A jumble of emotions!

[CKmommy 27]

I joined this forum in hopes of finding like minded people! I’m having gastric bypass on Jan 4, 2021. Some of my emotions have been:

shame-shouldn’t I be able to do this without surgery? And will people think this is just an easy fix?

excitement- I have worked soooooo incredibly hard to get to this point.

fear- what if I am one of those who actually fail and regain my weight? What if I can’t handle the emotional rollercoaster after (this pre-op diet is no joke though!)?

identity crisis- I have been thin for maybe 2 years out of my 38 years. My weight has been an excuse for people not liking me or not being able to do things. It has been a part of me and though I have been miserable for most of these years, I am a little scared of having a new outward identity.

I could go on... can anyone relate????

[Amy_Aim 5]

8 minutes ago, CKmommy said:

I joined this forum in hopes of finding like minded people! I’m having gastric bypass on Jan 4, 2021. Some of my emotions have been:

shame-shouldn’t I be able to do this without surgery? And will people think this is just an easy fix?

excitement- I have worked soooooo incredibly hard to get to this point.

fear- what if I am one of those who actually fail and regain my weight? What if I can’t handle the emotional rollercoaster after (this pre-op diet is no joke though!)?

identity crisis- I have been thin for maybe 2 years out of my 38 years. My weight has been an excuse for people not liking me or not being able to do things. It has been a part of me and though I have been miserable for most of these years, I am a little scared of having a new outward identity.

I could go on... can anyone relate????

OMG, we are in the same boat. I am scheduled tomorrow at 8am and sit here googling VSG forums and hoping that I do not regret it. I am so confused, nervous and everything else. Since I lost 10lbs pre - op diet I ask myself ok, why cant you continue this diet and continue loosing weight? All the What - Ifs!

I feel you, you are not alone... Sending positive vibes your way! Good luck to you..

[Betty1971 386]

First of all you will soon find you that it is not the easy way out, so for anyone that says it is they don't understand what you are going through. WLS is just a tool. You will be doing all the work. Don't let others get into your head. You will have enough on your plate (ha ha) so you don't need to worry about what others think. In fact it really isn't even your business what others think. That is truly their business, just let it be.

Be excited, your about to set off on a whole new part of your life!!! Get excited!!!

We are all here going through this roller coaster together. We have good days and bad days, we have successes and failures but everyone understands because we are all in the same boat.

Remember the pre surgical diet and all the stages after surgery are just stages and will pass. They all have there ups and downs and just keep your eye on the healthy body in the end!!!!

congrats!!

[Arabesque 7,221]

You’re not alone. We all have our stories to tell, our emotional baggage we’ve worked through on this journey.

Would you feel shame if you bought yourself a gym membership or signed up for a weight loss program? The surgery is a tool too. And just like a gym membership or weight loss program if you don’t use it & take advantage of it, nothing will change & you won’t be successful.

Unfortunately, some may think it’s an easy out - it’s soooo not. Some may be critical. Some may be unsupportive & some may attempt to sabotage you. But more will be supportive, encouraging & so happy for you. You can always chose who you tell, who you don’t & how much you share.

Don’t fear your failing when you’ve hardly begun. Don’t sabotage yourself - if you expect to fail you likely will. We don’t know what will happen if the future and sometimes life just throws us massive curve balls. Yes, some do gain weight but some work hard to lose it again. But a lot are very successful. It’s really up to you, your motivation & determination to stay the course long term. Even after you’ve reached goal, continue to monitor your weight & keep to the changes you’ve adopted to lose the weight. (Mind you I’m only 19.5 months out so I have a long way to go.)

Discovering who you are in your slim body is part of the head work we all do. Even really seeing yourself in your much smaller body can be a challenge. Your interests & hobbies may change. You may try things you never thought you would. Your confidence will increase (which may be a challenge for some friends). You may make changes in your friendship circles - welcome new friends or say farewell to old ones. The discoveries can be very exciting.

Good luck with your surgery. You can do this & it’s going to be amazing.

[GradyCat 3,695]

Yes, I think we can all relate and have all gone through those exact same emotions pre-op. Congrats on getting your surgery date scheduled. Welcome to the forums. Good luck on your WLS journey and keep us posted.

[catwoman7 11,211]

it's NOT the easy way out. Trust me - I've been at this for almost six years. Even now, it's a daily challenge. If you're afraid of people's reactions, don't tell them. Although I'm more open about mine now, for the first several months, only my immediately family and a few close friends knew.

also, if you can lose it on your own, you probably would have done it by now. Research has shown that fewer than 5% of people are able to take off a lot of weight and keep it off on their own. Getting WLS doesn't guarantee you'll be able to keep it off (and yes, there are people who regain most/all of their weight), but it greatly increases your odds. Before surgery, I'd lose 50-60 lbs (on my more successful attempts), sit there for a couple of months, and then it would all gradually come back. This happened again....and again...and again. I had more than 200 lbs to lose. I finally admitted to myself there was no way this was going to happen if I couldn't even keep 50 lbs off!

as long as you stick to your program, you'll lose the weight and keep it off. It's when people start pushing the envelope, stop paying attention, and/or let bad habits sneak back in that they experience regain. Don't be one of them - or pay close enough attention that if you start noticing a regain, you get on top of it before it gets out of control. You can do this!

Edited December 31, 2020 by catwoman7

[ichabodny 59]

When I see posts like this one, my first thought and feeing is that I hope you have mountains of support around you-both at your Drs clinic and with friends and family.

