Were you sure it wouldn't work?

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

Thank you for all your comments. I'm not banded yet, and I hope it will work, and have told only my VERY best friends (like 2) for fear it will not work for me.

I didn't tell anyone until 1 year out and about 100 pounds gone...lol...so don't feel bad about not wanting to tell anyone.

[Daisalana 33]

Funny thread you started here.

I probably shouldn't say this, but I still don't think I'll ever be a 'normal' weight.

If anything, I'm glad the band has gotten me to the point where I don't have all the back problems..

BUT.. since I have had a single minute of my life that wasn't overweight, I resigned myself to always being big the rest of my life. I can't fathom it. I don't see how anything could change that. I still hope, of course. But right now, I dunno. Hopefully a year from now I'll say Wow I can't believe I didn't think it would work. har har.

[Wheetsin 714]

Can I ask you guys a serious question? This isn't at all a shame on you for not telling people. I just want to understand. I hear a lot comments to the effect of "I didn't want to tell anyone because I was afraid it wouldn't work." If you do tell someone, and it doesn't work... like, so what? Honestly, what different does that make -- what would it mean to you?

And of course, answers are optional. I'm really not looking to make anyone feel bad. I just dig learning others' POVs.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Can I ask you guys a serious question? This isn't at all a shame on you for not telling people. I just want to understand. I hear a lot comments to the effect of "I didn't want to tell anyone because I was afraid it wouldn't work." If you do tell someone, and it doesn't work... like, so what? Honestly, what different does that make -- what would it mean to you?

And of course, answers are optional. I'm really not looking to make anyone feel bad. I just dig learning others' POVs. :eek:

It's the idea that even spending $8K didn't help us. What a huge waste of money on another fad. That was my thinking in the beginning.

Today I know WLS is a reality for me, that's what I needed. But in the beginning I was sure people would just roll their eyes and laugh because I was going to that extreme vs. just refraining from stuffing my face with more food.

[lindata 1]

Can I ask you guys a serious question? This isn't at all a shame on you for not telling people. I just want to understand. I hear a lot comments to the effect of "I didn't want to tell anyone because I was afraid it wouldn't work." If you do tell someone, and it doesn't work... like, so what? Honestly, what different does that make -- what would it mean to you?

And of course, answers are optional. I'm really not looking to make anyone feel bad. I just dig learning others' POVs. :eek:

Because I've told people pretty much every time I would start a diet - and the next time they'd see me I'd be the same weight. Embarassing! So this time, my last-chance time, I didn't tell anyone (well, tried not to - it got leaked to a few people by accident). It's the whole extreme thing too - the money and doing surgery. I just don't want people to know I had to go to these extremes to do something that 'technically' can be done on your own. Of course, I don't feel that way, but that's the perception that's out there, that if you try hard enough the weight will come off. I guess if EVERYbody knew that for some people it really is harder than others to lose weight, I wouldn't be embarassed to tell.

[tonya66 13]

Can I ask you guys a serious question? This isn't at all a shame on you for not telling people. I just want to understand. I hear a lot comments to the effect of "I didn't want to tell anyone because I was afraid it wouldn't work." If you do tell someone, and it doesn't work... like, so what? Honestly, what different does that make -- what would it mean to you?

And of course, answers are optional. I'm really not looking to make anyone feel bad. I just dig learning others' POVs. :eek:

I guess for me, it was embarrasment. I just knew how embarrased I would feel (this is just me) failing another diet.

Now, looking back, I wish I would have told more people but now I feel like I look like a total liar going back and telling people.

Not sure if it makes sense, but thats just the way I felt, at the time anyhow. I do feel differently now.

[tonya66 13]

Another reason I didn't want to tell people - I was embarrased that I couldn't do it on my own. I don't feel this way at all now, and again, I wish I would have been more honest in the beginning.

I'm proud that I decided to take control of my obesity related issues, just like someone takes control of their high blood pressure or any other medical problem.

