Old Friends, New Friends, No Friends

[luluc 6]

I'm going to start by saying I'm a pretty private person outside my close knit of girlfriends/husband. I find myself on this website more often and with yet some hesitation I feel somewhat comfortable to "speak out loud" here - clear my head some then maybe be done with it.

I was not always heavy, when I got married 7 years ago I was 120lbs - and life was GREAT! My husband and I were very successful *DINKs* (dual income no kids), we were extremely social - more so than most, entertainly weekly / monthly etc. I'm a "non practicing chef" (had high tech job -then) but as a trained cook, I cooked for friends and family nightly. I enjoyed it ... still do. 3yrs ago life threw my husband and I a curve ball both personally & professionally. Life sucked, but as many here can attest, food DID NOT. We both packed on the lbs, with too much food & drink..and in the process we discovered who was and was not our friends. Tough pill to swallow, I'm the type to do things for others with no expectation of a return of a favor, we had a major blow to who would turn their back on us... SO, we made a discision to pack it all up and bought a ranch an hr away from the city to clear our heads and get back on track.

My husband and I decided Lapband was for us & had the surgery 2 months ago together., I figured we got fat together lets get back skinny together. He's my rock & best friend! We have told No One about our surgery, his choice orignally... now mine. So the holidays are coming up and the invites for cocktail parties & such are flooding in. I don't want to go to a single one of them (husband is indifferent - could care less...but also travels for work, good excuse). I don't want to see a single person till my fat A$$ is back being a size 4/6. Friends have told me the comments made about my husband and self about how "FAT" we had gotten..blah,blah,blah. I have learned some tuff lessons the last 3 yrs & if I have 2 friends VS an army of social butterflies who say they are , I am fine with that.

I'm not sure where to take this rant - and it is one. I appreciate the opportunity to blab it here, cause I can't do it anywhere else.

I might be one of the few people to be glad to have gotten fat, cause I've learned humilty, and what it's like to be humbled. Lapband, is going to teach me to be a "better / kinder" skinny bitch in the future, ...

Lulu

[Motocrossgirly 0]

Hi Lulu,

Thanks for sharing your struggles... I was fat, then thin (HOT & SINGLE), and then after keeping it off for 6 years, got fat again...

My real friends have loved me fat or thin and are supporting me on the road to being thin again... I do know the type of people you are describing & generally find them to be too self involved to ever be a good friend to anyone.....

My advice (feel free not to take it, as each of us has our own happiness & truth); but, my unsolicited advice is to try to make some meaningful friends ones that you could be yourself with and call in your darkest moment. It isn't easy and usually takes time & a lot of effort, but if you become the type of friend you want in a friend you will be succesful over time.

Good luck, my advice is to stay away from critical unsupporting environments during the holidays which can be challenging on their own...

Tiffany

[lindata 1]

I might be one of the few people to be glad to have gotten fat, cause I've learned humilty, and what it's like to be humbled. Lapband, is going to teach me to be a "better / kinder" skinny bitch in the future, ...

Lulu

We are on a similar path. I used to be thin, popular, pretty, all of that. So I know what that feels like. I also feel the humility that comes along with being fat. Not many thin people really want to get to know you to become friends with you. I have one really, really good friend, and I could count on one hand my other friends. I know lots of people, just wouldn't count them as friends, someone I tell my deepest, darkest secrets to. Some people aren't happy unless they have a whole bunch of friends, but I'm happy with what I have. At least they're genuine. When I'm thin I plan on being a better/kinder skinny bitch - a bitch to all the other skinnies who are mean to the fatties!

[luluc 6]

Thanks you two for responding - I had more of a "rant" in mind rather than a out right thread creation. I've not seen too much on this site of those who had been thin all their life - got fluffy - and are working back to the thin world, Granted I've only been on this site a little over a month. I just had a "one of those days", felt blue - some hurt feelings came my way, and what better place to express that blue'ness. I do have a group of Yaya's, as we put it, that are extremely close, however I did not tell them about having the Lapband, out of respect for my husband who wanted me to keep quiet about the process. He still see's a weakness in going the surgery route, me I don't care what route it took for both of us to get healthy & fit.

I KNOW this "Trip" is life changing in not just the physical form, I really mean that - I'm somewhat shamed at possible actions/behaviors I may have displayed in the past...and I hope that I can be a better person irregardless of the size of my ass.

Thanks for reading - I totally felt better after a stiff walk.

Take Care,

Lu

[Kat817 19]

I was thin--borderline skinny for many, many years. Following the horrors of an abusive marriage, I began seeking solace in something that did not hurt---physically---food. I kept that friendship with food for many years.

I have a small group of friends who have always been there, all but one of my original group of friends has been supportive---I did tell about the surgery. She has pulled away from all of us, not just me---so not sure if it is related even.

I do understand where you are coming from, when I was skinny--and 116-120 pounds at 5'9" with the way I am built, I looked too thin most people said, but that was my natural weight, I maintained it for years without concern or effort. I would seriously imagine in that time, I was not always nice, to overweight people. I am ashamed of that! But I too learned the lesson of humility, and how to properly treat others, regardless of size.

Great thought provoking rant!

Kat