How do you deal with people telling you to stop losing weight?

[Crick 144]

So, I am just over 9 months post-op. I hit my official goal in August but my personal, unofficial goal was 135 which I hit last week. However, I think I can still go lower - yes, I am wearing size 6 pants and jeans and small tops but I especially have weight around my belly. I can see it shrinking from the edges but I still have another at least 5 lbs I could lose I think. Plus, I have a TON of loose skin. I’m already starting to save for plastics but that’s not the point. In the past week I have had 3 people all tell me to stop losing weight (this was unsolicited, BTW) and that I don’t want to get too thin. Now, I respond that I am working with a doctor and nutritionist and I am still in the normal BMI range (I know, it’s a horrible measure but it’s one that people are at least familiar with) and that I could reasonably lose more and still maintain a healthy BMI. I am really trying to work on building muscle/toning as I have been since the end of March when I was fully vaccinated. I am really frustrated because I can’t imagine the audacity of people (and one of these folks is a dear mentor that I look up to) to tell me this. I know part of this is that I am so frustrated when I see other folks pictures pre-plastic surgery that were sort of similar stats and they look so much better than I do now, and I try not to let that cloud my judgment, but I am curious how others have dealt with people telling you that you are getting too small?

Attaching pics to prove that I still can and should lose more in my stomach area (although what’s above my belly button is just extra skin I think that will require surgery).

[catwoman7 11,209]

I think you look perfect! What's left is just loose skin.

btw - it's VERY common to regain about 10% of your lost weight during year 2 or 3, so I would not worry about being too thin right now. I think you look great! I purposely went a little below my goal because I knew the rebound was really common - and yep, it happened to me!! (lost 235 lbs - gained 20 lbs in year 3)

[ms.sss 15,463]

First congrats on the weight loss! You've done fabulously!

I learned myself that everyone and their mothers believe that they should be dispensing advice to you about your body and eating habits. During weight loss phase, especially as I was nearing goal, soooooo many people would tell, ask, DEMAND that i cease losing weight immediately or even to gain some back. Ugh.

I became very skilled at stealthily changing the subject (usually about them because people love talking about themselves). I didn't bother arguing or explaining because I knew it wouldn't change their attitude anyway, and any response from me would just extend the unwanted conversation longer.

I'm 3 years out now and NOBODY talks about my weight loss any more, its old news. Whats interesting is that I actually weigh less now than at the times when they were all "concerned" about my weight loss. I do look less gaunt now (thanks, carbs) but I think its because they had enough time to get used to it and it was no longer jarring to see me so different looking in so short a time span.

If changing the subject doesn't work, you can be honest and ask them to stop, be brutally honest and demand that they stop, or go nuclear and just lose it so they will be too afraid to bring it up again, lol. OR, you can just give them what they want...which is to tell them that they are right: "Yes, you are right. I am too thin. I will make an appointment with my doc. Thanks for looking out for me".

P.S. on another note, you can't really spot-lose weight. If you want to lose more weight on your belly, be prepared to lose the proportionate amount of weight everywhere else. also keep in mind that plastics will take a few to several pounds off you. I have read of others on here who lose 8-15 lbs of "material" after plastics.

Good Luck! ❤️

Edited October 24, 2021 by ms.sss

[Arabesque 7,177]

Oh, the unsolicited advice & sometimes hurtful comments. People do get over it & as @ms.sss sud it becomes old news. Now I just get comments about how good I look 😉.

When you first loose the weight it is a bit of a shock to others & yourself. They (& you) have a picture of you in their heads & it dues to align anymore. Like they can’t recognise you anymore. It takes time to get used to how you look being so much slimmer & for that fat image to be replaced. Also you will find that once your weight stabilises your remaining fat seems to resettle around your body. At first it seemed I had lost my hour glass shape & I had no butt at all. Now, my waist is definitely there again & I have a little booty but my weight has not changed. If you are working on toning you’ll likely notice the resettling more. And don’t forget either that muscle weighs more than fat.

As @ms.sss also said your weight will be lower if you have skin removal. So it is something to take into consideration. I think you may even find that the abdominal fat you see is really just loose skin. I didn’t go down the skin removal path as I don’t have much loose skin. (It doesn’t impede me in any way & isn’t noticeable even in fitted body con clothes.) There are a lot of factors that influence how much loose skin you end up with: highest weight, how long you were overweight, age, gender, genetics, weight gain & loss history, etc. So you can never really compare what you look like with others. Though we’re human & we can’t always stop ourselves doing that. 😉

I always say you have to find a weight you are happy with, are healthy at & can maintain without having to make too restrictive sacrifices that limit how you enjoy your life. Only you know what weight that is.

