The changes we don't talk about

[GreenTealael 25,339]

7 hours ago, pmz said:

Life is so much better!

♥️ Congratulations ♥️

[GreenTealael 25,339]

8 hours ago, summerset said:

Usually there is only talk about the opposite. The "hard work".

I know, I wonder how many people would say it was not hard work if they wouldn't get judged harshly.

[GradyCat 3,695]

13 hours ago, MommaJay said:

I have a reverse type body dysmorphia. When I look in the mirror, I still see my 30 year old self. When I see myself in photos, I barely recognize myself. I'm a size 18 right now, my surgery is in the morning. I have wondered how I will "see" myself.

Sent from my SM-G973U using BariatricPal mobile app

Me too! I don't see myself as "big." I never did. That's why it surprised me that I was "obese" because I never saw it. I feel average now, even still just under 200 lbs.

[Jaelzion 1,127]

Some of my unexpected changes:

1. I'm cold all the time.

2. I feel disoriented in my new body (almost like my old brain was transplanted into someone else's body).

3. I do think shopping has replaced eating as my go-to self-soother. It's a habit I need to break.

4. It's amazing how much more respectful and kind health care professionals are to me now that I am normal weight. It's like all of a sudden, I am a regular person who deserves medical care. Crazy.

5. I get catcalls and random men hit on me from time to time. Rather than making me feel pretty, it makes me uncomfortable.

I think that's it!

[ms.sss 15,581]

21 hours ago, Ylime said:

*Addiction Transfer

SMOKING:

I started smoking again on vacation last sept after being smoke free for 11 YEARS. I said it would just be on vacation, which led to just finish this pack I brought home with me, to just while its warm outside, to basically smoking as if I never stopped all these years. Slippery slope indeed. I made 2-3 attempts to quit during the past year+ but if I'm honest, I haven't tried so very hard. Am still smoking.

DRINKING:

On paper, apparently I am an "excessive drinker" now. I was a "social drinker" pre-wls, maybe 3-4 drinks a MONTH, max. This slowing started increasing since last summer, to where I was drinking maybe 2-3 drinks a WEEK by Christmas. Always when I was out, or at a party.

Now (especially since pandemic started) I drink pretty much everyday, and at home. According to literature, "excessive drinking" in women is when 7 or more drinks are consumed in a week. Yep, that's me. On paper, based on what I've been reading, I just barely fit the criteria of being a High Functioning Alcoholic. Barely, but I do fit. Am still drinking.

OBSESSION PREOCCUPATION with food:

This one I don't consider to be too damaging, but it is a little eyebrow-raising. I think about food probably 1/2 of my waking hours. The things I find I spend ALOT of time on and/or get actual pleasure from: spending time looking at food pics, organizing the pics and Urls based on interest, planning and shopping for meals, cooking/baking, plating food, taking pics of the finished product, watching people eat it, smelling it, reading an ENTIRE menu to the last detail often multiple times, ordering off said menu, having Food Network on TV as my background noise. Actually EATING the food is very low on the enjoyment priority scale. Sure I'll eat/taste something if I deem it "worthy", but more often than not, I'd rather do any number of the former things instead. Am still preoccupied with food.

[summerset 5,265]

4 hours ago, GreenTealael said:

I know, I wonder how many people would say it was not hard work if they wouldn't get judged harshly.

Judged by whom? Other patients or "outsiders"? Both?

Anyway, no idea. I freely admit that it wasn't hard work, even if that doesn't earn me a badge of honor in the WLS world. There was work involved, yes, but I wouldn't say it was "hard work". Losing weight before WLS was hard work.

However, since WLS affects patients in different kind of ways it's impossible to say who "has to work hard" and who doesn't have to.

In the end I guess it's as hard as you feel it is, just like with so many other things in life. Some might think of something as "a burden" or "hardship" and "a daily struggle" and "grinding teeth" while others might say "Oh, well...it's not that hard".

