Having second thoughts about surgery

[Rhapsody43 8]

I am currently in the six months medical supervised diet per my insurance. I started at 217 lbs.

BMI is around 40. I’m 4’11” and 200 lbs. I figure to expect about a 10 pound preop diet weight loss which would put me at 190. My question to myself is constantly, “Is it worth getting permanent surgery to lose an additional 70 lbs?”

I’ve tried dieting before and failed, gained more weight. I have diabetes and sleep apnea. I’m on weight loss meds from my doc. I feel like that’s the only reason I’m losing weight.

This keeps me up at night. Do I pursue the surgery or just continue to follow this weight loss doc and hope for the best?

[Hop_Scotch 1,630]

Have you been able to lose weight before and maintain the weight loss for a significant period of time? For most of us, we can lose weight but we find it hard to maintain the loss long term.

While your weight may seem lowish compared to others who have weight loss surgery, your current BMI is just over 40 and on some website calculators it is considered to be obese level 3.

My surgery weight was on the lowish end too, and I don't think I have lost more than 50lb to be at my current weight, however, I am much healthier, more mobile etc etc and I would not hesitate to do it all again. 70lbs in not insignificant.

You do have medical issues which would benefit from weight loss, if you feel the only reason you are losing weight now because of weight loss meds what are you going to do when you stop those meds?

Only you can decide if undergoing surgery is worth it for you, but I think you will find there are many others with the same amount of weight or under lost and they too would not hesitate to do it all again.

My only complaint is that I didn't do it much sooner!

[WishMeSmaller 1,273]

My BMI was 40 when I started my WLS process. I am pretty tall, so I had much more weight to lose than you. I had diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, and sleep apnea. I had lost weight many times before, and then re-gained it plus some. I definitely could not lose weight and keep it off on my own.

It is now a bit over 8 months since my surgery. My BMI is normal. I am very fit. I do not have hypertension, high cholesterol, diabetes, or sleep apnea anymore. I take my Vitamins and my asthma meds now. I ran 5 miles yesterday morning before work. I wear a size 6 pant (sometimes a 4), and can buy clothes anywhere AND they are cute! I have energy!

I had the surgery to improve my health. I got so much more than I was expecting...the energy, the confidence, feeling good about myself again.

Having WLS is a big deal. I cried a lot of tears while making the decision to look into surgery. You are the only one who knows if WLS is the right decision for you. Consider your history with losing weight. Consider your health and where you want to be in 10 years. Are you on the path that will get you where you want to be in 10 years? Can you stay on that path?

All the best to you!

[newyorklady20 97]

Hi OP, I'm in a similar situation. When doing the supervised stage I stayed around 41/40 BMI. (I'm 5'10" and 283 at my highest) I am approved and have a surgery date but now as its getting closer, I am having the same concerns - its not like I'm hundreds of pounds overweight, could I really do this on my own if I tried harder, committed myself, etc. I'm really just scared about 1. dying in surgery, and 2. the amount of pain I will be in when I wake up and the days immediately after. I feel ashamed that it has come to this, and like I am making a very extreme decision to solve a problem that maybe I could fix on my own if I just tried harder.

But then I also remember that I am 36, and have been yo-yo dieting and struggling to lose weight, maintain it, fail, gain weight, convince myself I'm happy no matter how much I weigh, repeat repeat repeat since I was in my teens. I don't even have a goal weight, I just want to be healthy and stabilize at a reasonable place and stay there. And that thought is what keeps me going and I think is what will carry me through the fear hopefully successfully straight to the surgery.

No matter what our BMIs are, our histories are, our reasons are... if you feel like its what is right for you and will help you get back on track with the life that you know will make you happy, then its worth it.

[Crick 144]

I had lost over 50 lbs on my own before I consulted with the surgeon, and at that point my BMI was around 40. By the time of my surgery, my BMI was I think a 37, which is relatively low for WLS.

