Body Dysmorphic Disorder

[the best me 6]

You know how skinny girls look in the mirror and say "I'm so fat!" Well, I have that, too. Only mine is backwards. I take a shower, fix my hair all nice, put on makeup and even lipstick, a nice shirt and my standard black elastic waist wide leg pants from the big girls section and look in the bathroom mirror and go, "Wow! I look pretty good! Maybe I will never be on the cover of a magazine, I'm kinda plain, but I look pretty, tall, not skinny but not that fat...not bad!" Woohoo! I'm feeling good, I'm out the door, and then I get the picture back from that day and think, "Who is she?" Whatever happened to the girl I saw in the mirror that day? What was I thinking? I am so fat. It's true. I'm not ashamed, just realistic, at least when I see the photo and go back to the mirror just to see if it's true, and it is. How does this happen? This week, I am making my fat photo album. I have a stack of pictures that noone else is allowed to see of me, and I will dig them out from wherever they are buried in the closet under the stairs and put them in chronological order and have them handy for my reality checks, when the Body Dysmorphic thing kicks in and I think I can eat this or that and get away with it...well, I can't. Anyone else suffer from this Disorder?

[kimalicious 5]

I totally have the same problem, or at least used too. I got to a point where I was so big this problem went away. I think because we are overweight we tend to pay more attention to ourselves from the head up. As long ans the clothes are fitting from the head down, we are good. It is not bad to have a good outlook about yourself. It is much better than the opposite. Keep your head up because you are seeing yourself in the mirror and see what is on the inside too. You have to rememberwe are our worst critics especially when we are in pictures posed up against someone who we think looks fabulous!

[New Hope 37]

I had the opposite problem. I didn't look in the mirror, except long enough to brush my hair. Didn't worry w/makeup or clothes, figured why bother. Dodged cameras for years. I have very few "fat" pictures available. I'll never be comfortable w/pics, but that's just me - no matter what I look like. We had a group pic. made last night. I automatically got in the back. My oldest son did get me a Victorian-style full-length free-standing oval mirror this Christmas. Previously I never would have used it. That's really helped a lot.

[blossom 2]

Kathy, I had the same problem until one day I saw myself in a storefront window as I was shopping. Took the wind right outta my sails! That was the day I started looking into WLS.

[Jammin & Losin 1]

Blossom I can really relate to the window view. I was walking with a friend down the side walk the other day and I noticed how fat I looked in the window and I just sighed and Told my friend that I couldn't wait to get my band .....and so I wait. Maybe by Christmas when I'm shopping I'll like the view in the store window alot better!

[vinesqueen 2]

I don't know if it is body dismorphic or not. I know exactly how big I am, and how much space I occupy. Some days I'm acutely aware of it, like when I stuff myself into desks for class....

When I was thin I thought I was fat. Then I did have body dismorphic. I was told I was fat, the scales said I was fat, therefore I must have been fat. (Size 11 is not fat, not for my frame.)

One of the things I learned from belly dancing is the secret. You just have to believe that you are hot stuff and you will be hot stuff.

Two of the folks who are in my program at school are bulimic. The woman really thin and the guy is thin/normal, but they think they are fat. Another friend was talking to me about someone she knows who is fat, "like a size 26, you know, really big." I just looked at her. She had no clue that is the size of some of my shirts...

[the best me 6]

Thanks ya'll. I have been thinking about the storefront window thing and the same thing happens to me when I go to my exercise classes. Big room, wall to wall mirrors, and a teacher who encourages you to "check your form" to avoid injury, which I appreciate, but I get a glimpse of me in my old cotton/lycra maternity bike shorts and my belly overhang peeking out from underneath my long shirt when I have my hands overhead. Yuck. Double Yuck. Maybe that's when I started looking into WLS. I am proud of the 20lbs I have kept off, and in getting together my fat photo album, I can see what a difference that has made.

You are right, Kim. I am seeing the inside too. That part I like. It's what my husband sees, GOD BLESS HIM! He would like it if I went around the house belly-dancing! HeHe. Good idea Vinesqueen! I have a full length mirror...under the bed! Marie, I'll let you know when I get that hung.

