Danger! Wife Nearly Died From Surgery

[SElaine 3]

Kbug,

Please don't be sorry you posted. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. It is indeed a tragedy. (((Hugs)))

I know it doesn't "fix" anything, but if you read my previous post you will see I had complications similar to your mom. I will admit that I was scared--really really scared for a period of time. The thought that I could have died... and that people have died from the same complications I had.... is terrifying.

Even through everything I've been through, I would do it again. It was a chance I needed to take and I can only imagine your mom felt the same way. There comes a point where you just decide you can't live this way anymore. Period.

(((More hugs)))

Please feel free to PM me anytime you want to talk.

[Big-D 0]

For me, I think it is more a quality of life issue than anything. Anyone can die at any age, so whether I die today or 50 years from now is besides the point. What matters to me is that I'm able to enjoy the time I'm here.

My poor uncle is 67 years old and 450 lbs. He's miserable. He can't wear shoes. His feet have turned black. He has big ball of fat that hangs down between his legs. I don't know all of the health issues he has, but I know he is extremely depressed. He has looked into having the surgery, but no surgeon will touch him because all of them say he won't survive the surgery and probably because of his age as well. Yet, if doesn't lose weight, and lose it fast, he will probably die in the next 5 years.

Given what I see him go through and the success of my wife's WLS, I decided to do something. Although, since I had first hand knowledge of the hardships related to the bypass, I opted for the band. I think it was the right thing to do for me, but I also understood that there was a small possibility that something could go wrong. If something had gone horribly wrong and I died, I was okay with that. I know that no one will live forever on this earth and at some point we will die. No one wants to go before their time, but then no one knows how long they have. So for me, I think it is better to deal with life one day at a time. Heck, despite losing weight, I could die today on my commute after work, but I'm not going to let fear rule my life.

I'm sorry people die and leave behind loved ones, but that is life. What matters is how we treat people each and every day. Especially the ones we love.

As for my personal experience, my father died in August of prostate cancer at 70 years of age. He was diagnosed when he was 64. I wished he would have had prostate surgery, but he decided that he didn't want it. As a result, he suffered greatly during the last six months of his life. I know if he had done the surgery, he might have died or his prostate cancer may not have been eliminated, but for me, I thought it was better to fight than to wait for the inevitable. I miss him and I was upset that he didn't do the surgery, but that was his decision. Everyone has to decide for themselves when it comes to their health.

[Sgt Bob 1]

This is one of the issues that prompted me to choose banding over bypass. I wanted to be able to eat birthday cake with my grandbabies on their special days. I wanted to live a normal life. And I do!

You are still very new to being banded, and I believe all of us to a point go through the "what in the hell did I do?" phase! But once you begin your fill process---and get to a good place of restriction---where you are able to eat, including hard Proteins, but unable to gorge yourself---you will see the amazing abilities of you and the band working together!

I eat peanuts---and lots of nuts, almonds almost daily! I eat peanut butter---quite often---I babysit for my 3 year old granddaughter it is a staple! We eat at Taco Bell at least once every couple of weeks. The difference is, now a taco fills me up, not a Value meal, plus..... We usually buy a kids meal with 2 tacos, and my granddaughter and I share, she gets the toy!!!

Boneless chicken is ideal for me! I eat chicken many times a week! Both at home and away....it is an any time meal for me! I have been known to reheat chicken strips for breakfast!!!

I can eat a piece of pizza----yep a piece, not half the pizza anymore. I can eat toppings off of 2 pieces, and ignore the bread----unless it is nice crispy pan pizza---then I choose to eat the one piece and enjoy it!!!

When you get to a proper fill level---you can choose your way of doing things. Yes you can give up all those foods, and diet til you make your goal weight....many do, and do so quickly!!!

I have opted to take a different route, and it is still working!!! Using a bit of common sense, and allowing the band to help with my portion control----and I do not feel deprived---and the weight is coming off!

It is true that some people are unable to eat certain foods---but many of us have no real limitations in what we can eat---and many choose to limit what they choose to eat. Proper fill levels are very important. Not enough and you will feel hunger---and over eat or binge on unhealthy foods. Too tight, and you will be unable to eat many types of food including hard Proteins which are important! Going up in small increments allows you to feel your way along with food for awhile, and when you get to the sweet spot....you and your band can get to work!!! It makes the work so much easier, when you are not starving non stop! When a binge is 2 Cookies, not 2 sleeves of cookies!

Hang on, these first days are full of missing things, and too good to be true commercials for food! Have you ever noticed how much better they look on TV?? Those hamburger patties are thick!!! Not so in my local places!!! LOL!

You will get there, it takes all of us awhile. You will love the help your band gives you. I'm betting on it!!!