There were just so many issues in the beginning and I just felt that it would be easier not to tell people, I remember reading a post where they said you can always go back and tell people if you decide to, but you can't "un-tell" people. It made sense to me - so I chose the secretcy. Again, now I want to run up to everyone that has weight problems and tell them about the band. I have to refrain myself because having WLS is a personal decision and not for everyone. And who am I to judge someone that in my eyes is overweight, maybe they are happy with the way they are and that is their business. So, I just keep to myself about it.

I do still feel guilty when people ask me how I am losing my weight and I tell them "eating less". Because I feel like they think they are a failure when they eat less and then gain it back - I've been there myself. So I'm just at a point where I'm trying to decide How to come out, or should I just keep quiet. Its a confussing issue for me.

[IndioGirl55 32]

Another reason I didn't want to tell people - I was embarrased that I couldn't do it on my own. I don't feel this way at all now, and again, I wish I would have been more honest in the beginning.

I'm proud that I decided to take control of my obesity related issues, just like someone takes control of their high blood pressure or any other medical problem.

There were just so many issues in the beginning and I just felt that it would be easier not to tell people, I remember reading a post where they said you can always go back and tell people if you decide to, but you can't "un-tell" people. It made sense to me - so I chose the secretcy. Again, now I want to run up to everyone that has weight problems and tell them about the band. I have to refrain myself because having WLS is a personal decision and not for everyone. And who am I to judge someone that in my eyes is overweight, maybe they are happy with the way they are and that is their business. So, I just keep to myself about it.

I do still feel guilty when people ask me how I am losing my weight and I tell them "eating less". Because I feel like they think they are a failure when they eat less and then gain it back - I've been there myself. So I'm just at a point where I'm trying to decide How to come out, or should I just keep quiet. Its a confussing issue for me.

Sunshine I understand what you are saying - I wish I hadn't told anyone (but a bit of a problem - cuz my supervisor is a social friend too and I would have hated to lie to her as to why i needed all the time off for doc appts & surgery) The reason I wish I didn't tell anyone is that I don't like or think that they think that it's all the band's work that made me lose weight - I am doing the work - I am eating healthy and exercising - as we all know if you keep your old habits the weight isn't going to come off - I feel that all my work is discounted in some ways when they know I have been banded cuz they don't understand - I explain but they get that look in their eye...

[tonya66 13]

- I feel that all my work is discounted in some ways when they know I have been banded cuz they don't understand - I explain but they get that look in their eye...

I can certainly understand that. We all know that the band is just a tool, and I know for me, I've worked really hard to lose the weight I've lost. So I feel that I've done it, not the band. However, there was about 3 months this summer when my life was in turmoil (got hurt, house completely flooded, gma died, the list goes on) and I ate whatever I wanted, lots of sugar. In my pre-band days, I would have gained 20 - 40 lbs (I've done it in the past many times), but with the band, I gained very little.

It was then that I realized the band will not let me get fat ever again. I was able to maintain, or go up just a few pounds, which was simply amazing to me. So, for that, I am so grateful for the band! I know that I will never weight over 200lbs again!

I know I feel like I've done all the work, but pre-band, I was never able to get under 190 lbs, I am now smaller than I have been in over 17 years. So its a wonderful tool to help me. I've had to make the right choices, I've had to exercise, and I've had to use the band as a tool.

Indiogirl, you've done really good on your weightloss!

I told everyone at work and my DH family that I had a hernia repair (which I did), but I think they are a little suspicious and they just don't talk about my weightloss (my DH family). People at work are always complimenting me, by I think the people who suspect something just stay quiet. I just don't bring it up and they don't either.

[IndioGirl55 32]

I can certainly understand that. We all know that the band is just a tool, and I know for me, I've worked really hard to lose the weight I've lost. So I feel that I've done it, not the band. However, there was about 3 months this summer when my life was in turmoil (got hurt, house completely flooded, gma died, the list goes on) and I ate whatever I wanted, lots of sugar. In my pre-band days, I would have gained 20 - 40 lbs (I've done it in the past many times), but with the band, I gained very little.