Thanks ya'll. You are such an encouragement!

[burnsun 27]

I thought I was the only one. I could hide from camera and got really good at cropping out half of me to make the photo look better- thanks for digital camera!!!

I would only have them taken when I had had to.

Saturday- getting ready for my daughters 3rd birthday party (a big deal to me and I do get carried a way for every single one of my kids birthdays some people like wedding overdo parties)

but it hit me Saturday that the person in the mirror was unrecognizable to me. SHe was thin (ok thinner) but she looked HAPPY and CCNTENT not rushed and frustrated.

I still have about 50 lbs to go till I get to my 155 lb goal- but I am finally seeing a different person

That is me with my little boy and I finally really look in a photo like I see in the mirror!!! THAT HAPPENED ON Feb 05 2005. By the way that is a Large jacket (still got the arm thing going on, but it is just vacuum sucked waddle now) and a size 14 top and 16 pants (I can't even remeber ever wearing 16 on the bottom in my adult life)

I want to hear about every one elses realization day(s)

When was your day of realization

[amoro68 0]

WOW! you all are so great. It's amazing to see others who have endured and suffered the same torments as myself. I never take photos, I hate them. I always look wayyyyyyyy fatter than I see myself in the mirror. I thought I was nuts. Apparently you all are nuts too (lol) or there's something to this dismorphic disorder. I wonder, what came first for me. the disorder or the fatness?!

[vinesqueen 2]

bumping thread

[the best me 6]

I wonder, what came first for me. the disorder or the fatness?!

Great question! For me, the disorder came first. Iv'e been running around all these years thinkin' I'm all cute, and getting fatter and fatter. The reality checks are stunning.

thanks for bumping vinesqueen. it was good to read all this again.

[Zoe 6]

I'm finally figuring out that I have something like Body Dysmorphic Disorder -- which in my case is just a pop-psych way of saying that I think I'm fatter than I am.

Mind you, when I was topping 260 lbs. I knew exactly how fat I was: I could squeeze into an airplane seat only with great difficulty (and a shoehorn), and I wore 3X pants. I'm still a large woman. But I still think of myself as jumbo, and it's finally getting through my thick skull that I'm not.

Exhibit A: I'm on the phone with one of my bros, walking down the beach, when the dog cuts through a hole in the fence. "I've gotta chase the effing dog and there's no way I can get through," I mutter. He tells me to give it a shot. Voilà: I make it with no problem.

Exhibit B: Friends and family keep telling me how different I look, but I can't see much of a change. I know my face and wrists are thinner, but I can't get past my flabby saddlebags and blobby knees.

Exhibit C: I tried on shoes at Nordstrom Rack last week and strutted in front of the dinky mirrors attached to the footstools. My legs looked incredibly long. I spent about 10 minutes in front of those mirrors, bending down and moving my hands around to see if the image was distorted. Finally I asked someone if the mirrors elongated the reflection "because I look really tall." She laughed, "Honey, I hate to break it to you, but you ARE really tall."

Some days I notice the change. But my brain still believes I'm fat. I feel as if I'm changing citizenship, and even though I might reside in a new country (not yet that far away from my homeland), I'm still a Fatlander at heart. My identity is connected to fat. This is not all bad -- I think those of us who have struggled with weight tend to be more compassionate to other people who are also outside the cultural and societal norms -- but it's disconcerting. Maybe after I get closer to my goal weight I'll have an easier time seeing that I'm not the same on the outside as I was before, but I'm not sure.

Anyone else experiencing this?

[vinesqueen 2]

Zoe, my DH has lost nearly 200 pounds and he doesn't "see" much in the way of a differnece. Oh sure, he is swimming in the clothes he couldn't wear before his Band, but he hasn't internalized the difference. He has 4 pounds before he is in "Tripoli"...

[bandit 2]

I so have this problem. I should get a grip but it works the same way with me. I get those damn pics back from the day I felt so pretty and gosh darn it....a heffer is in the pic where the beautiful young girl should have been.

[Zoe 6]

Check out the parallel thread, "Impostor's Syndrome": http://lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=7244