Unsuporrtive Partner

[Chelbears 8]

I've been with my partner for 10 years. It's been a hard 3 months so far. I've lost a total of 43 lbs since surgery and I want to lose another 60 or so. But my partner keeps on telling me that I shouldn't lose thatch weight that I already look horrible, that the back of me already looks flabby and it I keep losing weight I'm going to look like s#$%. It can get sad talking to him. I've been overweight my whole life so hearing him say these things can get depressing. I don't know why see the positive in this process.

[KDBaker 70]

Do you have any local friends or family? It sounds like you cannot depend on him for support. Unfortunately, it sounds like if things with him don't improve you may need to lose him and focus on yourself. There's no shame in that.

[Tony B - NJ 643]

Hate to say it but his insecurity is what is driving this. He is afraid that if you lose to much weight you will not want him around any more. He is insecure about himself and is pushing that off on you to halt your success. The best thing you can do is talk to him and educate him. You are going to look a little old and sickly at first when you drop a bunch of weight, but you will start to tighten up and look better over time in the face etc.

Don't let his insecurity drive you to abandon your weight loss. He can either get with the program you are on or you can surely find someone else. Have confidence in yourself. Your health is more important than staying overweight to please him. He will come around, but if he doesn't you will be better off without him. Others will come along that appreciate your efforts and you will live longer for your efforts.

[Candace76 212]

I am sorry to hear that your partner is not being supportive. He should be your biggest cheerleader and fan, so it must be hurtful when he says those things. You are doing great getting to where you want to be, don't let him stop you from getting there. Hopefully, he will come around, and realize he was acting out of fear, insecurity, or jealousy. If he doesn't come around & continues to make you feel unsupported & says hurtful things, you may need to reevaluate this relationship and/or seek counseling. I hope you have a strong support system of family or friends. Wishing you the best with your weight loss process & hoping you get the support you need from him or elsewhere!💜

[Jaelzion 1,128]

I'm sorry to hear this. Bariatric surgery is so life-changing that it can uncover relationship issues that were previously unrecognized. Would he be willing to do a counseling session to explore why he feels the way he does? Talking it through might help.

[BoyMom86 28]

(((Hugs))))

[learn2cook 603]

You know this isn’t right or you wouldn’t have posted. I believe in you, I know you can do right for yourself. You are worth it!

[Queen ApisM 427]

Don't let this derail what you want to accomplish for yourself. At the end of the day, this surgery and losing weight is about you. Don't let anyone steal that and make it about them, which is exactly what he is doing. What were your goals for this surgery? Better health? Living longer? Being able to more easily shop for cute clothes? Being able to more easily do things you want to do? Whatever they were, if he is a true partner he should want those things for you as well, and support you to get there.

If he can't do that, well that speaks to a deeper problem. Now, as others said, he may be insecure and scared, which is understandable since change is scary. But, as an adult he needs to understand that and work through it. If he isn't willing to do that... whether through self introspection, counseling or some other method, well, then I'd question how strong the relationship really is and if he is worth it.

You deserve to have what you want. Don't forget that! Good luck.

[Tony B - NJ 643]

I agree with Queen 100%!!!

[QuirkyParrot 28]

His objection to your weight loss is not about you, it's about him.

Next time he makes a comment like that, call him on it. It doesn't have to be accusatory or confrontational, just a calm even-tempered question. Why does he need to cut you down, does it make him feel good to hurt your feelings? Why is your appearance more important to him than your good health?

If you are not able to ask him those questions, find a counselor who will. He's either dealing with personal insecurity and afraid he'll lose you (which he/you can work through), or he only wants a relationship in which he has total control over every aspect of what you do and will demand that his needs and desires outweigh yours (from which you should run).

Having unraveled, and eventually ended, a dysfunctional relationship, I understand the fear of facing that reality. It was the hardest and scariest part of my life and took more emotional stamina and personal strength than I thought I had in me. It was also the best thing I ever did for myself, and I never could have done it alone. Our couples counselor, and eventually my private therapist, saved my life. Please get help, you deserve it.

If he refuses counseling, that is a huge red flag.