I "snuck" having WLS

[BayougirlMrsS 3,934]

Well I have been on both sides of this fence. In 2009 when I had the lapband placed at 232lbs (5'2") I told my (now) x husband (we were married 26 years), my two sons, daughter in law and a couple of co workers that i thought i could trust. Well my x went and told a few friends after they made comments that "chris's looking good". He said and i quote.... Well she's only losing weight because she had SX.....then, of course, others started to ask and I would say from diet and exercise... Which was true. But when i found out what he said and turns out the co works were saying the same things..... I had a person say.... Well i heard you had WLS.... So after that i was open about it. I found some support and a lot of judgment. Grant you it was back with WLS wasn't as well accepted as it is now. Awful comments from my x, x-friends, x-co workers.... and people in general...... Too skinny, i looked sick, i was lazy for having WLS, i thought i was better than them cuz i was skinny now, how people died from WLS, that i would lose all my hair....i could go on and on. So in 2017 my band slipped and was removed. I went on FB and told everyone. Six months later I moved out of state to where no one knew me except my husband and four of his co workers. When i moved here i was 143lbs.... over the next 2.5 years i put on 30lbs. So i decided to do a revision.......It was not covered by insurance. I was going to crossfit 4 days a week and trying to lose for pending wedding in Sept, 2019. So i laid the groundwork....... Told my co workers i had a hernia (true, Hiatal) and it needed to be fixed (still truth). The weight loss started and they just thought it was from dieting for the wedding (still true). I went in on Wednesday and was back at work on Monday. Still, the only person that knows is my husband. Didn't tell sons, family, friends (not even best), or co workers....... THIS IS 100% BETTER. No comments, no snarky looks, no having to explain anything. Now i'm 120lbs and you know NOT ONE PERSON has said.... You look sick, you are too thin, you are lazy, .... etc. Not one person said i would die from hernia sx.....

I'm 100% team.... keep your mouth shut....... Even if you tell just one "friend".... it will get out, especially if its a girl. Us bi*ches like to gossip.

[WishMeSmaller 1,274]

I have been very open about my surgery. All of my immediate family and a few co-workers knew before I had surgery. Since surgery and the huge weight loss I have told many friends and co-workers. I work in a large, integrated medical clinic (around 200 employees). Everyone there has been incredibly supportive and excited. I think my results have inspired some of my obese co-workers to look into surgery. My family has been very supportive. My normal weight husband and mother have been my biggest cheer leaders. I was very concerned about telling my step-dad as he is very judgmental, but he has actually been great and super excited for me through this process.

Because of COVID, I have been working from home 10 of the last 12 months. My co-workers literally do not recognize me when I go into the clinic...even when I tell them who I am. It is a little awkward for a minute until it clicks that I am me. I will tell my extended family when I see them again, but COVID has kept us apart thus far. I think they will all be supportive and excited, but sometimes people shock us. At this point, if anyone is negative towards my decision to have WLS, I have plenty of ammunition to educate them. The positive health changes since my surgery are more than enough for me to not give a damn about any negative reactions or gossip!

[momof3_angels 465]

4 hours ago, Blueslily said:

Thanks so much for sharing about your experience of sharing or not sharing with others. But, your post really heats me up inside. I mean we really shouldn't have to do all this work and thinking about others potential responses when it comes to having surgery. I mean people have all kinds of surgeries all the time. I just dont get why it is anyone's business when it comes to our choice to have WLS. Why is there so much stigma and shame about it? But, I get it when it comes to not disclosing and having to have lots of conversations with people. I'm also not telling tons of people because I really dont want anyone saying it's too much to do or that I dont need to do it. That will be the line. Because in my family, they wont say anything negative about me as a person, just concerns about me having surgery in general. I read the replies here and it's just sad what people experienced from others when they chose to do something that they hope will help them better help themselves on their weight loss journey. To me, wanting to help yourself get healthy is such a positive aspiration. And then once you do it, it's such hard work and dedication involved. I commend everyone and wish you all the best. A good therapist to help during this process is priceless because I certainly think that could be helpful to get through all of this.

