Mini melt down

[Betty1971 386]

This is probably going to be a mess of a post. I tried to talk to a friend and just ended up crying and she didn't know what to say, and then when she tried to help it just made things worse. I know I am being a little nutty but I can't seem to find anyone that understands me right now.

My husband and I are leaving tomorrow for Arizona for the month of March. This is the first of what will be many "winter" trips south. I turn 50 in May and we have planned to spend our winters down there for a very long time. We will be spending the month with a new group of people that will be our "new" neighbors, they have never really met us in person, we have emailed back and forth and spoke on the phone but that is about it.

5th wheel is packed, pickup is packed, everything is ready, BUT I can't find any summer clothes that fit me. Last summer I weighed 230 plus pounds and my clothes are still in the camper from when we were at the lake, I am about 157 now. I went to town and couldn't find anything that really fit me, everything I tried on I felt silly in, my husband kept saying everything looked fine. I feel like I have skin everywhere, I have no boobs anymore (good or bad I don't know how I feel about that) , NOTHING feels right. I was angry at him for really no reason but still angry because I felt like he couldn't see what I was seeing.

I almost felt more comfortable in size 22. What the hell is wrong with me?

I can't get past this feeling, I can see the numbers on the scale change, I see the clothes size changes but when I look in the mirror all I see is ick. I don't see a slender body, I see a chubby body with a crappy wrapping job.

I have a freaking degree in psychology, I have spoke to kids about body dysmorphia in middle and high school, but I cannot seam to make my brain understand it has to work with my body on this......anyone else struggle with this?

[NovaLuna 710]

Oh yeah, totally hate the body dysmorphia. I have so much loose skin, and while I'd rather have the loose skin then the fat, it makes it harder for me to see myself as smaller. I feel better when I'm wearing a shaper because it holds the loose skin on my stomach in and I feel better about myself when I'm wearing one so I rarely go out without one on. My biggest problem lately is with blouses. Some larges look great, but some look huge on me and so I don't know if I should try a medium or what, but I just can't imagine actually fitting into a medium when my pants size is still a 14.

When I look in the mirror I don't see the 389 pound girl I used to be, but to me I still feel like I look 230 pounds when in reality I'm 196. I get told I look skinny by my mom and sister who are both in the 230's and my sister said she's even going to diet because she feels insecure about herself (she just gave birth to her son four months ago) which makes me feel guilty that I still see myself as big when my sister see's me as small and even feels bad at her own weight. I love my little sister and she's told me she's really proud of the progress I've made and she congratulates me on every milestone, so she doesn't want to make me feel guilty, and I know if I told her I felt that way she'd be upset with herself. Body dysmorphia is hard. I, honestly, don't know how to work past it, but I'm working on it and that's really the best we can do.

[Betty1971 386]

I see the size 11 jeans and the medium tops but all I can see is lumps and rolls and I want to hide them under larges and wear layers and layers of clothes.

I can’t even bring myself to imagine what I’m going to do when I am supposed to go to swimming. We have a place with a pool in Arizona and I haven’t even had the courage to try on a swimming suit yet!! YIKES!

[WishMeSmaller 1,273]

I sooo get this. The lumps and bumps had me feeling irrationally down on myself. I am glad to say, it does get better. It is almost like being a teenager again and going through an awkward stage. Hang in there! 💕

[mswillis5 127]

First, welcome to Arizona and the warm temperatures that await you. You will be able to get warm weather clothes when you get here as that is pretty much all that is sold in the stores here.

