Well intentioned compliments

[ShoppGirl 4,465]

My aunt keeps sending me photos of how big I was a year and two years ago saying look what came up on my memories I had to show you. I know she means it to say congratulations on your success but part of me doesn’t feel that way. Part of me is like what we’re you saying then if you think I was so huge and gross before. And a small part thinks what if I am one of the people that gains it all back and I am that big again what will you say then. Am I just being too sensitive and not just accepting the compliment or what. Idk if I am explaining how I feel exactly right but I wonder if anyone else has felt similar??

[LaoDaBeirut 158]

No you're not too sensitive that would bother me too.

[The Greater Fool 2,002]

Emotions are complicated. (Duh! Tek)

When I was a 1/4 ton too heavy I constantly felt judged. Heck, I was judging me why shouldn't everyone? When kids and adults alike run into poles and walls because they were staring at me it's hard to pretend I'm not being judged, though sometimes it gave me a chuckle. I knew my friends and work acquaintances rarely said anything because, generally, they were kind people. I like kind people.

Family was harder. Love seems to allow the harshest of cruelties. After I started losing the weight they also became my biggest cheerleaders, even though they mucked it up sometimes as you describe. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. For me this is where the charity principle comes into play: Accept the good intentions even though the expression of them were poorly formed.

I want to say the feeling of being judged got better after losing weight, but for me, not so much. No one I know now knew me then. I know intellectually no one is judging me for my weight. But still my head image of me doesn't match the real me though with time it's getting closer, so I still have the emotions of big. I always feel judged about other things too so I think a lot of it may be the joy of being me.

Good luck,

Tek

[Guest]

You know what I say to people? I say "yeah, wow, I really admire that guy I used to be. You won't believe how much easier life is when people aren't constantly judging your weight. He lived life on hard mode, tough warrior that man."

It shuts them up real fast.

[blackcatsandbaddecisions 848]

I have a friend who every picture I send her she comments on how thin I look. Sometimes it’s like ok thank you but I’m not concerned about the thinness I need advice on if i should buy this pair of jeans! 😂. I know she means well, though. I think some people in our lives are just so struck by a he physical change they don’t get over it for some time.

[TRAVELRN 73]

My aunt keeps sending me photos of how big I was a year and two years ago saying look what came up on my memories I had to show you. I know she means it to say congratulations on your success but part of me doesn’t feel that way. Part of me is like what we’re you saying then if you think I was so huge and gross before. And a small part thinks what if I am one of the people that gains it all back and I am that big again what will you say then. Am I just being too sensitive and not just accepting the compliment or what. Idk if I am explaining how I feel exactly right but I wonder if anyone else has felt similar??

I get it. Gotta shut out the noise and focus on one thing/on day At a time.

Nannette

[Elidh 239]

5 hours ago, MiniGastricBypassDude said:

You know what I say to people? I say "yeah, wow, I really admire that guy I used to be. You won't believe how much easier life is when people aren't constantly judging your weight. He lived life on hard mode, tough warrior that man."

It shuts them up real fast.

Totally love that response - I will remember it!!

[River Moon 52]

I know what you mean. When I get such "compliments" from people who have always loved, supported, cared, and never judged me when I was bigger, I am grateful for them. They make me feel good inside and I appreciate them. But, unfortunately, some people I know judged me when I was bigger, and suddenly now say how good I look, or "wow you've lost so much weight, you look great." When people like that say those types of things to me, it does not feel good. I think just as you do. What were they saying behind my back when I wasn't this size. When they say that to me, all I hear is, "You were so huge and ugly before."

[Esi 179]

Great post. It is eye-opening when people who never talked with me at work before, have approached me and say they hardly recognize me, how great I look. So all they saw before was a fat person not even worth talking with. Amazing how important how much space someone takes up in our world is to some people.

Agree with the post above about charity…I keep things brief and say thanks, and in the same breath ask how they are doing. If they persist, I just keep asking how they are doing as a broken record….

Sometimes depending on my mood, I will fib and say I was sick because it makes the other person feel bad for commenting. 😆

[Guest]

5 hours ago, Esi said:

Amazing how important how much space someone takes up in our world is to some people.

Great realization. And then let's get rid of us internalizing it!

I'll go to war for bigger people any ol' day. We all the right to be exactly the size we happen to be. Who the hell made 17" wide plane seats? Who said a BMI only 22% of Americans manage to have is "Normal"?

[ShannonCorbin 11]

I hate comments on my weight. It makes me so self conscious to know how much people are looking at my body. I have said this on some Facebook groups and I always get people who say “people better compliment me on my weight loss! I worked hard for this!!!” I just don’t feel that way.

[Esi 179]

15 hours ago, ShannonCorbin said:

I hate comments on my weight. It makes me so self conscious to know how much people are looking at my body. I have said this on some Facebook groups and I always get people who say “people better compliment me on my weight loss! I worked hard for this!!!” I just don’t feel that way.

Yes, especially in a professional setting. My body is off limits and commenting is inappropriate, yet still people open their mouths.

It lets me know how superficial people are, and if I would gain back the weight, even though they wouldn’t likely comment, it’s evident that is what they would be thinking.