Celebrations after Surgery

[KimA-GA 540]

I live in the deep south (Southeastern USA) and there is a very large and important food culture here. Everything is celebrated with food! Cakes, treats, going out, big meals are all just part of the social marking of every single occasion.

So far I have participated but reduced my portions. my coworker just had a birthday and there was a cake. I took a small piece and portioned out a smaller portion of that and accounted for it on the monitoring app I use.

I am still pre op and only one person at my work knows (boss) that I am pursuing surgery, so I was trying not to make a big deal.

How has everyone else handled celebrating with food either with pre op dietary changes or post op ?

Hopefully I will be post op for upcoming USA Thanksgiving and Christmas and know that by nature things will be different.

[kcuster83 1,504]

Hello,

I just make the BEST possible choice of what is there. Eat small portions and even smaller if there is no healthier options. Seems to work for me so far.

As far as the Holidays, I don't know. This will be my first round of Holidays since surgery. I plan to handle it just like I mentioned above though.

[LaTiaV 111]

I told everyone around me what I did, it is easier to refuse food and not to have people offended. However lately I got tired of explaining myself to new people, I was thin and then I moved to another state for 18 years and got fat, I came back to my old hometown and there is people who did not see me while I was at my highest weight. Now I am seeing that people again in gatherings. If I don't feel like explaining again I just say I ate something before coming and was not expecting to feel so full, so if there are leftovers of that awesome chicken or that yummy rice I would love if I can take some home to enjoy tomorrow. It works so far, I know people takes so much time and pride cooking their meals and love to be praised for it.

[GreenTealael 25,430]

I would take the food (that I actually wanted) with the explanation that I was saving it for later. No one questioned that decision because everyone takes leftovers from social events.

Edited September 16, 2022 by GreenTealael

[GreenTealael 25,430]

11 minutes ago, LaTiaV said:

I know people takes so much time and pride cooking their meals and love to be praised for it.

I agree! I think people really care more about if the food was good enough by your standards. I used to help an uncle cater events. He was always concerned if people like the food. At the end of the event, he would check the garbage and barely touched items and know what was a hit or miss.

[LookingForward22 320]

Only my kids, husband and two friends know I’ve had bariatric surgery. Everyone else knows that I have had hernia surgery and if anyone asks about my food or weightloss I tell them I’m working with a nutritionist. Most people don’t ask beyond that - but of course sometimes closer family does (my siblings). I explained to them I was having issues with my liver being enlarged so to try to address that I’m making some changes and working with a nutrition.

All of those details are true, I just haven’t shared the surgery with anyone that doesn’t have a need to know.

So far there has been no issue or questions. I can address most things through either the hernia surgery or nutritionist.

I imagine as I loose more and it becomes more noticeable I will hear “what’s your secrete” but again - I’ll tell the truth …. But maybe not the whole truth (depends on who’s asking and what their motives are).

[SuziDavis 546]

It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be.

My office has food brought in almost everyday. I thought it was going to be harder, but it hasn't been. I just participate in the activity without the food and no one has really said anything. and they do not know I had surgery.

I even baked about 200 Cookies 2 night ago and didn't feel like I was missing out.

[Queen ApisM 427]

I'm Greek. Everything is about food. All. The. Time. Honestly, it hasn't been a big deal. The holidays were about 4 months after surgery and it was fine. Those holidays were with my immediately family, who all knew, so that made it easier. I ate what I could eat (did a lot of tasting, which was more satisfying than I ever would have imagined). I didn't restrict myself - I tried what I wanted to try - and found that if something wasn't amazing I didn't bother with it and didn't feel like I was missing out at all. Still lost a ton of weight over the holidays without being anal retentive.

In April, we had a big Easter celebration (8 months out from surgery) and I was very nervous because the extended family was there and I thought they would notice. Nope. They were all too busy stuffing their faces to notice what I was doing. Again, I ate what I wanted but listened to my body and stopped when I needed to stop. Whatever extra I couldn't eat on my plate, I tossed (something that I think you need to be ok with sometimes, post surgery, when taking food home isn't an option). Again, no one noticed or said anything, which is surprising because these people have no freaking filters or regard for feelings.