Kat

Wow! Great post Kat! I was kind of having second thoughts about getting banded because I_really_love_to_eat! If I am able to have a whole piece of pizza or a taco when I'd like one, I think that's something I can live with.

Thanks!

Kbugmom, you have nothing to be sorry about for posting here. You suffered a great loss and I think you were just trying to help others.

So sorry for your loss.

As for the original poster, Tallywag, I'm so sorry to hear your wife had to go though all that. It's understandable that you would feel the way you do. I've had severe sepsis and I know how hard it can be but, it was even harder on my loved ones. If you don't reply to this thread, I'll just assume it's just too difficult for you to talk about and you were only trying to prevent others from having to go through what you and your wife did.

Bob

[kbugmom 0]

Hey Kat,

Thank you for your reply to me. I know you are right about everything you said. I just am not a fan of this type of surgery and to me its been tramatic. I guess I was not aware of all the things that my mom was aware of and I think she didn't want to scare me. I only wish that I would have realized that this surgery is more than just a "Quick fix" You hear about all these people doing it, see the results, but very rarely do you hear the stories that things didn't turn out right. I appreciate your kind words and thoughts and I pray that as time heals that my anger heals too. I just am so used to seeing people who are big. I want to hug them each one and say I love you for who you are and not what you look like. I remember my mom getting stares, laughs, and comments. It would hurt me so bad as a child. I hated it and when they would stare or say things I was the one who would stare back and look at them funny or say stuff like "What are you looking at" it hurt me so bad for my mom however she never acted like it bothered her. So when I see someone who is big I wish I could hug each one of them b/c they remind me of my mom and I know they don't get a good response when they are in public. My papa is also about 400lbs. He can't walk hardly b/c he's been so big for so long. He's 74 and I have to do all his groceries and laundry. I think back knowing that my mom knew that eventually that she would become dependant on me (since Iam an only child) and I think she didn't want to live that way however I'd loved her the same and would taken care of her but I can see how frustrating it is and hard life is for my papa and how things are with him. Anyway, I've just lived my whole life around big people and seeing my grandfather live to be 74 makes me just think that things would have been the same with my mom. I know no difference except that she died trying to better her life and help herself. So please forgive me all for the negative side of my feelings towards this surgery but there are also other sides of stories. Its just very bitter for me right now and I hope that is understandable to those of you who have done well with this procedure. Since we are human I am sure its normal for me to feel bitterness for my hurt that I've experienced and I feel human nature would be to feel exactly what I feel now.

Thank you all for your posts and comments and I appreciate you all letting me vent on my expeience that I've had with this surgery. My moms not here to stand up for herself and we have alot of resentment towards this procedure.

Thank you,

kbug

[Robin Bird 0]

Hi Kat,

I just wanted to tell you how much I like reading your posts - they are so eloquent and heart-felt.

Robin

[kbugmom 0]

Hey Robin,

Thank you for the kind words. Iam just a girl who dearly loved her mom.

Kbug

[Kat817 19]

Kbug---please don't think we don't understand that.....every Mom should be so lucky as to be so loved....

Kat

[luvmy2dogs 2]

Hi Kbug, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I was very suprised and scared to read this. Because..... I have read that there have been NO deaths caused by the lapband surgery in the entire US. I confirmed this with my surgeon. I read on your profile that there was another (a family friend) Can I ask where you live? I'm so suprised to hear this after the statistics that I was told. 0 deaths in the US. I know there were some in Mexico, etc... Please advise. This freaked me out a little. I'm pre surgery! THX. Again, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I wonder if the statistics show this because it was a cause of the surgery and not the band. Don't know. Makes me wonder what the real statistics are?

[Sgt Bob 1]

luvmy2dogs

There are inherent risks with any surgery. LapBand™ is no more dangerous (my opinion) than gall bladder or appendix surgery. I think it might even be safer as they are not cutting anything out and removing it. Any time they cut you open, there is some risk of infection.

I don't know the figures for the US but, in Australia, out of 2700 LapBand™ surgeries there was not one death. I think your chances of dieing are actually much greater without the surgery. If you are obese your chances of developing diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease are much higher.

I would say you have to weigh (no pun intended, OK, maybe a little:biggrin:) the risks and decide your course of action. I think my risks of dieing from complications of obesity are much greater than the risk of complications from surgery.

[snowbird 2]

kbug,

you weren't out of line and I understand some of your pain. My husband and his sister experienced a similar pain with their mother. She was always very much overweight and smoked on top of it. She had her first heart attack at age 53; she had a couple angioplasties and numerous heart attacks over the next 10 years. In her early sixties her blood vessels were in such bad shape that she had to have her leg amputated. After two years in a wheelchair we watched her struggle for breath and after an extended, agonized period, die. She was 66.