We all work hard for this-both before and after. There are lots of posts on how secretive to be with the surgery. I think this is a result of having all of these feelings. Feel proud! This surgery changed my life and added years for my family-period. It's what it gives everyone. Reasons for the surgery to validate your feelings of 'failure' with dieting in life are unimportant and really just need to be history. I know that can be difficult but if you just keep only support around you and get rid of anyone else who may be projecting their own feelings of jealousy and 'failure' to you, your life can be much better all around. Because that is the only reason anyone around you will try to make you feel as if you are 'taking the easy way out'.

I am loud and proud about the surgery but I've gone through too many health scares and years to not be. I don't have most of my family in my life anymore (not just for this reason-if a person is going to be non-supportive and judgmental in this; it's their personality). The friends and family I do have are 150% supportive and happy for me. At work, my co-workers are surprised that I even had the surgery as I only started recently and I tell them; no problem, if it comes up or asked (usually with shirt sizes for events or why I'm not eating banquet meals, etc).

I feel that is the key to combating having these feelings. As far as the surgery, I was so scared beforehand. I was literally shaking when they put me under. I even had a really rough time after with complications. I'm 4 months out and my life has completely changed thanks to it. I am so, so happy! I feel awesome, my fatty liver is gone! I'm healthy and I can do stupid things like curling on a sofa in a ball or bending, sitting in a chair and not worrying how big the chair is. Pffft. No shame, girl. Lose that. Anyone can write a million reasons why you should justify your surgery and decision but it's literally NOT important. Live happy, live long, have fun and be the best you. Those are the results-NOTHING else matters! For real.

Edited December 31, 2020 by ichabodny
misspelling

[Lisa LoVuolo 63]

We have to follow Jesus and walk walk I have plantar fascist on both feet

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[BigSue 1,362]

Welcome! This forum is so helpful because most people in our lives don't understand what we have gone through living with obesity, or what we go through before, during, and after the surgery, but everyone on this forum is in some stage of that process.

I have chosen not to tell anyone other than medical professionals about my surgery. I am a private person in general, and I have heard too many ignorant, judgmental comments about people who have had weight loss surgery. Yes, a lot of people think surgery is the easy way out and that you're inferior if you can't lose weight without it, but those people are ignorant. WLS is not easy -- you are making permanent changes to your body and major changes to your lifestyle. WLS is proven to be the most effective treatment for obesity, and the only treatment with more than a 5% success rate for long-term weight loss. I think there should be no shame in getting the most effective treatment available. Unfortunately, people who have never had to struggle with their weight don't understand what it's like and want to feel superior by being able to manage their weight without surgery, but that is their problem, not yours.

I live in fear every day of regaining the weight. I would be devastated to go through all of this only to end up back where I started. WLS is pretty much the last resort, so I feel like this is my one shot and I can't waste it. I have paid a lot of attention to the people who are several years out and I'm trying to learn from the people who have kept the weight off as well as the people who have experienced regain. It seems that the keys for the people who have kept the weight off are (1) eat healthier foods, not just smaller quantities of the foods you used to eat, and (2) monitor your weight regularly and take action promptly if you see regain (don't wait until you've gained back 50 pounds).

I definitely get the weight as part of your identity, because it's been mine for decades. But I think you will find that the change is going to be overwhelmingly positive when your weight no longer limits everything you do.

[CKmommy 27]

Thank you all for the encouragement! I am also blessed to have a family who all supports this decision! Along with friends and my church family.

[AZhiker 2,252]

16 hours ago, CKmommy said:

I joined this forum in hopes of finding like minded people! I’m having gastric bypass on Jan 4, 2021. Some of my emotions have been:

shame-shouldn’t I be able to do this without surgery? And will people think this is just an easy fix?

excitement- I have worked soooooo incredibly hard to get to this point.

fear- what if I am one of those who actually fail and regain my weight? What if I can’t handle the emotional rollercoaster after (this pre-op diet is no joke though!)?

identity crisis- I have been thin for maybe 2 years out of my 38 years. My weight has been an excuse for people not liking me or not being able to do things. It has been a part of me and though I have been miserable for most of these years, I am a little scared of having a new outward identity.

I could go on... can anyone relate????

All of your points are very legitimate and actually pretty common for most of us. My PCP told me, "Look, if you COULD have done it on your own, you WOULD have done it by now." She was soooooo right. There is no shame in using surgery as a tool to change your life. Your long-term success is going to be more likely, as well.

One of the strongest predictors of success is the person who says, "I AM NOT GOING BACK!" No ifs, ands, or buts. There was too much work to lose the weight, and there is no way it is coming back on. Fix that in your mind. That strong determination will keep you on the straight and narrow.

The new identity issue is very real. It's called body dysmorphia. You will be confused, unable to judge your true size after weight loss, and unsure of how to relate to others, as they will be relating to you differently as well. It passes with time. But it's real and just one of the things you will work through. Your body changes faster than your mind and it takes a while for the mental part to catch up. I went on my first diet at age 12 and had surgery at age 62. That's HALF A CENTURY of overweight/obesity. I reached goal in just 7 months, so it was quite an adjustment!

And it is certainly normal to be both excited and scared. This is a huge decision, but one that will change your life. I felt like I got my life back. Surgery is not for the faint hearted. It takes courage and determination, and persistence in dealing with the many road blocks - like offices losing your info, delays in approval, appeals, etc. But it is a reward worth fighting for.