None of them commented on my weight loss, either, other than to say I looked good. I don't live near them so I am sure they didn't have a good frame of reference for my starting size. This Thanksgiving should be interesting because at this point, I'm the smallest I have been in 16 years so I may get more scrutiny and attention as to what I am eating, but if they do... oh well. At this point I'm confident in what I eat in front of people and don't care.

[SpartanMaker 893]

How I wish other people didn't care what we eat, but alas, I know that's not reality.

I'm still pre-surgery (4 days!), but I've been down this road many times on many other diets. For things like the birthday cake, i think the best tact is simply avoid it. These days it's becoming increasingly common for people to be on diets of one sort of another and I doubt most people think twice if someone doesn't eat a particular food. If someone's curious why you didn't have any, just tell them it's not part of your diet and leave it at that.

The bigger issue for me was always holiday meals. One thing that worked well for me was actually hosting the get-togethers. I know what you're thinking, but hear me out. By doing this, I retained control over the menu and thus could make sure I'd have things I knew I could eat. At the event, I stuck to those and left the rest.

If I couldn't host, I might try to convince the host to consider more of a small plates approach vs. a big sit down meal. These are easy to fake your way through by loading up a plate that you carry around, but don't actually eat. It would be rare indeed fo people to pay much attention to how much you've had in such a case.

For the sit-down meals, worst case, pull your host aside and let them know you're limited to what you can eat right now due to a medical condition. I find the host of these events seems to be the one that worries the most if guests like the food, but if they know ahead of time that you can't eat much, they'll likely ignore it.

Just my thoughts based on what's worked for me in the past.

[Arabesque 7,414]

If anyone questions I’d just go with the seeing a dietician & being careful with what you eat story. I mean it is the truth just not all the truth. It is your business & who you choose to tell about your surgery is yours alone.

I go out to dinner, parties, birthdays, events, etc. & no body really cares what I eat or don’t eat & I don’t feel like I missing out on anything. People have so many food preferences, eating styles, allergies, sensitivities, etc. these days you changing your eating habits shouldn’t be much of an issue. Does anyone get upset with a vegetarian who doesn’t eat the meat dishes at a party or someone glutton intolerant eating a bun less burger??

I think everybody celebrates with food but as others have said it’s all about the choices you make. What you put or don’t put in your mouth doesn’t change how you share the celebration. You can choose how much food you put on your plate & what food you will or won’t eat. I’ve had plenty, I couldn’t eat another bite or I might have some later are reasonable excuses you can use.

[ShoppGirl 5,003]

I find that I can participate in the major holidays with a small portion if I am reasonable. By that I mean don’t Celebrate ALL day, just the one plate at the dinner or event and no leftovers later. And I mean truly only the major holidays as in I only celebrate my own birthday with food not everyone else’s and not every graduation or baby shower, wedding, etc. i basically try to keep it to once a month or less that I eat off plan whether that’s a holiday or not because it’s too easy to find an excuse if you partake in everyone’s celebrations you could be doing it every week and that can get you in trouble.

One job I had did what was called a “life celebration” once a month on the first workday of the month and that was to celebrate everything happening that month whether it was someone’s retirement, bday, or an actual holiday like thanksgiving, etc. everyone brought in food and treats that one day and some were holiday themed and others bday theme or whatever applied and most people would choose a plate of food and one treat and be done with it. That would’ve worked out well for us post surgery.

as for excuses for the events I don’t want to partake in, I usually either say i just ate, my stomach hasn’t been really feeling that great today or I am not a big fan of seafood or carrot cake or whatever it is. If it’s at work and they will see you eating your own food you could go with I’m dieting or I’ve had some medical issues and I’ve been working with a nutritionist and I can’t have it. I find that people like to hear that it looks delicious and you’d love to have it but your not allowed. And if they press just say no I’ve been bad too much lately or something like that. I love the idea of I’d love to take some home to have later if you don’t mind. You can offer it to someone at home who doesn’t struggle with weight or just toss it. Most people just want to think their hard work is being enjoyed and most likely don’t care when.