Hurtful reactions to progress

[skyewolfe 92]

Did any one just stop sharing their progress with people they know because of their reactions?

I told my mum about my BMI victory and she said “b***h” her tone dripping with jealousy. She then asked me how much I weigh now and when I told her she said “f*ck you”. Once again with a jealousy and honestly a little pissy tone.

it hurt (I could feel myself mentally and emotionally recoil) and honestly makes me not want to share my progress with her any more. Even if she meant it jokingly (but seriously the jealous tone was there) it was still hurtful.

I know others have dealt with this sort of thing. How did you handle it? My mother is the kind of person where if I try to talk to her about the effect it had on me she’d get defensive and make herself into the victim (she does it every time someone tries explaining to her why something she said or did was wrong. She acts like a spoiled emo teen).

[dal101 62]

I am extremely careful who I talk to about my weight loss surgery.

But even then the jealousy or hurtful comments come out anyway. My mum keeps saying I havent lost any weight and that I have a fat face. It was totally unprovoked and I couldnt call her out because shes very dramatic. She once asked if the surgery would make me thinner than her...

I managed to lose 4 pounds in a week a bit ago so I know I am making progress.

Anyway, weight is a sensitive issue for everyone. Some handle it better than others, some not. In my case I cant avoid it with my mum but maybe you can by not talking about it to her. She doesnt need to know if she cant be happy for you .

Happy for your BMI victory.

[GreenTealael 25,350]

I've learned to read the room and adjust what I divulge accordingly.

Sorry you have to deal with it especially from your Mother.

Since you'll probably never be able to change her or she won't admit any wrong doing, maybe you can take her responses as a barometer of how well you're doing.

It's a little dark and twisty to play that kind of mind game, but try to find the silver linings and golden seams wherever you can ♥️

[Guest]

I don't tell or answer when asked. Period. I acknowledge that I have lost weight and say thank you for noticing but I don't tell how I did it or how much I've lost. It's none of their business!

[Betty1971 386]

Lets be honest here. We all have reasons for being big in the first place and one of mine was a toxic relationship with my mother. I ate my feelings. I will never get any type of positive reaction from her so I have quit looking for one.

I know my success is eating at her and in a way that just makes me want to succeed even more, yes I know that is a little juvenile but it is what it is

Just be happy in your own skin and know that your success only needs to make you happy!!

[BayougirlMrsS 3,934]

51 minutes ago, skyewolfe said:

Did any one just stop sharing their progress with people they know because of their reactions?

I told my mum about my BMI victory and she said “b***h” her tone dripping with jealousy. She then asked me how much I weigh now and when I told her she said “f*ck you”. Once again with a jealousy and honestly a little pissy tone.

it hurt (I could feel myself mentally and emotionally recoil) and honestly makes me not want to share my progress with her any more. Even if she meant it jokingly (but seriously the jealous tone was there) it was still hurtful.

I know others have dealt with this sort of thing. How did you handle it? My mother is the kind of person where if I try to talk to her about the effect it had on me she’d get defensive and make herself into the victim (she does it every time someone tries explaining to her why something she said or did was wrong. She acts like a spoiled emo teen).

I had a lot of the same when i had the band SX..... This is why i didn't tell anyone about the sleeve.

When she asks... and she will... change the subject, or pretend you didn't hear her. If she insists... tell her, I'm doing great, thanks for noticing.
You could also use her against herself..... Tell her the "story" about someone in your support group that has a "person" that told them what your mom said..... and end it with, Can you believe someone could be that jealous...
I had to do that with my X husband.

[ms.sss 15,585]

I got really good at changing subjects.

When conversations headed towards my looks/weight and I wasn't in the mood to discuss, I would pivot the conversation about them. People looooooooove talking about themselves.

[Deb9386 110]

2 hours ago, skyewolfe said:

I told my mum about my BMI victory and she said “b***h” her tone dripping with jealousy. She then asked me how much I weigh now and when I told her she said “f*ck you”. Once again with a jealousy and honestly a little pissy tone.

I'd find that hurtful too, and to be honest a surprising response from your mum, as you'd hope that of all people she'd be delighted for you.

I've hardly seen anyone because of lockdown here, so haven't had to deal with this sort of reaction, but I'd hope that people I love would be positive about something as great as getting to a healthy weight? If they weren't then I wouldn't share with them, and it would probably make me view them in a new light - after all why waste time on people who don't want the best for you?

You're doing really well - almost at goal, wow!!

[Deb9386 110]

55 minutes ago, ms.sss said:

When conversations headed towards my looks/weight and I wasn't in the mood to discuss, I would pivot the conversation about them. People looooooooove talking about themselves.

Haha! So true!

[Arabesque 7,244]

Unfortunately negative comments from our loved ones always hurt the most. I think it’s because we want them to be happy for us. I’m sorry your mother is being so hurtful instead of being supportive.

I think you do have to be selective about what you tell different people. I have a competitive friend who almost always asks what I weigh, what size I’m wearing, etc. I give her the most basic response: Maintaining. About the same as I was. My dietician’s happy with my progress. Etc. (She doesn’t know I had surgery.)

You can always share your progress with us. We’ll Celebrate every pound you lose.

[GivinItMyALL 169]

I never *started* sharing with some people... like my mother. I know how she would react, and am not willing to deal with it. If I get asked, I'm on a medically supervised diet.

[AZhiker 2,252]

2/3 of the people in the U.S. are overweight or obese. Of those who actually manage to lose weight, 95-99% will regain it all back. Hearing someone else talk about their weight loss success is painful for many people and just makes them all the more aware of their own weight problems. Personally, I do not discuss anyone's weight, and I do not discuss my own weight with anyone else. There are too many deep seated issues. It's not like sharing a favorite recipe or new chair cushion.

The best bet is to share here on this forum, or find a friend that is also a successful WLS patient. They are the only ones who can truly understand the journey.

[summerset 5,265]

1 hour ago, AZhiker said:

2/3 of the people in the U.S. are overweight or obese. Of those who actually manage to lose weight, 95-99% will regain it all back. Hearing someone else talk about their weight loss success is painful for many people and just makes them all the more aware of their own weight problems. Personally, I do not discuss anyone's weight, and I do not discuss my own weight with anyone else. There are too many deep seated issues. It's not like sharing a favorite recipe or new chair cushion.

And their own failure to lose weight. Talking about successful weight loss comes across as bragging all too often, even if it's not meant this way.

However, let's face it: the bragging and humble bragging does exist in the WLS community.

[Lynda486 784]

I have stopped talking about it because people's eyes seem to glaze over when I say anything. I have been told I am to thin, my skin is too wrinkled and that my clothes hang off me. My boss even said "are you trying to lose weight?" Anyway, I guess it depends on the person. If it is someone who has been cheering you on, then yes talk about it. As for your mother, I would not bring it up unless she asks. Be the way, you are doing fantastic! Keep up the great work!

[skyewolfe 92]

I’m no braggart. This was the first time I shared unprompted about my progress except for with my boyfriend, counselor and the bariatric groups. I kinda figured since she’d asked several times about my progress she would have been happy for me......

pretty much what you guys are saying is just don’t tell any one and refuse to talk about it with any one. It’s kinda bullshit if that’s how we have to behave. Why can’t our loved ones just be happy for us?