Bad Advice and being honest.

[summerset 5,265]

9 hours ago, JDLane said:

Never being 'normal' again is a hard pill to swallow.

You won't feel "abnormal" for very long. Promised.

[Jaelzion 1,127]

8 hours ago, summerset said:

You won't feel "abnormal" for very long. Promised.

Indeed, some of my "always thin" friends have been fighting against weight gain all their lives. They say that my eating now resembles theirs and there's nothing abnormal about it. When I pass up dessert or take more than half my meal home in a doggie bag, it looks no different from what they customarily do.

[ms.sss 15,580]

14 hours ago, Creekimp13 said:

I guess what I was saying there...with the cherries and almonds...is that some people become obsessive to an extreme that leaves me scratching my head in a big way...and uncomfortable witnessing their disordered relationship with food in the name of perfection. And no, I would never really slap anyone. Not even someone who called a children's Vitamin "desert." Though...I would find this alarming and ridiculous...and worrying.

*raises hand*

I'm identifying myself as one of these people described above as "obsessive to an extreme that leaves [you] scratching [your] head in big way" with "[my] disordered relationship with food in the name of perfection".

Case in point: Last night I logged 8 cashews with my 1/2 cup yogurt, as well as the one sour kid Gummy that the Kid offered me (aside: for those wondering with bated breath, all of that was 234 calories).

I've been called "obsessive" alot. Or "crazy". And likely not in a very complimentary way, ha. (and not just food/bariatric life-wise...in basically EVERYTHING I do).

While I will admit that I do tend strive for my idea of perfection in many things*, I can also accept that this is realistically unattainable. Shame spirals and self-loathing is not normally in my wheelhouse. Yeah, I'll get annoyed or frustrated or go into stream-of-consciousness swearing mode, but l deal.

*On the flip side of this there are also many things that I have flat out given up on and completely embraced my utter incompetence in...if you have an hour or two I could attempt to list them all

I just assume some people just don't get/accept me and/or my ways, and that's ok in the grand scheme of things. Some are mildly amused, some repulsed, still others want to save my soul, so to speak. And yep, there are those that stand shoulder to shoulder with me and say "Eff Yeah!" (obviously, I like these people the most, but I'm biased, lol)

soooooo.....I suppose I just wanted to say to my fellow "extremists" that IMO, so long as logging your 4.5 almonds in MFP doesn't negatively affect you, your safety, your relationships, or your quality of life, there ain't nothing wrong with what you are doing. And even if it does, the hope is that you will learn to deal.

P.S. Further to the poster who considered a Flintstones chew-able Vitamin as dessert...last night I considered my solitary sour kid gummy as dessert! Mind you, I also considered my 1/2 cup of yogurt as "dinner", and my vodka caesar as "breakfast"...so maybe its just a matter of semantics.

Edited March 30, 2021 by ms.sss

[Jaelzion 1,127]

2 hours ago, ms.sss said:

soooooo.....I suppose I just wanted to say to my fellow "extremists" that IMO, so long as logging your 4.5 almonds in MFP doesn't negatively affect you, your safety, your relationships, or your quality of life, there ain't nothing wrong with what you are doing. And even if it does, the hope is that you will learn to deal.

P.S. Further to the poster who considered a Flintstones chew-able Vitamin as dessert...last night I considered my solitary sour kid Gummy as dessert! Mind you, I also considered my 1/2 cup of yogurt as "dinner", and my vodka caesar as "breakfast"...so maybe its just a matter of semantics.

You distilled what I was trying to say, thank you!

Regarding the dessert, there's been more than one occasion when I wanted something sweet at the end of the day and realized I hadn't taken my Multivitamin soft chews. These are sweet, chewy, and similar to a Starburst candy. I don't consider them "dessert" normally but on those occasions they did serve, LOL.

[Creekimp13 5,840]

ms.sss.....if I ever call you obsessive or crazy, it will most definately be meant in a complimentary way. You're a delight.

[BigSue 1,371]

5 hours ago, Jaelzion said:

Regarding the dessert, there's been more than one occasion when I wanted something sweet at the end of the day and realized I hadn't taken my Multivitamin soft chews. These are sweet, chewy, and similar to a Starburst candy. I don't consider them "dessert" normally but on those occasions they did serve, LOL.

Not gonna lie, I consider my two daily calcium citrate soft chews to be a treat -- my reward for taking the rest of my Vitamins on schedule (I also get some enjoyment out of my cherry sublingual B-12 and strawberry biotin). Love, love, love the BariatricPal French vanilla caramel and Belgian chocolate caramel!

[Pilot my best self 51]

On 3/29/2021 at 10:14 PM, Creekimp13 said:

Not even someone who called a children's Vitamin "desert." Though...I would find this alarming and ridiculous...and worrying.

I have to admit I look forward to taking my Gas-X chewables. I don’t care what you think - it is the most pleasant thing I put in my mouth all day, so much so I took an extra one even though I didn’t think I needed it (more on that later). the taste was the perfect amount of sweetness and chewiness, I didn’t have to measure it and I didn’t get any restriction feeling.

