Accepting Addiction...

[nightingale2u 42]

I never thought that this journey I've taken would lead to so many discoveries about myself personally and the behaviors that have become so much of who I am. I think that I've always known that my relationship with food was not a healthy one... but the need to feed that hunger and surround myself with a protective layer was beyond my control. I would always say... "My problem is that I just love food". My problem was and is that I am addicted to the temporary relief that food brings... that fleeting moment of joy that accompanied a frozen custard turtle sundae. But then... shortly... empty again. I am sure this is what an alcoholic must feel... this inability to stop... this loss of control once the consumation begins. I think the worst part about having a food addiction is that one can never eliminate food from life... can you imagine if an recovering alcoholic had to have some alcohol in order to sustain life? So... I am thankful everyday that my band puts the brakes on when I am simply not able to ignore those impulses and urges to binge. My brain may not say no... but my band surely does. Hopefully one day my brain will get involved and join the program... until then... fill er up!

[New Hope 37]

Boy, this is so true, Darcy!! But, I have to tell you, you're doing a fantastic job overcoming this addiction. Just look at your stats!

[Iluvharleys 15]

Great post Darcy and so very true. I think we can all see some of us in this post. You have done an amazing job so far, and you can keep doing it. Great post!

[nightingale2u 42]

You know guys... It just hit me today that it is probably important that I accept that my problem is much bigger than just "loving food". I have to look at this honestly and see that I took eating far beyond enjoyment and ate to the point of misery. Once I started... I literally couldn't stop myself... it was like something triggered in my brain once I started eating and the only thing that brought it to an end was being so full that I was sick. I think that is why the band is so wonderful... my brain still triggers me to keep eating but I simply have to stop.

I pray I will never lose my dear band because this is not a lack of willpower... nor is it a lack of caring about myself or my body... it's not even a lack of knowledge that leads me to binge... what a relief... Diagnosis: Brain Damage.

[Banded14yr 2]

Darcy,

Good post. I agree whole heartedly! And I'm thankful every single day for my band. You hear so many people say that it's a tool, that it's not the "solve all" of every eating problem out there, but it helps me so much in controlling my obvious obsession with food. Now when I drive by a Wendys and crave a single cheese burger with fries, I just keep driving because I know I physically CAN'T eat it. There's no more, "Well, I'll start my diet tomorrow, so Wendy's here I come!" I absolutely love it but I do realize that my brain needs a lot of help also :clap: Do they make a brain band?

[donali 57]

I pray I will never lose my dear band because this is not a lack of willpower... nor is it a lack of caring about myself or my body... it's not even a lack of knowledge that leads me to binge... what a relief... Diagnosis: Brain Damage.

LOL. Darcy, I think addiction is an important part of most people's MO - and anyone who doesn't believe that food can cause a chemical addiction are not very familiar with chemistry. "Runner's high" is a widely accepted term that describes how adrenaline and endorphins can affect the psyche. Certain foods create similar chemical reactions in the blood stream - chocolate is widely known for its release of endorphin-like chemicals in the blood stream.

I also sincerely believe a factor in people's MO is a satiety disorder, in addition to the emotional/behavioral reasons, and the addiction reasons that we eat. Even though we are full, our bodies are still sending the hunger signal. Sometimes that's a head hunger - no doubt about it - but sometimes I think it's a faulty switch in the "full" department.

My SO is diabetic, and one day when he was testing his blood sugar I asked if I could test mine too, just out of curiosity. It was about 2 hours after we'd eaten. My blood sugar was in the 60's. Fasting, a normal person's blood sugar should measure between 70-110 - two hours after eating it should be less than 180. (http://www.endocrineweb.com/insulin.html) He was concerned for me, and thought I should mention to my doc the next time I had a check-up. Well, Lord knows when THAT will be (LOL), so I did some research on the web. I found a very interesting (and old) article that basically explained that some people's insulin OVER reacts to blood sugar - which means that after a carb meal too much insulin is produced. When that happens, the fat cells are used as storage, AND the low blood sugar tells our brains that it's time to EAT!! I was thinking to myself, no wonder I feel like I'm starving right after a big meal - my blood sugar is too low.

The article's recommendation? Basicly an Atkins-style diet. This was long before Atkins came along...

http://www.whale.to/v/sandler10.html

[Banded14yr 2]

Wow... Good info Donali!

Thanks!

