I feel like I’m failing

[bluesupef04 6]

Hi everyone, I need some support and advice because I feel like I am failing so bad right now and I am so frustrated. I am almost three months post op. I lost 20lbs On my own before surgery. My surgeon was very strict and I only could have Proteins shakes and Water. I hated the Protein Shakes and ended up just having water a lot of the time. Especially after surgery, with a liquid diet I had mostly water. My surgeon wasn’t concerned. However, right after my surgery I lost a lot of weight really fast. The first month I lost about 30 pounds. It started slowing down the second month when I started eating especially. Second month I lost about 14 pounds. However about halfway through the month I started slowing down and hit plateaus. In the third month I have lost only 5 pounds. Is this normal? I went from 320 and am now at 250 or so. I have lost inches in the last months so I know SOMETHING is happening. But I feel like a failure and my surgeon absolutely is no help. I am realizing I haven’t got any if the support I need from him. He wants me to eat once a day, and I have never been able to do that aside from maybe day one of eating. My body is hungrier than that. It has gone from two a day total to two or three times a day with a snack. This seems on par with everything I’ve read but my surgeons words and requirements are really triggering my sense of failure. Paired with my extreme stalls the shame and guilt is intense. I work out 2-3 times a week pretty intensely and know m I’m building muscle. I also was struggling to drink all my water until last week. My foods consist of mostly cheese, meats, and veggies. I had crackers when I was sick the second month as well as a food two other times with minimal amounts of flour. I believe I am in ketosis all of the time and have not gotten out of it. I can eat 1-1.9 oz a day. Sometimes I eat until I’m full, but I’ve only had 3 or so times I’ve ate until I was past full. I’m definitely high anxiety on this and I know that is part of the issue. Anxiety causes stress which can hold weight but also make me want to eat more. Any thoughts?

[Sleeve_Me_Alone 656]

I'm so sorry you're struggling. I know it must be extremely frustrating and scary to be at this point with so little support from your surgeon. I think weight loss normally slows significantly after the first couple of months, exactly when depends on each persons body, so don't be alarmed that you aren't losing at the same rate you did in month 1. However, I'm honestly shocked to hear that your surgeon recommends only one meal a day. I know that programs vary widely, but nearly all suggest several small meals a day by the 3 month mark. I had VSG, so my guidelines are a little different, but my surgeon recommends 4-6 2-4oz meals a day for RNY patients at the 3 month mark. Does your program have a registered dietician you can work with, instead of the surgeon? If not, could you find an independent one or maybe have your PCP refer you? If that's not an option, there are a ton of really great bariatric dieticians that do 1:1 coaching; you might want to look into that. In the interim, maybe try experimenting with a couple small meals a day. Focus on getting in Proteins first, then high quality veggies/complex carbs.

It may also be worth getting set up with a counselor. WLS is a HUGE life change and having some extra support can make all the difference in the world. The surgery is a tool, not a magic fix, and we are only as successful as our ability to USE that tool. So much of it is mental that it can feel overwhelming, and having a resource to help you work through the internal pieces of it can be a game changer.

Best of luck to you! I know its exhausting, but you're doing a great job!

[Candace76 212]

Hi Bluesupef04,

I am sorry that you are frustrated and feel like you are failing. Congratulations on your weight loss, it sounds like you lost around 70 pounds, that's awesome. You are absolutely not failing. I am also almost 3 months out. The weight seems to come off fast on pre op diet and the first month after the surgery. From what I understand average loss can be about 10 pounds a month for the first few months after surgery. Some lose more & some less. Stalls are also common for many WLS patients.

I am sorry that you feel like your doctor isn't being helpful. I was surprised to read that he suggested eating once a day. Have you also been working with a nutritionist? You may want to meet with one to help you see if there is anything you can do with your food plan to help.

I wish you luck moving forward & hope you achieve your weight loss goals.

[SarahMan80 83]

I am 4 months out and just had an appointment with the surgeon last week. He suggested eating one meal a day in order to keep my blood sugar from spiking in my body. He stated that my body has enough stored fat and if I follow Intermittent Fasting/OMAD I will lose weight faster. This is in complete opposition to the nutritionists that work in his own office.

If I eat just one meal a day at this point there is NO WAY I'd be able to meet my Protein goals and my calorie intake would be miniscule.

So, I am actually going to ignore my surgeons suggestion on this. I am going to keep eating according to the nutritionists well thought out plan and lose the weight when I lose the weight. Stick to what your comfortable with.... remember, losing weight is not a race.

[Queen ApisM 427]

I'm horrified that the surgeon is telling you one meal a day. You mention that you manage 1-2 oz of food a day. There is no way that is enough especially if you are also exercising! Are you also drinking Protein Shakes?

In contrast, I just had my 2 month check in, and my nutritionist is telling me to increase my calories especially because I want to restart with my trainer this week. She also wants me to start weaning off the shakes (though not necessarily the Protein powder). I already eat 3-4 times a day (small meals) plus a Protein Shake, and to make the new calorie goal I'm going to have to add another snack and try to increase calorie count at each meal.

If his practice doesn't have a nutritionist, perhaps you can see about switching to a new practice that does and using one of their nutritionists? You want someone who is experienced with bariatric patients and not all nutritionists are. Also, depending on your state there may or may not be licensing for nutritionists, so make sure they are credentialed.

