Bad Advice and being honest.

[Creekimp13 5,840]

Every so often I feel torn on these forums about my role and what I should say.

On the one hand, I'm a veteran now....and have had success with this whole undertaking that I feel pretty proud of. There are a lot of struggles and things that I can comment about with some hard earned observations and experiences. I can be all.....mentory...and have good mentor-ish things to say to newbies.

Sometimes I feel a responsibility to *provide a good example* and only say things that are in harmony with the bariatric sages...and play the proper acolyte to the Bariatric Authority.

But here's the part where I feel torn.

I also want to tell the truth. I want to be the kind of poster I really enjoyed reading when I was first looking into this crazy ride.

I want to be unvanished, raw and HONEST. Because I value that in people. I value that risk. I value those stories....because sometimes people really need those stories. Even if they're terrible advice and provide a terrible example! Sometimes just knowing someone else....occasionally has a horrible day and eats the entire pack of four Yasso bars....helps you to live your life and forgive yourself.

I want to say: Yes, I drink diet soda. I know it's probably unwise and I also know there's hype about it that's untrue....AND....I know a lot of you drink it, too. And some of you drink real soda.....and will probably rot in hell for it. LOLOLOL

Ya'll won't admit it....but I've seen ya. I've peeked in those windows and I know you do all sorts of awful stuff. You eat peanut M&Ms and drink soda and beer and buy the occasional McDonald's kid's meal and can of Pringles. At Christmas, you cheat. You eat stuff you shouldn't. You ate Halloween candy. Ok, it was just a couple of pieces...but it made you happy.

We're not perfect. We screw up. We make questionable choices. Sometimes regularly. We STILL have unhealthy food moments. We're works in progress.

Can we talk about it as adults...knowing it's a crap example...but also knowing that it's human?

We still do weird assed extreme things in realtion to food.

How many calories in two almonds and one dried cherry? I HAVE TO WRITE IT DOWN.

How many grams of protien in one pint of donated blood? How many calories do I lose when I menstruate? I had a cold and blew my nose ten times and the internet says snot is made of protien...do I have to up my protien?

I once heard a lady on one of these boards say....she had her flinstone chewable multi vitamin....for dessert after her meal. And it was delicious. 😳

Is it wrong to admit I wanted to slap her?

I'll admit it...I ate a S'more about two weeks after I had surgery. I remember it as the most exquisite thing I've ever eaten...and I nibbled that one little square of heaven all night in front of the fireplace with the Christmas lights on. Licked it, actually. Down to a stump. LOL.

And Yes, ..a part of me is still screaming at myself.....You had a freaking S'more right after your surgery???? What the actual H*ll???!!! What were you thinking? (I lived...crap, I even lost weight to goal...but I commited this food crime. Guilty.)

Sometimes I think we lose our humanity in this environment....because as some folks have noticed, there's a competative thing. Some weird ick factor of needing the best score...the tiniest dinner...the least daily calories. "I'm going to get down to my original weight of 9 pounds 3 ounces if it kills me. Could someone please eat the other half of my lentil? It's too much for me."

And then I think....crap, maybe these folks really ARE as together as they seem and I'm just nutty and disordered and still fighting through this mess everyday three years out...isn't normal...

But then I look at the number of folks who wash out...and think......nope. MOST of us are struggling and screw up. MOST of us continue to screw up and figure it out.

Would be fun to do the research to put an actual number on it....

But I'd bet at least 90% of us...have secrets they would never disclose in a forum like this about one screw up or another.

I think we need a Confession thread. Where correction is not allowed. Where worry and concern (and abject horror) are forbidden to be expressed. Where we can just let that other lost soul know....yep, I licked a S'more, too....you're not alone.

All sins can be forgiven. Tomorrow is always a new day.

Edited March 28, 2021 by Creekimp13

[Prestonandme 107]

I loosened up way too much in my daily carb intake. My dietitian asked me to remain at 90 g or less of carbs but I found myself exceeding that amount frequently. I also got sloppy about what type of carbs to eat. But in my case, I am now paying a price for my sloppiness. I never was diabetic but my A1C and blood glucose have returned to my pre-WLS levels, which were just nearly in the pre-diabetic range and have been creeping up steadily for the past year.