I think we are all looking for honesty. I will speak for myself when I say this is a hella scary ride, with lots of risks and unknowns. i am most afraid that life post surgery will feel like a sacrifice at every turn - social gatherings, work outings, holidays, girls night out. But I decided that my health was worth the trade-off. So it is reassuring to hear from others here that not everything has to change. I knew this really but don’t know what parts might still be somewhat normal. I also know that if I go down that road of having Micky Ds and pringles or licking the fudge jar, I might just fall into those patterns that got me to this place. But it is comforting to know that maybe I could sit down and enjoy thanksgiving meals again or popcorn smothered in butter (really ms.sss, you had me at pop...).

tonight, 4 days post surgery, my daughter had a sundae and left the hot fudge on the counter. The chocolate fudge never smelled so good. So I knew in that moment that one day I will give in. I hope support and honesty from this site andfrom others will help get me back on track before I do much damage. It’s not about trying to be perfect but making sure I am never this unhealthy, uncomfortable and miserable again. For me that may mean I can’t go down that slippery slope too often. For now I am still driven by fear so I put it in the fridge with shaking hands and reached for some Gas-X.

[amyseattle 19]

On 03/28/2021 at 13:49, Creekimp13 said:

Every so often I feel torn on these forums about my role and what I should say.

On the one hand, I'm a veteran now....and have had success with this whole undertaking that I feel pretty proud of. There are a lot of struggles and things that I can comment about with some hard earned observations and experiences. I can be all.....mentory...and have good mentor-ish things to say to newbies.

Sometimes I feel a responsibility to *provide a good example* and only say things that are in harmony with the bariatric sages...and play the proper acolyte to the Bariatric Authority.

But here's the part where I feel torn.

I also want to tell the truth. I want to be the kind of poster I really enjoyed reading when I was first looking into this crazy ride.

I want to be unvanished, raw and HONEST. Because I value that in people. I value that risk. I value those stories....because sometimes people really need those stories. Even if they're terrible advice and provide a terrible example! Sometimes just knowing someone else....occasionally has a horrible day and eats the entire pack of four Yasso bars....helps you to live your life and forgive yourself.

I want to say: Yes, I drink diet soda. I know it's probably unwise and I also know there's hype about it that's untrue....AND....I know a lot of you drink it, too. And some of you drink real soda.....and will probably rot in hell for it. LOLOLOL

Ya'll won't admit it....but I've seen ya. I've peeked in those windows and I know you do all sorts of awful stuff. You eat peanut M&Ms and drink soda and beer and buy the occasional McDonald's kid's meal and can of Pringles. At Christmas, you cheat. You eat stuff you shouldn't. You ate Halloween candy. Ok, it was just a couple of pieces...but it made you happy.

We're not perfect. We screw up. We make questionable choices. Sometimes regularly. We STILL have unhealthy food moments. We're works in progress.

Can we talk about it as adults...knowing it's a crap example...but also knowing that it's human?

We still do weird assed extreme things in realtion to food.< br />

How many calories in two almonds and one dried cherry? I HAVE TO WRITE IT DOWN.

How many grams of protien in one pint of donated blood? How many calories do I lose when I menstruate? I had a cold and blew my nose ten times and the internet says snot is made of protien...do I have to up my protien?

I once heard a lady on one of these boards say....she had her flinstone chewable multi vitamin....for dessert after her meal. And it was delicious. 😳

Is it wrong to admit I wanted to slap her?

I'll admit it...I ate a S'more about two weeks after I had surgery. I remember it as the most exquisite thing I've ever eaten...and I nibbled that one little square of heaven all night in front of the fireplace with the Christmas lights on. Licked it, actually. Down to a stump. LOL.

And Yes, ..a part of me is still screaming at myself.....You had a freaking S'more right after your surgery???? What the actual H*ll???!!! What were you thinking? (I lived...crap, I even lost weight to goal...but I commited this food crime. Guilty.)

Sometimes I think we lose our humanity in this environment....because as some folks have noticed, there's a competative thing. Some weird ick factor of needing the best score...the tiniest dinner...the least daily calories. "I'm going to get down to my original weight of 9 pounds 3 ounces if it kills me. Could someone please eat the other half of my lentil? It's too much for me."

And then I think....crap, maybe these folks really ARE as together as they seem and I'm just nutty and disordered and still fighting through this mess everyday three years out...isn't normal...

But then I look at the number of folks who wash out...and think......nope. MOST of us are struggling and screw up. MOST of us continue to screw up and figure it out.

Would be fun to do the research to put an actual number on it....

But I'd bet at least 90% of us...have secrets they would never disclose in a forum like this about one screw up or another.

I think we need a Confession thread. Where correction is not allowed. Where worry and concern (and abject horror) are forbidden to be expressed. Where we can just let that other lost soul know....yep, I licked a S'more, too....you're not alone.

All sins can be forgiven. Tomorrow is always a new day.

I think you should be blunt.

[SBFARRIS 6]

On 3/29/2021 at 2:56 PM, ms.sss said:

Hi. My name is ms.sss and I am a human being.

