Is anyone's spouse against WLS?

[MrsGreen 8]

Hi all, I am in the process of preparing for the gastric sleeve procedure.

My husband is against the procedure and thinks I need to lose weight the, "hard way."

Kinda sucks to have the person closest to you, not share in the excitement with you.

So I was wondering if anyone else has had to deal with the same or similar issue?

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[Hop_Scotch 1,630]

So what does he do himself so as not to take advantage of technology, inventions or health advancements - what does he do the hard way? Not just in health but in everyday life and work.

I assume you've already attempted what he considered to be the hard way? Does he think you haven't put the effort in?

Maybe take him along to your next medical appointment with the surgeon so that the surgeon can explain the superiority of surgery over what he considers to be the hard way.

[Smanky 747]

WLS is a "hard way" of losing weight. The notion that it's "the easy way out" or a "magic wand" is pure ignorance. WLS is just a tool and it's still a life-long adjustment to a healthier way of eating, and it still includes exercise and calorie counting. Your husband (along with many others in society!) needs to understand this. If he's resistant to understanding that, then there's other stuff at play behind his anti-WLS stance. I would also question why "the hard way" is so essential? Why is that so important, versus choosing an alternative route that gets results? Why is the journey being a difficult one so essential here? Again, the surgery option is plenty difficult, but just trying to unpack the logic behind his stance.

My partner was initially unhappy with my choice, until I finally broke down and really let him know how utterly miserable I was in my morbidly obese body. I had tried "the hard way" all my life and failed. He very quickly changed his stance and got on board, and has been a great support since.

And he can see the change in me not just physically but mentally. I am happy again. I have my sex-drive back. I want to go out again. It's not just weight loss. Your husband needs to know that. And surely he wants that for you? If not... again, there's other stuff going on in that case.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time with him over this. It's stressful enough without added emotional strain. I hope he can open his eyes and get on board for your health and happiness.

[Jean123867 3]

My husband I believe is more scared something will happen to me during the surgery than against it in all. I have a bad past with surgeries.

[Arabesque 7,219]

Oh, he’s one of those who think surgery is cheating or easy. This is a much harder way to lose weight than just going on a diet & exercise program. You’re also contending with recovery from your surgery. The diet is more restrictive to begin than many other diets. Your tummy can become more sensitive or fussy about certain foods for a while. You have greater accountability with your surgeon, dietician, GP, therapist & of course your self watching over & monitoring your progress. (You also get all their support too of course.) I did a lot of research & learnt more about food choices, general nutrition, my own nutritional needs, my emotional & physical health, etc. than I ever did on any of the hundreds of diets I did in the past.

Many find therapy very helpful on their weight loss journey & it may be beneficial for your husband too. Someone impartial he can work through his feelings about the surgery & any fears he may have about how it will affect/change you & may be your relationship.

All the best.

[I♡BypassedMyPhatAss♡ 804]

Maybe he's one of those spouses that the idea of their spouse actually losing weight makes them insecure.

I've read that this happens for some couples. The spouse in question is afraid that if their spouse loses weight, it will change the dynamic of their marriage. If the spouse having WLS actually loses weight this time, they will gain confidence and will be noticed by others of the opposite sex, or even leave the marriage. So they're using the excuse that it's the easy way out in order to deflect from their own insecurities in the hopes it guilts you into not having the surgery. Again, I've never heard of this happening with anyone I've known, just read about it.

But in the end you have to do what's best for you and your health, so maybe you just need to explain this to him that you're worried about where your health will be in 5, 10, 20 years if you don't get healthier now.

Best wishes to you!

[idk4w 22]

When I began my pre-op diet, I was working so hard, and my husband said, "if you're working so hard on this diet, why do you need the surgery? Just keep doing what you're doing!" then post op, when you're eating NOTHING and basically starving yourself, again, my husband was like, you're working so hard, maybe you could have jsut done this without the surgery!

