Jealous Spouse

[HealthyLifeStyle 351]

17 hours ago, ms.sss said:

LOL. I bought one just last summer:

I love that outfit, my hubby would probably have a heart attack if I wore something like that.

[HealthyLifeStyle 351]

17 hours ago, catwoman7 said:

oh yea - I've seen tops like that around. These are the types I remember (and was thinking of)

I remember my mom wearing something like this back in the 70's.

[HealthyLifeStyle 351]

16 hours ago, bufbills said:

I was thinking the stripper thing.

Ya maybe, but he should know me after 25 yrs. I would never wear stuff like that.

[catwoman7 11,212]

22 minutes ago, ms.sss said:

I certainly hope so...i have a rack of blazers and jackets with line-backer-esque 80's shoulder pads that are itchin' to see the light of day. 🤣

LOL! I still have some of those, too!

[ms.sss 15,588]

So I often chat with Mr. about the goings-on on this forum. Especially since i'm on here like ALL. THE. TIME. (yep, I'm a BP addict), and given Pandemic In The Wintertime, it is one of my main sources of non-family contact/socialization these days!

Anyhoo, I brought this particular thread up with him last night/this morning and asked if he had any concerns or objections to my current wardrobe. He is a very easy-going and chill kind of guy so this never occurred to me that it would even be an issue, nor did he ever bring it up or show any indication of it being so.

And he was all, "why would it bother me?" He pointed out that since the weight loss, I've been dressing more like I was when we first started dating almost 25 years ago, with the confidence to match. And that it was a good thing (I ❤️ my Mr.). He also said that during the years I was "unhealthy" (aside: he never says "fat" or "obese" or "big" to me), I was dressing more like my mother, which was not as good a thing, LOLOLOLOLzzzz, and that I would often say I hate my clothes, I have nothing to wear, avoid being in pictures, and be generally annoyed. So yeah, why would it bother him?

So long story short, having a happy/confident/at-peace spouse is a win all around, and if it takes a stripper outfit to do it, then so be it.

P.S. at the same time, the non-stripper spouse my feel threatened/scared/insecure but this is a relationship issue, not a weight loss/choice of dress issue.

P.P.S. Of course, it doesn't have to be a stripper outfit! LOL, a head-to-toe wrap, or a suit of armour is just as good, so long as the FEELS are there. ❤️

Edited February 20, 2021 by ms.sss

[HealthyLifeStyle 351]

1 hour ago, ms.sss said:

So I often chat with Mr. about the goings-on on this forum. Especially since i'm on here like ALL. THE. TIME. (yep, I'm a BP addict), and given Pandemic In The Wintertime, it is one of my main sources of non-family contact/socialization these days!

Anyhoo, I brought this particular thread up with him last night/this morning and asked if he had any concerns or objections to my current wardrobe. He is a very easy-going and chill kind of guy so this never occurred to me that it would even be an issue, nor did he ever bring it up or show any indication of it being so.

And he was all, "why would it bother me?" He pointed out that since the weight loss, I've been dressing more like I was when we first started dating almost 25 years ago, with the confidence to match. And that it was a good thing (I ❤️ my Mr.). He also said that during the years I was "unhealthy" (aside: he never says "fat" or "obese" or "big" to me), I was dressing more like my mother, which was not as good a thing, LOLOLOLOLzzzz, and that I would often say I hate my clothes, I have nothing to wear, avoid being in pictures, and be generally annoyed. So yeah, why would it bother him?

So long story short, having a happy/confident/at-peace spouse is a win all around, and if it takes a stripper outfit to do it, then so be it.

P.S. at the same time, the non-stripper spouse my feel threatened/scared/insecure but this is a relationship issue, not a weight loss/choice of dress issue.

P.P.S. Of course, it doesn't have to be a stripper outfit! LOL, a head-to-toe wrap, or a suit of armour is just as good, so long as the FEELS are there. ❤️

Were you heavy when you first met? I was chubby, and hubby has indicated he likes me like that. He said he doesn't like skinny women. Well guess what, now I am skinny. Does that mean he doesn't like me? Attracted to me anymore? I asked him last night, and he didn't want to talk much about it. When I brought up the shorts, and halter comment, he just groaned.

[ms.sss 15,588]

1 hour ago, HealthyLifeStyle said:

Were you heavy when you first met? I was chubby, and hubby has indicated he likes me like that. He said he doesn't like skinny women. Well guess what, now I am skinny. Does that mean he doesn't like me? Attracted to me anymore? I asked him last night, and he didn't want to talk much about it. When I brought up the shorts, and halter comment, he just groaned.

I was "normal" sized when we met (around 125 lbs, if I remember correctly). I started my steady weight gaining after I popped out The Kid 8 years later.

I've read alot about spouses/partners of those who have lost weight say similar things (i.e., not liking skinny women/men). Which to me is kinda douchey. I mean, if Mr. told me he doesn't like fat women when I gained my 100+ lbs, I'd be doing some serious re-evaluating.

Though I suppose until you guys have a real conversation about it, maybe just give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that yes, while he gets turned on abstractly by a relatively bigger physique, in no way does it affect how he feels and is attracted to YOU.

P.S. your pic reminds me of Julianna Margulies (the ER actress)!

