Need help with husbands post op eating

[HappyCruiser 3]

Hi all, my husband had gastric bypass September 14th. So 2 and a half weeks post-op. He is not following the eating guidelines. He did well with the 2 week post op liquid diet. But I woke up this morning to him making 2 pieces of bacon and 2 scrambled eggs. He's completely skipped the puree and soft food stage. We had the post op surgeon appointment and a nutritionist appointment where I feel like they gave him the green light to move to soft foods, but I think he's going way beyond what they intended for him to be eating. I'm at the point where I can't nag him into eating the way he's supposed to be and find myself getting angry that he isn't following 'the rules ' of eating. Not sure what to do, holding my tongue is driving me crazy and I don't want to see him fail. 😢. But I also know if I nag him he will just get mad and do what he wants anyway. I'm thinking of emailing the nutritionist, maybe she can do something.

[PNWGAL 16]

I had my surgery on the 15th. eggs are on my soft foods list, but not bacon yet.

[ShoppGirl 4,886]

I would at least tell him that at this point it isn’t about just diet or losing weight. The staged return to eating is to keep his healing tummy safe. He can actually hurt himself pretty seriously by progressing too quickly through these stages. I know that nagging a man doesn’t usually help but maybe just tell him calmly that for right now it’s actually the most important that he follows the rules so he doesn’t hurt himself and let him decide what to do. At least you will know you tried which I know from experience is all you really can do with a grown man. If his dr said soft foods are okay then eggs should be fine but bacon probably isn’t the best idea at this point. Also they cut a lot of nerves and stuff during surgery so he may not feel full like he should this early out so he really should consider measuring his food for a while.

Edited October 2, 2022 by ShoppGirl

[SleeverSk 635]

well he will know all about it moving through the stages to quick, he may have pain etc maybe let him find out the hard way. sometimes when people wont listen its the only way

P.S wondering how he went with his bacon ? lets hope not so good then he will realise why he needs to stick to the plan.

Edited October 2, 2022 by SleeverSk

[Tomo 1,193]

2 hours ago, HappyCruiser said:

Hi all, my husband had gastric bypass September 14th. So 2 and a half weeks post-op. He is not following the eating guidelines. He did well with the 2 week post op liquid diet. But I woke up this morning to him making 2 pieces of bacon and 2 scrambled eggs. He's completely skipped the puree and soft food stage. We had the post op surgeon appointment and a nutritionist appointment where I feel like they gave him the green light to move to soft foods, but I think he's going way beyond what they intended for him to be eating. I'm at the point where I can't nag him into eating the way he's supposed to be and find myself getting angry that he isn't following 'the rules ' of eating. Not sure what to do, holding my tongue is driving me crazy and I don't want to see him fail. 😢. But I also know if I nag him he will just get mad and do what he wants anyway. I'm thinking of emailing the nutritionist, maybe she can do something.

Bacon isn't considered soft foods (as you know) and that his stomach isn't fully healed till 6 to 8 week later. As @Shoppgirl said it is about safety. One of the most serious complications of VSG and/or RNY is rupturing your suture line aka anastomosis and if you don't adhere to the post-op diet then you are risking serious complications. If he rips the suture line, like someone close to me did (and she didn't listen), his abdominal contents will spill into his peritoneal cavity and it can kill him.

[ShoppGirl 4,886]

42 minutes ago, SleeverSk said:

well he will know all about it moving through the stages to quick, he may have pain etc maybe let him find out the hard way. sometimes when people wont listen its the only way

P.S wondering how he went with his bacon ? lets hope not so good then he will realise why he needs to stick to the plan.

The only problem with that is the the consequences could be SO much worse than just a little pain. It’s can be pretty difficult as a loved one to sit back and watch someone seriously injure themselves without at least trying to help. Hopefully he will be reasonable as long as it’s presented as genuine concern though. I know with my husband it’s all about the delivery.

Edited October 2, 2022 by ShoppGirl

[HappyCruiser 3]

The bacon went fine. He hasn't complained of any pains. Went for a walk afterwards. I'm going to talk to him later about the concerns.

Thank you for hearing me out!!

[The Greater Fool 2,039]

You have definitely found yourself between a rock and a hard place, and another hard place.

You are probably correct that nagging him is not going to have a positive effect. If I get a vote in this, I would vote that tattling on him to the nutritionist is going to work out even worse than nagging him directly. No matter how wrong I am, if my spouse gets between me and *my* medical team that is going to create a very big trust issue on top of anything else going on.

