Negative comments from family members

[DonnaGS 59]

Anyone deal with "food pushers?" I had a dear sweet 85 year old friend who passed away last year. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her. But she and her family were terrible food pushers and they weren't pushing brussel sprouts and broccoli! I used to say with her when I was back in town. She had piles of chips, every kind you can imagine. A pile of boxed cheap desserts! Like donuts, brownies, Cookies.

She was a great cook and at one time a great baker. But as she got older, that was replaced by cheap store bought Desserts. It didn't matter how many times I told her I was watching my carbs and needed to stay away from wheat products. She would invite me over for lunch of Pasta, french bread and cookies for dessert. Not a green food in site, not even a salad! She showed her love to people with food.

Right now, when I'm around people like that I have a built in excuse, which everyone knows I had surgery and there are certain foods I can't eat for 6 months. I think I will just tell those food pushers that are left in my life that I can't ever eat certain foods again. Maybe that will squash it.

[thinblueline 63]

People ( some people) just dont get it and may never get it however that doesnt mean you cant speak up and asert yourself and simply say "no thank you "and if they push tell them no thank you , eventually they will get it trust me it worked with me but i was abrasive and i suggest you not follow in my footsteps but they did isten finally i have a big family and most are cops and firefighters with egos like you read about , i hope you dont have to go through this again its unfair and at times cruel , i wish you well on your journey, take care.

[DonnaGS 59]

Thinblueline, Thank you for the kind words and support. I've found with these type of people you have to be aggressive, because they just don't get it. Just saying "no thanks" doesn't work. Normally I'm not that way. But when you tell people you can get physically ill from eating a certain amount of wheat and they push bread and Pasta on you, while their intentions are good, it is cruel, like you said. It's hard enough to not eat that crap! Good luck on your journey.

[thinblueline 63]

Being aggressive or abrasive works with my family because otherwise they will try and bully you i know all about being bullied when i was a kid so i now use it to my advantage and it works like a charm ...i hate Pasta it just sits in my stomach like a blob and i hate how it feels , did you already have your surgery or are you waiting i am waiting to have mine, i have my first virtual appt 4 - 1 at 10 am , by the way my name is Rich , but everyone calls me.

[suzannethemom 121]

9 hours ago, DonnaGS said:

Anyone deal with "food pushers?"

Wow, I didn’t realize that my Mom is a food pusher until I read your post. My Mom lives in Arizona and I moved to Minnesota when I got married 32 years ago. We used to visit every other year for Christmas. She always makes way too much food and fattening stuff (not healthy at all). I was always on a diet when we visited, but she would still make fattening meals and desserts and say “Just try one bite.” I’m so glad we don’t visit anymore. Actually, we don’t talk anymore because after two years of therapy, I realized that she is toxic for me and one of the reasons why I developed an eating disorder.

[fourmonthspreop 516]

Anyone deal with "food pushers?" I had a dear sweet 85 year old friend who passed away last year. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her. But she and her family were terrible food pushers and they weren't pushing brussel sprouts and broccoli! I used to say with her when I was back in town. She had piles of chips, every kind you can imagine. A pile of boxed cheap desserts! Like donuts, brownies, Cookies.
She was a great cook and at one time a great baker. But as she got older, that was replaced by cheap store bought desserts. It didn't matter how many times I told her I was watching my carbs and needed to stay away from wheat products. She would invite me over for lunch of Pasta, french bread and cookies for dessert. Not a green food in site, not even a salad! She showed her love to people with food.
Right now, when I'm around people like that I have a built in excuse, which everyone knows I had surgery and there are certain foods I can't eat for 6 months. I think I will just tell those food pushers that are left in my life that I can't ever eat certain foods again. Maybe that will squash it.

Trigger Warning:
..............................Yes. My dad is a food pusher. We have a very strained relationship now but growing up he would make 3 different dinners at once and have me eat a bit of all of it and then call me fat and bully me. He use to buy packs and packs of ramen noodles and hide them in my things like my desk/book bag/purse as I started becoming overweight as a child. I still can't eat ramen to this day because it brings me back to those moments. Hed tell me how ugly and fat I was but then push huge amounts of food on me. He's from a country where food is unstable and grew up incredibly poor so when he came to the US and saw how abundant food was he constantly buys food and cooks. He's a big reason why I had a bad relationship to food for so long/why im still working through it and why I still have self esteem issues. He's thin and in shape but has a serious problem with alcohol. I didn't tell him about my surgery because a) he wouldn't understand given a language barrier and he's treated me horribly over the years because I'm fat and the last thing I want is to hear those words but about my surgery. He's picked up on the fact that I had a weight loss procedure done. He tries to mend our relationship but still offers food because he doesn't know how else to show love. He offers me healthy stuff now but I simply just decline because I'm not ready to explain anything to him or become closer.

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[suzannethemom 121]

57 minutes ago, fourmonthspreop said:

I didn't tell him about my surgery because a) he wouldn't understand given a language barrier and he's treated me horribly over the years because I'm fat and the last thing I want is to hear those words but about my surgery. He's picked up on the fact that I had a weight loss procedure done. He tries to mend our relationship but still offers food because he doesn't know how else to show love. He offers me healthy stuff now but I simply just decline because I'm not ready to explain anything to him or become closer.

You made the right choice. I did the same thing. My parents are divorced and I didn’t tell them about my upcoming surgery. I don’t want to hear their negative, uninformed and ignorant comments. We don’t talk much anymore and they don’t visit me. I had to move 2,000 miles away (with my husband) from California to Minnesota to start a new life without judgement or ridicule. It was the best decision I ever made.

[fourmonthspreop 516]

I'm glad you were able to get away from it! I understand. I'm hoping to move out of state in the next couple of months and really start my life up.

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