I drink alcohol, coffee and carbonated Water almost daily. I eat deep fried foods, fatty foods, and Desserts on the regular. I eat popcorn (smothered in butter and lots of salt). There were 4-5 straight days just after Christmas where my diet for the entire day(s) consisted of solely alcohol and pecan butter tarts, no joke! I smoke cigarettes and drive well above the speed limit. I smoked pot almost every weekend last summer. I have not filed my personal income taxes for the past 2 years. If I'm home, I eat lunch on the couch with laptop, and binge watch TV for hours on end. I haven't taken my vitamins/supplements in over year. I didn't brush my teeth before I went to bed last night.

Sometimes (sometimes!) I worry that people will read what I post and get the wrong idea/message...like I'm eating too little, or too much, or just unhealthily. Or that I'm wholly irresponsible or going down the path the h*ll. Or, that someone with a different temperament than mine will do as I do and get unexpected results. But we are all adults here and we each can make decisions on our own lives without putting any onus on some stranger on the internet.

In the end, I don't assume any responsibility for your actions, nor your reactions to mine. I will commiserate with you, make suggestions, share a joke, and offer up my own personal experiences. But what you do with your lives is on you*.

* Clarification: You == the collective "You", NOT the OP nor anyone else on this thread specifically.

I wanna be you when I grow up...in WLS years that is...

[Aly61 6]

Thank you for writing this.

I had Sleeve surgery October 2019 and I used a beloved parents inheritance to finance it and I STILL fail myself.
I wrongly assumed that because I had a tiny stomach that still restricts me to a. Very small volume of solids, my early success and fast weight loss would be maintained with no effort.

I was wrong, no matter how much guilt I feel, I still eat food like Mac n cheese and drink G&Ts I have the incentive of my daughter’s wedding in 4 months but I bought a piece of Turkish delight covered in chocolate last night-I’m ashamed of myself.....maybe hypnotism?

[K Be Good! 63]

I had ice cream about 2 hours ago. It was delicious.....and I’m still reaching my goals.

[Aly61 6]

Well done

[WishMeSmaller 1,273]

I eat everything. The quantity I eat is much smaller, but if I really want it, I eat it. I was kind of hoping I would be a dumper prior to surgery so I would have that as a deterrent from eating things I shouldn’t, but I haven’t found anything I dump on. Now I am super glad I don’t dump, because I love food.

Last Friday we went out to dinner and I ordered chicken and waffles. It was soooo good! I ate about 1/3 of the chicken and less than a quarter of the waffle, plus a few brussels sprouts. I also drank a large glass of wine before I started on the food. I took the rest of the food (and the bottle of wine) home and ate the rest of the chicken for Breakfast the next day with a couple bites of waffle. I ate a few more bites of the waffle and some more of the sprouts later that day and threw the rest away.

Maybe by bariatric standards my food choices make me a terrible person, doomed for failure at maintaining my weight. Maybe we all need to make our own choices, based on our own values and realities.

Honestly, I am ok with being judged as a terrible person doomed for failure 😬 Judge away. You do you, Boo 😘

Edited March 31, 2021 by WishMeSmaller

[Creekimp13 5,840]

52 minutes ago, WishMeSmaller said:

Honestly, I am ok with being judged as a terrible person doomed for failure 😬 Judge away. You do you, Boo 😘

Me, too.

Again, I might be rehashing old injuries. People here seem very live and let live, now...and WOW is that nice.

A few years ago when I was starting out there was a huge judgey vibe that I'm surprised and delighted to see doesn't really exist much here now.

I fear in trying to retroactively combat it...I've created a whole new version of it. Which was not my intent....and is regretable.

If no one gives me **** about my diet soda and eating a good carb heavy diet....I will never, I promise, piss on anyone's enjoyment of children's Vitamins. (I still think that's whackadoo personally......but I'm sure that **** I do is totally whackadoo, too. To each, their own)

Peace to all paths and best wishes to all of us.

Edited March 31, 2021 by Creekimp13

[ms.sss 15,580]

3 hours ago, Creekimp13 said:

Me, too.

Again, I might be rehashing old injuries. People here seem very live and let live, now...and WOW is that nice.

A few years ago when I was starting out there was a huge judgey vibe that I'm surprised and delighted to see doesn't really exist much here now. 

I fear in trying to retroactively combat it...I've created a whole new version of it. Which was not my intent....and is regretable.

If no one gives me **** about my diet soda and eating a good carb heavy diet....I will never, I promise, piss on anyone's enjoyment of children's Vitamins. (I still think that's whackadoo personally......but I'm sure that **** I do is totally whackadoo, too. To each, their own)

Peace to all paths and best wishes to all of us.

In @Creekimp13's defence, or just to merely bear witness (though, Creek, there really isn't anything to defend, as IMO you haven't really said nor done anything morally suspect)...

I remember when I was a shy lurker/fledgling poster a couple years back that I noticed that you seemed to be on the other side of some strong personalities. So I get how your current views/stances may have been influenced by (or at least reminiscent of) that experience.

So its understandable how everyone will have different perspectives on the same thing, cuz I mean, we all have different experiences after all. But like you said so appropriately, live and let live. ❤️