[Elidh 239]

On one of my many self-devised diets, years before VSG surgery, I fasted for 8 days straight. Only had Water and non-caloric beverages. To my amazement, I lost ZERO pounds!! When my weight loss had slowed down (post-VSG) my nutritionist usually increases my daily calories. We should be eating 4-5 times a day. I’m rambling, I know, but I think we are often instructed to eat too few calories, and I believe, especially in the year post- op, we definitely should not be on OMAD or IF. Just sayin….

[bluesupef04 6]

I can’t respond to anyone individually on here 😡 Thank you all so much for the kind words. It has helped immensely. I am eating 1-2 oz a meal, so probably getting about 4 oz a day of food total. I am going to talk to the nutritionist and get a counselor that specializes in WLS. I definitely am frustrated with my surgeon and need more support. I basically fasted for a month, but it didn’t feel doable right not, so I think I’ll ignore that advice too. I had never heard anyone else saying they should eat once until that comment above. I have a counselor, but I need a new one. So I’m going to have to get more Swiss about my supports. I may have pushed too hard as well. I had a lot of complications with the surgery. I got an infected incision and had a lot of issues with dizziness and weakness for the first 4 weeks after surgery. I started working out at about 2 months. Thank you all so much for the support. I feel much better 🤗🤗🤗

[Arabesque 7,247]

Unfortunately the feeling of failing is very common. A lot of it comes from poor information from your surgeon & your team. I don’t understand why they don’t prepare people better on what to expect. It would greatly reduce a lot of the anxiety people experience after surgery. Makes me angry. So sorry your surgeon & team didn’t private you & don’t seem to be on your side through this.

Ok, first. The heady amounts of weight you lose at the beginning doesn’t continue. The rate at which you lose will reduce as you get closer to goal & are eating more. Losing about 1-2lbs a week is pretty average by months 3 or 4. Some my lose more, others less. You will lose at your rate. Many factors affect the rate (age, starting weight, previous weight loss history, gender, etc.). Stalls (plateaus) happen. Think of them as your body taking a break to come to terms with the stress of the diet & weight loss. You may stall from 1-3 weeks at a time. Every pound you lose is a win.

Sorry but eating one meal a day is ridiculous. How are you able to consume 60g of Protein plus a variety of other nutrient sources in one meal? It’s physically impossible for you! No wonder you’re feeling hungry. You are hungry!!! Do you have a dietician/nutritionalist? Once eating solid foods the goal should be introducing healthy eating habits (when you eat, what you eat, why you eat) which is why we’re advised to eat 3 meals a day & some (like me) are encouraged to add Snacks as we progress to ensure protein & other nutrient goals are being met. Your portion sizes will increase as you progress too.

Eat slowly. Don’t be afraid to graze on a meal for 30+ minutes if necessary. It takes time for the message you’re full to get through. I still try to eat only until I’ve had enough. (Do I really need the next bite or just want it?) Keep protein the biggest part of any meal or snack & eat it first if possible. Having a small amount of whole or multi grain carbs is ok - I was allowed to eat rolled oats from the purée stage. I even could have any fruit from around months 3/4.

I went to my dietician every two weeks but honestly, I worked most of my eating plan out myself - she just confirmed I was making sensible choices & suggested some alternatives. You have to work out a way of eating that works for you & while you’re losing is the perfect time to begin. Do lots of reading (avoid the fad stuff - they’re never sustainable), reflect on your eating habits (trigger foods, foods you crave, what drives you to eat, weight gain/loss history, etc.) & how your lifestyle may impact your eating plan in the future (you have to be able to maintain a weight you’re happy & healthy at while still being able enjoy your life). A too restrictive diet will fail because it will limit you enjoying your life.

You will get where you want to be. Good luck.

[Christina J. 17]

I actually very recently started to figure out that I had to adjust my eating because of the intensity of my workouts. My surgery team has kind of abandoned me at this point and haven't been helpful so I've done a lot of research on my own. I was hitting stalls very often despite not changing my eating from the plan and I was starting to get super depressed. My original guidelines said to get 70-100g of Protein a day and I started researching nutrition for the workouts I'm doing which are largely CrossFit based. What I discovered personally is that I wasn't eating enough to fuel my muscles for the workouts and for recovery. I bumped my protein up to 100-125g a day and BAM the weight started moving again, I felt better and had more energy for my workouts. I also increased my Water intake from 64oz to 100 oz. I eat three meals a day with small Snacks in between. Granted they are tiny meals and tiny snacks but all of the focus is on protein, veggies/fruits, and complex carbs. It has made a huge difference and my weight and inches are moving again. I also had to remind myself that muscle weighs more than fat so that even when the scale wasn't moving, things were happening in the right way. Restricting your food will cause so many more issues, just make sure you're eating the right things and get that protein right.

I also started a recovery routine of foam rolling, muscle massage after the workouts to decrease the inflammation and soreness which caused me to bloat up and retain water like crazy and it's made a big difference for me personally. I think this entire endeavor is about finding what works for you and your body. Most nutritionists I've contacted have come to the same thing: up your protein, spread your meals out, and up your water. Hope this helps.