A long post for a little reassurance

[loli_lotus 64]

Hey all! Woah, I didn’t mean to make this so long, but I’m a rambler. This is my first post and I'm not sure if it belongs here, but it’s going here lol.

I’ve been battling depression and obesity since I was a child. I hit 200lbs when I was 12, and although I was an active dancer in highschool and walked so so so much (my friends and I were mallrats with no cars) and saw a nutritionist in my junior and senior year, I was probably around 215 when I graduated. For a 5’2”, 17 year old girl, that was already morbidly obese and it just went up from there. I was definitely in survival mode for the next few years, on a few antidepressants, working and going to school, just trying to live.

The earliest data I have from my FitBit and MyFitnessPal has be at 275lb in 2016, and I know I went up to the 290s in 2017, because 2017 is a blank on my trackers, and knowing me, I was too ashamed to record it. The next I have is 273 in 2018. I went off my antidepressants around the end of 2017, and while I was mentally “white-knuckling” it, I started losing weight. But it was very much a lose 10lbs, gain 15-20 cycle. Then my birth control made it worse. At the beginning of this year, I was stuck in a plateau of 231, and I talked to my doctor about my disordered eating, and she got me a therapist and I got myself a personal trainer. At that doctors appt, I almost asked for a referral for surgery, but chickened out and asked for a therapist and a nutritionist instead. Love my therapist, but the nutritionist wanted me on a 1200 cal diet that didn't mesh with disordered eating at all.

An important note here, is that my mother, who has passed, had the RYGB circa 2002. So surgery has always been in the back of my mind. After a series of unfortunate events in March, I lost 10lbs rapidly and realized my bmi (40) was at the cut off for surgery with no comorbidities. At the beginning of April I asked my doctor for a surgery referral. She offered me Wegovy or Saxenda, but I really can’t see myself using injectables for the rest of my life, so she went ahead with the referral. Had the first consultation a little over a week later, did a few zoom classes, completed forms, did the psych eval (actually awful), and today I got an email saying my insurance approved me and my program would contact me soon for a date.

My reasoning is that I see my trainer twice a week and my therapist and I are working on my relationship with food, but I’m getting older and I have that historic lose/gain cycle, and my weight has been a source of unhappiness literally my entire life. Surgery isn’t going to fix everything, I know that, I’ve talked to my therapist about that, but she and I agree this would be a great tool for me in conjunction with the other changes I’m making.

My trainer, who is a family friend, doesn’t like the idea. But she’s only known me as an adult, she doesn’t see that a lifetime of yo-yo dieting and trying to stay active isn’t cutting it when I’m still carrying an extra 100lbs. A close member of my family wants me to do Keto again, because that was my biggest diet win, but that also didn’t mesh with my disordered eating in the long run. Since my consult, I’ve lost about another 6lbs, firmly putting me where I was when I was a teenager, which is a surreal feeling, but it’s being used as proof that I can “do it on my own.” Honestly, my mindset is that I’m eating less in preparation for surgery.

There’s been memes shared on instagram stories of people who I know must know I want to get wls done, calling the surgery “body mutilation” and how “surgeons regret performing bariatric surgeries because it's unnatural.” It makes me doubt myself, like is this just my depression wanting to “mutilate” myself, or is this me trying to overcome my depression and finally do something for myself? What was it for my mother? I was too young to ask her these questions and now I can't.

This is a very long post to ask; I’m doing the right thing, right? Am I being rational and making sense? I know I can lose the weight, but keeping it off is constantly clawing and if I slip now just a little, the lose/gain cycle could catch up, and I'm so tired of it.

[Tony B - NJ 642]

The referral is the start of a process where you have time to figure out if it is the right thing for you. You will have to have a psychological evaluation, medical screenings etc. You will do a lot of soul searching during this time. Your seem convinced that you have done all your can with conventional methods and they have not worked for you. This is the point where most of us have had the same thoughts and have pursued the surgical route. You have to be ready to make sacrifices and to give up some of the habits you have fallen into previously. If you don't make those changes, you will not sustain the weight loss. The surgery gives you a tool in the short term to give you physical restrictions to over eating. During this time where your restriction is working for you, you need to develop good eating habits. If you do this, you will be successful. Some continue to have restrictions to eating others do not get the same restriction which again, the surgery is a tool to get you in the right mindset to make permanent changes to your habits and eating problem.