It was then that I realized the band will not let me get fat ever again. I was able to maintain, or go up just a few pounds, which was simply amazing to me. So, for that, I am so grateful for the band! I know that I will never weight over 200lbs again!

I know I feel like I've done all the work, but pre-band, I was never able to get under 190 lbs, I am now smaller than I have been in over 17 years. So its a wonderful tool to help me. I've had to make the right choices, I've had to exercise, and I've had to use the band as a tool.

Indiogirl, you've done really good on your weightloss!

I told everyone at work and my DH family that I had a hernia repair (which I did), but I think they are a little suspicious and they just don't talk about my weightloss (my DH family). People at work are always complimenting me, by I think the people who suspect something just stay quiet. I just don't bring it up and they don't either.

Sunshine

Thanks - I am working very hard - I eat healthy 98% of the time and i exercise 4 to 5 days a week.. As i stated in the beginning of this thread my concern will be keeping the weight off - I think we all can lose the weight but it's the keeping it off that will be the real answer... the 1st time I joined WW i was 206 and at that time it was my heavest - I got down to 165 for just a minute with the help of diet pills - gain it all back over 2 yrs and then some - Parents died in 92 got up to 230 - did medifast - got to 195 or so - get more diet pills lose a little - but always gained it back. I think I have it that this is truely a lifetime lifestyle change - and the tool is great for me - cuz it helps control my portions cuz I wasn't a junk food eater or sweets all the time - i just ate too much of good foods and never exercised... I remember once I started dance classes and lost 20 lbs without changing what i ate - so I know for me exercise is a big help along with the portion control...

I'm sorry for your hardships - I understand those and what they can do to you.. It's good to hear that even with slips the band keeps you from rolling all the way to the bottom of the hill

[AZA 0]

I'm losing so slowly that I still fear it's not going to work. I do finally have proper restriction so hopefully I'll start losing faster.

[marieee 0]

I have lost 17 pounds in 3 weeks, and I still believe it wont work, heh. I just can't imagine myself being skinny. I have only been obese for about 6 years too.

[Sades 4]

I haven't kept this a secret but I feel the same about the fact that people think it was only the band that did all the work. Yes it won't let me eat as much as I used to but it's still me who chooses what to put in my mouth each and every time. I have been close to 20 kilos lighter than I am now but I've never been slim, even as a child, so I can't see myself being a normal sized woman... hopefully I will prove myself wrong! <!-- google_ad_section_end --><!-- / message --><!-- sig -->

[kacee 3]

You betcha!!! I was very tongue in cheek about the whole thing (privately). I figured I would be the one person where they would say, "Well, it works on most people, but you apparently are the exception to the rule and it doesn't work on you. So sorry." I was just fully expecting failure. Because of that I decided I was going to be absolutely religious about my post-op diet (I wasn't required to have a pre-op) and follow everything to a "T". Well, whooptee dang doo...guess what I found out! That sucker works! Actually, I worked, and it worked with me! I couldn't have been more surprised....or happy!!!!

[kacee 3]

I think people using an excuse that they "don't think it will work" for them as a reason to not tell people is a HUGE COP OUT. Dig a little deeper and I think the REAL reason many people don't tell is because it is their typical MO....it gives them license to FAIL without having to listen to repercutions. If no one knows you have "done this thing" you cannot be held "accountable" for your own failure. Spending thousands of dollars, having surgery and altering you future lifestyle is such a radical choice, it goes against everything sensible to not expect that you will have success. For me, telling everyone and their brother was INCENTIVE for me like you can't IMAGINE. Each person I told who "looked at me that way" was one more KICK IN MY BUTT to succeed and prove everyone wrong. It was my insurance policy. NO WAY could I not succeed after I had laid my intentions and expectations out for the world to see. It was my catalyst for success.