All the best everyone!

I hear you and concur. With my husband though... it wasn't necessarily about weight loss surgery... it was about surgery in general. He has had things go wrong every time he gets surgery and even though I have NEVER had a problem with surgery, he really has a fear of me dying. And my kids.... well... they didn't really even see me as fat so they didn't understand why I needed it. I will say though, my daughter at least believes I cheated to get skinny and took the "easy way out". Not realizing how hard surgery really is on your body. But with her.... I chalk it up to immaturity. And she does think I am "lying" when I talk to my extended family about weight loss and leave the surgery part out. And again... she didn't realize I was fat until I got skinny and she looks back at pre-surgery pictures. Now the rest of my family? They would have been much more judgmental. And you are so right... we should not have to worry how others will react, and people really need to be supportive of others getting healthy... by whatever means to do it.

[chiquitatummy 338]

21 hours ago, muala94 said:

I don't want my family's, or anyone's, praise about something that doesn't change my worth as a person.

I feel this, especially with people where there has been a history of harmful focus on your body and fat shaming. I am proud of myself for having the courage to take the steps to get WLS, the resilience to do the hard work involved, and the self-love to prioritize my own well-being. Unfortunately, many people in my life would miss all of these aspects that I find worthy of pride and focus on praising me for getting skinny. I don't want to be the recipient of this kind of praise and while I will enjoy many aspects of being smaller I don't want to hear praise for my smaller body at the expense of my bigger body. I want both to be shown love.

[mamabear_2_2 39]

32 minutes ago, chiquitatummy said:

on't want to be the recipient of this kind of praise and while I will enjoy many aspects of being smaller I don't want to hear praise for my smaller body at the expense of my bigger body. I want both to be shown love.

This. I am still pre-surgery, but I think a lot about this. I am planning on telling NO ONE but my husband (he already knows of course). Not even ONE other soul will know. So, I feel like I will avoid part of the rude comments, etc from family whom have made my body the focus of scrutiny and conversations since I was a kid. I do worry though how I will react to the potential compliments and praise I may receive on weight loss. I’ve been both skinny and fat and I can say with out a doubt when I was thin I was treated WAY better by family, friends, co-workers, etc. it’s a really messed up thing. I worry how cynical I may become and almost spiteful to my family over any positive comments. Def considering working with a therapist before and after WLS to help.

[blackcatsandbaddecisions 851]

I sometimes find myself thinking about how weird Covid has made having wls because so many of us will be seeing groups of people at drastically different weights. I still go to work each day so my coworkers are used to it, but I’ve not seen my siblings since 110 lbs ago. If I don’t see them until this summer or fall I could be at a normal weight range- when they last saw me at almost a 50 BMI.

[Neensyb 111]

On 3/18/2021 at 12:56 PM, Blueslily said:

Have you experienced any complications?

I am really really fortunate that I haven't had anything out of the ordinary. I felt bloody horrible for about a week, like that awful drained, short of breath, bleugh feeling. I struggled to drink half a litre for the first couple of days but persevered. I've not had any vomiting and only one bout of dumping a couple of weeks ago. I'm trying new foods often, and in small amounts.

[BeckyTx 3]

My family and 3 coworkers know. I don’t plan on telling everyone my business, but if asked, I will say I was doing Keto LOL since they knew I did that before. My 6 & 9 year old don’t know, I just told them mommy was sick from her tummy but that’s it. They haven’t even noticed anything different since I still cook for them. My hubby is my #1 supporter , he has been so helpful in this process.

[Terri77 6]

I told my family and friends. I did not tell my co-workers. As one member said, "some people can be very opinionated". I did this for myself, for my health, and for my quality of life. I am beginning to feel better emotionally already just 6 days post-op. I feel like the constant struggle is over. The loss of weight, the gain of weight, the stagnant non-loss of weight. The light at the end of the tunnel is bright.

