Husband refuses to drop me off or pick me up from the hospital. Now what?

[DoodlesMom 98]

My husband refuses to drop me off or pick me up from the hospital. He disagrees with my decision to have surgery. I expected this but now need a plan. For those who have a spouse like mine or kept your surgery a secret, how did you arrange for hospital pick-up/ drop-off? Uber? Swear a friend to secrecy?

[wlh75 19]

My husband refuses to drop me off or pick me up from the hospital. He disagrees with my decision to have surgery. I expected this but now need a plan. For those who have a spouse like mine or kept your surgery a secret, how did you arrange for hospital pick-up/ drop-off? Uber? Swear a friend to secrecy?

Why isn't he on board with the surgery? Does he not want you to be healthier etc...?

My hubby has been on board since we found out I am at a 52 BMI & I have an overly fatty liver. He has been to all my appointments with me and heard everything the Dr, Dietitian, Cardiologist, & Psychologist has had to say... He is even planning to do the liver shrink diet with me once COVID allows my surgery.

I hope yours comes around soon. Praying for Yall.

Sent from my LM-Q730 using BariatricPal mobile app

[james2021 160]

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with that, it sounds like a stressful situation. Not sure what your hospital's policy is, but mine needed someone to be physically there to release me, so Uber would've been a no-go. You could arrange for medical transport (some kind of paid service), or might have to go the friend route. Good luck. ❤️

[DoodlesMom 98]

1 minute ago, wlh75 said:

Why isn't he on board with the surgery? Does he not want you to be healthier etc...?

My hubby has been on board since we found out I am at a 52 BMI & I have an overly fatty liver. He has been to all my appointments with me and heard everything the Dr, Dietitian, Cardiologist, & Psychologist has had to say... He is even planning to do the liver shrink diet with me once COVID allows my surgery.

I hope yours comes around soon. Praying for Yall.

Sent from my LM-Q730 using BariatricPal mobile app

My husband thinks I should be able to lose the weight on my own without surgery. He thinks it's too drastic of a step to take. Your husband sounds so supportive. He's even doing the preop/liver shrink diet with you? That's love!! Thank you for your prayers.

[DoodlesMom 98]

1 minute ago, muala94 said:

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with that, it sounds like a stressful situation. Not sure what your hospital's policy is, but mine needed someone to be physically there to release me, so Uber would've been a no-go. You could arrange for medical transport (some kind of paid service), or might have to go the friend route. Good luck. ❤️

I will check to see if my hospital requires someone to physically be there. Thanks for that tip. I'll also look into medical transport. Yes, I'm stressed. Thanks for the support, I really appreciate it.

[vikingbeast 987]

I'm trying really hard to keep my opinions of your husband's total lack of support out of here, but I'm struggling... UGH.

I think maybe you need to confide in a friend and have them do it. You're going to need someone to talk to ("why am I in a stall?" "omg if I look at another Protein Drink I'm going to scream!").

And—tell your husband this isn't cheating. It's basically a stricter diet and exercise program than he's ever been on, and a physical restriction that FORCES you to behave and re-learn how to eat.

[TinDE 83]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Like the surgery isn't stressful enough! I wouldn't go uber either. Basically some stranger picking you up and dropping you off. I would rather swear a friend to secrecy before that. You could ask the facility what they do since solo adults are probably fairly common these days, they may offer a service or something, Another option is to hire a home care professional. Check Care.com I'll bet you'll find someone on there willing to help you out.

Also since you won't be getting help at home, have everything set up for yourself as much as possible before surgery...foods, drinks, meds, etc.

A LOT of us can lose the weight on our own. It's keeping it off that's the problem. We've all been yo-yo dieting for years or we wouldn't be here.

[BigSue 1,389]

I'm sorry your husband isn't being supportive. I live alone and I chose not to tell anyone about my surgery other than medical professionals, so a ride to and from the hospital was an issue for me as well. I just took a taxi to the hospital, but the hospital told me I wasn't allowed to take a taxi/Uber/Lyft home and I had to give them the name and contact info of the person picking me up. I contacted a local home health care agency and they picked me up. The fee wasn't much more than the taxi ride and included a 4-hour shift of home health care, which was nice because the person who picked me up helped me bring my stuff in the house and picked up my prescriptions for me.

[catwoman7 11,214]

sorry to say this, but your husband is exhibiting major jerk-like behavior. That is awful. Even if he disagrees with you getting the surgery, refusing to drop you off and pick you up from the hospital sounds very juvenile.

I'd probably enlist the help of a friend if it were me. I did tell a couple of close friends whom I knew I could trust about my surgery. Or do you have a family member who could do it? If not - yea - the home health idea could work...

sorry you're dealing with this. You don't need to deal with his juvenile behavior on top of the stress of going through major surgery. UGH.

[GreenTealael 25,377]

9 hours ago, DoodlesMom said:

My husband refuses to drop me off or pick me up from the hospital. He disagrees with my decision to have surgery. I expected this but now need a plan. For those who have a spouse like mine or kept your surgery a secret, how did you arrange for hospital pick-up/ drop-off? Uber? Swear a friend to secrecy?

Hire a caretaker/nurse ❤️

[Jaye W 219]

Many hospitals will not allow discharge ride to be Uber or Lyft due to the anesthetic/ narcotics you have had in the day prior to dc. If your husband is displaying this passive aggressive behavior prior to surgery he may continue after surgery and actually try to sabotage you. You may want to seek a therapist now who can help you with this issue or your relationship. Good luck, it is hard enough with good support, I imagine even harder with no support.

[LaoDaBeirut 158]

Where are you located? Maybe someone from here would be willing to help you out. We've all been through the process so understand how important this is. I'm sorry your husband can't see how selfish he is being.

[Kaguragetshealthy_87 41]

I'm so sorry! I'm hoping for the best and maybe a caretaker service would be best. I live in a city by myself with no friends and I'm not sure what I'm going to do if I get approved for surgery.

But from everyone else's response it may be good to hire a service.

[kristieshannon 1,649]

On 08/12/2021 at 06:44, LaoDaBeirut said:

Where are you located? Maybe someone from here would be willing to help you out. We've all been through the process so understand how important this is. I'm sorry your husband can't see how selfish he is being.

Yes, this! I’m a nurse and live in Seattle. If you happen to be near here I’d be happy to be your surgery support person.

[DoodlesMom 98]

11 hours ago, vikingbeast said:

I'm trying really hard to keep my opinions of your husband's total lack of support out of here, but I'm struggling... UGH.

I think maybe you need to confide in a friend and have them do it. You're going to need someone to talk to ("why am I in a stall?" "omg if I look at another Protein Drink I'm going to scream!").

And—tell your husband this isn't cheating. It's basically a stricter diet and exercise program than he's ever been on, and a physical restriction that FORCES you to behave and re-learn how to eat.

Thanks for the advice. I've tried to explain the benefits and why I need the surgery so many times, he just refuses to listen. I will try your way----this isn't cheating. It's basically a stricter diet and exercise program than he's ever been on, and a physical restriction that FORCES you to behave and re-learn how to eat.---- Hopefully, he'll listen. Something has to get through right?