Edited February 20, 2021 by ms.sss

[Jaelzion 1,127]

2 hours ago, HealthyLifeStyle said:

Were you heavy when you first met? I was chubby, and hubby has indicated he likes me like that. He said he doesn't like skinny women. Well guess what, now I am skinny. Does that mean he doesn't like me? Attracted to me anymore? I asked him last night, and he didn't want to talk much about it. When I brought up the shorts, and halter comment, he just groaned.

Are you really skinny or are you just normal now? Skinny kind of implies underweight or at least at the low end of normal weight. If your BMI is 24 as your profile says, you are perfectly normal. He might perceive you as skinny because of the relative difference in your size, but you really just reached a normal, healthy weight.

Maybe ask him if there's anything in particular he would like to see you in? Like something you couldn't/wouldn't wear before but you can now? Either in public or in private (like lingerie and stuff)? Maybe if you can show him there's a payoff for him as well from your weight loss, and show him you care what he thinks, he'll calm down and be less insecure. Just a thought.

[HealthyLifeStyle 351]

20 minutes ago, Jaelzion said:

Are you really skinny or are you just normal now? Skinny kind of implies underweight or at least at the low end of normal weight. If your BMI is 24 as your profile says, you are perfectly normal. He might perceive you as skinny because of the relative difference in your size, but you really just reached a normal, healthy weight.

Maybe ask him if there's anything in particular he would like to see you in? Like something you couldn't/wouldn't wear before but you can now? Either in public or in private (like lingerie and stuff)? Maybe if you can show him there's a payoff for him as well from your weight loss, and show him you care what he thinks, he'll calm down and be less insecure. Just a thought.

Good point, I guess I am normal now, not skinny. Skinny to him though. That is a great idea to ask him what he wants to see me in now. I was very shy before being overweight, and never wore anything like lingerie. Maybe now, we can both benefit from it. LOL Thank you for the idea.

[bufbills 316]

6 hours ago, HealthyLifeStyle said:

Ya maybe, but he should know me after 25 yrs. I would never wear stuff like that.

I was joking. Stupid man joke. Sorry.

[HealthyLifeStyle 351]

4 hours ago, bufbills said:

I was joking. Stupid man joke. Sorry.

Don't be sorry. I didn't take any offense to it at all.

[Arabesque 7,246]

I’m single but I know some of my girlfriends’ husbands can be pretty protective about them. One is almost prudish. (It’s quite amusing as they’re strong, independent women who take crap from no one. But it’s also lovely.) I wonder if that’s where your husband’s comments are coming from. Is he protective of you &/or a little conservative (nothing wrong with that)?

He may be seeing your confidence growing as you feel better about the way you look & feel & worry that other aspects of your personality, like how you dress, may become more ... ‘expressive’.

[LoveSimcha 97]

On 2/19/2021 at 2:20 PM, SummerTimeGirl said:

Awww, poor thing. I've often wondered, in doing my research before deciding to take the plunge myself, if maybe our spouses wouldn't benefit from seeing the psychologist too when we go through this procedure. I think it would be a good thing. Maybe a class for them alone and then one for both spouses together so that our fears and expectations can be addressed.

I actually recall reading an article that the divorce rate is higher among couples that one has had weight loss surgery. I think the emotions start running high and the insecurities start coming out. I spoke with my husband at the time and he said "oh so you are going to leave me?" - I was like no dude you are missing the point.

[MyGrammyLife 8]

My husband had the gastric sleeve over 5 years ago, and I just had mine Feb. 1st. There is a LOT that I can’t recall about his first year following surgery, but one thing I recall very clearly is how I felt...

Everywhere we went people would compliment him on how great he looked! I was definitely feeling a bit jealous because I too was dieting and losing weight, but because his transition was occurring so much faster than mine, he got all the compliments and no one noticed my progress. I recall that in my mind I justified it by saying “he took the easy was out”! (Boy was that thinking WRONG, there is nothing easy about this journey!)

I remember researching diet options and recipes that would work for BOTH of us. I wanted so badly to be on the “same page” in our weight loss journey’s but that was never really possible. We were in completely “different books” !

Jumping forward 5 years, he has managed to keep the majority of his weight off, but his diet choices haven’t been the greatest. He doesn’t follow the “rules” of Sleevers....eat your Protein first, then vegetable, and IF you are still hungry have a few bites of the carb. He uses straws, drinks carbonated beverages, and far too much coffee and not enough Water. My decision to have the sleeve has given him a reset and Finally....we are on the same page!

I guess I went astray here, but my point is this.... I wouldn’t say I was totally jealous of him because I was supportive and proud of his achievements. However, I still felt sorry for myself because I worked SO hard and never would achieve the level of weight loss that he did. I have to agree with the comment above that suggests it would be helpful for couples to get counsel on what feeling to anticipate and work through them before hand. It would be beneficial to both parties.

[HealthyLifeStyle 351]

11 hours ago, Arabesque said:

I’m single but I know some of my girlfriends’ husbands can be pretty protective about them. One is almost prudish. (It’s quite amusing as they’re strong, independent women who take crap from no one. But it’s also lovely.) I wonder if that’s where your husband’s comments are coming from. Is he protective of you &/or a little conservative (nothing wrong with that)?

He may be seeing your confidence growing as you feel better about the way you look & feel & worry that other aspects of your personality, like how you dress, may become more ... ‘expressive’.

He is def not conservative. Probably more protective than anything. It is just weird to see this side of him.