Telling others

[KimA-GA 540]

Greetings,

how long before surgery did you inform other people of your plans t get gastric sleeve surgery? I am currently looking at a flurry of doctors appointments leading up to a surgery in October. I work in a small office so my absences are seen. Getting the surgery isn’t a shameful thing, but I see it as private for now. I don’t know how much closer to time I should wait.

I am concerned about other people’s reaction. I know there will be judgements and gossip. (I know they already are!) Once I tell, I want to be open and honest because I hope the results will be noticeable. I just don’t look forward to dealing with the people. Getting the surgery is a huge positive step to allow me to live life to its fullest and have a healthier life. I don’t have doubts about it, but I know how people are.

When did you tell people before surgery?

what kind of reactions did you get ?

[kcuster83 1,504]

I told my boss as soon as I decided, BUT never told her it was WLS. I was also have esophagus repairs done, and a hernia fixed. So I told her that part, my appointments didn't make me miss work because they had early and later appointments. I only missed work for a few hours on 2 different occasions up till my surgery.

I had lost a large amount of weight many times before so it is not that surprising for me to be loosing weight so I knew people who knew me long term wouldn't think much of it other than me just loosing weight AGAIN!

Very few people in my life know, maybe 10?

I don't honestly know if I am ashamed of it or just prefer privacy. I have lost 100+ lbs 4 other times in my life so I guess if people knew I had surgery they would be judgy and I don't need all that!

Everyone I did tell was very supportive. Logical comments, like what about the risks? How does it effect you long term? Fair questions, nothing like "why would you do that" " just go on a diet".. etc.

You have to do what you feel comfortable with; tell, don't tell. Whatever makes you happy!

[DaisyAndSunshine 303]

Only if you want to tell, then tell, otherwise it's none of their concerns.

You can just tell them you're having a hernia repair or getting your gall bladder removed. And post surgery you're just trying to eat healthy and lose weight. That's all.

Clearly, it can be challenging having to tell everyone. So you do you.

[oldandtired 238]

LOL I told everyone. If you tell one or two, it will "get around" anyway. I tell it as if I was gutsy to get it done...and I think we are just that!!

[KimA-GA 540]

I have never lost a lot of weight before… so I hope it will be obvious;). I won’t care after it’s done telling people - just afraid of telling people before for some reason. Maybe it’s because I came close once before and the opportunity was taken from me (soap opera story) and I am scared this time something will happen again. I have insurance coverage for bariatrics this time so it should happen!

I know I will need to say something for the time off after surgery so people will know by the time I have the date. I just don’t know when right now. I will have to go through an endoscopy in august, maybe then.

Edited July 15, 2022 by KimA-GA

[ShoppGirl 4,785]

I didn’t tell everyone beforehand but as people ask me now how I lost weight I don’t want to lie and say I did it on my own because I feel like that may make them feel like something is wrong with them when they can’t do it. But that’s just me. It is true that the reason we lose is because of how little and what we eat post op and whatever exercise we do so I guess it’s not really lying to just leave out that we are able to stick to it because of the surgery.

[SleeveToBypass2023 2,598]

I told my boss and my mom and that's it (not counting my husband, of course). I told other people about 2 weeks after the surgery.

[SleeverSk 635]

2 hours ago, KimA-GA said:

I have never lost a lot of weight before… so I hope it will be obvious;). I won’t care after it’s done telling people - just afraid of telling people before for some reason. Maybe it’s because I came close once before and the opportunity was taken from me (soap opera story) and I am scared this time something will happen again. I have insurance coverage for bariatrics this time so it should happen!

I know I will need to say something for the time off after surgery so people will know by the time I have the date. I just don’t know when right now. I will have to go through an endoscopy in august, maybe then.

I didn't tell anyone apart from 2 people before surgery because I didn't want the judgement or anyone to put their 2 cents in and talk me out of it or put scarey thoughts in my head God knows I did that just fine on my own. I also didn't want anyone at my work to know but that didn't work out either because I had to take extra time off work and turns out my boss is a blabber mouth.

