Trauma, Anyone? I'd love as many opinions as possible please!

[New Me, New Mind 106]

Disclaimer: this is a long-winded post and could possibly be triggering for some ppl.

As i watched tons..and i means TONS..of youtube videos during my "research" period pre op I heard lots of ppl mention the emotional and mental part of this journey post op. I gathered from those videos that i would probably be dealing with past trauma that needs healing as I lose the weight..uhhh i had no clue though to expect THIS! Does anyone else feel like as the pounds fall off, emotional scars are uncovered and smack u in the face randomly? I'm all about healing and psychology so I'm down for the ride but whew! I had a panic attack today and have cried all damn day, not knowing exactly which trauma i am supposed to be addressing in my mind. I had a nightmare/flashback two nights ago and woke up sweating and crying with a full blown panic attack. Thats not abnormal for me but i typically can identify the trigger and what specific trauma was triggered. I couldnt do that today, and the traumatic event that was relived in my nightmare the other night was what caught me by surprise bc that event always seemed like "just another effed up, unfortunate event" that occured to me as a child..not something i necessarily considered big traumas like my father's death, being homeless and on my own as a child, sexual abuse, etc. I'm 75lbs down, abt 6 months post op now. Everything has been super positive and ive been elated since surgery. All of a sudden tho its like as i lose this weight im on a healing journey of integrating the "little broken me" with the "grown healthy me"..if that makes sense..im a very positive, encouraging person (friends always get onto me for having "rose colored glasses"), but lately i am just floored as im slapped in the face with extreme emotions or memories from the past. This could be unrelated to wls...maybe just typical ptsd...i know we like to connect wls to everything we're experiencing now lol but it makes me wonder..are others experiencing extreme triggers now? As bad as it sounds, its still a very good thing..or is that my "theres always a silver lining" defense mechanism speaking for me? Lol..but seriously i can't even put it into words how extreme the trigger is but also the healing i feel im receiving! I ended up in the bathroom speaking all the things to myself in the mirror that i would speak to a child having gone through the pain i experienced as a child...I was giving myself permission to be happy and feel safe and to embrace all my blessings bc i am worthy and do deserve it.i was telling myself that i am a good girl and that im proud of myself (as i look into my 32 year old eyes lol)..encouraging me to trust myself to protect myself and reasuring myself that ill always be here to show myself the love i deserve etc..it was so beautiful and pure..not conjured up at all.. and i wasn't even "thinking" during all this really...it was just flowing from my heart and was really cool!! For the first time ever, i saw how beautiful and precious and strong i am and meant every word of affirmation i was speaking! It was truly amazing! Again, sorry im so long-winded, but i really wanna know, "is this what ppl were talking abt? Are others experiencing this or is this just a me thing?"

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

Edited January 13, 2021 by regina r

[Betty1971 386]

14 hours ago, regina r said:

Disclaimer: this is a long-winded post and could possibly be triggering for some ppl.

As i watched tons..and i means TONS..of youtube videos during my "research" period pre op I heard lots of ppl mention the emotional and mental part of this journey post op. I gathered from those videos that i would probably be dealing with past trauma that needs healing as I lose the weight..uhhh i had no clue though to expect THIS! Does anyone else feel like as the pounds fall off, emotional scars are uncovered and smack u in the face randomly? I'm all about healing and psychology so I'm down for the ride but whew! I had a panic attack today and have cried all damn day, not knowing exactly which trauma i am supposed to be addressing in my mind. I had a nightmare/flashback two nights ago and woke up sweating and crying with a full blown panic attack. Thats not abnormal for me but i typically can identify the trigger and what specific trauma was triggered. I couldnt do that today, and the traumatic event that was relived in my nightmare the other night was what caught me by surprise bc that event always seemed like "just another effed up, unfortunate event" that occured to me as a child..not something i necessarily considered big traumas like my father's death, being homeless and on my own as a child, sexual abuse, etc. I'm 75lbs down, abt 6 months post op now. Everything has been super positive and ive been elated since surgery. All of a sudden tho its like as i lose this weight im on a healing journey of integrating the "little broken me" with the "grown healthy me"..if that makes sense..im a very positive, encouraging person (friends always get onto me for having "rose colored glasses"), but lately i am just floored as im slapped in the face with extreme emotions or memories from the past. This could be unrelated to wls...maybe just typical ptsd...i know we like to connect wls to everything we're experiencing now lol but it makes me wonder..are others experiencing extreme triggers now? As bad as it sounds, its still a very good thing..or is that my "theres always a silver lining" defense mechanism speaking for me? Lol..but seriously i can't even put it into words how extreme the trigger is but also the healing i feel im receiving! I ended up in the bathroom speaking all the things to myself in the mirror that i would speak to a child having gone through the pain i experienced as a child...I was giving myself permission to be happy and feel safe and to embrace all my blessings bc i am worthy and do deserve it.i was telling myself that i am a good girl and that im proud of myself (as i look into my 32 year old eyes lol)..encouraging me to trust myself to protect myself and reasuring myself that ill always be here to show myself the love i deserve etc..it was so beautiful and pure..not conjured up at all.. and i wasn't even "thinking" during all this really...it was just flowing from my heart and was really cool!! For the first time ever, i saw how beautiful and precious and strong i am and meant every word of affirmation i was speaking! It was truly amazing! Again, sorry im so long-winded, but i really wanna know, "is this what ppl were talking abt? Are others experiencing this or is this just a me thing?"

