Is finally almost here

[Chiquita 0]

I have been avoiding coming to the forum in the last couple weeks,, I been hoping the time goes by fast to my first appointment.

I have lots of weight to loose, and I have been doing 2 liquid meals a day prior to seen the doctor the first time, just so I loose some weight and so he sees what I am doing and hopefully he won't make me do to long of diet before the surgery.

I am finding out that everytime I think about this coming up, I feel lightheaded, I feel butterflies in my stomach, almost upset about it.

I was watching this show on tv about this teen girl in Europe, was 475 lbs and had her stomach stampled. They followed her case for 1 year, and seen how she struggle with her emotional rollocoaster of feelings and dealling with the lost of the food comfort.

I been hidding more and more since I found my daughter has autism when she was four and a half,, I had been on a diet program and had lost 70 lbs, and would go to the Gym five to six days a week, I loved it, was feeling so good, then that hit me, I became depressed and slowly backed away from it all, slowly started gaining the weight. One year later we got my son's diagnosis with also autism. Now, I have gain the 70 lbs back plus about 50 more, I don't know, maybe 70 more, or 100, who knows, I don't bother with the scale, and I don't bother with the doctors. Last couple times I have gone in I have not had them weight me and they have not insisted.

The road is so long, I have over half my weight to loose, well more like 2/3 to loose, I be happy if I loose half!

I am depressed tonight, so many little things have gone silly this week and I just find my self crying and venting here and I apologize if I sound negative, but maybe because I am. I know I have depression, but nothing will stop me, I will do what it takes to get my surgery.

I am selfpay and for the last two months I have been saving everything I can for the surgery. I have the money for the pre tests, and I am about 1000 short for the surgery cost, but I will have it in a couple of weeks.

I plan on going all the way, actually, the heck with I settle with half, lol, I do all 2/3, so you all might as well get used to me :rolleyes cause I am in for the long windy road. Just wish I could sleep until my appointment was here.. go in on Wednesday morning, drive is a bit over an hour to get there, I can't wait, it's killing me :faint: