How do you deal with OTHER people's expectations ??

[Mrs SmartyPants 0]

I was banded on Nov 19 and my first fill isn't until Jan 9.

I feel like I'm constantly having to explain to people the fact that right now I have no restriction so I am basically the same as BEFORE the band only with stitches.

I feel like everyone is "watching" me and expecting the weight to FALL right off - *I'M* not even expecting that ... and I'm the least patient person EVER.

My dad (who PAID for the surgery) asks me EVERY time he sees me (3-4x/week) how much I've lost - and the answer is the same "around 25lbs" - so he'll say "that's what you said last time" ...

This weekend we went out to Breakfast with my dad and I ordered an omlette and as soon as my food came out, he started saying how I'd never lose weight if I kept eating like that - and that I should have only taken 2 bites and left the rest, etc.

The worst part is I started crying and ended up having only 2 bites.

My husband wants me to explain to my dad how the band works, well I've been explaining it for MONTHS.

I'm under so much pressure and I'm SOOOO hungry - that I try to be proud of any changes I make. (ie. 1 burger with no bread instead of 3 burgers with fries)

I HATE eggs. But, they've got their share of Protein, so I had them. I've been having oatmeal every freaking morning for the past 2 months - I wanted something different.

How do YOU deal with folks not understanding that it's not going to "fall off" ?

[LovingWhatIs 0]

I explained it ONCE. Then after that, the Phrase, "I hear You", or "Things are right on track", and a smile was all they got. Or if they asked, "You haven't lost any more weight since last time?" the answer is, "No I haven't" and a smile.

That's it. Real simple answer and no explanation. Saves me making me nuts.

[coolcrystal 1]

OH man, after reading that, I'm starting to regret having told all my friends, family and boss. LOL. I've probably made it more public than any normal person would, of course.. I always say "if I get approved" so, they will never know WHEN I get it or if I even get it. Perhaps I won't tell anybody if I get it that way they won't have expectations of me!! My biggest fear about this thing is not losing any weight and hearing my mother in law's words replay over and over in my head - "I had a friend who had that and only lost 30 pounds.. she never lost anything else after that". Trying to discourage me!!

[gotta be me 0]

Mrs SmartyPants:

I’m so sorry you have to go through that with your father. This journey is difficult enough without being second guessed and told how to travel it. I had to borrow $17,000 from my best friend for this surgery and am paying her back monthly. She’s very supportive of me, but I feel I have to answer to her because of the investment she made and I truly hate that part. :cryShe and her husband and my daughter are the only ones who know about my surgery, so that protects me from other friends and co-workers; I’ve soooo glad I didn’t tell anyone else.

[Mrs SmartyPants 0]

Thanks everyone

I actually don't mind that I told everyone SO FAR, everyone has been very supportive - including my dad (I mean he PAID for it, after all) ... it's just weird feeling like I'm living in a fishbowl.

[new_me_2008 1]

That is exacly why I only told 3 people - much easier. Now all I get from those who dont know is "wow you look really good, what are you doing?"

It is lovely.

Since you have told people and you had someone else pay - you may be at the mercy of their questions so I am with LovingWhatIs - just try to smile and move on.

By the way, dont assume that the first fill will be the magic cure either. I have had two fills and feel no different. Just do what you can until restriction comes.

Good luck.

[miztrniceguy 1]

if the person asking is overweight, smile and ask them how much they have lost lately

[Crishell 0]

I'm sorry you are going through that extra stress. My family is very supportive and don't really ask alot of questions. I guess because they can see my weight loss & inches loss. At work,I did not make a secret out of having the surgery and there are two other girls who have had it before I did. We have been each other's support but co-workers want to make it into a contest. They make comments comparing our visible weight loss and watch what we eat. The other day, two of them made the comment to me "you look good, your's is working". I didn't even respond because I know they were trying to bait me into saying something about the other two girls. I did this for me and I know what I am and am not doing to make it work for me. People don't understand the band and how it can be different for people. It is not a contest. I have a very few close co-workers who I share my ups and downs with but the rest of them get no remarks from me.

[jc2008 0]

Well, I guess I am lucky, as I am the third person in my family to do this surgery. My mom and sister both did it 3 years ago.