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

This may not sound like an answer about weight loss surgery to begin with but it is: are you familiar with ACE - Adverse Childhood Experiences study. Its a pretty amazing concept and I am going to dumb it up just to shorten this post. Basically its a few questions you answer and it gives you a numerically score and that score tells you how messed up you as an adult should be. I should have childhood amnesia (I do) and I its not just you.

If you are interested in a few books about healing your inner child and allowing yourself to heal as an adult I would love you send you some ideas. Private message me if you a reader or an audio book fan. Its pretty amazing how the body builds protection mechanisms as small children and adapts throughout life some in healthy ways and some unhealthy but all to survive ..... the human body is amazing.

[Brittsis17 27]

Hi!! Lots of trauma here 😃 I’m trying to think of each pound that is shed is me taking back my power. I have had tons of therapy and I’m going to start my book. I Hope that’s healing too.

[New Me, New Mind 106]

This may not sound like an answer about weight loss surgery to begin with but it is: are you familiar with ACE - Adverse Childhood Experiences study. Its a pretty amazing concept and I am going to dumb it up just to shorten this post. Basically its a few questions you answer and it gives you a numerically score and that score tells you how messed up you as an adult should be. I should have childhood amnesia (I do) and I its not just you. [emoji4]
If you are interested in a few books about healing your inner child and allowing yourself to heal as an adult I would love you send you some ideas. Private message me if you a reader or an audio book fan. Its pretty amazing how the body builds protection mechanisms as small children and adapts throughout life some in healthy ways and some unhealthy but all to survive ..... the human body is amazing.

Hey hey! Thank u for ur response. I scored an 8/10 on the ace test (not considering all the traumas unaccounted for in the 10 questions) and 2 on the resilience test. I have childhood amnesia and also short term memory problems today as well. I would love book suggestions and will mssg u. I am currently researching emdr therapy. Any thoughts or experiences with emdr?

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

[New Me, New Mind 106]

Hi!! Lots of trauma here [emoji2] I’m trying to think of each pound that is shed is me taking back my power. I have had tons of therapy and I’m going to start my book. I Hope that’s healing too.

Hey britt! I hope ur recovering well from wls and can find whatever works to heal/cope with ur trauma. It's very unfortunate that u have suffered so greatly and i will keep u in my prayers for the Holy Spirit to guide u in the right direction on ur healing journey. I would love to read ur book so get on it, girl!! [emoji2]

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

[New Me, New Mind 106]

https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/

Here's the link to the ace test if anyone sees this post and wants to take it for their own assessment [emoji4]

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

[Brittsis17 27]

On 1/13/2021 at 11:25 AM, Betty1971 said:

This may not sound like an answer about weight loss surgery to begin with but it is: are you familiar with ACE - Adverse Childhood Experiences study. Its a pretty amazing concept and I am going to dumb it up just to shorten this post. Basically its a few questions you answer and it gives you a numerically score and that score tells you how messed up you as an adult should be. I should have childhood amnesia (I do) and I its not just you.

If you are interested in a few books about healing your inner child and allowing yourself to heal as an adult I would love you send you some ideas. Private message me if you a reader or an audio book fan. Its pretty amazing how the body builds protection mechanisms as small children and adapts throughout life some in healthy ways and some unhealthy but all to survive ..... the human body is amazing.

ACEs is my passion in life. So glad you brought this up!

[Betty1971 386]

I have been blessed in life to be able to work with Dr Gabor Mate out of Canada in a few projects and love, love love his books. I am a poster child for trauma. I come from a family fueled from addiction, I was lucky to be able to say my addiction was good food and bad relationships in the past instead of drugs and alcohol. Fast forward 25 years and one amazing marriage (two failed) and now WLS I hope to have food addiction under control.
If you have a chance to read any of his books I strongly suggest it. It’s amazing to see how trauma and the body have so many connections, long term!!

Dr Mate opened my eyes to so many connections to my past and current situations and gave me the keys to get in control of my life, his books are amazing!!!

[New Me, New Mind 106]

I have been blessed in life to be able to work with Dr Gabor Mate out of Canada in a few projects and love, love love his books. I am a poster child for trauma. I come from a family fueled from addiction, I was lucky to be able to say my addiction was good food and bad relationships in the past instead of drugs and alcohol. Fast forward 25 years and one amazing marriage (two failed) and now WLS I hope to have food addiction under control.
If you have a chance to read any of his books I strongly suggest it. It’s amazing to see how trauma and the body have so many connections, long term!!
Dr Mate opened my eyes to so many connections to my past and current situations and gave me the keys to get in control of my life, his books are amazing!!!

I will definitely google and find some of those books. Thank u! I am sorry u have experienced such traumas and im happy to hear u are succeeding in ur healing journey[emoji847]

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

[Wandering Woman 0]

“The body keeps the score” is a book on scientifically why our body holds traumatic experiences. I’ve read in a lot of places that as people loose weight these emotions (stress toxins) come to the surface... and we can no longer stuff them back down.

[New Me, New Mind 106]

“The body keeps the score” is a book on scientifically why our body holds traumatic experiences. I’ve read in a lot of places that as people loose weight these emotions (stress toxins) come to the surface... and we can no longer stuff them back down.

That sounds exactly like what is happening.I love science and psychology! I will go look for that book right now. Thank you for your response![emoji847]

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app