HELP! Were/Are you a foodie pre-surgery (or post)? Husband very worried!

[You Are My Sunshine 85]

My husband isn't all on board about this surgery for me. He's not worried about me dying or having complications -- he's worried about the loss of food enjoyment in our lives! 🙄😆 Seriously. He got teary when he was admitting this to me. We very much enjoy going out to eat, trying new restaurants, having craft beers, my love for cooking for our family... etc. and because it's a fun part of our relationship, he can't envision what it would be like without it. To the point that he mentioned how many couples get divorced after surgery.

Have any of you been big "foodies" pre-surgery (with or without a significant other)? How did that shape your post-surgery life?

[catwoman7 11,212]

first of all, the chances of you dying are 0.3%, which means there's a 99.7% chance you'll sail through just fine. And you will. Complications aren't that common and most of them are minor and "fixable". These surgeries have come a long way from where they were 20 or 30 years ago...

I'm a foodie. Yes - there are a few months after surgery when you're pretty restricted (esp the first few weeks), but eventually you'll be free to eat what you do now (unless you develop some intolerances, which some of us do), but in smaller portions.

I can't eat super high-fat meals anymore - or a ton of sugar at one sitting (both make me feel queasy - and sometimes I'll get sick) - but other than that...???

Edited May 14, 2021 by catwoman7

[njlimmer 343]

I'm 2.5 months post-RNY and so far I haven't found anything that I can't have. I might not be able to eat as much as before - that's the point after all - but I still enjoy going out to eat. There are a few moments here and there where I wish I could just gorge on everything, but that's what got me into this situation in the first place. I have discovered how much of how lives revolved around going out and what was next to eat so that's been a new thing.

[JustSJ 57]

Hey there! I'm right there with you. I'm scheduled for surgery on June 3rd, so I don't have post-surgical experience yet, but my husband and I are foodies who love to pair meals with the perfect wine. This is something we definitely enjoy as a couple, so I'm very interested in the responses to this thread!

To be honest, the first time I brought up bariatric surgery, he was pretty negative about how it would affect our lifestyle. After about 2 years of continuing to watch me struggle to lose weight only to gain more - and continue to develop co-morbidities, he finally came around to the idea and is now supportive. Although, I think he's still worried about how it will affect us.

This board has really helped me explain to him that with the sleeve, eventually I should be able to eat regular food and have the occasional glass of wine, just in much smaller amounts.

[lizonaplane 1,612]

I used to be a foodie, but I've really soured on it lately as I realize how much focusing on food was affecting my ability to enjoy other parts of my life, like travel. I always wanted to try every food when I traveled and I realized that it meant that I was increasingly uncomfortable and tired and unwell. Even though I haven't had surgery yet, I've already realized that I don't want to focus on food that way anymore. I just want food to be fuel. I'm not a picky eater, and I enjoy healthy food, but I don't want to seek out fancy restaurants or have big conversations about food. This is going to be hard because I often travel with my parents and brother and SIL and my mom and brother are foodies, but I can share meals with my mom because she doesn't like to eat too much. I don't drink (I never could stand the taste of alcohol for some reason), so there's no issue with giving up alcohol, but I really don't want my life to revolve around food anymore. My friends who are not foodies seem so much healthier in their relationships with food and seem to be at healthier weights. For me, personally, I think it would be too easy to get sucked into eating too much or unhealthily if I kept being a foodie. To be honest, the pandemic has made me sick to death of cooking, and on my last vacation having to debate where to go every single meal with my mother the foodie was exhausting. I no longer care what I eat as long as it is healthy and serves my goal to be at a healthier weight.

[You Are My Sunshine 85]

Thanks for the responses!

@catwoman7 Thanks for that reminder. I tend to catastrophize in my head, and maybe he does a bit too.

It is hard to reassure him since I haven't seen what I will be like, but I tell him the goal is to still enjoy life and food, just a lot less. He seems concerned with the "a lot less" when it comes to eating, but then I asked him if he thought it was healthy for me to eat and look like a linebacker in the first place. Just sayin!

[mistymorning 13]

I love this topic! Well coming from an Asian country being a foodie is my second nature [emoji2956] my boyfriend and I love to indulge in good food so we did have this conversation before I decided to do the sleeve. Think of it another way, since you can have small portions only, you're really helping him to try more variety of food! [emoji23]

[WanderingHeart 141]

I love going out to eat. It’s different now. I was prepared for this and I looked at it as “I have had 35 years to eat so many delicious amazing things. I’ll still get to eat delicious foods again but the surgery gives me the chance to find other things to love in my life - new passions and experiences that I’ve been too preoccupied and overweight to explore.”