[HappyRN 8]

On 3/15/2021 at 8:32 AM, Orinskye said:

My surgery is next week. I have told my family (who are all supportive) and my best friend (also supportive) but no one else.
the only one who isn’t really supportive is my husband. He told me over the weekend that as of next week I will officially be “cheating” to lose weight. I was livid. he has seen me at my worst where I couldn’t even WALK because the weight on my knees was too much (My BMI is about 38, but my joints are super bad). He refused to back down and insisted it was cheating. He is super insecure and is against the surgery. I’m against being held back anymore . 🤷🏼‍♀️

Your husband is just worried you are going to turn into a hot babe and leave him! Do it for yourself and whatever happens in the future you can deal with later. He should be happy you are wanting to feel better.

Edited March 24, 2021 by HappyRN
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[Chantrella 125]

On 3/13/2021 at 8:13 PM, chiquitatummy said:

Pre-op one of my big angsts was talking to family about my surgery. I know that, for most of them, they would not be on board. I have a loving and highly opinionated family of people that view themselves as wellness and health experts and I swear if there was a family motto it would be "you know what you should do". All of this contributed to me feeling like telling them about my WLS would open a can of worms. Not telling didn't seem like an option until I realized that, because of Covid social distancing and other distractions in my family right now I could probably pull off a secret surgery. Which is exactly what I did. Only my husband and one person at work know I had WLS. And right now I am so happy about this. It has been a delight to not have to respond to a million questions about how I'm doing or field all the worry and misinformation I feel sure my well-meaning family would bring my way. I feel like I gave myself the gift of healing in peace.

Right now I don't have plans to tell anyone else about my WLS unless they ask directly. I'll see how things go when it comes to handling food related get-togethers in the near future. I'm toying with just giving an explanation that includes the partial truth, that I am working with a nutritionist in a medically supervised dietary program. I am not ashamed of having WLS, I just don't want every person I know to feel free to be all up in my business regarding my weight, dietary habits, personal health, and medical decisions. Getting my mom and sisters to not take every opportunity to talk to/interrogate me about my weight and try to create dieting regimes for me was a hard won battle many years ago. Does anyone else relate to otherwise loving and well-meaning family members having no boundaries when it comes to wanting to "fix" your fatness? I feel like letting them in on my WLS would be a step back and they would revert to their old ways. I don't need or want that in my life. I just want my family to be my family and prefer not to give them any opening to try and act as my nutritionist or Dr. again.

I only told my boyfriend we live together. I just told my job I had to have surgery and submitted the required documentation to the outside department that handles leaves of absences. I didn’t tell my family because this is my journey and I want it to be free of everyone’s ones opinions.

[lizonaplane 1,613]

I'm not good at keeping quiet about my life so I've posted it on Facebook and told most people, including my line manager. I didn't tell everyone at work, although I will most likely have to take a month off from work because I won't be able to lift my suitcase to travel for work, so I said I will be likely have to take a month off "for surgery" this summer. Many of my co-workers have never met me because we all work in different parts of the country remotely (even before COVID) so they likely don't even know I'm overweight.

Everyone has been supportive, except for one person on facebook who had a bad experience with her own WLS and insists that weight has nothing to do with health and that we're all tools of the media, etc, etc. She gained her weight back and now doesn't even try to eat healthy, based on her food pix. She got into it on my page with people who were trying to be supportive, but everyone knew that was her bs and I don't care.

My family is supportive and I have friends who have told me about their own surgeries and offered to talk to me any time. I've been very lucky.

[chiquitatummy 338]

thank you everyone for playing along with my poll and sharing your experiences and takes on sharing about your WLS. I've really enjoyed seeing the different perspectives and reading all the different experiences. This little community has become a real support to me since I discovered it. I appreciate having a place to come to where I can talk about my WLS experience and learn from others.

Edited March 27, 2021 by chiquitatummy