Back when I was in my late 20s, I lost 140 lbs on Weight Watchers, but eventually the weight crept back on. I know what is needed to lose weight, but maintaining it is another thing. This surgery is a tool to make it much more likely to be successful in the long term.

My only regret is not doing this sooner. Good luck with your decision but honestly this is one of the best things I have ever done for myself - and I speak as a recent patient (8 weeks post-op today).

[newyorklady20 97]

Just now, Crick said:

I had lost over 50 lbs on my own before I consulted with the surgeon, and at that point my BMI was around 40. By the time of my surgery, my BMI was I think a 37, which is relatively low for WLS.

Back when I was in my late 20s, I lost 140 lbs on Weight Watchers, but eventually the weight crept back on. I know what is needed to lose weight, but maintaining it is another thing. This surgery is a tool to make it much more likely to be successful in the long term.

My only regret is not doing this sooner. Good luck with your decision but honestly this is one of the best things I have ever done for myself - and I speak as a recent patient (8 weeks post-op today).

The fact that EVERYONE says "my only regret is not having done it sooner" is what keeps me going most days when I am so afraid and having doubts about going through with it! Thank you for sharing your story!

[newyorklady20 97]

51 minutes ago, WishMeSmaller said:

My BMI was 40 when I started my WLS process. I am pretty tall, so I had much more weight to lose than you. I had diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, and sleep apnea. I had lost weight many times before, and then re-gained it plus some. I definitely could not lose weight and keep it off on my own.

It is now a bit over 8 months since my surgery. My BMI is normal. I am very fit. I do not have hypertension, high cholesterol, diabetes, or sleep apnea anymore. I take my Vitamins and my asthma meds now. I ran 5 miles yesterday morning before work. I wear a size 6 pant (sometimes a 4), and can buy clothes anywhere AND they are cute! I have energy!

I had the surgery to improve my health. I got so much more than I was expecting...the energy, the confidence, feeling good about myself again.

Having WLS is a big deal. I cried a lot of tears while making the decision to look into surgery. You are the only one who knows if WLS is the right decision for you. Consider your history with losing weight. Consider your health and where you want to be in 10 years. Are you on the path that will get you where you want to be in 10 years? Can you stay on that path?

All the best to you!

What an inspirational story! Thank you for sharing! Congratulations on your success, I hope to be so successful less than a year from now!

[catwoman7 11,212]

25 minutes ago, newyorklady20 said:

Hi OP, I'm in a similar situation. When doing the supervised stage I stayed around 41/40 BMI. (I'm 5'10" and 283 at my highest) I am approved and have a surgery date but now as its getting closer, I am having the same concerns - its not like I'm hundreds of pounds overweight,

most of us aren't. I think a lot of people's perceptions are based on "My 600 lb Life", but the people on that show are not "average" WLS patients. Most bariatric surgeons wouldn't operate on anyone that large, so they go to specialists in high-risk bariatric surgery, like Dr. Now. I worked with the pre-op classes at my clinic for about three years (before COVID, that is). I would say the majority of patients are about your size. 40-ish BMI. And then there are usually a handful who appear to be in the 300-400 range. And once in a while someone who looks to be over 400 (although of course I'm just guessing...). But I would say the majority (of women, at least) are somewhere in the 200s. I've never seen anyone anywhere near the size of the people on "My 600 lb Life". But I think that's what people think when they think "bariatric patients". I know I did... Yet I was the biggest person in my co-hort when I went through. I was very surprised.

25 minutes ago, newyorklady20 said:

could I really do this on my own if I tried harder, committed myself, etc. I'm really just scared about 1. dying in surgery, and 2. the amount of pain I will be in when I wake up and the days immediately after. I feel ashamed that it has come to this, and like I am making a very extreme decision to solve a problem that maybe I could fix on my own if I just tried harder.

you won't die. Mortality rate is about 0.3% - which means 99.7% of people sail through just fine. My surgeon has been at it for over 20 years and hasn't lost a patient yet! Also, most of us have little to no pain with these surgeries. And they'll always send you home with pain meds, so if you are one of the unfortunate ones who DOES have pain, you'll be able to manage it.