[catwoman7 11,216]

your body, not theirs. Quit listening to the naysayers.

for most of us, bariatric surgery was the only thing that helped us get the weight off and keep it off. At almost 400 lbs, I would have been lucky to have seen my 60th birthday. Now I'm past 60 and feeling better than I've felt in years. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

P.S. these "naysayers" are not medical professionals, and they're not experts on bariatric surgery. Again, smile, nod, and let their opinions go in one ear and out the other.

Edited June 3, 2022 by catwoman7

[GreenTealael 25,385]

Other people, although well intentioned, will never have to live in your body or mind.

If your medical doctor came around to the idea of surgery for your improved health, that should carry some weight.

Also if insurance approved the procedure, that means at least one other medical professional believes it is now medically appropriate/necessary for you to have Bariatric surgery.

As always you get to chose, free from shame or ridicule, what to do with your body.

[summerseeker 2,175]

I want to answer this because I want to help you and HUG you. I just don't have your answers because I am afraid to say the wrong thing and make you decide the wrong way. I know what my depression was like - I was alone in a sea of people and had to pretend everything was ok until the dam broke and then 10 years of Citalopram. I still have my bad days but I recognise them and take action. Having the surgery has done nothing for my depression except given me my legs back and that gives me more options to help myself.

My surgery was done for every other reason except depression. Speak with a therapist who deals with these issues. Dont listen to people who are filling your head with their fears and jealousy.

[Sleeve_Me_Alone 656]

First of all, take a deep breath. This is incredibly hard work and you are doing a great job.

Statistically speaking, people who are obese and have been for a significant period of time, only have about a 5% success rate of losing the weight and keeping it off long term. The reality is, obesity is an incredibly hard thing to overcome, and for most of us, surgery is the tool we need to succeed. That, in addition to counseling to heal my relationship with food and my body, has been absolutely life changing.

It sounds like you have done your homework about medications, surgery, and other treatments. You've come to a soundly investigated decision based on what is best for YOU. You are doing the mental and emotional work to set yourself up for long term success and wellbeing.

As for those around you who are naysayers - they do not live in your mind or body and have no right to opine on either. Frankly, folks who have never lived through a life of obesity and disordered eating simply cannot understand it or truly empathize. My husband is the MOST supportive human on the planet and has been my biggest cheerleader through every diet, exercise program, and finally surgery. Truly, he is a gift to me. BUT, he is rail thin and always has been. He openly acknowledges that he cannot understand a life with obesity and because he can't, he has trusted me to make the right decisions for myself and supports me unconditionally without reservation or opinion. If the people in your life cannot see their own bias and acknowledge that they cannot support you without their own opinions clouding things, then maybe they should not be allowed the space to speak into your life. You can love them, but they don't deserve the right to give you their opinions.

Only you can decide what is right for you and it sounds like you already have. Trust that. You got this.

[loli_lotus 64]

Thank you everyone! It's really helpful to me to hear from other people who have gone through similar things as me!!!

[Arabesque 7,336]

Wise words from @GreenTealael & @catwoman7. Yes, it is your body not theirs & yes only you know what goes on in your head & your body.

We are all so different physiologically & psychologically there is no one size fits all. If there was no one would ever have a weight issue & there would be only one diet that works for everyone. The surgery offers you the opportunity to really learn about what drives you to eat, why you made certain food choices, etc. You’ll also start to work out what your eating routine & food choices needs to be (notice I didn’t say diet). That is what your body needs to function effectively (physical health) & what you need to include to still enjoy & live your life as you want (contributing to your mental health). How I eat now will be different to how you will eat in the future. There will be similarities of course. but it won’t be exactly the same because what my body needs to be healthy & what I need for my mental health won’t be the same as yours.

