Cranky, and irritable with my spouse

[Holodisplay 15]

10 months out and i still freeze when people give me compliments, I smile and say thank you. I feel like a imposter, loosing 100 pounds has freed me to be healthier and to hang out with my kids, so many good things have happened, yet I still feel like a fake for taking the “easy “ way out it was one of the hardest things I ever did was and trying new things wearing skinny jeans, walking working out not feeling self conscious about wearing a swim suit, I am a bit self conscious about saggy skin, but my husband says I’m still beautiful. No I need to try to accept that myself . Unfortunately he has gained some weight since I lost weight, and he is a bit more negative the he used to be, even his mom said dude chill out and that was eye opening to hear my mother in-law say. We signed up for a gym membership for the summer. I will try to go there more often. Thanks for listening any advice that helped you emotionally or otherwise TIA

Edited June 13, 2021 by Holodisplay

[GummyBearQueen 115]

Life is too short to follow arbitrary rules. “The easy way out according to whom”? There are no rules. We’re all making the best decisions for ourselves for our one life. When your children remember you or when you’re 90 and thinking about your life, I highly doubt feeling self-conscious in a bathing suit is going to be something of significance. My advice to you, easier said than done, is to live your life for yourself. Because nothing else really matters.

[Arabesque 7,505]

You said it yourself: it was one of the hardest thing you’ve ever done. You need to keep reminding yourself of this because the hard work doesn’t end. The battle continues. You never get rid of the cravings or the emotional drives to eat or the old habits & the temptations to eat are always around us. We just learn to recognise them better & develop strategies to manage them.

People who say the surgery is cheating or the easy way are coming from a place of ignorance. They don’t know & don’t understand which is understandable if they have no point of reference. Then there are those who have weight issues but simply are not in the mindset to be proactive about their weight loss & they are critical (or envious) of those who are.

People never say to someone who joins a gym or uses a personal trainer that they took the easy way out. They congratulate them. Yet the PT & the gym memberships are just tools too. If you don’t use them & take advantage of the benefits they can offer nothing will change.

Enjoy your success.

PS - I have loose skin but I’d rather have that then be obese. Clothes cover it. The only person who really sees mine is me. The other person who sees yours says you’re beautiful!

[The Greater Fool 2,057]

WLS is a different hard way.

Good luck,

Tek

[Creekimp13 5,840]

There is no easy way out of significant obesity.

[The Greater Fool 2,057]

Then we could approach this from the other side...

Why would an easy way that works necessarily be bad? It's not 'real' weight loss if it doesn't involve suffering?

Good Luck,

Tek

Edited June 13, 2021 by The Greater Fool

[blackcatsandbaddecisions 853]

Tek has the right of it- I would never think to criticize a drug addict who checks into rehab, or a person who gets help paying off significant debt, so why is it that obesity is the situation where suddenly there is a certain amount of suffering and moral penance required?

I think you also may be experiencing a certain amount of body dysmorphia. A year ago I was 140 lbs heavier than I am today, and I keep having moments where I feel out of place in myself or confused at seeing my clothes/myself in a mirror. It’s ok to still feel a bit disjointed- stuff has changed fast, and your brain is still catching up to the new you!

[Jaelzion 1,128]

On 6/13/2021 at 5:50 AM, The Greater Fool said:

WLS is a different hard way.

Good luck,

Tek

This is good, I'm stealing this!

[pintsizedmallrat 473]

I'm going through a version of this with my "better half"--he was originally planning to have the same surgery after we get married next year and he can be on my much-better insurance. After seeing what I've gone through the last 3 weeks, he has decided it's not for him. He is 6' tall and about 290, and even after me losing 32 pounds already my BMI is still 2 points higher than his. He has a LOT less weight to lose to be comfortable with himself (he has a very broad build and quite a bit of muscle, and feels he would look best around 230) than I do, and I keep telling him that once my diet expands to a point where I can cook for both of us again, the weight will likely come off on its own because of the reduced portion sizes.

I've been cranky a lot lately because I can't seem to get anything down--I'm on week 2 of purees and I am so sick of yogurt and shakes, and try as I might unless I'm really forcing myself to eat I seem to keep ending up falling short of my Protein goals and am eating way too few calories. He's been very patient with me but anyone would be frustrated by that.

[GradyCat 3,696]

You did NOT take the easy way out. WLS is just a tool . . . you did the hard work yourself. I hope your husband will use you as a role model and want to lose weight and improve himself as well. I hope you two have been going to the gym together,

[ms.sss 15,755]

On 6/13/2021 at 12:45 PM, The Greater Fool said:

Then we could approach this from the other side...

Why would an easy way that works necessarily be bad? It's not 'real' weight loss if it doesn't involve suffering?

Good Luck,

Tek

I

I realize this is an older thread, but i’m with @The Greater Fool on this one.

Just because it comes “easy” doesn’t mean it is isn’t real / deserved / worthy / earned.

If I get an A in Math without studying, is my A not really an A because my classmate stayed up all night most nights this semester to get the same A?

If I had the best trainers and access to facilities growing up, with an small army of people to support me, is my gold medal at the Olympics not really a gold medal?

….and if I lost weight with the help of WLS, or plastics, or whatever, am I not really skinny?

Spoiler alert: I am.

Edited January 9, 2022 by ms.sss