My husband and I were just banded at age 53. We were fortunate and have experienced no complications. My husband has been on blood pressure medication for 15 years and has also had sleep apnea for years. He suffers from gout also. We pray that this surgery has given us both extended healthy lives so we can get to see our future grandchildren grow up.

As WABB said, with surgery there are risks. With laparoscopic surgery there are fewer than with more radical surgery, but they are still there.

My mother is 95 and lives in a retirement home. She has been in three over the course of the last 10 years. I don't recall any obese residents in any of them. Obese people are already dead by the time they reach my mother's age.

I hope you can find peace in spite of the pain of losing your mother. She was brave enough to try to do something about the pain she was experiencing as an obese person, but tragically she died anyway. My heart goes out to you and your family.

[Kat817 19]

This is one of the reasons that pre op testing is so important. It is also why you want an experienced surgeon.

The band itself did not kill kbugs Mom. An infection in her blood stream killed her. This can be caused by any surgery, and will be a stat in that sense.

My neighbor is currently battleing MRSA in her bloodstream and she had back surgery.

SgtBob is right, it is a risk with any surgery. Which is why you research your Dr, your facility---all of it, and have your pre op tests. Make sure all of this checks out, and if you feel bad following surgery ASK! Do not think everything is normal, no one knows how you feel better than you.

Lap band is a generally safe surgery, but it does involve getting inside the body, and it does involved anesthesia, both can bring up issues.

But as has been repeatedly pointed out----being morbidly obese---is killing us----as are the multiple co morbidities that have been mentioned. Every day with these health risks, shortens our lives.

It is a very personal choice each of us makes. Kbugs Mom chose to try to lose the weight, and unfortunate circumstances caused her to lose her Mom---I hate that it happen. The band in and of itself though, did not cause her death.

Kat

[neveragain 9]

Okay, I think this was a post to get some answers out of someone. I actually found the website that he was pulling that info off. It was in the general interest of finding out more about sepsis, mind you. :cursing:

I smell a lying *insert your own expletive name for this guy*.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Hi Kbug, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I was very suprised and scared to read this. Because..... I have read that there have been NO deaths caused by the lapband surgery in the entire US. I confirmed this with my surgeon. I read on your profile that there was another (a family friend) Can I ask where you live? I'm so suprised to hear this after the statistics that I was told. 0 deaths in the US. I know there were some in Mexico, etc... Please advise. This freaked me out a little. I'm pre surgery! THX. Again, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I wonder if the statistics show this because it was a cause of the surgery and not the band. Don't know. Makes me wonder what the real statistics are?

Huh? Global stats are just that, global. Mexico is included in "global". There are no deaths due to the lapband itself. There are deaths in every country including the US from surgery and other comorbidities, but not the band itself.

Some people have a much higher risk and sadly, those people sometimes need the surgery the most. If they are not banded or given some type of WLS they will eat themselves to death. Those with higher risk or more comorbidities can't lose weight without surgery either. So they have a 100% chance of dying from obesity issues or a less than 1% chance of complications from surgery. It's a no brainer, they usually get the surgery.

This is not necessarily a reflection on the doctor, you do what you can for a patient and hope it works. That's really what it comes down to for a small minority of people. A *very* small minority and stats prove this.

Neveragain:

Okay, I think this was a post to get some answers out of someone. I actually found the website that he was pulling that info off. It was in the general interest of finding out more about sepsis, mind you. :mad:

I smell a lying *insert your own expletive name for this guy*.

Interesting, would you either post or PM me a link?

Thanks!

[luvmy2dogs 2]

SGT. Bob. Thanks for the reassurance. I definitely know there are risks with any surgery. I guess I felt pretty safe knowing that there weren't any deaths caused from it. I guess they don't include those from sepsis, etc.. since it's not actually from the band. That's kind of what I thought. I am definitely NOT changing my mind. I've been fighting pretty major health issues for some time, (high cholesterol, asthma, sleep apnea, etc...) I made this decision based on the hope that it will greatly improve my health. I know that it will just deteriorate if I continue with this weight and these medical issues. I researched the surgery quite a bit before making this decision, and still read. (Maybe I should stop reading so much) My father had lap surgery almost two years ago, and has lost 140 lbs. He not only looks, but most importantly feels amazing. If I can get off just some of the pills I take a day for asthma, etc.. I will all be worth it. I guess just reading about these two deaths freaked me out a little, as it's the first I had heard. I'm definitely not taking any of this lightly. I"m petrafied to have the surgery, but think it will greatly improve my health. I think I will not live a very long life if I don't have it. I'm only 41.

Neveragain: I too would love to see that link! :-)

[lsuza 0]

that problem was caused by poor surgical technique - NOT the band