[Grammie2 37]

I had my Bypass Surgery Nov. 4, so it’s only been a month. I have read all your insights, and think I myself may be there someday in the near future. I’ve already been feeling that when I look in the mirror and I see my face seeming to be a little thinner after 20 lb. loss but I have this type of face and jawline that no matter how I look in the mirror my face will look like a turtle with loose skin hanging from her throat!,! I’m almost afraid to think positive. I am just hoping to make it to the regular food phase! My appetite has been deeply hampered by these high Protein Drinks. It has taken away my appetite for anything else. And I’m going on about me, and I’m sorry. This isn’t the topic.
I wish you all the best in finding peace and happiness in your life, as you continue to work through these times. I’m thankful I was able to see inside your lives a bit.

[futureshrink 45]

On 11/29/2020 at 10:10 AM, Ylime said:

I am now 2+ years out from surgery and still maintaining my goal weight. VSG has changed my life in so many ways. But there are negative things or challenges I rarely see people talking about. I'm listing mine in hopes others won't feel alone, please add yours if you'd like. I'm thinking this might be a bit therapeutic as I don't talk about this in real life as no one really understands unless you've been through it.

Things that have become very real for me:

*Body Dysmorphia is real. I currently wear a dress/jean size 6 and tops in XS/S. I know those sizes are amazing and I never would have imagined that's where I would end up. BUT...when I look in the mirror I don't see that size. I still see my butt as huge, My sagging stomach doesn't help but I just can't shake the "fat" thoughts when I see myself.

I recently read that part of this is due to the fact that we tend to over exaggerated what we looked like when we were overweight, so losing that weight still doesn't give us an accurate depiction of who we really are. I try and keep this in mind but I don't know if this will ever go away.

*Addiction Transfer. It took me awhile to realize this but I most definitely transferred my addictive eating to compulsive shopping. I've spent way too much money since going through this process. It's a constant struggle.

*Confidence and Self Worth. This is a good thing for sure. But, I have been struggling in my marriage for a long time. And for years I felt trapped because of my fear for being alone forever - which was driven by the fact that I was overweight and told myself no one else would ever want me. I have a different view now. I've changed physically and emotionally. My spouse has always had different philosophies on life than I have. He has never eaten well, never exercised, and has never wanted to become healthier. I had hoped my success would give him some motivation to do better but it hasn't. That combined with other major issues we have had led to my decision to end my marriage. It's ultimately a positive thing for me as I'm in a toxic relationship but finally have the emotional strength and confidence to do this. It's sad, but it's reality.

I share your sentiments. I am extremely tall for a woman so adding big and tall has always reminded me that I take up space in the world. I tend to be fairly shy in person because I am always trying to make myself smaller. I had a lap band 12 years ago and I struggled with body image when i lost a lot of weight. I never threw out my fat clothes and continued to buy clothes that were way too big.

my band failed twice before I switched over to the bypass. I have kept it very private but I’m not looking forward to the gushing that will happen by others when they see my progress. I am not in the same place as everyone else with my emotional progress.

[Arabesque 7,240]

I’m the opposite to you Ms.Ssss. I fell into the excessive drinking before surgery (shock). I had at least one glass (bucket size) every night. Now, it doesn’t really interest me & I fall into the social drinker category. (Though when you & Sophie come to visit, I’m sure it’ll be a very social occasion😂.)

I am pretty preoccupied with food too, which I didn’t want to be post surgery, but it’s all about: look at the time I have to eat., what can I eat, how much will I eat, I’m not hungry but I need to eat to get my calories in. Aaaahhh! Not so much what lovely delicious thing can I cook.

I was living in a fool’s world pre surgery too Gradycat. I didn’t realise/accept how big I actually was. I knew what I weighed but was blind to my actual physical size. I avoided photos & the ones I was in I thought were just super unflattering. I probably talk too much about what size I am now because I’m still coming to terms with it. If I say it often enough it will be real. I have to admit, my dirty little secret, I do spend time googling the height & weight of actors to try to visualise what size I am. Don’t judge me.

