How to respond when people comment on your appearance after surgery?

[jfuss 2]

I am fairly private, and do not feel the need to tell everyone that I am going to have WLS. Especially my judgmental extended family. But I'm wondering how to respond when inevitably the topic comes up that I have lost a significant amount of weight. I don't want to lie, but I don't want everyone to know my business, either. What are some kind, polite responses to the question, "What did you do?"

[LilaNicole20 252]

Just say thank you and tell them about the food you have been eating. I think that's still towing the line on the truth while just omitting information. I also don't like people commenting on me for the same reasons. I feel like a fraud or trickster. If anyone says you look great, I plan to just say that I got back to my clean eating plan. Don't feel obligated to elaborate.

[Splenda 257]

Here is how I handled it.

1. If they don't ask what you did, don't tell them. If someone says I look great, I just say, "Thank you. That is very kind."

2. While I did not announce my WLS, if someone directly asks what I did and I am reasonably sure they would be supportive, I tell them. I might be the only person they know who has had WLS and I want them to see someone succeeding so maybe they will be supportive of the next person they meet who has had WLS or is considering it.

3. If someone directly asks and I doubt whether they will be supportive, I would just say, "Oh, I'm eating right and exercising." Which is true.

4. If someone found out I had WLS and accused me of taking the easy way out, I would very blandly reply, "Isn't the most important thing that I find a way out?"

[Queen ApisM 427]

@Splenda gave great advice and that's how I am approaching it. I have had a few people comment that I look great. Since they aren't people I prefer to share my business with (they are work acquaintances), I just say that I have been focusing on me and getting healthy. They haven't pried and just were encouraging about keeping it up. They may suspect surgery, but I don't care.

My plan for anyone who finds out it is WLS and has a negative opinion is to basically tell them that once they become my physician, they can have an opinion on my medical decisions, and until then, they don't get that privilege.

[IWant ToDelete MyProfile 37]

This is a tough one! I’ve also been trying to figure out what to say. Because I’ve struggled my entire life with eating disorders, ups and downs in the weight department and a lot of the times that I lost drastically it was because I wasn’t treating my body the right way (not eat, binging and purging, over doing it at the gym and constantly obsessing). So having someone comment on my wait good or bad is triggering for me. My first thought is, in this day in age the way things are with body positivity etc people really shouldn’t comment on someone’s weight loss or gain because there can be a multitude of reasons why someone has lost or gained.

Another example: my sister recently lost a TON of weight (she was already somewhat thin to begin with) and we were discussing how she feels when people ask her about her weight loss and exclaim how great she looks etc, and she has a hard time with it because first of all, “did I not look good before?”, as she says to me and second, she was actually very ill and it’s the reason why she lost the weight.

It’s like people put so much value on who you are based on your weight. So I cringe when I think of what to say. Part of me wants to say something snarky but I’m not a snarky person lol and can’t really think of anything. So instead I’m going to be honest! I’m eating healthy and working out! I already have been eating healthy and working out since I started my program and have lost some weight so it won’t be too far fetched. My situation might be different then yours though because I live hours away from most anyone I don’t care to tell the 100% truth to. So when I see them the 1 or 2 times a year, or every other year that I do, it won’t be so jarring.

I think part of the issue is the fact that people think that WLS is the “easy way out” and from reading posts on this forum and hearing first hand from friends that have had WLS that’s is totally not the case. You still have to put in the work to be successful with WLS. And honestly… I don’t think there’s anything easy about going through surgery and getting your stomach cut into and/or altered in any way.

[catwoman7 11,211]

I told very few people. My immediate family, some close friends, my boss all knew. Afterward, when it was obvious I'd lost a ton of weight, I told most people that I'd been working with a dietitian and was exercising like a fiend (which was actually true...I just conveniently left out the part about the surgery). When another obese person asked me, I was honest with them, since they know that diet & exercise thing is a bunch of schlock.

so I don't know if I was technically lying - just leaving out the surgery part for most people who asked. But then again, if you don't want people to know about the surgery, there aren't a lot of options.

[ShoppGirl 4,776]

I have found that most people are satisfied to hear you are working with a nutritionist and exercising more. It is the truth. I mean It’s those two things that are mainly why your losing weight. It’s just easier to do those things without the hunger hormones screaming at you.

[Sleeve_Me_Alone 656]

1 hour ago, Splenda said:

Here is how I handled it.

1. If they don't ask what you did, don't tell them. If someone says I look great, I just say, "Thank you. That is very kind."

2. While I did not announce my WLS, if someone directly asks what I did and I am reasonably sure they would be supportive, I tell them. I might be the only person they know who has had WLS and I want them to see someone succeeding so maybe they will be supportive of the next person they meet who has had WLS or is considering it.

3. If someone directly asks and I doubt whether they will be supportive, I would just say, "Oh, I'm eating right and exercising." Which is true.

4. If someone found out I had WLS and accused me of taking the easy way out, I would very blandly reply, "Isn't the most important thing that I find a way out?"

100000000% this. Only a VERY select few folks were told about my surgery in advance and I've chosen to share it with an additional 2 since then. I try to accept the compliment/comment graciously and give a very generic answer, but I VERY rarely provide any detail.