[donali 57]

Look - someone actually did a satiety test... I thought this was interesting.

http://www.diabetesnet.com/diabetes_food_diet/satiety_index.php

Turns out boiled potatos have the highest satiety index of all foods tested:

<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=8 width="80%" bgColor=#ffffcc border=0><TBODY><TR><TD colSpan=5>The Satiety Index

</TD></TR><TR><TD colSpan=5><SMALL>Each of the following foods is rated by how much food people ate after consuming them to satisfy their hunger.</SMALL>

</TD></TR><TR><TD colSpan=5><SMALL><SMALL>

All are compared to white bread, ranked as "100"</SMALL></SMALL>

</TD></TR><TR><TD colSpan=2><SMALL>Bakery Products</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD colSpan=2><SMALL>Carbohydrate-Rich Foods</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Croissant</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>47%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>White bread</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>100%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Cake</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>65%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>French fries</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>116%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Doughnuts</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>68%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>White Pasta</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>119%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Cookies</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>120%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>Brown Rice</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>132%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Crackers</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>127%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>White rice</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>138%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD colSpan=2><SMALL>Snacks and Confectionary</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>Grain bread</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>154%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Mars candy bar</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>70%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>Wholemeal bread</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>157%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Peanuts</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>84%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>Brown pasta</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>188%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Yogurt</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>88%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>Potatoes, boiled</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>323%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Crisps</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>91%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD colSpan=2><SMALL>Protein-Rich Foods</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Ice cream</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>96%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>Lentils</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>133%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Jellybeans</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>118%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>cheese</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>146%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Popcorn</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>154%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>eggs</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>150%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD colSpan=2><SMALL>Breakfast Cereals with Milk</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>Baked Beans</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>168%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Muesli</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>100%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>Beef</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>176%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Sustain</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>112%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>Ling fish</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>225%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Special K</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>116%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD colSpan=2><SMALL>Fruits</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Cornflakes</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>118%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>Bananas</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>118%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Honeysmacks</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>132%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>Grapes</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>162%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>All-Bran</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>151%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>Apples</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>197%</SMALL></TD></TR><TR><TD><SMALL>Porridge/Oatmeal</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>209%</SMALL></TD><TD width=8 bgColor=#ffffcc></TD><TD><SMALL>Oranges</SMALL></TD><TD><SMALL>202%</SMALL></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

[nightingale2u 42]

Great info and insight Miss Donali! Carbs lead me to "crash" quite often... the whole low blood sugar thing is something I have come to expect if I eat anything such as pancakes with sugar...etc. When they did the glucose tolerance test while I was pregnant... I could barely drive myself home because my blood sugar totally bottomed out and left me a shaking vibrating mess. I definately feel that am hungry more than I should be although those feelings have decreased since starting a diet that is dominated by Protein and smaller amounts of complex carbs. I try to combine carbs with the Protein to hopefully avoid the rise and crash of the BS levels.

Now... to convince my brain that carbs are evil.

[paula 4]

My problem was and is that I am addicted to the temporary relief that food brings

AMEN!!!

Darcy, how well I can relate!

Dont worry, I have brain damage too.

Think there's a 'safe' place for us to go?

[nightingale2u 42]

Well Paula... Liberia, Africa was pretty safe...lol. I lost a bazillion pounds over the four months that we were there... apparently Spam doesn't set off that trigger in my brain. Seeing dried monkey parts hanging out of baskets didn't seem to trigger the urge to eat either. Yuck. I was sooooooooooo young when we were there (15) ... seems like a million years ago!

[Jammin & Losin 1]

Darcy it sounds like to me you are really getting to the root of why you eat and you are doing good dealing with it. I can't wait to get my band and I hope it will help me as much as yours has helped you!

[blossom 2]

Darcy, I am totally brain damaged, LOL!!! I have NEVER known when to stop eating. I just kept going until I physically could not stuff one more bite into my mouth and then I would feel sick and miserable. I have really been struggling with this issue in relation to my band in that I'm not sure what 'satisfied' feels like unless I am stuffed and sick and miserable! I guess I'm a slow learner, LOL!

[DeLarla 22]

I don't think you're so off base by saying it's brain damage. Well, maybe not damage, but my eating has nothing to do with the way my stomach feels, or the way foods taste or smell. It's all in my head. I've even been treated for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in the past, because thoughts go through my head faster than I can keep up with them, and when the sky gets dark, the thoughts are all instructing me to get food.

At night, even after I'm full, the "voices" start. They aren't really voices, but very strong and powerful suggestions/thoughts that convince me I need to get another snack. I respond logically, but the voices always seem to win. The other night I was fighting the urges with all my might, and I was telling myself that whatever I ate would only last less than five minutes, and then more thoughts would control me. But still, the thoughts won, so I ate junk food all night. That was last week before my surgery. I haven't eaten much for 2 days because I'm using the heck out of the tightness and swelling in my belly. I just tossed out 1/2 of my already-Band-sized lunch, which is so hard for me to do.

I recognized the addiction 20 years ago. I spent most of my life going to Overeater's Anonymous meetings at night, which really help me. But the meeting choices are pretty slim in Vegas (it's all about gambling and drinking addictions here.)

Darcy, I studied Penni when I stayed with her. She and I weigh exactly the same (she's a pound less.) But we both have totally different eating habits. I hoard huge amounts of food, she nibbles little girl portions often. I think there are a lot of different reasons that people are overweight, so maybe this thread will attract all the junkies, like me.

Donali, I'm not as smart as you guys, so I don't even know how to read that chart. What am I looking for? *** drools***

[Iluvharleys 15]

Darcy - once you detox yourself from all those carbs, you will quit craving them. The only problem is if you eat some again, the old craving starts right back up!