Negative comments from family members

[fourmonthspreop 510]

I just need to vent because im so upset about this sometimes. Does anyone deal with negative comments from family members about your surgery? It's not so much about the fact that I got surgery but moreso constant questioning of my success. Like they're always like "what's gonna stop you from just gaining it all back?" "You might just go back to your old habits." "How are things gonna be any different this time?" "You got to the point of needing weight loss surgery to lose weight so how can you be successful?" That's actually what my brother just said to me and it made me so sad and upset. I've been working so hard to do it right this time but they just discredit me like it's another half baked idea. I wish they'd just tell me I got this and not question my dedication. I put in so much work to get where I am both mentally and physically. I made a comment about making sugar free brownie dip for my birthday and my family member said "isn't that what got you to this point in the first place, wanting to eat things like that?" And it just broke me like I'm not allowed to still Celebrate things with food. The all or nothing mindset is what drove my binge eating for years. All I want is to have a healthy relationship with all food and I'm finally in a place where I feel like I can, and then these comments are made. They make me feel like a failure or that I'm thinking incorrectly. I know deep down how far I've come but some days it really gets to me and tears me down. I'm sorry at this point I'm just venting. I just wish they'd recognize my successes and not constantly question my ability. Ughhhh

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[SandMeli 3]

You have to remember you did this for you and your health not their opinions. I am sure they probably had the same attitude when you tried diets. It may also be their insecurity with the changes you are making in your life. It's your health and happiness at stake! Keep up the good work! ❤️

[toodlerue 452]

I’m sorry your family is being so negative. You are trying your best! Sometimes we all just need a kickstart so tell them to shut their pie hole!
I hope you seek the help of a professional who can help you deal with all the things your family makes you feel. You are doing it for yourself with or without them! Maybe you should distance yourself from them (at least for a time) if that is at all possible. Then go prove them wrong!!!!

[Hop_Scotch 1,632]

Time to assertively tell these people that your weight loss, weight or any related dietary/food intake is no longer up for discussion. If they continue to bring up these matters, restate your position and change the subject.

[Guest]

9 hours ago, fourmonthspreop said:

Does anyone deal with negative comments from family members about your surgery?

Absolutely not, not one of them know for that very reason. People are awful. Sorry about that.

"isn't that what got you to this point in the first place, wanting to eat things like that?"

I've had "you'll always have a weight problem" (I was 17)

And when I got my band "that's very you, isn't it, trying to solve things with money and a short cut"

I feel you.

Edited March 18, 2022 by Guest

[summerseeker 2,166]

There are many, many people on here who keep there weight loss surgery a secret. That way you get less negative comments. I told my husband and son. Its no one else's business. You can't unsay it now so you need to just smile and say the statistics are in my corner this time, even if you , my brother are not. Be strong, you got this and us on here. PS. I always know what to say, 10 minutes after I need it

[I♡BypassedMyPhatAss♡ 804]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. You have to do what is best for you and staying positive mentally, will take you far on this journey. I agree with @Hop_Scotch I'd say that and any further negative comments from them, I'd distance myself from them. And if they live with you, I'd walk away and not say a word. With time, they'll see that it's not up for discussion. Put some earbuds in with positive songs that get you in a good mood and take a walk. I have an entire play list of songs that I listen to at the gym when I'm not feeling "strong" it gets me back to where I need to be mentally.

[lizonaplane 1,613]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I agree with others who suggested to work with a therapist or tell your family that the issue is closed, but I realize these are hard things to do and not always an option.

Are your family members overweight? Sometimes people say these sorts of things out of jealousy or based on their own experiences. It doesn't make it okay, but at least you can know it's their BS and not about you.

I personally eat sweets from time to time - I was told I didn't have to be 100% perfect, just keep my eating choices good 80-90% of the time. But that may not work for everyone. I do agree that celebrating with food probably isn't the best idea, but a treat on your birthday sounds pretty harmless as long as you can enjoy a reasonable portion and it doesn't become a binge.

Good luck!

[kcuster83 1,504]

I am sorry you are dealing with this.

I told VERY few people, none of which are my family. For this exact reason.

[fourmonthspreop 510]

I really appreciate it everyone. I do my best to ignore but some days it gets to me. I have a therapist so we talk about it as well. I've done 10 months now of counseling and will continue throughout the whole bariatric process.
I told my family last night that I didn't want to deal with my problems the same way they do. They have issues with alcohol and my brother with both food and alcohol. They've refused to get help my whole life. It annoys me even more because I went out, got a psychiatrist, psychologist, dietician, surgery etc. And im still told you might fail, what makes this any different? Like look, I'm getting help...something they REFUSE to do for their problems. I REFUSE to be just like them. I really do appreciate the kind words of encouragement from everyone. I won't let their negativity stop me. I can't wait till I'm a year post op and they shut their traps. [emoji38]

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[Kelly Sweetheart 32]

I've had a different mind set for awhile now. I'm doing this for me. I'm doing this because it's best for me. I did the research. I learned about weight set point. I've researched about Ghrelin (and Leptin). I've yo-yo dieted since I was a teen. I'm now in my 50's. I've spoken to those who have had wls. I've talked to physicians about success rates and complications. I'm sure you've done a lot of these things or more yourself. Besides, you already had the procedure. Shoot, I'd shut them down with that. But honestly, did you previously think of alternative ways to Celebrate birthdays, holidays, etc. I would say that's an example of a change in thinking. Hell, you making changes like that is a major success in my book. You got this

[Flab-U-Less Forever 140]

It sounds like you family is afraid of you succeeding. If you succeed with the same problems that they have, then they will have to look at their problems and most likely do not want to do that. Its easier to keep you head stuck in the sand.

[Tony B - NJ 642]

1 hour ago, summerseeker said:

There are many, many people on here who keep there weight loss surgery a secret. That way you get less negative comments. I told my husband and son. Its no one else's business. You can't unsay it now so you need to just smile and say the statistics are in my corner this time, even if you , my brother are not. Be strong, you got this and us on here. PS. I always know what to say, 10 minutes after I need it

I told my wife, obviously and my son and daughter in law...that is all. They are super supportive and know the amount of work that is required, they are educated and informed. The rest of the family knows nothing because to be totally honest, they do not have the mental ability to understand what goes into this and how much work it is. It is not a magic pill, it is not like going in and getting the fat cut out and sewed back up. It is hard work.

[Guest]

They speak from fear. What happens if you try and succeed. Where does that leave them, now knowing that it's possible to succeed and at the same time, they haven't. That's an incredibly unstable and scary place for them to be. Your surgery has, through no fault of your own, messed with their lives and how they see themselves and, even though they may love you, they also need you to fail. It's OK. It isn't your job to change them. Your only responsibility is to yourself and you've risen to it like a hero.

[Toesinthewater 31]

Precisely why I only told my husband!