Get on the same team again. You have the same goals in mind. Do you have the same ideas on what the current problems are? Do you have similar solutions? Work it through together.

Good luck,

Tek

[SleeveToBypass2023 2,637]

I never lost my hunger or had much of any kind of restriction. I didn't skip stages but I did move through them faster than a lot of others. No foods have given me issues or pain (although carbonation makes me very nauseous and lettuce sits very heavy in my stomach) so I have to make myself not over eat, eat too often, or eat the wrong stuff. I can eat a full happy meal sized meal (not that specific meal because I avoid all of that) but I don't let myself, even though I stay hungry most days. Talk to him and find out if he has hunger still, if he feels any restriction, and then talk about your concerns with him. If nothing changes, then I would reach out to the nutritionist and ask what you should do. Good luck!!!

[SpartanMaker 786]

This is definitely a difficult situation.

First some background for you. I think there are generally three reasons we have the staged diet that we do:

1. To protect our healing stomachs. Not only are the stomach tissues massively inflamed and need to heal, but they also don't yet work the way a normal stomach works. Eating things that are off plan can even cause a blockage. That could lead to yet another procedure. Now the fact that he tolerated these foods so well may mean he's probably healing well, but it does not alleviate the risk of blockage this early on.
2. To ease us into eating restricted portion sizes. Even if we can eat bacon & eggs, doesn't mean we should. The entire point of surgery was to cause restriction, malabsorption, and hormonal changes to help us learn how to eat properly. If he deviates once, that's one thing, but if this becomes his new norm, he's going down a path that will lead to weight regain. I don't know about him, but I didn't go through all this to fail.
3. To make sure we are maximizing Protein utilization. Our protein forward diet was designed to allow us to keep as much muscle mass as we can while losing weight. Insufficient protein can cause our bodies to actually burn muscle instead of fat. This will cause a reduction in our metabolisms, which will make it that much harder to lose weight. Yes, what we ate had a good amount of protein in it, but it also had a fair amount of fat. While some fat is needed in our diet, excess fat may cause him to lose more slowly or fail to get enough protein.

My advice here is that you should have an open and honest conversation with him. Simply express to him you're concerns. Also, let him know you will help in any way you can. Also, I agree with @The Greater Fool. "Telling on him" with his nutritionist would be the wrong approach. Hopefully he can have an open and honest conversation with them about the fact that the went off plan and seek their help for the issue. Afterall, there's a reason this happened and his team should be able to help.

Ultimately, it's going to be up to him to decide if he's going to go back on plan or not. Just be there for him and be supportive, but don't nag. Nagging will just make it worse.

[SleeverSk 635]

8 hours ago, HappyCruiser said:

The bacon went fine. He hasn't complained of any pains. Went for a walk afterwards. I'm going to talk to him later about the concerns.

Thank you for hearing me out!!

Well he was lucky then, it's a hard situation for you to be in, you don't want him to cause himself damage and you want him to take the surgery and the reason he had it seriously. Hopefully he will get better, it's a huge adjustment. He could be in the denial stages many of us go through a grieving process which sounds strange but it's part of the process. We grieve the loss of our best friend food. Maybe a councillor could help

[omrhsn 623]

12 hours ago, SleeverSk said:

well he will know all about it moving through the stages to quick, he may have pain etc maybe let him find out the hard way. sometimes when people wont listen its the only way

P.S wondering how he went with his bacon ? lets hope not so good then he will realise why he needs to stick to the plan.

I totally agree with this approach. Learning from one's "mistakes" is the way to go.

[Spinoza 1,411]

Quote

Nagging will just make it worse

Euch. Not a big fan of that misogynistic language. Expressing valid concerns is the right way to go. You only want the best for your partner. I only hope he will listen to those concerns and act on them OP.

[SpartanMaker 786]

57 minutes ago, Spinoza said:

Euch. Not a big fan of that misogynistic language. Expressing valid concerns is the right way to go. You only want the best for your partner. I only hope he will listen to those concerns and act on them OP.

I'm open to learning if you can help me understand how and why this is "misogynistic language"? I was specifically responding to the OP that said:

On 10/2/2022 at 10:38 AM, HappyCruiser said:

But I also know if I nag him he will just get mad and do what he wants anyway.

[ShoppGirl 4,886]

15 minutes ago, SpartanMaker said:

I'm open to learning if you can help me understand how and why this is "misogynistic language"? I was specifically responding to the OP that said:

I googled it because I didn’t know either. The term is just often used by men speaking about their pestering wives. To the point that the “nagging wife” has become a stereotype.