I do feel some guilt (imposter syndrome) that I’ve had a pretty easy journey so far. Not from others but from myself. I don’t run miles or lift weights. I don’t exercise at all to lose or keep the weight off. I haven’t had to battle cravings or food addictions. I didn’t have any complications. But I do feel for those who do. We all have our battles I guess as unfair as life is sometimes.

[Sophie7713 3,269]

Hmmmm, the changes we don't talk about.

I also lived in a fools paradise unaware of how very large I really was. And, so disrespectful of my tiny frame - the fat literally had no where else to store. Because I exercised regularly, and ate healthier BUT in huge portions plus, too many sweet treats on the weekends - I'd tell myself and others... I'm a fit overweight!

I find layers of myself becoming more honest. The rose colored glasses have been taken off now, and I really like that. Things I tolerated before like a lack of opportunity or a reciprocal community no longer appeal to me. I do find myself especially at this stage in life, wanting a brand new life. A fresh start in a totally new place, new environment and new lifestyle where no one knew me as morbidly obese. My massive weight loss in many ways has put closure to my old life here. We are taking investigative steps to research and explore new states and communities. A possible closure here with adventures elsewhere have rendered a hope and sparkle within me. Becoming slim after 22+ years has meant everything. I do not wish to squandered any more time.

I am truly humbled and touched by everyone's transparency shown here. We each will gain victory over those things that hold us back from becoming our best selves. Here's to positive change wherever it's needed. Even if our road is a little bumpy, becomes complicated or uncomfortable getting there. I Celebrate all our achievements and aspirations! Personally, I think pulling out a few of our before pictures maybe the most empowering gestures of all, despite our current challenges. It puts things back into complete perspective for me.

[kellym1220 473]

5 hours ago, Sophie7713 said:

Hmmmm, the changes we don't talk about.

I also lived in a fools paradise unaware of how very large I really was. And, so disrespectful of my tiny frame - the fat literally had no where else to store. Because I exercised regularly, and ate healthier BUT in huge portions plus, too many sweet treats on the weekends - I'd tell myself and others... I'm a fit overweight!

I find layers of myself becoming more honest. The rose colored glasses have been taken off now, and I really like that. Things I tolerated before like a lack of opportunity or a reciprocal community no longer appeal to me. I do find myself especially at this stage in life, wanting a brand new life. A fresh start in a totally new place, new environment and new lifestyle where no one knew me as morbidly obese. My massive weight loss in many ways has put closure to my old life here. We are taking investigative steps to research and explore new states and communities. A possible closure here with adventures elsewhere have rendered a hope and sparkle within me. Becoming slim after 22+ years has meant everything. I do not wish to squandered any more time.

I am truly humbled and touched by everyone's transparency shown here. We each will gain victory over those things that hold us back from becoming our best selves. Here's to positive change wherever it's needed. Even if our road is a little bumpy, becomes complicated or uncomfortable getting there. I Celebrate all our achievements and aspirations! Personally, I think pulling out a few of our before pictures maybe the most empowering gestures of all, despite our current challenges. It puts things back into complete perspective for me.

You look amazing! We had the same surgeon and I hope I can get to where you are! I had a friend who did just what you are planning...she moved to Asheville, NC and is LOVING her new life! Good luck with whatever you choose!

[BayougirlMrsS 3,934]

Anyone else have a reverse body image before WLS? I look in the mirror and didn't see the 232lb person. I saw "normal".... It wasn't until I didn't recognize myself in a picture that I really saw what I looked like.... I was shocked and disgusted. Then as the years went by, looking in the mirror, it's become the other where I don't see the thin size 0 person.... The mind is a crazy thing for sure. I hold up jeans in a size 0 and think.... OMG there is no way, but they do. I have a hard time parting with things that are too big. Just yesterday I brought 5 shirts and 2 skirts to the tailor.