My mom didnt lose very much weight at all the first year, took a while for her to get the right fill and redo her eating habits. But after 3 years she is down 155lbs.

There is not a lot of miracle things that will make the weight fall off you within a month, unless you count rigorous liquid diets. But with the band it will come off and the MOST IMPORTANT thing, in my mind at least, is it WILL STAY OFF. God knows how many lbs i have lost and they always came back.

Like the previous poster, just smile and say everything is on track. If you father really feels that it isnt working like he thinks it should, have him speak to your doctor and maybe your doctor can explain a bit further.

[KarenG. 0]

This is why I did not tell anyone except a few close friends. Even with them I can't help but feeling them "take note" of how much weight I have lost and how much I can eat. Right now I need another fill so I am eating a tiny bit more than I would have with full restriction and I oddly feel weird when I am eating with people who know - even though I am still eating less than one cup of food!

[Marimaru 7]

maybe you could take your dad out for coffee and just lay it all out for him again? Tell him you appreciate his concern, but that his constantly asking you is making you feel on the spot, and guilty. You should especially address his "2 bites" comments. And you should also address the idea that just because he paid for the surgery doesn't mean you're going to do it exactly the way he thinks you should..

[sfeiner 2]

How about saying "I'm only going to weigh myself once a month". "This is susposed to be the time for healing, not losing. I'll let you know when I can start losing".

[Longhorn 1]

Try putting it in writing. Here's the email I sent to my family: http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f17/my-email-my-family-44885/

Whatever their opinions, they kept them to themselves and I've received nothing but compliments and support. Good luck!

[southerngal_07 0]

I was banded on Nov 19 and my first fill isn't until Jan 9.

I feel like I'm constantly having to explain to people the fact that right now I have no restriction so I am basically the same as BEFORE the band only with stitches.

I feel like everyone is "watching" me and expecting the weight to FALL right off - *I'M* not even expecting that ... and I'm the least patient person EVER.

My dad (who PAID for the surgery) asks me EVERY time he sees me (3-4x/week) how much I've lost - and the answer is the same "around 25lbs" - so he'll say "that's what you said last time" ...

This weekend we went out to Breakfast with my dad and I ordered an omlette and as soon as my food came out, he started saying how I'd never lose weight if I kept eating like that - and that I should have only taken 2 bites and left the rest, etc.

The worst part is I started crying and ended up having only 2 bites.

My husband wants me to explain to my dad how the band works, well I've been explaining it for MONTHS.

I'm under so much pressure and I'm SOOOO hungry - that I try to be proud of any changes I make. (ie. 1 burger with no bread instead of 3 burgers with fries)

I HATE eggs. But, they've got their share of Protein, so I had them. I've been having oatmeal every freaking morning for the past 2 months - I wanted something different.

How do YOU deal with folks not understanding that it's not going to "fall off" ?

Hello, I understand what you are going through. I am almost 3 weeks out and everyone is asking me "how much weight have you lost" I have explained to everyone about not having any restriction now and about the fills but they still ask me every time I see them. Its driving me nuts. I wish I had not told anyone about the surgery. They look at it like its just like any other diet and you should be losing every week. I have been wanting to say this to someone so thanks for bringing it up. Brenda

[TulipStar 2]

I know exactly how you feel. For me, I had 1 fill and then when I went in for my 2nd fill, my port flipped, so I had to wait and have revision surgery. So, 3 months later and I feel like I have barely lost any weight at all and for those who do know about my surgery...I feel like I have to make excuses. My Dad had gastric bypass 5 years ago, so his weight came off really fast. He asks me every time I talk to him...and it is only like a few lbs more than the last time. His only response is "that's not bad". way to encourage me dad!

I also didn't tell a lot of people, so that is good. So people aren't really "expecting" me to look thinner. I think I am more hard on myself than anything. Plus I work with this guy who lost 133lbs in 6 months after getting the lap band. Yes, 133lbs. He keeps asking me and says that he lost an average of 30lbs a month the first 3 months and that's what I should be doing.

I tell him that women are different. Plus he NEVER excercised and I workout 1-2 hours a day and my weight is barely coming off.

The only encouragement that I have, is that it will get better with your fills. Hang in there!!