Why Do People Think It's Okay To Tell You You're Fat?

[Guest]

And I'm a seahorse because my ancestors once emerged from the sea.

... juuuuust kidding, 'mericans

Also, f* those people. Ask them 'oh you're the kind of person who comments on other people's bodies?'. Shuts 'em right up.

[summerseeker 2,139]

This has opened a whole pile of repressed memories and I am having trouble writing about it. This is my 3rd go at it. I have had a lot of therapy because of my mothers idea of fatness, whilst feeding me the most unhealthy food and telling me to empty my plate or I would get it every meal till it was finished. It happened. The day before she died of cancer, weighing about 50 pounds, she admitted that she had finally got to her perfect size !

I am the person who always tells friends and random strangers that their clothes, shoes, hair, and make up are fabulous . This is because of the nasty remarks people have said to me. A kind remark does wonders to some ones ego and I can not understand why a person would want to be so cruel and say something so negative. It has made people Anorexic or Bulimic or in some cases kill themselves. I would never want that on my conscience.

[lizonaplane 1,612]

I'm struggling with internalized fatphobia. I am getting much better as I've lost weight, actually. I was bullied growing up, and my grandmother, whom I loved more than anyone, would tell me I had "such a pretty face"... which we all know is code for you're fat.

I had a guy break up with me (after I had lost 100 lbs) because I wasn't his ideal body type. Now I'm terrified to even consider dating. (Although there are a lot of issues there...)

My family and friends have always been supportive, but my mom always has been a bit of a "concern troll." ("I'm scared for you!")

[Tomo 1,191]

My family did. Especially my mom. I have a huge family... None of them were overweight. They were all thin. I am the outlier in my entire family.

I had really annoying comments from men throughout my life like "I love big girls." Etc. That bothered me far more. Ugh.

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[Lkmhoots 5]

On 3/28/2022 at 9:43 AM, catwoman7 said:

at 160 lbs, you were only six lbs overweight (I'm also 5'6", and our normal BMI range goes up to 154 lbs). I doubt you even looked that "curvy" at that weight! So I'm surprised anyone would have even said anything - sheesh! They must have liked rail-thin women!

my mother was always very appearance conscious. And most of my childhood I was on the high end of my normal BMI or slightly overweight. The way she went on and on about it, you'd have thought I weighed 400 lbs. I honestly think her obsession with my weight was a big factor in my lifetime of yo-yo dieting. I look back at pictures of myself in high school and college, where my weight bounced around between 155 and 170. Yes - I was technically overweight, but I looked fine. Sheesh.

so anyway, yep - heard it from my mother since practically the day I was born. And of course, once I was an adult and started gaining weight (it got really bad once I hit my 30s), I heard it from other people, too. Do they think I didn't know it? Again - sheesh.

Same with my mom. She majorly projected her childhood bullies on to me “you’ll never have more friends if you don’t lose weight” ( I had plenty) jokes on her, the goal weight of 145 was what I was at when she was the harshest in high school —if only I had the backbone then to tell her to shove it. It caused me to believe I looked like I was 300lbs when I was 1/2 that, that I was ugly and undesirable. Moms can suck. My therapist I started seeing postop has me challenging self talk and the negative things that have happened in the past and has me writing what I wish she would have said or what I would say or do in the situation we’re roles reversed

[Gaggi 1]

I believe these types of opinions should be kept private. However, this remark motivated me to buy a smart scale weight. I had a simple one in my house. However, the one I bought had so many functions like full-body measurements or how much Water I should drink during the day. Before that, I was very ignorant about my health, and I ate whatever I found in my pantry. Because of that scale, my body and life changed in the best way possible. Even with everything that happened after one remark, I still think it's impolite to call someone fat or chubby.

Edited May 8, 2022 by Gaggi

[Tami10 50]

I never really had anyone call me fat to my face. I did get things like fluffy or squishy I'd rather of been fat. My mom was over weight when I was a kid and I didn't get big until after my 3rd baby. I was actually under weight as a teenager and young adult. But after I had my hysterectomy at 32 I had started to have more trouble with my weight. I don't think anyone should be disrespectful to anyone about anything. There is always something that a person is insecure about and comments from others aren't helpful. And we also need to be nicer to ourselves. I have not been a good cheerleader for myself. I'm trying to be better about it now but it's hard when it's internal I think because you can't send a mental middle finger and walk away from our own thoughts. I'm not sure why people think they should throw their opions at people. If I didn't ask for it then I didn't want it. I believe in the saying if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything. Also treat people how you want to be treated. And I'm sure those people giving there unwanted opinions wouldn't like it thrown back. But in the word of Pink you're f**king perfect.

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[acopas 104]

My mom started putting me on diets when I was 9/10 years old. I could tell you how to calculate percentage of calories were fat and never to exceed I believe 10% though it may have been 20%. (Stop the Insanity! Susan Powter) at that age. I was 5'5 and around 120lbs at 10 and my pediatrician told my mom I was off the charts for weight at my age. They may have mentioned height as well, but my mom only heard the messaging behind my weight. Two years later, I started my cycle and PCOS hit me like a freight train. My weight ballooned 100lbs in a year, but everyone stopped talking about it or helping me.

The guy I dated in high school and college told me that if he could take my brain and put it in my little sister's body, he would have the perfect woman. That still hurts a bit to this day even though I've been married for nearly two decades.

[fourmonthspreop 510]

Oh my God girl I FEEL YOU AND I HEAR YOU!! It's absolutely mind boggling why people continue to do this is such a destructive and careless way.

I don't remember a time in my life where people weren't commenting on my body and size. From school, parents, extended family, sibling, etc.

I dated a guy in college who asked to be my boyfriend and then proceeded to tell me literally word for word "you're great and all but you know I only date hot girls? You're fat and it's weird to date a fat girl" he consistently made comments about my body size to the point where I started self harming because I started to see my body the way he did.

I had to undo a lot of bad **** because of these comments. People are uncomfortable maybe within themselves, they're hyper concerned with what others will think of them or they just believe they're helping you. I think it's okay to be concerned about someone's weight but it's apparent when it comes from a place of disdain and superficiality.

There's a right way to do things ultimatly if it has to be done at all, and only those who truly love you should partake in the dialogue in a safe and loving way.

This lifetime of people calling me fat has adversely affected me to my core, to the way I carry myself and try not to take up space, how much I see the words of others carved body to this day, how apologetic I am for just existing....

But I'm doing so much physical and mental work to undo all that harm and learning slowly how to choose compassion for these people instead of letting it destroy my self worth. It's tough. We're fighting everyday.

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