I'm obsessed with my boobs now. After years and years of being an H cup, they look so small as a FF-G.... I know that they are still bigger than most, but to me they look tiny...... ugh..

Drinking has become a 1 drink a day thing. I just challenged myself to see how long I could go if I really tried..... 23 days. Had one Sunday night and it knocked my D!ck in the dirt.....
Thank the dear Lord in Heaven I don't really like shopping. I hate going into a shop and picking things out.... I'm terrible at it. I also hate getting undressed and dressed over and over.

I moved to another state where no one knew the size 20 me. No one knew my past, I knew no one and it was so liberating...... This is also how I managed to have revision SX without telling anyone... that in itself has been awesome.

Especially this time around..... (raises a hand and admits) it wasn't hard work at all.

[WishMeSmaller 1,273]

My takes:

Body dysmorphia: I knew I looked terrible at 250+ pounds. I did not recognize myself in the mirror. At the same time, I did not have the perspective to understand just how large I was until I lost some of the weight and looked at pics side by side. It is very surreal to me when I look at those pictures. At this point, I think I look normal in clothes, but without clothes, I have some pretty strange loose skin bits with lumps of underlying fat. I am already starting to get the well meaning, but annoying comments about “losing too much.” I still do not have a normal BMI and I still have plenty of subcutaneous fat. I am the one who gets to decide when I have lost enough weight.

Transfer addiction: I was drinking pretty heavily prior to WLS. It was easy to sit at home on a Friday night and drink a bottle of wine...much easier than going out in public wearing my built in fat suit. Since WLS, I have probably drank less than the equivalent of two bottles of wine total. I mostly have sips of hubby’s drinks (whisky, beer, wine), and a couple of times I have had 2-3 oz of wine. I work out a lot and feel lost when I can’t exercise. I am constantly online shopping for clothes. This is really bad since I still have 30 pounds to goal and know the stuff I buy now will likely not fit in a month or two. I just adore putting on clothes that fit right now and knowing I look good after years of feeling disgusting regardless of what I put on. I tried to have body positivity with my fat self, but I failed.

Difficulty: Losing the weight has been easy. The first two weeks post op I felt pretty crappy, but really, was still able to do more than I had in years. I have worked very hard with exercise, in an effort to get healthy and maintain muscle, but the weight loss has been EASY. Even if I didn’t work hard with exercise, I would still have lost weight easily. Maybe that is part of why I work so hard with exercise...I feel like a fraud if I just sit back and let the weight loss happen.

[GreenTealael 25,339]

12 hours ago, Sophie7713 said:

Hmmmm, the changes we don't talk about.

I also lived in a fools paradise unaware of how very large I really was. And, so disrespectful of my tiny frame - the fat literally had no where else to store. Because I exercised regularly, and ate healthier BUT in huge portions plus, too many sweet treats on the weekends - I'd tell myself and others... I'm a fit overweight!

I find layers of myself becoming more honest. The rose colored glasses have been taken off now, and I really like that. Things I tolerated before like a lack of opportunity or a reciprocal community no longer appeal to me. I do find myself especially at this stage in life, wanting a brand new life. A fresh start in a totally new place, new environment and new lifestyle where no one knew me as morbidly obese. My massive weight loss in many ways has put closure to my old life here. We are taking investigative steps to research and explore new states and communities. A possible closure here with adventures elsewhere have rendered a hope and sparkle within me. Becoming slim after 22+ years has meant everything. I do not wish to squandered any more time.

I am truly humbled and touched by everyone's transparency shown here. We each will gain victory over those things that hold us back from becoming our best selves. Here's to positive change wherever it's needed. Even if our road is a little bumpy, becomes complicated or uncomfortable getting there. I Celebrate all our achievements and aspirations! Personally, I think pulling out a few of our before pictures maybe the most empowering gestures of all, despite our current challenges. It puts things back into complete perspective for me.

You absolutely look like a new person but I especially the happiness seen in both pics 😍

[Wanda247 908]

You look amazing 🤩