Living Rent Free

[FadingIrish 12]

I feel as though your husband just said the first thing that came to mind while trying to sound agreeable. I have said things when put on the spot the came out way wrong and I didn't mean it how it sounded. With that being said, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't feel hurt by the statement, just know that it was meant maliciously.

[Ostflicka 37]

On 4/3/2021 at 7:23 AM, alissajs said:

My dad always told me that when you cant stop dwelling on what people say about you, you are letting them live rent free in your head. Well...there was a comment made on Sunday that I cant seem to evict!

My husband and I were visiting my inlaws in another state. We attended the church where my FIL is a preacher. We always attend church with them when we visit. Last visit we made was 2 weeks post op, so I had not lost really anything at that point. This was the first time the people at the church have seen me since my extreme weight loss. A lot of people made comments about how great I looked, and that didnt bother me at all. However, two ladies came up to my husband and I, told me I looked so good, then they turned to my husband and said, "looks like you really made out on that deal!" My husband laughed and said, "Yeah my investment really paid off!" For background, we got married two months before my surgery.

I tried to laugh it off in the moment, but I really had to bite back tears. I have never felt that my husband looked at me any differently at 284 or 140. He himself has said that he only saw me, never my weight. He says he loves me regardless.

Both comments, from the lady AND my husband's reply has been on repeat in my head all week. Who finds that comment appropriate to say to anyone?? I was a catch at my HW and I am no more or less of a catch at my CW. He didnt marry me hoping I would lose weight and look better physically, at least I would certainly HOPE not, seeing as he is overweight himself.

It was inappropriate and hurtful. Normally, I would address my husbands comment with him in private. However, our marriage has been rough (to say the least) lately and I didnt want to start an argument. I know he will tell me that it was a joke, I am being too sensitive and overthinking it. Which...maybe I am but that doesnt make the comments hurt less.

I dont know...I guess i just needed to vent to people that would understand!

Speak your truth! Be Authentic! Share your feelings! I am sorry you're having troubles/issues/situations in your marriage, but if this is bothering you and makes you feel sad that he isn't able to defend you to anyone friends/family/or a stranger you should say something.

If others think I'm being too sensitive or too emotional because I'm saying say something, well I can't help how they think - communication is the most important in any relationship whether it be a spouse, friend, coworker, granted you can be hurt but you can also grow by telling them. I mean how is anyone ever suppose to guess what is bothering you about anything. Now if he says he doesn't care how he made you feel that speaks volumes.

If your husband expects you to defend his honor in situations then it shouldn't be bother for him to do the same for you.

Also I never understood how someone can tell you how to feel, like do you tell your husband how he should feel - like someone saying you're too sensitive, it was a joke just means they're trying to deflect their responsibility of their actions and words.

🫂