I have been having a tough time with clothes recently as well. I have been wearing a XXL and size 44 shorts until recently. This is after 100lbs of weight loss and I thought it still looked good on me. My family on the other hand has said otherwise and told me to go get new clothes. I recently went shopping and bought a 38 size shorts thinking that these would be my new size. I took the shorts home to try on and they fell off without a belt on, there were multiple inches of clearance. I went back and exchanged them for a size 34 and they fit. It is amazing that the sizes go so quickly. I also bought a few size L shirts but they were still too loose so I went back and grabbed a few M and they fit perfectly. I still am in shock that I am wearing a M shirt and 34 shorts now when it has only been a couple of months since surgery. I haven't been this weight in a very long time. My wife and I just had surgery together in November and have lost a lot of weight so far. She is also having to buy new clothes and she does not like shopping at all. The only reason she goes to get new clothes is because the children that she works with tug on her pants and she doesn't want them to fall off. Body dysmorphia is no joke and I agree that this whole issue is just a massive head game.

Edited March 3, 2021 by mswillis5

[Creekimp13 5,840]

When I'm out shopping...to this day...I go straight to the plus sizes.

My bestie got totally frustrated with me one day, ripped the size 18s and 20s out of my hands, marched me over to another rack and handed me size 12s and 14s.

"You worked too hard to look like a sack of potatoes. Try on flattering stuff that FITS."

I let her pick a few outfits and was totally blown away. I absolutely get what you mean. I know it's nutty, but my brain doesn't seem to process it without help.

[catwoman7 11,212]

before I had plastic surgery, I had to experiment to see what "worked" for my body. I was apple-shaped before I lost weight, so I had a ton of loose skin on my abs and arms. Hips, butt, thighs, and legs looked pretty normal. So I'd wear tighter pants or capris - sometimes in eye-catching colors like red, to draw people's eyes downward. On top I'd wear oversized longer tops (e.g. tunic-length) with 3/4 or longer sleeves. It worked pretty well. Of course, *I* still knew it was there, but it was probably less noticeable to others.

if it's causing a lot of mental anguish, though, there's always plastic surgery. My whole body looks normal now (well, except for the scarring), and I can wear pretty much anything.

[kristieshannon 1,636]

I’m so there with you. Although I loved the weight loss, I really struggled with my loose skin. Last summer I spent all the warm weather days in long sleeves because of my bat wings arms. I had plastic surgery last month, a Tummy Tuck, breast lift & augmentation, and arm lift. I’m looking forward to being far more comfortable this summer! However-now I’m getting fixated on my thighs. They don’t match the rest of me! They are saggy, baggy, and disproportionately chunky compared to the rest of my body. I’m scared of the thigh lift procedure-looking at before & after pics on Real Self it doesn’t seem to make a dramatic difference like other procedures, and I believe thigh lifts have the highest rate of post op complications. I’m trying hard to strengthen my legs hoping that I’ll see some improvement. In the mean time I’m working on acceptance of my current state.

[ms.sss 15,593]

First, looks like you are almost at goal...congratulations!!

Second, the last 20-30 lbs I personally found to be the most annoying in the clothes department because a 5 lbs loss at a lower weight makes a much bigger difference in clothes sizes. I felt pretty sloppy during this stage because I didn't want to invest in more clothes that fit that would really only be usable for a few weeks.

With that said though, I am a big proponent of dressing up a little to boost self-confidence...and this usually means properly fitting clothes.

And I mean FITTED.

I find baggy clothes actually makes one look bigger. The other benefit of fitted clothes is that it holds everything nice and firm.

High waisted leggings/jeans, Tops with fitted arms (at least to the elbow), wrap skirts/dresses that you can cinch at the waist, v-necklines.

For swimsuits, before plastics, I was IN LOVE with my high waisted bikini bottoms (i still did wear regular ones, but the high waisted ones were more flattering on me). If bikini's aren't your thing, one-peice suits are also really good cuz they hold all the stuff in. If you are comfortable with it, high-cut leg bottoms also give the illusion of longer legs and slimmer hips. Underwire cups pushes the boobs up and together and result it some serious cleavage.

And don't forget the magic of high heels. Makes you taller, your calves look more shapely, and pushes out your butt.

Lastly, you are probably your own worst critic (we all are). You may not think it, but you probably already look effing fab in others' eyes.