Tell who ,what and when you are comfortable. It's up to you but sometimes that control is taken from us in the end my whole town and extended friend circle knew . I even had people who would barely look at me before come up to me in the street to ask about it. So it's a hard one

[ShoppGirl 4,785]

2 hours ago, ShoppGirl said:

I didn’t tell everyone beforehand but as people ask me now how I lost weight I don’t want to lie and say I did it on my own because I feel like that may make them feel like something is wrong with them when they can’t do it. But that’s just me. It is true that the reason we lose is because of how little and what we eat post op and whatever exercise we do so I guess it’s not really lying to just leave out that we are able to stick to it because of the surgery.

I should have said I didn’t tell many people. My aunt was the one that brought up the idea of surgery and I told my best friend who is also obese and of course my husband. I didn’t tell anyone else until post surgery cause I was afraid of any negativity. I was lower BMI to start so not a lot of people ask about my loss but some people have asked how i did it and I have told them. So far I haven’t had anybody say anything negative.

[Smanky 747]

I only told close family and friends and that's it. Not for their support, as I was my own support and was absolutely doing this, but so they didn't ask "are you sick???" when I started to noticeably shrink. It's ultimately no one's business but yours. I like others suggestions of simply saying it's a hernia repair and when your weight loss is noticeable, you're following your new dietician's plan. And then change the subject.

[STLoser 1,099]

I told everyone, because I don't know many people, and I'm also an open book. Someone close to me said it was the easy way out and since I'm outspoken I set her straight and now she's planning to have it done. [emoji51] Since then she has been nothing but supportive. Everyone else in my life has been wonderful and they ask a lot of appropriate questions that I'm happy to answer. I like to educate people about it.
That being said, it's absolutely your right to keep it private and I definitely understand wanting to.

Sent from my Pixel 5a using BariatricPal mobile app

[LookingForward22 320]

I’m still in pre-op phase, but I knew the multiple appointments were going to trigger questions from family or others (wanting to know if everything is ok).

I have driving restrictions so sometimes I needed someone to drive or I had to reschedule other things because of drs appointments. (My husband, kids and one or two close friends know).

Not wanting to lie, but not ready to go into details - I decided to be … vaguely honest.

So I answered questions as they were asked and volunteered as needed information.

When asked about weight-loss… I mentioned I was talking to a nutritionist working with a medically supervised program. I just omitted discussion about the surgery part.

When having tests… I just said it was regular follow up for a known issue (thyroid, blood pressure, etc) or my dr just wanted to rule something out.

I’ll decide who gets to know what & when. I don’t want to invite negativity in and as much as I know some of my family means well and loves me (and friends) - sometimes the are not as tactful about sharing the opinion - so rather than invite that in… I just selectively share.

If someone is curious (looking to gossip) they probably will get vague information. Or nicely told to MYOB.

If it’s someone interested because they are considering surgery - I’ll gladly be open.

If they are genuinely encouraging and there for me - of course I’ll share with them.

I have had friends who shared openly and other who kept things very private. I think whatever works for you is the right way.

Best of luck on your journey.

[summerseeker 2,139]

Before my surgery, Just my son and husband knew. It was my decision and I didn't want any one else's point of view to dissuade me. We used to be foster parents and the comments that we got from ' know it all and know nothings' really would anger and upset me. I live in a small town and other peoples opinions get back to you in one way or another.

Since surgery it is now apparent that I have lost weight. A neighbour asked me and as she is large too, I told her the truth. It became a great conversation as she was also considering the surgery. My hairdresser was the same. My sisters live abroad and I have been to visit them this last month. I told them then. That's my tally so far.

[Arabesque 7,240]

I wasn’t working when I had my surgery but started a new contract with my old employer - different section - 4 weeks later. I told them I had a surgery & my boss just presumed it was a female surgery so he never asked for more information, which I was amused by & never corrected. The specifics of the surgery are really none of their business & you can say it’s private & you don’t want to talk about it. I just intimated the subsequent weight loss was me deciding to make changes & trying to lose weight to improve my health.

[KevinS62 73]

Good topic. I told my boss and maybe one co-worker. Of course I told my family and my close friends. Otherewise this was a private decsion and I think I'll keep it that way unless I am asked specifically. And then I'll probably tell the truth. While I want to say I don't care what others think, I do. And right or wrong, I don't feel like I want to have to explain myself when someone says, oh, you took the easy way out or something. I know most won't say it, but you can tell they think it. I could tell them about the hiatal (sp?) hernia that was repaired. Like others have said, most of my coworkers have seen me lose 60-70 lbs a couple times in the past, so there might not be many to ask specifically if I had WLS.