So now I have to be extremely strict now -- return to my original diet plan and, in fact, try to stay at about 60 g of carbs or less per day in the hopes of lowering my A1C and blood glucose before I cause myself irreparable harm.

[Healthy_life2 8,324]

@creekimp13 I must be missing something. I've seen many food confessions. Most of us have been honest about bad days and food choices.

Some people have a fabulous metabolism. They can work a more moderate or slack program and still lose or maintain weight. Some have more risk factors for weight gain, They may have to follow a strict program.

Years out, I don't think anyone cares how I eat.

[Creekimp13 5,840]

Prestonandme.... I feel your post completely, and it's part of what I'm talking about. This addiction DOES kill. So yeah...there's that sense that only the best advice should be uttered. Because the stakes are really really high. I get what you're saying.

But at the same time, I worry that the humanity gets lost, the comisseration and humor gets lost. Often, we laugh to survive. We share, we comisserate. And I feel like there are times when it's hard to be someone struggling in a place that caters to perfectionism. Can you follow what I'm saying? Maybe I'm saying it badly.

It's a tough balance...because I don't want my posts to be a trigger, either, you know? I don't want to promote or romanticize the addiction. I know that some folks here have felt (understandably) afraid of their relationship with food and obesity...and a regimented, highly disciplined approach is their best way to feel safe and in control.

But I also know....it's ok to be human. It's ok to share the experience with other people. We don't have to feel so ashamed of the crap we deal with. I'm not saying it's ok to blow your plan on a regular basis or succumb to the addiction and just throw up your hands.

But I think there is value in being honest about this process. Sometimes seeing a room full of perfection is soul crushing.

[summerset 5,265]

8 hours ago, Creekimp13 said:

Sometimes I feel a responsibility to *provide a good example* and only say things that are in harmony with the bariatric sages...and play the proper acolyte to the Bariatric Authority.

I don't need to be anyones example and guiding light. Only adults here.

Quote

I think we need a Confession thread.

People need to recognize that eating is neither a crime nor a sin, that you can cheat on your spouse but not on your sleeve or bypass and that eating something one "shouldn't" (back at "shoulding" again, huh?) is nothing that needs to be blown out of proportion.

[Creekimp13 5,840]

Really, really good points Summerset. Thank you.

[mswillis5 127]

You give a lot of good points here. A lot of it is that we all need to be genuine in our responses and I fully agree with this. If we can't tell the truth that we will screw up at times, then lying about it just hurts ourselves and can put us mentally into a bad space.

I will say that I was never a soda drinker and would only drink soda on occasion. I can also honestly say that I haven't had soda since last October before I started preop and I really don't miss it at this point. This isn't to say that I won't have a soda again, but at this point I don't have a desire to drink it. I really have followed drinking only Water or electrolytes at this point. My wife also adds in tea and has had a few other beverages but nothing carbonated at this point. I have my wife to help support me in the process of what I eat and purchase that I think definitely helps our family to eat healthier and make better choices.

You are totally right that we really need to do what we feel works for us as we all have different plans and thoughts on how to work with our new eating habits and try to stay in tune with what we are doing. We all had a disordered eating pattern at one point, or still do and I feel it will take continual work to make sure we don't fall back to those eating habits. I know my eating pattern is not the pattern of others here, but I try to make wiser choices in what I put in my body now. Does this mean I don't eat any treats or Desserts? No, I definitely have had a small portion of cake and with my wife also having the surgery at the same time, we weren't even able to finish the slice together. Luckily we are able to avoid the excess treats like I was purchasing before surgery. I did have a few bad habits that affected everything that we ate. I would purchase a dozen donuts for just the 3 of us (11 year old daughter) and that didn't last more than 1 to 2 days. I also had a desire to have ice cream a lot (almost daily) before surgery. After surgery, I haven't eaten much and what I did eat was lower carb/sugar and at this point I haven't returned to the ice cream habits that I had before. I am extremely happy that way that I desired foods before is no longer there and I can work on being more mindful of the choices that I make.

I think this surgery (the tool) has definitely helped me to get to where I am. I am now working on being honest with my self when I eat something and working on the mindfulness of what I am putting into my mouth. I have definitely struggled with my Binge Eating Disorder and I have a great therapist now who is able to help listen to me and understand what I do and helps to teach me how I can improve. I am in the mindset that if we work on improving ourselves, even if we eat off plan, that we can get to a better and less disordered eating plan as we progress. I feel that this is the hardest part that we will ever face with the challenge of eating (mostly the right things) and maintaining our weight to the best of our abilities.