I don't think any of us really realize what WLS is until after we do it. Society definitely doesn't. I also saw this as almost an easy way out and a bad role model for my kids. Now that they see how hard you actually have to work on the various phases of diet etc., they ask the same thing-- you're working harder than you ever have on any diet, so why did you need the surgery if you're working this hard? You could have just done this.

But the answer is we couldn't have. We are being forced to fellow this diet plan now, and it wasn't working out before, for any number of reasons. Your husband is going to see you working harder than you ever have in your entire life. literally. The thing is that if it's not really internalized, then yes, after 2 months you can be snacking on Cookies and chocolate and junk and go back to bad habits. Sure you can. Anyone can. We all have to work really hard at internalizing what's going on here and making the life changes that for some reason we weren't doing before. It ain't magic, and it won't happen itself. It's HARD WORK.

[ShoppGirl 4,776]

I am not sure why society still sees this as the easy way out. Once you get back to regular foods you could technically eat something every hour if wanted to. And if you did that, especially combined with poor food choices, you could take in a huge amount of calories and would not lose or possibly even gain. I seen this firsthand at 10-11 months out when I had death in the family. I started out by just eating more servings of food and gained a little bit then began with poor food choices and ended up gaining 4 pounds in a very short amount of time. It’s not a magic wand, or easy. It’s just a tool. Yes it sets you up to be successful if you do everything right but NO iT DOES NOT do the work for you.

[MrsGreen 8]

Thanks everyone. It's definitely not easy when the person who should be your main cheerleader is your main antagonist.
I'm determined though to become more healthy, and take an active role in my life again despite what anyone thinks; including my husband.

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[FourBakes 8]

My husband is VERY against WLS surgery He says I haven't tried to lose weight or create a healthier lifestyle on my own. Now that I have been on the pre-op diet and losing some weight he says the same as another poster said ... why can't you just keep doing this?

He also is very cautious about surgeries in general so that doesn't help.



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[The Greater Fool 2,022]

1 hour ago, FourBakes said:

My husband is VERY against WLS surgery He says I haven't tried to lose weight or create a healthier lifestyle on my own. Now that I have been on the pre-op diet and losing some weight he says the same as another poster said ... why can't you just keep doing this?

He also is very cautious about surgeries in general so that doesn't help.

It's a good question.

We read over and over that WLS is just a tool. A temporary tool, at that.

We see time and again shocking realizations that returning appetites are normal. We learn that we need to be responsible for dealing with our appetite.

We see that eating until we are "full" allows us to eat too much food. Our cue on when to stop eating becomes Portion Control.

Good luck,

Tek

[MissNicole 17]

Mine is 100% against it. It's to the point where if I mention it, he gets quiet or dismisses me. I try to show him videos about the surgery and he tells me he's not interested or to turn it off. I'm to the point where I'm just going to focus on myself and the surgery and do what I need to do to get it. He'll eventually come around. Hopefully yours will too.

[Esi 179]

My husband was initially against it. He was afraid it wouldn’t work, or that I would regain the weight. However, he was supportive of my decision. Since I’ve lost the majority of excess weight, I think he is happily surprised. Time will tell if I can keep the weight off permanently.

[SandMeli 3]

It maybe helps to have him attend one of your surgeon appointments. My husband wasn't for or against. I think he was worried about the surgery and side effects. I took him with me to the surgical consult and had him ask his questions. He is now on board and understands why I am needing to do this. Plus, the surgeon made him feel comfortable with the procedure.

[Crinkles 30]

It's hard when your other half is not on board with what you are doing.

My hubby was deadset against it at first... he then realized that I was 100% serious - he was still against it though and had the mind set that its a dangerous way of cheating. I then made him watch a load of videos about the sleeve, what needs to be done before and after the surgery.

Once he understood the work that actually goes alongside the sleeve, that the successful use of the tool involves hard work on my part - and if I dont try hard it wont make a difference - he slowly started to change his mind. He would still prefer that I not get the surgery but he understands my reasons for it and supports that,

Getting him to this stage has been a very hard journey and is part of the reason I wont be telling anyone else about my WLS. I do not have the energy or brain space to be explaining myself 100 times to 100 different people.