25 minutes ago, newyorklady20 said:

[NovaLuna 710]

I understand that thought process because I went through it too. I bounced around with the idea of WLS for years and never actively pursued it for a good 10 years or so when the idea of WLS first popped into my head because of the whole permanence factor. For a long time I allowed myself to be uninformed about all it entailed and just dwelled on the permanence and feared possible bad outcomes if I ever did decide to pursue it. I was in my early 20's when I first started to even think about it and I was in the low 300 pound range. I think part of me also didn't want to even try WLS because I'd heard stories about people 'who knew people' who had WLS and who either tried and failed or who lost weight and then gained most or all of it back. I didn't think I'd have the willpower to keep to a strict diet to lose the weight and then learn moderation and self control during that weight loss phase to help me keep off what I did lose, and I feared I'd be one of those failures because of that.

However, a lot of things changed as I got older. My weight ballooned up and as I kept getting closer and closer to 400 pounds I was honestly fearing that every day would be my last. I thought for sure I'd die of a heart attack or a stroke or something. I had so many ER trips due to raised blood pressure, chest pains, etc. Then, in 2016 my TN flared up and I was in a world of constant chronic pain with basically no break. I was so doped up on my meds that I couldn't walk straight and was slurring my words when I talked. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, my whole world was just... pain. This lasted for 10 months. I wanted it to stop so bad that I was willing to end my own life. I didn't, of course. I tried to be strong for my family and went and saw a neurosurgeon who told me that the best option to get rid of the pain was brain surgery as meds were literally doing nothing for me. Surgery is just a temporary fix as TN doesn't actually have a cure. But it worked. I was starting to honestly consider WLS after I recovered from my surgery, but then my sister had a late second trimester miscarriage and the idea of WLS ended up as little more than a thought in the back of my mind. My sister's miscarriage hit her HARD and she fell into a deep depression and blamed herself for the loss of her son. It was months of trying to help her deal with his loss, and then her buying a house and moving, and helping her plan her wedding (I was maid of honor) so time just got away from me. About a week before the anniversary of the loss of her son, my sister learned she was pregnant again. It was the birth of my niece that really did it for me.

The first time I held my niece I was hit with the realization that I may not be around to watch her grow up if something didn't change. I'd done the dieting route and failed every time. Every pound I lost, I'd gain it back. Plus some. I KNEW I couldn't do it on my own, and so I actively started to look into weight loss surgery and to pursue it, because my biggest joy in life has been watching my eldest niece grow up, and the thought of not seeing her little sister grow up broke my heart. I was 32 years old and 389 pounds when my niece was born. That was my highest KNOWN weight (I avoided the scale like the plague. I'm positive at some point I was over 400, but I never saw that number on the scale because I was only weighed when I went to the doctor. And that was usually only when I was sick. And you tend to lose weight when you're sick).

I had my first consult appointment at the end of May in 2019. I did the six month weight loss program for my insurance, but due to overscheduling I ended up not having my surgery until January 23, 2020. I lost 68 pounds during the months leading up to my surgery and was 321 pounds on the day of my surgery. In the 13 months since I've lost an additional 126 pounds and currently weight in at 195 pounds. My biggest regret, like many others, is not doing this sooner. I allowed my fear of failure to stop me from pursuing this sooner. I've found that I'm a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. Now I don't fear that I'm going to stray because I have accountability and willpower and can pass on all those foods that I used to never pass on. Is it hard? Yes. But, it's 100% worth it when I look at my 11 year old niece, 2 year old niece, and my 5 month old nephew and know I don't have to fear anymore that every day is going to be my last, and that I won't be around to watch them grow up. My family has always been my strength and they are really what have kept me going though everything I've been through in my life. I did this for them just as much as I did it for myself, and I'm grateful every day that I finally made this choice.

In the end, the option of surgery is a very personal choice. It's something that YOU have to decide for yourself because you are the one that has to live your life and live with whatever choice you make. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best!