The surgery provides the opportunity for you to do the work into understanding your eating habits & your emotional drives to eat, to reflect on your food choices, etc. A lot of the success of the surgery does depend on you being able to do this work. As part of the surgical process you will be given access to dieticians & therapists to support you to identify the causes & strategies to manage or deal with them. The surgery also temporarily changes your taste buds, your tummy can be sensitive to certain flavours or foods & there is a restricted diet to begin which can be used to break addictions to certain foods or tastes. The physical restriction limits how much you can eat too. I know people say surgery is the easy way out. Believe me it isn’t.

Appetite suppressant medications take away or mute your real hunger. Your head hunger, the psychological drives to eat (cravings, boredom, emotional traumas, addictions, etc.) are still there shouting at you to eat. Your gain, lose & gain cycle likely occurred because when your ended the diet, you went back to eating the same way you did before. The issues behind your weight problems were still there. You still didn’t know how to recognise or manage them. Exercise is great & has lots of benefits. But the truth is exercising alone accounts for only 10-20% of any weight loss. You have to diet too and … well …

I tried medications, a myriad of diets & tried all sorts of exercise programs. Sure I’d lose weight but I always put weight back on. For exactly the reasons I gave above. After the surgery, I look at food totally differently. I still have cravings but I recognise & understand them better & they don’t have same power over me.

Ultimately, it’s your decision. All the best whichever path you chose.

PS - I’m a rambler too - can’t you tell 😁. Just embrace it - I do!

Edited June 4, 2022 by Arabesque

[Nikki@50 12]

Hey all! Woah, I didn’t mean to make this so long, but I’m a rambler. This is my first post and I'm not sure if it belongs here, but it’s going here lol.
I’ve been battling depression and obesity since I was a child. I hit 200lbs when I was 12, and although I was an active dancer in highschool and walked so so so much (my friends and I were mallrats with no cars) and saw a nutritionist in my junior and senior year, I was probably around 215 when I graduated. For a 5’2”, 17 year old girl, that was already morbidly obese and it just went up from there. I was definitely in survival mode for the next few years, on a few antidepressants, working and going to school, just trying to live.
The earliest data I have from my FitBit and MyFitnessPal has be at 275lb in 2016, and I know I went up to the 290s in 2017, because 2017 is a blank on my trackers, and knowing me, I was too ashamed to record it. The next I have is 273 in 2018. I went off my antidepressants around the end of 2017, and while I was mentally “white-knuckling” it, I started losing weight. But it was very much a lose 10lbs, gain 15-20 cycle. Then my birth control made it worse. At the beginning of this year, I was stuck in a plateau of 231, and I talked to my doctor about my disordered eating, and she got me a therapist and I got myself a personal trainer. At that doctors appt, I almost asked for a referral for surgery, but chickened out and asked for a therapist and a nutritionist instead. Love my therapist, but the nutritionist wanted me on a 1200 cal diet that didn't mesh with disordered eating at all.
An important note here, is that my mother, who has passed, had the RYGB circa 2002. So surgery has always been in the back of my mind. After a series of unfortunate events in March, I lost 10lbs rapidly and realized my bmi (40) was at the cut off for surgery with no comorbidities. At the beginning of April I asked my doctor for a surgery referral. She offered me Wegovy or Saxenda, but I really can’t see myself using injectables for the rest of my life, so she went ahead with the referral. Had the first consultation a little over a week later, did a few zoom classes, completed forms, did the psych eval (actually awful), and today I got an email saying my insurance approved me and my program would contact me soon for a date.
My reasoning is that I see my trainer twice a week and my therapist and I are working on my relationship with food, but I’m getting older and I have that historic lose/gain cycle, and my weight has been a source of unhappiness literally my entire life. Surgery isn’t going to fix everything, I know that, I’ve talked to my therapist about that, but she and I agree this would be a great tool for me in conjunction with the other changes I’m making.
My trainer, who is a family friend, doesn’t like the idea. But she’s only known me as an adult, she doesn’t see that a lifetime of yo-yo dieting and trying to stay active isn’t cutting it when I’m still carrying an extra 100lbs. A close member of my family wants me to do Keto again, because that was my biggest diet win, but that also didn’t mesh with my disordered eating in the long run. Since my consult, I’ve lost about another 6lbs, firmly putting me where I was when I was a teenager, which is a surreal feeling, but it’s being used as proof that I can “do it on my own.” Honestly, my mindset is that I’m eating less in preparation for surgery.
There’s been memes shared on instagram stories of people who I know must know I want to get wls done, calling the surgery “body mutilation” and how “surgeons regret performing bariatric surgeries because it's unnatural.” It makes me doubt myself, like is this just my depression wanting to “mutilate” myself, or is this me trying to overcome my depression and finally do something for myself? What was it for my mother? I was too young to ask her these questions and now I can't.
This is a very long post to ask; I’m doing the right thing, right? Am I being rational and making sense? I know I can lose the weight, but keeping it off is constantly clawing and if I slip now just a little, the lose/gain cycle could catch up, and I'm so tired of it.