I may not be a Surgery veteran with being only a few months out, but I definitely have my own experience to go from. It is always personal to discuss how we got to where we are today and our eating habits (disorders) always try to return. I know that even though some of my struggles that I had previously are gone, that I will need to continually work on making sure that I take accountability for my actions and eating habits.

[JDLane 140]

As a newbie, even still pre-op, I appreciate the honestly and reality. I was resistant to surgical options for a long time because I did not want to make a permanent change. Never being 'normal' again is a hard pill to swallow. So it's nice to see that you can achieve a level of normal, even if it looks different than it used to. I want to be able to eat a fruit snack when my toddler shoves one in my face and giggles, I want to be able to Celebrate with friends and family and enjoy a small treat and not worry about macros.

My program is excellent in providing the details of what I can and cannot do and providing a plan to follow. I have a great team of medical providers I have access to. When I come to a forum like this it's because I want to read people's real life experiences the good and the bad.

[ms.sss 15,717]

Hi. My name is ms.sss and I am a human being.

I drink alcohol, coffee and carbonated Water almost daily. I eat deep fried foods, fatty foods, and desserts on the regular. I eat popcorn (smothered in butter and lots of salt). There were 4-5 straight days just after Christmas where my diet for the entire day(s) consisted of solely alcohol and pecan butter tarts, no joke! I smoke cigarettes and drive well above the speed limit. I smoked pot almost every weekend last summer. I have not filed my personal income taxes for the past 2 years. If I'm home, I eat lunch on the couch with laptop, and binge watch TV for hours on end. I haven't taken my vitamins/supplements in over year. I didn't brush my teeth before I went to bed last night.

Sometimes (sometimes!) I worry that people will read what I post and get the wrong idea/message...like I'm eating too little, or too much, or just unhealthily. Or that I'm wholly irresponsible or going down the path the h*ll. Or, that someone with a different temperament than mine will do as I do and get unexpected results. But we are all adults here and we each can make decisions on our own lives without putting any onus on some stranger on the internet.

In the end, I don't assume any responsibility for your actions, nor your reactions to mine. I will commiserate with you, make suggestions, share a joke, and offer up my own personal experiences. But what you do with your lives is on you*.

* Clarification: You == the collective "You", NOT the OP nor anyone else on this thread specifically.

[The Greater Fool 2,054]

3 hours ago, ms.sss said:

Hi. My name is ms.sss and I am a human being.

I drink alcohol, coffee and carbonated Water almost daily. I eat deep fried foods, fatty foods, and Desserts on the regular. I eat popcorn (smothered in butter and lots of salt). There were 4-5 straight days just after Christmas where my diet for the entire day(s) consisted of solely alcohol and pecan butter tarts, no joke! I smoke cigarettes and drive well above the speed limit. I smoked pot almost every weekend last summer. I have not filed my personal income taxes for the past 2 years. If I'm home, I eat lunch on the couch with laptop, and binge watch TV for hours on end. I haven't taken my vitamins/supplements in over year. I didn't brush my teeth before I went to bed last night.

Sometimes (sometimes!) I worry that people will read what I post and get the wrong idea/message...like I'm eating too little, or too much, or just unhealthily. Or that I'm wholly irresponsible or going down the path the h*ll. Or, that someone with a different temperament than mine will do as I do and get unexpected results. But we are all adults here and we each can make decisions on our own lives without putting any onus on some stranger on the internet.

In the end, I don't assume any responsibility for your actions, nor your reactions to mine. I will commiserate with you, make suggestions, share a joke, and offer up my own personal experiences. But what you do with your lives is on you*.

* Clarification: You == the collective "You", NOT the OP nor anyone else on this thread specifically.

Before I support or condemn, I must know one thing:

What genre of TV do you binge?

[ms.sss 15,717]

1 hour ago, The Greater Fool said:

Before I support or condemn, I must know one thing:

What genre of TV do you binge?

The better question is what genre do I NOT binge.

I don't watch "scary" series-es (yes, I consider Stranger Things scary...don't judge me), everything else is fair game.

I'm currently watching The Good Place and Wanda Vision (I can't binge the latter as much as I'd like cuz my husband wants to watch too and he has a 2-episode limit per sitting. He's a lightweight).

