours each way. I had my car at the airport to go home. I was home the next day on my own. I drove to North Dakota the next day (four days post surgery) 7+ hours and back on day five, post surgery...and back to work full time one on day six, post surgery.

I think your committment to your program will make him a believer as well... I also think telling him or other nay-sayers...I have tried every other way I can and I couldn't do it on my own. I need help.

I have three friends that have lost varied amounts of weight since I've had my surgery...from 25 pounds (two of them) to about 80 pounds for the third. IThey tell me...you were my motivation...you got me going. I tell them I admire that they can do it their way...I couldn't. And there is no judgment.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

My husband was absolutely 100% against it, biggest fight we ever had in 20 years. So I did as any rational person would do. I waited for him go to out of town, I went to Mexico, he figured it out later.

No, I'm not suggesting anyone do that but I do understand our other half not supporting this decision.

[Paulax 8]

I must do this for me. How do I make him see this?

Nuff said.

My dh didn't like the idea either. I told him that although I appreciated hearing his side, that this was my body, my life and my money.

He is a wonderful man and was very supportive in the end. I think his reservations were for my well being. I am now down 104 pounds and he is very proud of me. But my real pride comes form within.

This is your body,

This is your life,

This life is short, too short to worry about what others think.

Good luck my dear. Let us know how things go.

[AudricIan 0]

My husband was absolutely 100% against it, biggest fight we ever had in 20 years. So I did as any rational person would do. I waited for him go to out of town, I went to Mexico, he figured it out later.

No, I'm not suggesting anyone do that but I do understand our other half not supporting this decision.

I did the same. I am 11 days post op and my hubby still doesn't know. The recovery has been so easy he hasn't even a clue what I did. I plan on telling him after the holidays, don't want to ruin Christmas. I think once he can see the results and how easy my recovery was (since he hasn't noticed any difference in my behavior) he will not be as mad. I just told him I am on the newest fad diet, a liquid fast. He is just like...whatever. I was freaking out up until I came home from Mexico, then I had to calm down. After the surgery was done it was a huge weight off my shoulders. I have been sleeping like a baby everynight since. I have never told a lie to my hubby so I know we are going to have to work throught that part together. Good luck with your decision. If you want to read more about my ordeal, check out the lower bmi thread, there were a lot of supportive people who gave a good bit of advice to me.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I did the same. I am 11 days post op and my hubby still doesn't know. The recovery has been so easy he hasn't even a clue what I did. I plan on telling him after the holidays, don't want to ruin Christmas. I think once he can see the results and how easy my recovery was (since he hasn't noticed any difference in my behavior) he will not be as mad. I just told him I am on the newest fad diet, a liquid fast. He is just like...whatever. I was freaking out up until I came home from Mexico, then I had to calm down. After the surgery was done it was a huge weight off my shoulders. I have been sleeping like a baby everynight since. I have never told a lie to my hubby so I know we are going to have to work throught that part together. Good luck with your decision. If you want to read more about my ordeal, check out the lower bmi thread, there were a lot of supportive people who gave a good bit of advice to me.

Oh, we are separated now. But that was a long time coming. I decided this was something I had to do for myself and that was all there was to it. He could support me or not but it was going to happen.

We did work through the "sneaking off to Mexico" thing but there were other issues so I wanted time away from him. The more time away from him the more time I wanted. So be it.

[ivyrose325 0]

The 2 ppl who I love most in this world ( besides my DS) my mom and DH were dead set against me having the surgery. I provided them with tons of info and brought my mom w/ me to meet with the surgeon and took dh to a support meeting. The more they understood the more comfortable they were with it.

Also I very nicely but firmly let them know that it was my choice and something that I had researched for over a year.

good luck 2 u

[restricted 0]

When we were married, I thought two were made one. One flesh. I couldn't imagine getting an elective surgery like this without my life partners knowledge and support. To break the bond, and go off unilaterally, in my opinion breaks the marriage. Not something I can see myself doing.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

When we were married, I thought two were made one. One flesh. I couldn't imagine getting an elective surgery like this without my life partners knowledge and support. To break the bond, and go off unilaterally, in my opinion breaks the marriage. Not something I can see myself doing.

Well, 20 years ago I would have agreed with you. Sometimes life changes in ways you didn't bank on.

[AudricIan 0]

We are one in marriage. I can go on and on about this. Let's just put it this way: My hubby was raised by a woman who never ever took her kids to the doctor. Just an example, when he was 5 years old, he had worms, probably from playing in the dirt and not washing properly like most 5 year olds. Anyway, he suffered for 2 months while she changed his diet to get rid of the worms. Rather than taking him to a doctor to get medication or ointments, she made him suffer that long. He was raised to believe that all doctor's are body hackers. When I take our 2 boys to get immunizations I can't tell his mom at all, I tell him and he goes on for 30 minutes about immunizations and autism. I am not saying that immunizations haven't caused autism, they probably do. The majority of the western civilization has had immunizations at one point and they are fine. You just have to look at what type of person you are dealing with. My hubby would be freaked out about me dying during surgery, the doctor scarring up my body and butchering my insides. That is just how he is. Our marriage is great, the only thing we don't agree on is doctor's. I have supported him the last 10 years with his passion for boat racing. A few years ago he crashed and almost died. He recovered and as much as I am scared to death, I support his decision to re build his money pit of a boat and race again. When the time is right, I will tell him. I just could not deal with all of the negative comments before I went to surgery.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

My other half is from India where they have mud huts and dirt floors for hospitals. He is also a physician and does not see the value in unnecessary surgery. I'm quite sure he thought this was another hair brained diet that wasn't going to work but surgery was taking it a bit far.

He was scared, so I took the fear out of it for him. My body, my choice.

The first 15 years of our marriage I never dreamed I would do such a thing either but people change, relationships change, everything changes and we do things we never thought we would. I was desperate and would do the same darn thing again if need be.

[Daisalana 33]

AudricIan- I'm shocked, really. It's your choice duh, but I couldn't imagine it. And him not noticing! Where'd you tell him you went, when you went to Mexico? Does he not see the cuts on your body? :x

To the OP- I was wanting RnY and my whole family, DH (who was DB and I lived with him) at the time, has firmly said NO for years. Last Dec I said, I no longer care what they think, I have to do this before I end up diabetic and immobilized like my g'g'ma who was 700+LBs at age 30 and bed ridden and died from diabetes at 35 . I was just gaining & gaining. So I was researching and came across Lap-Band. It eased MY fears drastically. I brought it to my DB and explained it to him. He wasn't real interested, said it's up to me, but he thinks I could do it with a diet (if they could only walk in our shoes). Then I took it to my parents, got approval from everyone who mattered. I did take DB to the first consultation so he would learn about it. He got to hold a lap-band and see how it works. He got to hear the doctor explain what we are to expect afterward. If DH disapproved, I would have still done it. But that's who I am in our relationship. I like his approval, but I am pretty stubborn. Anytime he says no to me, I do it just to prove to him that he can't tell me what I can & can't do. :x :x