[Rhapsody43 8]

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. I wish you all the best in your journeys.

[DoodlesMom 98]

Our stats are very similar. I'm 4'11 and I'm at my highest weight of 218.
70 extra pounds is a lot to carry around on our small frames. Thinking back to when I was a healthy weight:
I had the energy to be involved socially and participate in activities
I was more present in my relationships and that made me a better wife, mother, and friend

Since the weight gain, I've experienced back and joint pain, and now mobility is starting to be affected. Like you, I also have a few comorbidities. The progression has been predictable. First no symptoms, next from mild to moderate, and lastly severe.
These are a few critical questions I asked myself when deciding to pursue surgery and the answers are what keep me moving forward:
How satisfied are you with your physical health?

How will that satisfaction be affected if other comorbidities develop?

Is there a chance I will lose the ability to remain independent or care for myself if I continue on this path?

As others have said, it's important to ask if the risks of obesity such as high cholesterol, cancers, heart disease, stroke, gallbladder/gallstones outweigh the benefits like freedom from or reduced impact from diseases, a longer life span, improved personal relationships, and better mental health.

Self-reflection is important. Maybe along the way you've forgotten what your motivation is or it's changed. Why did you start this process in the first place? Is what motivated you then still relevant now?

Whatever you decide, please don't punish yourself, it will erode your confidence.

[lizonaplane 1,612]

I have had some doubts that have kept me from the surgery for many years. I'm at a 46 BMI, down from 49.6 before starting (again) to try to lose weight in preparation for surgery.

I lost 100 lbs 5 years ago just counting calories and exercising when my job was boring, but I gained almost all of it back when I got a job traveling and then the pandemic happened. 98% of people who lose weight through diet and exercise gain it back. The odds are better with WLS. Not great, but better. I also thought since I had lost 100 lbs before why should I have surgery, but I know if I lose it on my own it will just come back again, and with surgery, I'll have a better shot at keeping it off.

I'm scared of the surgery, but I'm uncomfortable all the time and it's no longer fun to do what I love, which is flying and traveling. I also was having a hard time just moving around.

I'm not saying you should have the surgery, but consider that your odds of being successful with keeping weight off are better with WLS than with diet and exercise alone.

[blackcatsandbaddecisions 851]

Newyorklady our stats are so close! The only difference is I started heavier than you, but on day of surgery I was almost your exact weight and we are the same height. I had a few thoughts of darn, I lost around 60 lbs without it, why do I need this at all? But the reality is that I don’t need help with the initial weight loss, I need help with getting to goal, and staying there. Weight loss gets harder the more you lose, as we all know.

I’m currently 228 a few months after surgery (I’m a slow loser, most likely because of losing so much weight prior to surgery) and the difference between even 280 and here in terms of how I feel, how I look, and lifestyle is huge. For the first time in forever I actually can see that I’m able to lose weight and not be consumed by hunger and feelings of deprivation while I do it.

I am glad I did surgery when I did, because I’m at the right time in my life. But there is a piece of me that knows 6 years ago I was maintaining in the 280s, and if I’d started the process there instead of waiting to yoyo all the way up to 340 I would have saved myself years of grief and misery.

I’ve heard it here before with “I can do it on my own!” If I could have, I would have.

[STLoser 1,099]

I can tell you, from opposite end of this spectrum, I sure wish I hadn't waited so long. I'm 49. I will be 50 in August. I first considered wls back around 1999 when it was fairly new and I weighed around 210. I am 5'3". I yo yo dieted for the next 20ish years, always losing very little (45 was the most ever), and gaining more each time, until I reached my high weight of 393 and a BMI of 69.9. I had my surgery in July and I'm down to a BMI of 45ish I think, so I STILL have a long way to go. If I had done this years ago before I got that big I wouldn't have gotten into this predicament.
The truth is, very few people can lose their weight and keep it off.
You know yourself best though, and what's right for you. It's pretty normal to have some doubts.. Good luck.



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