If not watching something specific I have the food Network on for background noise.

Edited March 30, 2021 by ms.sss

[Creekimp13 5,840]

5 hours ago, ms.sss said:

Hi. My name is ms.sss and I am a human being.

I drink alcohol, coffee and carbonated Water almost daily. I eat deep fried foods, fatty foods, and Desserts on the regular. I eat popcorn (smothered in butter and lots of salt). There were 4-5 straight days just after Christmas where my diet for the entire day(s) consisted of solely alcohol and pecan butter tarts, no joke! I smoke cigarettes and drive well above the speed limit. I smoked pot almost every weekend last summer. I have not filed my personal income taxes for the past 2 years. If I'm home, I eat lunch on the couch with laptop, and binge watch TV for hours on end. I haven't taken my vitamins/supplements in over year. I didn't brush my teeth before I went to bed last night.

Sometimes (sometimes!) I worry that people will read what I post and get the wrong idea/message...like I'm eating too little, or too much, or just unhealthily. Or that I'm wholly irresponsible or going down the path the h*ll. Or, that someone with a different temperament than mine will do as I do and get unexpected results. But we are all adults here and we each can make decisions on our own lives without putting any onus on some stranger on the internet.

In the end, I don't assume any responsibility for your actions, nor your reactions to mine. I will commiserate with you, make suggestions, share a joke, and offer up my own personal experiences. But what you do with your lives is on you*.

* Clarification: You == the collective "You", NOT the OP nor anyone else on this thread specifically.

I genuinely appreciate you Ms. Sss. 💜

[The Greater Fool 2,054]

5 minutes ago, ms.sss said:

The better question is what genre do I NOT binge.

I don't watch "scary" series-es (yes, I consider Stranger Things scary...don't judge me), everything else is fair game.

I'm currently watching The Good Place and Wanda Vision (I can't binge the latter as much as I'd like cuz my husband wants to watch too and he has a 2-episode limit per sitting. He's a lightweight).

If not watching something specific I have the food Network on for background noise.

Heretic!

You are dead to me.!

Except for the appropriate binging, if which I am supportive, you have crossed the the line.

Every endeavor of yours is sacrosanct!

Every morsel food to pass your lips is your doom!

Wait... did you say "The Good Place"?

Nevermind, you're OK.

[Jaelzion 1,127]

On 3/28/2021 at 1:49 PM, Creekimp13 said:

Ya'll won't admit it....but I've seen ya. I've peeked in those windows and I know you do all sorts of awful stuff. You eat peanut M&Ms and drink soda and beer and buy the occasional McDonald's kid's meal and can of Pringles. At Christmas, you cheat. You eat stuff you shouldn't. You ate Halloween candy.

I'm with you. I don't even use the term "cheating" to describe what I eat. That sounds like I'm doing something dishonest or illicit if I decide to eat off-plan. My character doesn't depend on what I eat. I usually say I had a "treat" or an "indulgence". There's no cheating, just decisions, for better or worse. Some I may regret later but it was still my prerogative to decide what I put in my mouth. On this part, I'm so with you.

Quote

How many calories in two almonds and one dried cherry? I HAVE TO WRITE IT DOWN.

But here's where you lose me. If someone else needs to log every bite of food they eat, what is that to you? Why can't you work through this process your way, while allowing everyone else to do the same (without wanting to slap them)? Some people can eat off-plan often without being derailed. I can do it occasionally as long as I get right back on-plan. Another person may not be able to do it all. Why are any of those experiences worthy of snark and slapping?

[Creekimp13 5,840]

Fair points, Jaelzion, all. I wasn't being snarky as much as hyperbolic, maybe? You're dead right that it's none of my business what other people do to feel comfortable, but it does add to the impression of the site being perfectionism focused.

I guess what I was saying there...with the cherries and almonds...is that some people become obsessive to an extreme that leaves me scratching my head in a big way...and uncomfortable witnessing their disordered relationship with food in the name of perfection. And no, I would never really slap anyone. Not even someone who called a children's Vitamin "desert." Though...I would find this alarming and ridiculous...and worrying.

But you are dead right that everyone has a right to their own process free of scrutiny. And I would certainly never call someone out on their choices, or inflict that kind of personal criticism. Would be inappropriate, and I get that.