Congrats on your weight loss. You’re looking amazing.

[Lynnlovesthebeach 626]

Long after everyone else had quit making comments about my weight I had one person that just would't stop. Every time I saw her she would say things like "you've gotten too thin, you need to quit losing weight, how much more are you going to lose etc..." I finally told her if she didn't stop commenting on my weight I was going to consider it harassment and go to management. She has stopped. If anyone else makes a random comment I just say "this is the size I'm supposed to be." I was 112 lbs when I graduated college and I have a couple people at work that remember when I was that size so I'm fine where I am.

Congratulations on your weight loss!

[lizonaplane 1,612]

12 hours ago, ms.sss said:

First congrats on the weight loss! You've done fabulously!

P.S. on another note, you can't really spot-lose weight. If you want to lose more weight on your belly, be prepared to lose the proportionate amount of weight everywhere else. also keep in mind that plastics will take a few to several pounds off you. I have read of others on here who lose 8-15 lbs of "material" after plastics.

Good Luck! ❤️

These things...

Even if you've never had a weight issue or weight loss surgery, you can't lose weight in one specific place. And, it does look like what you've got there is just loose skin. And... when you are wearing a shirt it doesn't show at all.

But I think you may have to learn to live with the comments for the time being unfortunately until as @Arabesque said, people come to learn what you look like now and replace the old you with the new you in their minds.

I also want to add that I hope I am as successful as you are!! You're an inspiration!

[Splenda 257]

"I'm finding my inner child. Turns out, he/she's a lot skinnier than I thought he/she was."

[Crick 144]

Thanks everyone. I just got really discouraged when it was my mom, my mentor, and some random lady at the gym all in a period of 3 days.

I know I can’t “spot” lose but I’m thinking I will lose more from my belly as it’s been the last place I’ve been losing and it’s sort of deflating from the sides in so I think there is still some more to lose in the center - but we shall see. I never thought I would feel the need to do plastics but honestly so frustrated with how I look that I don’t think I’ll be satisfied otherwise - that’s part of why I’ve been doing weight training so that I can really build up the muscle mass and hopefully that will help with everything.

I’ll save the “go nuclear” option in my back pocket. 🤪

[Sunnyway 344]

6 hours ago, Lynnlovesthebeach said:

Long after everyone else had quit making comments about my weight I had one person that just would't stop. Every time I saw her she would say things like "you've gotten too thin, you need to quit losing weight, how much more are you going to lose etc..." I finally told her if she didn't stop commenting on my weight I was going to consider it harassment and go to management. She has stopped.

Bravo for setting a boundary and demanding she back off!

[ShoppGirl 4,727]

I haven’t dealt with this yet but I think I would probably politely tell them that I appreciate their concern for me but am working with a doctor and nutritionist so there is no need for them to worry about my health. If they continue to push after that id probably say something along the lines of I think I will get my medical advice from the experts.

[TheRealPennyD 12]

On 10/24/2021 at 1:52 PM, Crick said:

So, I am just over 9 months post-op. I hit my official goal in August but my personal, unofficial goal was 135 which I hit last week. However, I think I can still go lower - yes, I am wearing size 6 pants and jeans and small tops but I especially have weight around my belly. I can see it shrinking from the edges but I still have another at least 5 lbs I could lose I think. Plus, I have a TON of loose skin. I’m already starting to save for plastics but that’s not the point. In the past week I have had 3 people all tell me to stop losing weight (this was unsolicited, BTW) and that I don’t want to get too thin. Now, I respond that I am working with a doctor and nutritionist and I am still in the normal BMI range (I know, it’s a horrible measure but it’s one that people are at least familiar with) and that I could reasonably lose more and still maintain a healthy BMI. I am really trying to work on building muscle/toning as I have been since the end of March when I was fully vaccinated. I am really frustrated because I can’t imagine the audacity of people (and one of these folks is a dear mentor that I look up to) to tell me this. I know part of this is that I am so frustrated when I see other folks pictures pre-plastic surgery that were sort of similar stats and they look so much better than I do now, and I try not to let that cloud my judgment, but I am curious how others have dealt with people telling you that you are getting too small?

Attaching pics to prove that I still can and should lose more in my stomach area (although what’s above my belly button is just extra skin I think that will require surgery).

When people offer you unsolicited advice, tell the it was unsolicited and ask them if they would like you to comment on their body.