❤️

Edited March 3, 2021 by ms.sss

[Betty1971 386]

I have a lot of work to do before I am at my goal, I am even considering moving my goal to a lower weight. That makes me happy, it also makes me realize that my body is actually changing. My brain is just last to get the memo I guess.

I know I have a great deal of work to do before I even consider plastics. I think I will in time but there is work to do first, I am fine with putting in the work.

My biggest struggles these days are looking at myself at 157 pounds and my neighbor at roughly the same weight and I see her as a normal looking gal, not big or small, I look at me and still see all the bumps and lumps. My midsection still has the big old roll around the hips ( in my opinion) its just my hips have shrunk but the roll is still there???

A persons brain is such a funny thing (funny not ha ha) , it can logically tell you one thing and then process what it sees in the mirror as something totally different. Absolutely nobody understands this unless they have gone through it and really gets it

We are off to Arizona now, I am somewhere in South Dakota. I am praying to find a store that will have a magic mirror that shows me in a new way and I can accept all my summer body in the souther clothes so I can donate this closet full of size 22's that I couldn't bear to get rid of!! Yes I actually have most of last years clothes in the closet in the RV because I couldn't bear the idea of not having anything to wear!! LOL. If anyone sees a gal holding up her shorts in the desert its just me!!!

[SummerTimeGirl 582]

Haven't had the surgery yet but I know how you feel. When I was at my fittest and skinniest, my weight showed on the scale as 179. Well when you're a teenager that number makes you feel and sound like you're super obese. Especially when all of your friend are weighing in between 115 and 135lbs.

But now I look back on those photos and I long to look like that again. Never realized how good I did look. And I should have known better because I wore a size 4, got hit on ALL the time, was able to wear sexy clothes (when I would allow my friends to force me into trying/buying them), etc. and yet I couldn't get the "obese" factor out of my head. But it didn't help either when the doctor would even say things like, "I never would have guessed you were that big. You carry your weight well."

I'm sure you've all seen this meme............

So true. Anyway, not sure how you get the negative images and thoughts about yourself out of your head. It's just something I guess we constantly have to work on. But I know it's not easy. Sorry I didn't have much to offer. But hey, if you need someone to give you advice on some outfits, take several pics of yourself in some new ones and post the pics. We'll help you out.

Edited March 3, 2021 by SummerTimeGirl

[catwoman7 11,212]

2 hours ago, Betty1971 said:

I have a lot of work to do before I am at my goal, I am even considering moving my goal to a lower weight. That makes me happy, it also makes me realize that my body is actually changing. My brain is just last to get the memo I guess.

I know I have a great deal of work to do before I even consider plastics. I think I will in time but there is work to do first, I am fine with putting in the work.

My biggest struggles these days are looking at myself at 157 pounds and my neighbor at roughly the same weight and I see her as a normal looking gal, not big or small, I look at me and still see all the bumps and lumps. My midsection still has the big old roll around the hips ( in my opinion) its just my hips have shrunk but the roll is still there???

A persons brain is such a funny thing (funny not ha ha) , it can logically tell you one thing and then process what it sees in the mirror as something totally different. Absolutely nobody understands this unless they have gone through it and really gets it

We are off to Arizona now, I am somewhere in South Dakota. I am praying to find a store that will have a magic mirror that shows me in a new way and I can accept all my summer body in the souther clothes so I can donate this closet full of size 22's that I couldn't bear to get rid of!! Yes I actually have most of last years clothes in the closet in the RV because I couldn't bear the idea of not having anything to wear!! LOL. If anyone sees a gal holding up her shorts in the desert its just me!!!

you can't really compare yourself to other people your height and weight unless you also take into account frame size and musculature. My mother-in-law and I are the same height (5'6"). She weighs in the 110-120 range. I weigh in the 150s. She has bird bones and probably no muscle. I have a large frame and am pretty muscular. I looked horrible in the 130's, so I can't IMAGINE what I'd look like in the 110s. On the flip side, she would look fat at 150. So there's that, too (and that's why a normal BMI range has a span of 20-30 lbs, too...)