[LilaNicole20 252]

1 hour ago, Edmira said:

This is a tough one! I’ve also been trying to figure out what to say. Because I’ve struggled my entire life with eating disorders, ups and downs in the weight department and a lot of the times that I lost drastically it was because I wasn’t treating my body the right way (not eat, binging and purging, over doing it at the gym and constantly obsessing). So having someone comment on my wait good or bad is triggering for me. My first thought is, in this day in age the way things are with body positivity etc people really shouldn’t comment on someone’s weight loss or gain because there can be a multitude of reasons why someone has lost or gained.

Another example: my sister recently lost a TON of weight (she was already somewhat thin to begin with) and we were discussing how she feels when people ask her about her weight loss and exclaim how great she looks etc, and she has a hard time with it because first of all, “did I not look good before?”, as she says to me and second, she was actually very ill and it’s the reason why she lost the weight.

It’s like people put so much value on who you are based on your weight. So I cringe when I think of what to say. Part of me wants to say something snarky but I’m not a snarky person lol and can’t really think of anything. So instead I’m going to be honest! I’m eating healthy and working out! I already have been eating healthy and working out since I started my program and have lost some weight so it won’t be too far fetched. My situation might be different then yours though because I live hours away from most anyone I don’t care to tell the 100% truth to. So when I see them the 1 or 2 times a year, or every other year that I do, it won’t be so jarring.

I think part of the issue is the fact that people think that WLS is the “easy way out” and from reading posts on this forum and hearing first hand from friends that have had WLS that’s is totally not the case. You still have to put in the work to be successful with WLS. And honestly… I don’t think there’s anything easy about going through surgery and getting your stomach cut into and/or altered in any way.

I agree completely. I just sent this article to my mom - who is notorious for telling everyone they look great based on their weight. https://www.cnn.com/2022/04/20/health/weight-loss-compliment-harm-wellness/index.html

[fourmonthspreop 509]

I just tell people that I started eating really healthy lol

Sent from my SM-G975U using BariatricPal mobile app

[fourmonthspreop 509]

This is a tough one! I’ve also been trying to figure out what to say. Because I’ve struggled my entire life with eating disorders, ups and downs in the weight department and a lot of the times that I lost drastically it was because I wasn’t treating my body the right way (not eat, binging and purging, over doing it at the gym and constantly obsessing). So having someone comment on my wait good or bad is triggering for me. My first thought is, in this day in age the way things are with body positivity etc people really shouldn’t comment on someone’s weight loss or gain because there can be a multitude of reasons why someone has lost or gained.

Another example: my sister recently lost a TON of weight (she was already somewhat thin to begin with) and we were discussing how she feels when people ask her about her weight loss and exclaim how great she looks etc, and she has a hard time with it because first of all, “did I not look good before?”, as she says to me and second, she was actually very ill and it’s the reason why she lost the weight.

It’s like people put so much value on who you are based on your weight. So I cringe when I think of what to say. Part of me wants to say something snarky but I’m not a snarky person lol and can’t really think of anything. So instead I’m going to be honest! I’m eating healthy and working out! I already have been eating healthy and working out since I started my program and have lost some weight so it won’t be too far fetched. My situation might be different then yours though because I live hours away from most anyone I don’t care to tell the 100% truth to. So when I see them the 1 or 2 times a year, or every other year that I do, it won’t be so jarring.

I think part of the issue is the fact that people think that WLS is the “easy way out” and from reading posts on this forum and hearing first hand from friends that have had WLS that’s is totally not the case. You still have to put in the work to be successful with WLS. And honestly… I don’t think there’s anything easy about going through surgery and getting your stomach cut into and/or altered in any way.

Thisss^^^

I hate that my family is so focused on my weight. I understand the point of it being for health and genuine concern but they say awful things to me so I hate when people comment on my weight loss. My brother asked me the other day "it's easier now that your legs aren't so fat right?" Like I couldn't believe the phrasing. I just said I'm not sure what you're asking and walked away. Feels like people want to comment on your weight just to let you know how much they hate fatness rather than genuine praise or anything . I just avoid it all together. And if someone doesn't know I had surgery, I just say I've been eating healthier and developing better habits.

Sent from my SM-G975U using BariatricPal mobile app

[Tomo 1,191]

I told some people about my first surgery. I learned quickly that in the future to keep to myself and talk in forums like this where people are supportive. I didn't tell anyone but my husband about my revision and things are easier to stay on track without all the background noise. When asked what am I doing, I tell them about my logging, counting calories, getting enough liquid and Protein, my exercise (or lack thereof) and relay all the hints that I've learned that has helped me stay on track or get back on track... Etc. I do NOT mention surgery due to people's prejudices and/or intense nagging by family members. So, in essence, I lie by omission.

Edited April 26, 2022 by Tomo

[Songdog 4]

Just say….. Why Thank You, I’ve been working on it!

[Arabesque 7,218]

I only told select family & friends about my surgery too. Though it can be a bit challenging not to confuse who knows & who doesn’t. 😉 For those who didn’t know & asked specifically about my weight loss & how I did it (like one very competitive friend) I’d tell them I was seeing a dietician, had done a lot of reading & reflecting & was working out what way of eating was best for me. All of it true.

You will find that in time no one says anything at all. They start to accept the changes you’re making & how you look & the inquisitive (nosy) questions stop.

[GradyCat 3,695]

Just say, "Thanks for noticing. I've been eating right and exercising and trying to get more healthy."