Surgery scheduled for Feb '08

[GreenChrysalis 1]

I already posted in the thread for Feb '08 surgeries but need to introduce myself as well. This may be long, so bear with me.

I am 30 years old and at my highest weight ever, which is 302 lbs. I am 5'10" so I am sure some people would be shocked if I told them what I weighed, but I need to lose a person. I have been on diets since I was 8 years old, off and on. I have done everything from Atkins to Weight Watchers. I would always lose some (the most I lost was 30 lbs) then gain it back when I stopped counting fat grams, calories, carbs, et cetera. In high school I was maybe 25-30 pounds overweight but fairly active. After I got married I really started packing on the weight as it was easier to go along with my husband's eating habits, which aren't good at all. He was diagnosed with type II diabetes and high cholesterol last year and lost about 35 pounds, but gained half of it back because he eats what he wants.

A little over two years ago I learned of the lapband. Having done research on gastric bypass I was pretty sure that it wasn't for me, but this sounded promising. I did a lot of research on it and decided to explore. Of course, my insurance carried an exclusion for any kind of WLS.

Meanwhile of course my weight continued to climb and finally I decided a few weeks ago that enough is enough, I need to take charge of my health. I do not have any co-morbidities yet, but I do have back pain, knee pain, get out of breath easily, have no energy, et cetera. This is no way to live and it's only going to get worse.

I can't go to Six Flags anymore because I know I won't fit on the rides. The last time we were there when I weighed around 260 I couldn't fit on one of them. The humiliation of having to get off and watch my husband ride by himself (I told him to go ahead) was just the worst feeling. I'm also to the point where I sometimes have to ask to sit at a table in restaurants (as opposed to a booth, which I prefer) because the booths are too tight and uncomfortable.

I feel the stares from my family at gatherings. It is difficult to eat around them because I feel like they are watching every bite I put into my mouth. Nobody in my family is obese and I feel like they think I am less of a person. It's embarrassing to even ponder talking about it with them, especially since my father talks about how huge and fat he is at 20-30 pounds overweight. I am thinking of not telling most of my family about the surgery at all. <br

I don't have kids yet but would like to, and there's no way I want to be pregnant at this size. I want to be a healthy mom! So, there's no time like the present and I am very excited about getting the surgery. I got over the part about financing it; I am going to think of it like a car payment or something else that is just plain necessary, period. My husband is supportive, luckily. Maybe my new eating habits will influence him, but I can't change him, I can only change me. I know I eat out of stress and emotion so I am working on those issues also.

Although I had planned surgery in Mexico, ultimately I decided that it was better to stay in the U.S., even though since I'm self pay I have to travel out of state.

I love reading everybody's posts and learning about them.