@loli_lotus oh my lovely I feel your pain. [emoji3059] I have also battled with depression and my weight for many years and I also had all the doubts and questions that you have. I first considered the surgery 3 years ago, all the doubts and questions made me change my mind and I decided to try dieting again ( because I thought I could do better this time). Fast forward 3 years and no matter how hard I worked at dieting, I struggled to lose weight. I finally had surgery this March! I still had doubts, questions and family trying to dissuade me but I finally realised that I couldn't do it myself I needed a help. I didn't want to spend anymore time sad and obese with no confidence or self esteem. I'll be honest, it hasn't been easy, I've had to deal with emotions that I previously ignored by eating. I now have counselling to help me deal with this. I reacted extremely well to surgery and for 8 weeks the smell of meat repulsed me, this happens when your hormones change after surgery, it doesn't happen to everyone though. I now struggle to eat a great deal and have to eat little and often. food was my best friend and now I don't enjoy eating. I find it a struggle to eat more than a few mouthfuls, but I keep reminding myself that it won't be like this forever and I need to take advantage of this. I also remind myself that I chose to have the surgery and how much more confident I am already! I have lost 36lb in 10 weeks, dropped two dress sizes and now feel OK looking at myself in the mirror. Everyone reacts to surgery in they're own unique way and it is a personal decision that only you can make. It isn't a quick fix and it is a difficult journey, but you are already putting in the hard work of working on your mental health. For me, the positives far outweigh the negatives. I now look forward to going out and doing things I previously would avoid and I'm continuing with my counselling sessions to make sure that I don't return to emotional eating in the long run. I hope this has helped you, I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you, sending you a huge hug x

Sent from my SM-G980F using BariatricPal mobile app

[Colleen6 1]

No one can tell you if this is the right choice for you. Only you can make that decision. I can tell you what made me decide thoigh and yes I still have doubts and am super scared. I've been obese and morbidly obese since I was in my late teens. I feel like most of my life had been focussed on losing weight. Getting on scales. The excitement of losing a bit and the depression and deep rooted sense of failure when it all comes back on. I'm tired of this cycle. I used to be active. I had a life. I have dreams and adventures I want to go on. But I'm trapped inside my own body. And the more I feel trapped the more I eat and the more I fail. This insanely destructive cycle needs to stop. I want to be free. I want to stop panicking every time I have chest pain - is this it ? Is this the heart attack I know is coming ??? Who wants to live like that ? I'm tired of the depression the lack of self confidence and self loathing. And THAT is why I'm doing it. Surgery won't fix my mind but it'll give me a fighting chance. I don't need the hot bod I just need to be free and able to live the life I know I deserve but can't do becaise I'm hiding in the fat girl shield

Sent from my CPH2247 using BariatricPal mobile app

[Edge13 64]

On 6/3/2022 at 2:05 AM, loli_lotus said:

This is a very long post to ask; I’m doing the right thing, right? Am I being rational and making sense? I know I can lose the weight, but keeping it off is constantly clawing and if I slip now just a little, the lose/gain cycle could catch up, and I'm so tired of it.

If your last paragraph there was reworded as follows, does it ring true to you?

"This is a very long post to ask myself; I’m doing the right thing, right? I am being rational and making sense. I know I can lose the weight, but keeping it off is constantly clawing and if I slip now just a little, the lose/gain cycle could catch up, and I'm so tired of it."

If it does ring true, you pretty much answered yourself. If there's any doubt, you absolutely need to deal with that.