I’m nearly 6 weeks out and we have “eaten out” 3 times. Once I got Soup, once I got a pulled pork kids meal, and once a chicken wrap, which I basically ate a few bites of chicken out of the wrap.

My man is totally comfortable with enjoying his food and trusting that I’m eating what I need to eat. If you have co-dependent food enjoyment, that might be difficult. Yesterday he wanted ice cream and I went with him and didn’t have anything. I wasn’t interested after being off sugar for so long. I don’t tell myself “I can’t have xyz” because that will trigger me to want to binge. I tell myself “I’m choosing ..”

[HealthyLifeStyle 351]

I am close to 9 months out and still haven't gone out to a restaurant for fear of Covid. I am also worried about going out and not finding the right things on the menu to eat. I know most places accommodate diff diets, but I am honestly leery of it because I have my eating plan that I do everyday at home. I am very strict about the times I eat and what I eat. My husband is really pressuring me to go out somewhere. He can eat whatever he wants so he doesn't get it.

[Elahnen 183]

Your definitely not alone! My husband and I find enjoyment in food and social drinking. We had a similar conversation and agreed that we will adjust and find other things to enjoy. We are trying to plan vacations and we have fun drinking by the pool and Moonshine tasting in Tennessee will no long be an option anymore. The changes will be difficult but I hope worth it! Good luck!

[You Are My Sunshine 85]

On 5/16/2021 at 6:17 AM, WanderingHeart said:

My man is totally comfortable with enjoying his food and trusting that I’m eating what I need to eat. If you have co-dependent food enjoyment, that might be difficult. Yesterday he wanted ice cream and I went with him and didn’t have anything. I wasn’t interested after being off sugar for so long. I don’t tell myself “I can’t have xyz” because that will trigger me to want to binge. I tell myself “I’m choosing ..”

On 5/16/2021 at 6:17 AM, WanderingHeart said:

Good thought... I don't know, but I wonder if the emphasis is too MUCH on food. I feel like it is, but I don't think he's there yet, mentally (emotionally). But now my surgery got postponed, so he has more time to adjust! Ha.

Edited May 18, 2021 by You Are My Sunshine
quote screwed up again

[WanderingHeart 141]

Oh no! @You Are My Sunshine why postponed? I personally believe that when you follow your true path, it elevates the people around you. You will likely find new ways to connect.
also orgasms are better IMO soooo there’s that

[You Are My Sunshine 85]

9 hours ago, WanderingHeart said:

Oh no! @You Are My Sunshine why postponed? I personally believe that when you follow your true path, it elevates the people around you. You will likely find new ways to connect.
also orgasms are better IMO soooo there’s that

I was diagnosed with bronchitis/pneumonia. I definitely am NOT happy about it, but I was not feeling the greatest the past few weeks, and was worried about going into this feeling under the weather. So there's a little relief for me in that. Not the way I'd have asked things to go, but trying to look at the positives. Better orgasms are never a bad thing, either. 🤔😂

[Myran 19]

I have been struggling with the same issue when trying to decide whether to WLS or not. I and my husband are most definitely foodies; we love experiencing new restaurants, trying tasting menus with wine pairings, etc. I love cooking and am also currently participating in a wine course. I'm trying to convince myself that after I'm able to eat "normal foods" the only thing that will change is the amount of food I eat and me making healthier choices, Remains to be seen whether this is really the case.

[catwoman7 11,212]

2 minutes ago, Myran said:

I have been struggling with the same issue when trying to decide whether to WLS or not. I and my husband are most definitely foodies; we love experiencing new restaurants, trying tasting menus with wine pairings, etc. I love cooking and am also currently participating in a wine course. I'm trying to convince myself that after I'm able to eat "normal foods" the only thing that will change is the amount of food I eat and me making healthier choices, Remains to be seen whether this is really the case.

you won't be able to the first few months, but after that, probably yes. I can eat anything now except for really high-fat meals. I just eat smaller portions than I did before (and when it comes to highly caloric things like Desserts, MUCH smaller portions - although I do splurge occasionally and eat a regular-sized serving of dessert)